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STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
FOURTH SEASON
TECHNICAL GUIDE
Technology
Crouton A peculiar sub-lepton particle accidentally discovered
that violates all previous theories of Quantum
Mechanics. It's spin of 29/37th, 23/37th, or 13/37th
(depending on the "crunchiness" of the Crouton) gives
rise to its quite useful properties and the total lack
of understanding amongst the Federation's top
scientists.
Impulse Drive Sub-light drive for intra-system movement.
Warp Drive 23rd century drive. Speed = (Warp Factor^3) c
Warped Drive Captain Boom-Boom's libido
Trans-Warp Drive Failed experimental 23rd century drive.
Ultra Warp Drive 24th century drive. Speed = (Ultra-Factor^5) c
Sixth Warp Drive Late 24th century drive. The standard on most Star
Fleet vessels during first season, though not now.
Speed = (Six-Factor^6) c
Jolt-Warp Drive Intergalactic drive system now becoming a Star Fleet
standard. Speed = (Jolt-Factor^8) c. Most ships
still use Six-Warp for everyday, but Jolt-Warp makes
travel within the Local Group feasible and helps out
in emergencies.
No-Doz Warp Drive A 10th power drive that is still in the theoretical
stages.
Phasers Still a Star Fleet standard, for both ship and hand,
but much more powerful than antique phasers.
Crouton Torpedoes The "power punch" of a Federation starship
Plasma Penetrating The Plasma Penetrating Round is an updated version of
Round (PPR) a 20th Century anti-tank weapon. All Star Fleet
ships now carry one PPR launching tube near their
Crouton Torpedo tubes, because PPR's have been shown
to be effective against Lucky Charm vessels.
The Croutonizer A faster, more efficient, longer-range version of
the old-style transporters. Breaks your body up into
its individual Croutons, breaks them down, then beams
you to where you're going, where it re-Croutonizes you.
Kunz Powers The special abilities associated with omnipotent beings
from the Kunz Continuum, including The Kunz, The Carl,
and The Ashby. Some people believe that Admiral
Avenger may have secretly retained a few.
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FEDERATION VESSELS
NCC-1741-C USS Croutonprize (_Salad_-class starship) Flagship
Captain: Chris Crouton
Crew: 2031 Max. Warp: Jolt-Factor 9.9
Shuttlecraft:
01 Fork 06 Pepto Bismol 11 Northwest Airlines
02 Spoon 07 Maalox 12 Blueshift
03 Knife 08 Metamucil
04 Ladle 09 Spork
05 Gravy 10 Crash
NCC-75703 USS Chivalier (_Salad_-class starship)
Captain: "Roy" CHow
Crew: 2024 Max. Warp: Jolt-Factor 9.9
Shuttlecraft:
01 Harry Caray 06 Robert Redford
02 Ryne Sandberg 07 Kevin Costner
03 Wombat 08 Topjob
04 Chicago 09 Red October
05 La Jolla 10 Stealth
NCC-75704 USS Heisenberg (_Salad_-class starship)
Captain: Kabeta
Crew: 2029 Max. Warp: Jolt-Factor 9.9
Shuttlecraft:
01 Baby the Happy Honda 06 Condiment 11 Teabag
02 Carrot 07 Dunster
03 Redundancy 08 Garbanzo
04 Inconsistency 09 Cheff's Allah'd
05 Idiocy 10 Crimson (painted red, of course)
NCC-2947 USS Comatose (_Cavalier_-class starship)
Captain: "Boom-Boom" Loesch
Crew: 918 Max. Warp: Jolt-Factor 9.7
Shuttlecraft:
01 The Millenium Sweatsock 05 Winchell's
02 Juggernaut 06 Jesse Helms
03 Houston Chronicle 07 Pinche Joto
04 alt.sex.bondage
NCC-1987-E USS Melbourne (_James T. Kirk_-class starship)
Captain: Richard Muirden
Crew: 1303 Max. Warp: Jolt-Factor 9.6
Shuttlecraft:
01 Koala 05 Possum
02 Kangaroo 06 Bunyip
03 Platypus
04 Emu
NCC-83842 USS Subaru (_James T. Kirk_-class starship)
Captain: half japanese
Crew: 1307 Max. Warp: Jolt-Factor 9.6
Shuttlecraft:
01 Sashimi 05 Godzilla
02 Samurai 06 Mothra
03 Sushi
04 Baka
RDF "Bald Eagle" (T'kryllyk) (Romulan Di'direx'kada class Warbird)
Captain: "Captain" (Commander) Torbog
Crew: 1871 Max. Warp: Jolt-Factor 8.9
(The Romulan Defense Force has transferred Torbog's ship to the LMC
frontier as part of a Star Fleet exchange agreement designed to help
integrate Romulans into the Federation and Star Fleet. To assist in
this integration, Commander Torbog has been granted the honorary rank
of Captain in Star Fleet (while his true rank of Commander still holds
in the RDF) and he has given his ship an honorary Terran name.)
_IAN FLEMING_ class personnel courier
Crew: 1-12 Max. Warp: Jolt-Factor 10.5
These vessels are small, fast transport ships with suprisingly strong
weaponry for their size (1 Crouton tube, 3 phasers). They are built for
landing on planets. Most are used as Admiral's transport vessels or for
getting diplomats to trouble spots in a hurry, but Star Fleet Intelligence
does own several (and who knows what they are being used for).
_Fleming_ class ships used as Admiral's personal transports:
Registry # Designation Assignment
---------------------------------------------------------------
NCC-2500-MP USS Rampage Admiral M. Avenger
NCC-98503 USS Admiral T'Lilith
NCC-98497 USS GreyFlame Rear Admiral Mark Bradford
NCC-98471 USS Jenice Mannheim Admiral Jean-Luc Picard
NCC-98472 USS Noonian Soong Vice Admiral Data
NCC-98483 USS Paul Maxwell Admiral Miles E. O'Brien
_Stiletto_ Class Scout Vessels
The _Stiletto_ class was comissioned several years ago when the
Federation was experimenting with cloaking devices. When the Federation
decided as a matter of policy against the use of cloaking technology, the
_Stiletto_ class was redesigned so that the very geometry of the ship makes
it difficult to detect with sensors. _Stiletto_ class ships are long and
very thin, and when they approach on a radial course they present such a
minimal aspect that they are nearly impossible to detect with a standard
sensor sweep. Recently the entire class was decomissioned, but one ship
remains in clandestine service and is being used as a personal transport:
NCC 1744 USS _Courser_ Lt. Cmdr. Crossfire
_Nostromo_ Class Heavy Cruisers
The _Nostromo_ class heavy cruisers are the prototypes for the
_Salad_ class starships. They were comissioned rather hurriedly in
response to the Borg threat, and only two of them were completed in
time for the Borg Dilemma. Unfortunately, due to such quick designing
and manufacuring, the _Nostromo_ class proved to be too shaky for
mass production, and the design went back to the drawing board and eventually
evolved into the _Salad_ class. Both _Nostromo_ class starships are
now shipshape and are still in service, but are nearing the end of their
runs.
Registry # Designation Captain
--------------------------------------------------------
NCC 5747 USS _Nostromo_ Captain ?
NCC 5748 USS _Fearless_ Captain Rene Picard
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HIDDEN VALLEY RANCH EMPIRE SHIPS
Little official information is known about the Hidden Valley Ranch
space fleet. We do know that there are four classes of HVR ships:
Ki-torit-kah, Ki-toram-buh, Aye-karum-bah, and K'om-pioo-tah (which is a
replica of the _Salad_-class Federation starship). The following
ships have been mentioned in episodes:
HVR _C Sick_ (Aye-karum-bah class battleship)
Captain: Commander Mayonaze
Crew: 1800? Max. Warp: Jolt-Factor 9.5?
HVR _C Programmer_ (K'om-pioo-tah class battleship)
Captain: Commander Haus Dressinge
Crew: 1840? Max. Warp: Jolt-Factor 9.9?
HVR _C Flat_ (class unknown)
Captain: Bitz Bakyn
Crew compliment: Unknown. Maximum Warp: Unknown.
Other known Ki-torit-kah and Ki-toram-buh class:
HVR _C Monster_, Commander Alf Fraidough
HVR _C Sharp_, Commander Peedeequeue Bach'O
HVR _C En En_, Commander Eulan D'Vinagre
HVR _White Whale_, Commander Ahab.
HVR -Seven Cs_, commander unknown.
Late HVR vessels that have been destroyed or are otherwise gone:
_C Gate_, _C Shell_, _C Weed_, _C Dee_, _C Spotrun_, _C Dragon_, _C Hag_,
_C Throo_.
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OTHER VESSELS
SS Snagglebarf (Yoyoboquian 3rd Class Cruiser)
Captain: Guglgyg Gaddaghluygh
Crew: 454 Yoyobqians Max. Warp: Six-Factor 5.7
_The Big Dick_
Captain: ALF
Crew: 69 Max. Warp: Jolt-Factor 7
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