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The Crouton Generation Archives
STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
EPISODES #272-301
Date: Tue, 1 May 90 13:07:38 MDT
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (Fizzix Dude)
Subject: Next on "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation"
"Our Legendary Lost Episode"
Due to the fact that the Crouton Generation Productions crew
carelessly left the film reel in the car all afternoon in
110-degree weather, this week's episode has been canceled. Sorry!
--------------
Date: Wed, 2 May 90 17:26:10 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG
On the next exciting episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Would You Like to See the Whine List?"
As the academic year winds down, more and more of the crew begin to whine
and gripe about everything they can think of. Some of the more commonly
held gripes are "I hate Junior Lab!", "I hate my program!", and "I hate
Junior Lab!" Can Captain Crouton get his Solid State homework done with
all this griping? Can Jez get ANY attention? And will Missy get the
lights to work in time for her Lab Presentation as the Croutons fight
to survive?
--------------
Date: Wed, 2 May 90 21:06:06 edt
From: "My oxygen needs a brain (Russell, Kerri)"
Subject: ST:TCG
[Note: This episode was inspired by a VAX conversation I had with a friend
here where we were totally punning using Japanese numbers. FYI:
1 = i, or ichi (i =ee)
2 = ni
3 = san
4 = shi
5 = go
6 = roku (r and l are about the same...)
7 = nana
8 = hachi
9 = ku, kyu
10 = juu
On the NEXT (boring) episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:
"I 2d to 5 study!"
half japanese gets kidnapped by Malicious* who makes her 5 watch a 8 game.
half japanese 9d not understand why 4 had to 5, but Malicious insisted it
would bring her team much 6. half japanese 9d not follow the game, 1 team
looked like all the others. When they finally got up to leave, half japanese
tripped on a ba7, and broke her 2, so 4 had to be kerried by Malicious. half
japanese said: "3Q, 9d 10 take me home now, I 2d to 5 study."
Just then half japanese realized that Malicious wasn't really Malicious but 4
was a spy sent by the Hidden Valley Ranch Empire to keep half japanese away
from her homework (not that 4 studied anyway...). Will Lt. Woj figure out
what is going on??? Will she kerr enough to help half japanese??? Will
everyone on the Croutonprize think half japanese is on drugs??? Is half
japanese on drugs??? And why isn't she sharing??? Find out on the Next
(boring) episode of Star Trek: The C. Generation!!...(as the crew fights to
survive and all that goodie stuff...)
* Some of you DO know who Malicious is...I put her in to satisfy Zecca's
requst...(he's probably as clueless as you all aren't)
Kerri "half japanese" Russell
--------------
Date: Thu, 3 May 90 18:31:32 MDT
From: turner_t%cubldr@spot
Subject: ST:TCC a non-fcc-approved episode
today.....
"no sound in the head"
for days the entire crew of the Croutonprize had been stricken with unrelenting
irregularity. incidental bridge ossifer #1 (red shirt) in charge of the
moderatly to stupendously abnormal, ensign timmit, eschewing regular channels
(because they were jammed with outgoing traffic that wasn't going out) in his
quest for a solution to the now barely functioning starship's defeculties
rubbed the lucky tulip charm that had been posing as insignia on his StarFleet
tunic and called on The.Great.Tulip (a distant cousin of the.great.pumpkin) for
aid. The.Great.Tulip, displaying her legendary insight and wisdom, explained
that the credits and titles people had been bribed by the evil H.V.R.-ers to
replace the Croutons' "Gener" with a "Constip." therefore, the crew was now
in Star Trek: The Crouton Constipation!!! ensign timmit, upon being thusly
informed, hurriedly sent a message to NCC-1741-C/08, the shuttle Metamucil,
explaining the situation to the only ship equipped to deal with the disaster.
will they be able to work it out? will it all come up roses in the end? only
time will tell as the Croutons continue to fight for survival.
well, i said that it weren't approved
timmit
--------------
Date: Fri, 4 May 90 17:52:39 edt
From: "LURCH! (Wojiski, Beth)"
On the next episod of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:
"When will Lt. Woj learn???"
When Lt. Woj returns from her weekend at home and decides to read her mail,
she discovers that half japanese has once again logged into her account and
written yet another episode of "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation" Everyone
at Dickinson IV had thought that Lt. Woj was wise to change her security
password, will they continue to think so now that they know Lt. Woj once
again gave half japanese her password????? Will half japanese be killed and
therefore become unable to return to Colorado????? Or will Lt. Woj be
understanding and forgiving??? And what will the SICKOIDS do about it????
As half japanese yet again hides to survive....
--------------
Date: Fri, 4 May 90 16:06:20 mdt
From: tarrall (Robert Tarrall)
Subject: ST:TCG "Unnatural Units"
Next : on another dull,dull,dull,dull dull episode of
Star Trek : The Crouton Generation
"Unnatural Units"
Neon encounters the dreaded "set c equal to one. Set e equal
to one. Set h-bar equal to one. We can do this since 'we know
where they are, so we can ignore them.'" from a most unexpected
source - one Jim Shepard. Fearing the worst, Neon heads for the
bridge, where he reviews the flight recorder for 10-Forward
lounge, and his suspicions are confirmed : Shepard and The Kunz,
near the bar :
"Wonder Twin powers, activate! Form of... A Legendre
Polynomial!!
...PHHHKEEEEEEWWWWW!!"
Will Shepard now administer an "easy" final? Will Neon survive
this assault upon his sensibilities?
Find out next week on Star Trek : The Crouton Generation.
(oh, sorry, here's my obligatory references :
Missy : lights.
Jez, the Wonder Kitty.
The episode wouldn't be valid without those little mentions...)
-Neon.-
----------------
Date: Fri, 4 May 90 16:12:34 mdt
From: zecca (6 days until Kris comes home)
Subject: ST:TCG
Next time, on an all-used episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"A Private Little War"
A civil war breaks out at Dickinson IV over half japanese's recurrent
unlicensed use of Woj's account. However, the episodes that Woj thinks
are being written from her account are showing up at Star Fleet Command
as coming from half japanese ANYWAY, so the rest of us don't even NOTICE
until Woj posts an episode about half japanese's constant harassment.
Will they settle their differences? Will Missy fix their lights? Will
Jez shred Bruce the Origami Frog? Find out, on the next exciting episode
of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation!
--------------
Date: Fri, 4 May 90
From: zecca (6 days until Kris comes home)
Subject: ST:TCG "Wahr Time"
Next time, on an enchanting time travel episode of
Star Trek: The Crouton Generation
"Wahr Time"
Admiral Avenger and Zen are about to subjected to the Kunz's Quantum
Mechanics final when suddenly -- -- the Kunz disappears
and is replaced by Prof. Wahr. Will this villain from Captain Crouton's
and Lt. Cdr. Moore's past spell doom for the Admiral? Will the Kunz's
sudden replacement of the Ashby mean an "easy" exam for Jez, Missy, and
the lights? And why is Prof. Wyss giving Counselor Neon an exam? Only
the Gaz's omniscient time-sense will discover the truth -- that an
accident on the part of a time-travelling Zen from the future has caused
history to revert. Will the crew be able to solve this mystery and fix
their damaged timeline, or will they have to seek out the assistance of
the long dead Lt. Natasha "Pooky" Yar as they fight to survive?
--------------
Date: Fri, 4 May 90 17:06:04 mdt
From: hassell (Christopher Hassell)
Subject: Nnnnnext on a brayn-furahee verzhun of st-t-tttttArrrtrik de croo..
aw fergit it.
"Brainless, Anyone?"
Lieutenant Zortylwankoid now begins to realize that his department is not
immune from Kunz powers, and notices all his current delta-t's beginning to
turn into one recurrant millisecond. MADLY AND INCREDIBLY FAST he hastens,
ignoring the incessant Dis-existentialism of Zen,
ignoring Mad Bob's deprived existance as a mere countdown timer,
ignoring the tempting qualities of Lisa the net.goddess of
usenet-cyberspace who wants him to write The MUD of the
Century and invent several Incredibly Useful libraries and language
subsets, as well as just one more item in the Mailgame.
ignoring even MORE any and all references to a certain feline which may
or may not have something to do with keys owned by someone who
may not have a roommate who is obsessed with incandescence or
flourescence or various amounts of psychadelic drugs and Kunz tests
ignoring the length of his long and badly written sentences..
ignoring comments by ingrates who will Never Understand little dots at
the end of Wankoidianishical sentences...
ignoring the fact that all his items must now be formatted in order to
read them..
ignoring the fact that all his items must now be formatted in order to
read them..
ignoring his incessant repetion... OH NO... WE'RE RELIVING THAT
MILLISECOND OF STRESS-TIME ONE MORE TIME... ahhhhhh
He goes and fervently works in his Cyberspace lab The crew is
baffled as he constantly runs about mentioning this new menace.... called by
him "Ay-Aye".
This Weapon is slowly corrupting his mind somehow and in order to stop it and
its emissary... the PatHomeBrew... the crew forces out his plan to construct a
cyberbot which can actually RECOGNIZE APPLES and APPLE TREES, (and maybe
tulips, if Ossifer timmit is interested). The crew again does not understand
the incomprhensible logic in this decision, but find that their trusted
crewmate is serious and may be buried day and night in work... UNTIL Its TOOO
LATE!!!
WILL ... THIS LIST OF QWESTIONS BE VERY LONG???!!!
WILL.... ZORTYL ACTUALLY USE APPLES, OR WILL HE TRY ORANGES, and if so,
WILL APPLE CORP. SUE HIS CyberShirt OFF?
WILL ... he make anything useful in the process... ever?
WILL ... there be another format for ST:TCG shows than this?
WILL... the cyberbot get good at posting these things; has he ALREADY!?
TUUUNE in Next Time WHen we'll go back to 70s style previews and
hear Zortyl's Cyberbot Say..... :
"Ewwwwwwww! I HATE APPLES!!"
Segmentation Fault (cores dumped : 400)
latriation... und Cowabunga Doode.
--------------
Date: Sat, 5 May 90 15:10:00 MDT
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Crossfire)
Subject: ST:TCG "Crossfire"
Next time, on an All-New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation--
"Crossfire"
Zen's wild and wooly past comes back to haunt him when his old drill sergeant
appears on a remote node. He informs Zen that he still has a mandatory two
month period to serve before he's a civilian again and informs Zen that he's
got to do some time. Will Zen be drafted back into Special Forces for a
secret mission? Will Zen change his handle back to Crossfire? Will he be able
to complete his finals before he goes off on the mission, or will he have to
take his junior year over again? Find out on the next exciting episode of
Star Trek: The Allusion Generation.
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
--------------
Date: Sat, 5 May 90 15:16:11 MDT
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Crossfire)
Subject: ST:TCG "Church Chat"
Next time, on an All-New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation--
"Church Chat"
A strange new all-knowing multi-dimensional being (just what this series needs)
appears on the bridge of the Croutonprize. More irritating than the Carl, more
baffling than the Kunz, this new being calls itself the Church Lady, and
instantly starts to lecture Soraya, Missy, and Zen on the benefits of rejecting
Satan and keeping a pure heart. Can Zen resist this new onslaught on his
circuits, or will Zortyl Wankoid have to take him offline? Will Soraya and
Missy manage to get the lights off long enough to make a quick escape? Can
Jez, the Wonder Kitty, communicate to Captain Crouton the true identity of the
Church Lady (she's actually Tammy Faye Bakker in disguise)? Find out on
the next exciting episode of Star Trek: The Religious Generation.
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
--------------
Date: Sat, 5 May 90 15:19:48 MDT
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Crossfire)
Subject: ST:TCG "Arbitrary Accuracy"
Next time, on an All-New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation--
"Arbitrary Accuracy"
The Carl reappears in the engineering section of the Croutonprize and informs
Lt. Midzor that she can find out just how big positrons are to any arbitrary
accuracy. Immediately, Missy goes completely silly, turns off all the lights
on the Croutonprize, and starts to sing "I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen!"
(yes, I KNOW it's not spelled right, Zecca). Can Counselor Neon calm down
Missy long enough to bring her back to reality? Will Jez the Wonder Kitty
manage to get any sleep with all the racket? Will the Carl finally succeed in
capturing Zen and taking him back to his lab? Find out on the next exciting
episode of Star Trek: The Accurate Generation.
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
--------------
Date: Sat, 5 May 90 15:34:49 MDT
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Crossfire)
Subject: ST:TCG "Crystal Lattice"
Next time, on an All-New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation--
"Crystal Lattice"
While exploring a new sector of the galaxy, the Croutonprize is captured by a
mysterious hostile alien force and turned into glass. The crew struggles to
keep the Croutonprize from going to pieces and Captain Crouton tries to find
the proper harmonics to escape, all on the next exciting episode of Star Trek:
The Transparent Generation.
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
Look Missy! No lights!
And no Jez!
And no Keys!
And no mention of how Zortyl Wankoid has to repair Zen!
----------------
Date: Sat, 5 May 90 15:44:24 MDT
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Crossfire)
Subject: ST:TCG "eXtra-Ordinary Differential Equations"
Next time, on an All-New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation--
"eXtra-Ordinary Differential Equations"
Lt. Ghiasi and Zen attempt to sign up for a class in EODE (eXtra-Ordinary
Differential Equations), only to discover that they are being foiled by a
strange filewall called "Class Restriction." Can they ever get permission to
take the course? Will Jez, the Wonder Kitty, starve for affection as they
ignore him? Will Zen discover that the real problem is a computer virus
placed in the Starfleet Acadamy Computing System by the Romulan Spy Jon
Giltner? Will Soraya and Zen ever get enough upper division credits to
graduate? Find out on the next eXciting episode of Star Trek: The Theoretical
Generation.
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
--------------
Date: Sat, 5 May 90 15:49:13 MDT
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Crossfire)
Subject: ST:TCG "Brat-Worst"
Next time, on an All-New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation--
"Brat-Worst"
The Croutonprize is relegated to ferrying the crew of Starplate MXLIV and their
entire families to their new assignment. Unfortunately, all the children of
the crew are ill-behaved, and go around messing up the food synthesizers, the
lights, and pulling Jez's tail. Can Dr. Flieder open a new day-care center in
time to keep the little brats under control? Will Admiral Avenger and Zen's
final project be ruined by bouncing soccer balls? Can Jez find a place to hide
in safety? Find out on the next exciting episode of Star Trek: The Childish
Generation.
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
--------------
Date: Sat, 5 May 90 15:57:32 MDT
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Crossfire)
Subject: ST:TCG "Snuggles' Revenge"
Next time, on an All-New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation--
"Snuggles' Revenge"
The Croutonprize is ordered to the far-off Betazed Sector to discover the
source of the strange subspace transmissions emanating from there. Upon their
arrival, the crew is bombarded by commercials featuring the adorible and cuddly
Snuggles bear, who tries to sell them fabric softener sheets. Can Dr. Flieder
resist this soft sell long enough to find an antidote for this sickening
cuteness? Will Zen find Snuggles soooo cute that he expectorates? Will
Highlander manage to keep from feeling all warm and fuzzy inside each time he
sees Snuggles? Find out on the next exciting episode of Star Trek: The
Snuggly Generation.
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
--------------
Date: Sat, 5 May 90 16:01:02 MDT
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Crossfire)
Subject: ST:TCG "The Search for Ice Cream"
Next time, on an All-New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation--
"The Search for Ice Cream"
Late one night after finishing their E&M homework, Zen, Missy, Soraya, and
their new friend Dave take the shuttlecraft _Spork_ out in search for ice
cream. They end up on the planet Perkins $1.25, where they are ignored by the
staff. Will the group ever manage to get their chocolate chip cookie ice cream
sundaes? Can Zen restrain himself from hitting the waiter? Will Soraya fall
asleep as Missy lingers over her hash-beiges? Find out on the next exciting
episode of Star Trek: The Dairy Queen Generation.
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
--------------
Date: Sun, 6 May 90 01:46:15 mdt
From: zecca (4 days until Kris comes home)
Subject: ST:TCG
Next time, on all-new sequel episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Back to the Suture II"
His back healed and Junior Lab done and over with, Admiral Avenger becomes
his bouncy self again and eagerly awaits the return of Admiral T'Lilith
from her tour of duty at Bemis. Will Admiral Avenger and Commander
Highlander be successful at leading T'Lilith and Captain Crouton unaware
to Sick Bay, where Dr. Flieder awaits, ready to operate on the sleep
centers of their brains? Or will Captain Crouton continue to pull 23
hour shifts on the bridge (for no apparent reason) while Admiral T'Lilith
keeps Avenger up nights? As Jez fights for attention and Missy fights to
get the damn lights out of the plotline as the Croutons fight to survive!
----------------
Date: Sun, 6 May 90 15:52:14 mdt
From: zecca (4 days until Kris comes home)
Subject: ST:TCG "Fish and Chips"
Next time, on an all-wet episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Fish and Chips"
Captain Crouton adds extra disk drives and rewrites the BIOS for his
ancient CPM machine before returning to the bridge one day. Soon, massive
systems shutdowns begin all over the ship and water begins to fill the
corridors of the ship from every available faucet. Can the crew discover
what is causing these strange breakdowns? Will the lights be destroyed
for good? Will Jez get all wet? And what is Commander Kabeta doing with
that camcorder? Find out, as Captain Crouton races to his quarters to
save his prize fish, only to discover them HACKING at his CPM as the
Croutons fight to survive!
--------------
Date: Sun, 6 May 90 16:06:29 mdt
From: zecca (4 days until Kris comes home)
Subject: ST:TCG
Next time, on an all-new episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Captain Video"
Captain Crouton stops in to see Ensign Timmit, the new Ship's Entertainment
Officer, to pick up some videos to show Dr. Flieder on Holodeck 1. However,
a mixup in the tapes ruins the Captain's plans as he and Dr. Flieder sit
down to watch the tapes Kabeta was making instead of "The Princess Bride."
When a sudden attack by the Sneiz Garde traps them in the Holodeck, will they
be forced to RELIVE Kabeta's tapes in mired agony? Will Missy be able to
shut off the Holodeck lights in time? Will Dr. Flieder find Soraya's keys?
And will Jez and Acting Lt. Chuang be left in control of the ship as Karim
goes on a head-hunting spree on the Sneiz Garde bridge? Find out, as Zen
is forced to sing "Daisy, Daisy" -- ONE MORE TIME!!!!!!!!!!
--------------
Date: Sun, 6 May 90 17:07:38 MDT
From: turner_t%cubldr@spot
Subject: st:tcg
"bad attitude"
howling with triumphant laughter at escaping once again the radar-equipped
galactic speed cops (revenuers), this time while on his promotion-celebrating
joy-ride in the Croutonprize's new space-rod, the Spork, ensign timmit and the
tulips enlist the aid of the lights, who have also recently received a
promotion (in their case to assistant chief engineers), to rig up the Crouton-
prize's sound system for maximum decibelity for a rendition of Meatloaf classic
"Noweher Fast":
you and me we're goin nowhere slowly
and we gotta get away from the past
there's nothin wrong with goin nowhere baby
but we should be goin nowhere fast
will the Crountonprize hold together through such a nilhilistic rip? will
it care either way as the vibrations threaten to blast it into bread crumbs?
will the new entertainment ossifer and his cohorts get in trouble for their
shinnanaghinagry? will the crew dig the jive? only time will tell as the
Croutons continue to rock to survive....
timmit
--------------
Date: Sun, 6 May 90 19:52:20 mdt
From: ghiasi (GHIASI SORAYA)
Subject: NEXT ON ST:TCG
Gremlins:
In a half-hearted attempt to fix her program, Soraya implements the
changes that she and Lt. Midzor had discussed. These fail miserably so she
begins to careful examine what the program is actually doing. In the
process she discovers that there are gremlins in Zen who maliciously change
the values in an array while the array is transferred to a mysterious place
called afunct(). Will Lt. Zortylwankoid return in time to figure out the
problem? or will Soraya convince Jez the Wonder Kitty that the gremlins are
really appetizers and if he wants them he will have to dismember Zen???
Do the Gremlins have Soraya's keys? Do the gremlins control the lights?
Are the Gremlins fiendish underlings of the HVR empire? Find out as the
crew struggles to find new and more exciting meanings for cc errors...
--------------
Date: Mon, 7 May 90 15:19:08 mdt
From: ghiasi (GHIASI SORAYA)
Subject: NEXT ON ST:TCG
More Gremlins
Lt. Ghiasi discovers that c is actually a language composed of little
gremlins who are faithful only to the HVR empire. C can be forced to
behave through offering sacrifices to the c gods. Or at least this is
true in theory. After many of the lesser c gods fail in their attempts to
placate the gremlins, Lt. Ghiasi and her companion Dave (the ice cream Dave)
seek real computer language gods. Are these gods also the evil minions of
the HVR empire???? Does anyone care??? Has Jez truly become demonic???
--------------
Date: Mon, 7 May 90 15:56:21 mdt
From: zecca (3 days until Kris comes home)
Subject: ST:TCG
Next time, on an all-new episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Gremlins: The New Batch"
Soraya and the Ice Cream Dave make sacrifices to the C gods in the hopes
of getting their programs to run in order to appease the omnipotent Ashby,
only to discover that they have unwittingly transmitted the secrets of
the Croutonprize to the Hidden Valley Ranch Empire. The Hidden Valley
Ranchers are then able to run Zen's load up to 150 with multiple batch
jobs. Will the Croutonprize become a trophy for the Hidden Valley Ranchers,
or can Captain Crouton and Commander Highlander come up with a plan to
save the crew? Or is it too late for Zen, who is about to overheat and
meltdown and generally make things miserable for Jez and Zortyl Wankoid
as the Croutons fight to survive?
----------------
Date: Mon, 7 May 90 17:30:34 mdt
From: hassell (Christopher Hassell)
Subject: Star Trek: The Disk-Hogging Generation
"Journey to the superblock"
Lt. Zortylwankoid, in repairing one of Zen's innumerable crashes due to nasty
forces in the world , discovers a virus possibly left in the
cybertorpedo attack. But this torpedo didn't go off, and is threatening to
destroy Zen's very OptoSludge-memory if
anyone goes near it.
The crew, is normally able to survive any downtime
Zen has for a little while , but ALL OF A SUDDEN a
Quantum/ATNU/E&M/Thermo STORM CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND THE CREW WAS IN DIRE
NEED OF ZIPPO-FAST FIZZIX-NAVIGATION .....
Zortylwankoid, even as far out of reality as he is, sees this problem and
plunges into the cybervoid to the protests of Lt. Ghiasi and plaintive but
apathetic meows of JEZ THE WONDER KITTY in order to remedy this virus that has Zen composing Shakesperian
rhyme, but in Iambic Kilometer! His plan is to sneak into the very HEART of
the Romulan Empire, which he now knows had produce that virus. HE HEADS TO
THE CONSOLE OF JON GILTNER HIMSELF, THE POGO-COMIC-WORSHIPPER AND
MERCILESS-SYSADM*N. BREHEHAHHAHRHAHHAHAHRRHARRRAaahhahahhhhhhhhh!!!
[duude.. stop by.. yaknow.. it should be a good show...]
oh.. by the way... the crew LIKE SURELY IS still fighting to survive, and I
forogot to tell you that JEZ stole Lt. Ghiasi's keys and hid them in some
non-functional luminary devices under the direction of Lt. Midzor, which of
course caused them immediately to turn purple and try to emulate The Tulips...
[awwwww who cares ya know?]
later yaknow dudes.
--------------
Date: Mon, 7 May 90 21:33:05 MDT
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (Fizzix Dude)
Subject: Next on "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation"
"Bezerker Blues"
While surveying a newly discovered planet in a distant sector of Fed-
eration territory, the _Avocado_ happens upon another bezerker that
has lumbered into the galazy. The crew is just able to send out a
distress signal before it is gulped down along with the planet. As
fate would have it, the _Croutonprize_ picks up the distress signal
and races to the rescue. They soon discover, however, that the neu-
tronium-plated nuisance is new and improved and cannot be disabled
with a simple matter/anti-matter explosion. Acting Lt. Neal Chuang
fervently works to find a way of increasing the power of the crouton
torpedoes so as to overload the oversized windsock with salted,
fatty food. Will he succeed in time, or will the crew have enter in-
to early retirement?
--------------
Date: Mon, 7 May 90 21:33:30 MDT
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (Fizzix Dude)
Subject: Next on "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation"
"Sins of the Brother"
Lt. Gretzky receives a message that his younger brother Keith (yes!
there really is a Keith Gretzky!) has been arrested for suspicion of
selling the plans to a highly classified hockey stick to the Sneiz
Garde. With the captain's permission, Wayne races off to Galerian
VI to testify on his brother's behalf. But he and Keith soon dis-
cover themselves embroiled in a conspiracy among time-ranking of-
ficials in the Galactic Hockey League to sell out the Federation to
Sneiz Garde. Will they be able to uncover the truth in time and
prevent the Sneiz Garde from gaining control of every hockey goal
this side of the Orion Nebula? Will Wayne be able to clear his
brother from life-long ignominy? As the croutons fight to survive...
--------------
Date: Mon, 7 May 90 21:34:48 MDT
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (Fizzix Dude)
Subject: Next on "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation"
"This Side of Paradise Syndrome's Way to Eden's Apple"
The crew of the _Croutonprize_ discovers a new planet named Elysium
and quickly succumbs to the temptation of semester-end indolence.
Captain Crouton's entire crew croutonizes down to the planet's sur-
face to enjoy its botanical wonders. But disaster soon strikes the
crew on the deceptively benign world. Lt. Cmdr. Moore and others come
down with life-threatening sinusitis as a result of the alien pollen
floating through the air; Zortyl Wankoid, Midzor, and Soraya succumb
to food poisoning; a few redshirts are killed by petrified landmines;
and Highlander bangs his head on a tree branch and develops amnesia.
Will the captain be able to regroup his crew aboard the _Croutonprize_
before this all turns into a big, ugly mess? Will Jez find a life-
time's supply of catnip? And who will turn on the lights? On the
next exciting episode of "Star Trek: The Vegetation Generation."
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Date: Mon, 7 May 90 21:35:17 MDT
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (Fizzix Dude)
Subject: Next on "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation"
"Crouton's Place"
The crew of the _Croutonprize_ welcomes Goonan (Oprah Winfrey), who
has opened a new dive called "10-Backward" aboard the _Croutonprize_.
But Goonan soon discovers that her new eatery is infested with Altar-
ian mice. Bankruptcy threatens as she loses customers by the droves.
Just when all looks hopeless, Jez the Wonder Kitty comes to the rescue
to catch all of the mice. Jez quickly succumbs to illness, however,
and is taken in for medical examination. Dr. Flieder discovers that
the mice have been poisoned with tri-croutyl methanone. Will the crew
determine the source of the toxin? Will Dr. Flieder be able save
poor Jez with an untested antidote? And who is so determined to see
Goonan go out of business? Find out on the next "Star Trek: The
Rodent Generation."
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Date: Mon, 7 May 90 21:35:38 MDT
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (Fizzix Dude)
Subject: Next on "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation"
"Doggy-bag Cafe"
Whoopi Goldberg returns to reprise her role as Caesar Salad from the
Thousand Islands in this cliff-hanging episode (just to spite you,
Zen!). Caesar Salad looks forward to reopening her all night salad
bar hang aboard the _Croutonprize_, only to discover competition from
Goonan's hang out. A virtual war breaks out as they fight for cus-
tomers. Will a gastrointestinal chatastrophe ensue as the crew mem-
bers are torn between health food and fast food? Will Goonan's plans
to sell somewhat-happy meals sway the customers in her favor? Find
out on the next "Star Trek: The Restaurant Generation."
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