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The Crouton Generation Archives
STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
EPISODES #32 - 61
Date: Wed, 7 Mar 90 00:06:07 MST
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (ERIC MOORE)
Subject: Neeexxxttt on "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation"
Neeexxxttt.... on "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation"
"Getting into Shape"
While making a routine stop at Starbase 213, the Croutonprize is boarded by an
invisible force. It's horrible. It's freakish. It's obnoxious. It's...
the ghost of Richard Simmons! (AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!) The incor-
poreal intruder quickly takes control of the ship's on-board communications
and subjects the hapless crew to relentless bouts of "Sweatin' to the Oldies"
and reprimands them for eating disproportionate amounts of fats and sugar.
Only the root-beer-inebriated captain can resist Richard Simmons's tortures
and destroy the malevolent force on an-Aerobic IV with a soybean-baited
alfalfa-tofu bomb.
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Date: Wed, 7 Mar 90 14:27:35 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG Episode
Next time, on [5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"The White Stuff"
Much of the crew of the Croutonprize is stranded on shore leave during
a sudden blizzard, when three Hidden Valley Ranch warships show up in
orbit. Can Zen and Eric settle their differences long enough to get
help from the USS Comatose and the USS Sandberg and can Mordred keep
the drinks from spilling as the Croutons fight the cold to survive?
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Date: Wed, 7 Mar 90 19:49:08 MST
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (ERIC MOORE)
Subject: Neeexxxttt on "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation"
"The Hunt for Redenbacher"
The Croutonprize is called into action by Croutonfleet Command when the Feder-
ation's top popcorn researcher, Dr. Orville Redenbacher, is kidnapped by the
Pakleds. In order to keep Orville Redenbacher's recipe for buttery-flavored
microwave popcorn secret, the Croutonprize chases the Plakeds to Epsilon
Eridani, where Redenbacher tricks the Pakleds by disconnecting their newly
made microwave torpedoes just seconds before they attempt to turn the Crouton-
prize into toast.
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Date: Wed, 7 Mar 90 21:10:36 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG "Bound States"
Next, on an all-new [5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Bound States"
The Kunz, fresh from two years of teaching S&M, sets forth on his new
adventure of teaching Zen and Admiral Avenger about bound states. Lt.
Zortyl Wankoid rushes to find a way to shield Zen's CPU from the Kunz's
powers, while Admiral Avenger attempts to take on the Kunz one-on-one
as the Croutons fight to survive!
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Date: Thu, 8 Mar 90 09:14:08 MST
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (ERIC MOORE)
Subject: Neeexxxttt on "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation"
"Spuds' Women"
The crew of the Croutonprize must deal with their worst dilemma yet when they
mistakenly croutonize aboard the Croutonprize three bimbos who idolize a
stupid mutt that doesn't know what the hell is going on. Lt. Highlander
comes to the rescue by tricking them to beam down to Delta-Kappa-Nu, home
planet of the horrible Sorority Sisters. Meanwhile, Spuds is dropped off at
the Beta IV clinic for recovering ditzaholics.
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Date: Fri, 9 Mar 90 10:07:56 MST
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (ERIC MOORE)
Subject: Neeexxxttt on "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation"
"Home Cookin' Goodness"
An away team from the Croutonprize beams down to Sigma Campbellonis to check
on the progress of the eccentric Dr. Jimmy Stewart. To their amazement, they
learn that Dr. Stewart has successfully found a way to render any type of
organic nourishment to an easily digestible form: soup. All goes well un-
til Dr. Stewart insists that the away team try his new concoction: Cream of
Gakh.* The away team desparately implores the Croutonprize to beam them up
as he corners them with a menacing spoonful of slimy slop.
*Gakh is a Klingon delicacy consisting of live marine worms.
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Date: Fri, 9 Mar 90 10:25:37 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "Doctor Kunz in MathMagic Land"
Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:
"Doctor Kunz in MathMagic Land"
While attending a symposium on Operator Mechanics, Admiral Avenger, Zen, and
Captain Crouton fall victim to The Kunz's plan to do away with rigorous
mathematical proofs by using his finger-snapping and hand-waving powers. Can
Avenger and Captain Crouton rescue Zen from the Kunz's calculations and "easy"
exams, or will the Croutonprize have to get a new computer?
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
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Date: Fri, 9 Mar 90 10:38:17 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "Process Name"
Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:
"Process Name"
The Romulan spy Barbara Davis returns, this time disguising herself with
cutesy process names like Snoopy, Linus, and Charlie Brown. Can Zen and
Lt. Zortyl Wankoid purge the ship's computer before Davis discovers the secrets
of the Croutonizer in time to prevent the crew from having to fight to survive?
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
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Date: Fri, 9 Mar 90 10:42:14 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "Where Croutons Have Lease"
Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:
"Where Croutons Have Lease"
While travelling through an ionized gas cloud, the Croutonprize is invaded by
a creature made entirely of electromagnetic impulses. This being decides it
likes the Croutonprize so much that it decides to try and rent it from
Starfleet. Can Captain Crouton renew the crew's lease in time to prevent an
eviction, or are our heroes out of a home?
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
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Date: Fri, 9 Mar 90 10:48:22 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "Is There in Croutons No Beauty?"
Next time on a special Valentine's Day episode of
Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:
"Is There in Croutons No Beauty?"
Captain Crouton and Admiral Avenger fall victim to the Cupid's Arrow, a
bizzarre disease from the planet Amorous that causes its victims fall in
unrequitted love with the first woman they see. Can Lt. Stern and Counselor
Neon restore Avenger's and Crouton's sensibilities, or will the crew have to
listen to them say "as you wish" for the rest of eternity?
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
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Date: Fri, 9 Mar 90 10:54:11 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "The Luck o' the Croutons"
Next time on a special St. Patric Stewart's Day episode of
Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:
"The Luck o' the Croutons"
A leprechaun appears in Ensign Bockius' quarters and promises to grant him
three wishes in exchange for "a wee drop o' whiskey." Will Bockius keep his
meeting with Zen, or will he fall victim to his own desires and become Acting
Fleet Admiral Bockius? Jason Connery guests stars as O'Rieley the Leprechaun.
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
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Date: Fri, 9 Mar 90 16:48:03 EST
From: bryant%husc8@harvard.harvard.edu (Katherine 'Kabeta' Bryant)
Subject: romance
Next on STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION:
"The Spring Thaw"
The Croutonprize is about to dock for repairs when it receives a distress
call from its home base and discovers that said base is in imminent danger
of being washed away by floods. Can the crew save the Croutonprize from
rust while the entire population fights to survive?
HRH Kabeta, Princess of Xavion and Uiop, Galactic Knight of Uiop, etc.
--------------
>From RUSSELLK@DICKINSN.BITNET Fri Mar 9 16:18:47 1990
Date: Fri, 9 Mar 90 15:42:28 edt
From: "Bruce the Troll died (Russell, Kerri)"
Subject: ST:TCG "What's Happening to the Pets"
Next time on Star Trek: The Crouton Generation
"What's Happening to the Pets"
The USS Croutonprize voyages to Star Fleet Linguisics Division at Dickinson
IV to uncover the mystery behind the deaths of two Bruces. Who is using
Carpoison (a poison found only in Carlisle, PA where Dickinson IV is
located)??? Is this another plot of The Hidden Valley Ranch Empire?? Or of
The Oyster Crackers???? Bruce the Gummy Worm and Bruce the Troll have already
died! Will Bruce the Origami Frog be next??
As the Bruces fight to survive...
Kerri "half japanese" Russell
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From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG "Wolf in the Kitchen"
Next time, on all-new [5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Wolf in the Kitchen"
Mordred hires a new assistant bartender, who makes great bloody marys
(made with synthethol, of course) for the crew. Soon after, incidental
crewmen begin to show up murdered. Will Ensign Taubman be turned to
putty before Lt. Frechette can confront Redjac as the Croutons fight
to survive?
--------------
Date: Sat, 10 Mar 90 13:30:01 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG "Mirror, Rirrom"
Next time on Staaaaaaar Trek: The Crouton Generation:
"Mirror, Rirrom"
Lt. Ghiasi's sudden disappearance from the bridge sends the Croutonprize
on a wide-scale search of the galaxy. Meanwhile, the Carl is forcing
Soraya to do his evil bidding in an attempt to violate parity laws. Can
the Gaz discover Soraya's whereabouts and will the Croutonprize EVER get
back on course for Starbase Denver as Soraya fights the Carl to survive?
--------------
Date: Sat, 10 Mar 90 13:39:16 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG "Raiders of the Lost Arc"
"Raiders of the Lost Arc"
While the Croutonprize studies a mysterious gas giant with polar-oriented
rings, the evil Hidden Valley Ranchers attack and claim industrial rights
to the planet. Will Acting Lt. Chuang come up with a devious plan in time
as the Croutons fight to survive?
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Date: Sat, 10 Mar 90 15:35:06 MST
From: gaz@snoopy (GAZ RANDALL LOUIS)
To: gaz@tramp
Subject: Romulans have no Mercy, mark II
Next time on Star tREK : TCG
"Romulans have no Mercy"
While the Gaz contemplates the nature of communication, Security Chief Stern
is declared legally dead due to Romulan spies. Can Stern restore his name
before his funeral? and can the Gaz prevent the romulans ( and himself )
from disrupting Star Fleet Communications?
The Gaz
Look ma! no signature!
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Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 01:12:15 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG Episode
Next time on an all-new episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m
"Birthday Party Blues"
Lt. Stern hosts a birthday party for Commander Highlander when Romulan
spy Jon Giltner shows up to crash the party, change Stern's name to sternk,
and spill all the drinks. Who can keep Ken's and Mordred's tempers in
check as Jon Giltner fights to survive?
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Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 01:17:50 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG Episode
Next time, on [5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Define the Universe and Give Three Examples"
Star Fleet Academy's most famous higher math instructor, the notorious
"Uncle Marty" Walter, shows up on the Croutonprize to check up on his
former students and comes in direct conflict with the Kunz's discourses
on Quantum Mechanics. Can the crew hold back Marty's wrath as the Kunz
fights to survive?
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Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 01:25:04 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG Episode
Next time, on [5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Croutons on the Ivories"
The Crouton Generation's most noted musician, Johann Sebastian Spock,
agrees to perform for the crew during a stopover at Starbase Denver.
But will the evil Ranche Dressinge abscond with him before the curtain
closes as the crew fights to survive?
Disclaimer: Don't blame me for the name! It was T'Lilith's father's
idea -- honest!
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Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 01:31:53 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG Episode
Next, on [5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Return of the Rings"
The USS Rampage is attacked by the Oyster Crackers as Admirals Avenger and
T'Lilith return from shopping for an engagement ring. Will Neal devise
a cunning plan to steal the ring back from the Crackers? Will Counselor
Neon suffer an emotional shock? And will Lt. Frechette figure out the
meaning of life as the crew fights to survive?
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Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 01:39:57 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG episode
Next time, on an extremely plagiaristic episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m
"Who Croutons the Croutons"
An reactor overload causes Sam Gallia's Anthropology team to become
visible to the primitive Yoyoboqs they are observing. An accident during
the rescue results in Dr. Flieder's inadvertent beam-up of a primitive.
The Yoyoboqs soon begin to worship "The Crouton" and pick up strange new
habits, like spending 30 hours straight in a lab without food or sleep.
Can the Zortyl Wankoid mix into their midst and remove this false religion
from their brains or will Capt. Crouton become their new god as the
Croutons fight to survive?
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Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 01:56:14 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG episode
Next time on [5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"The Pakled Ex-pet-ition"
Galactic Troubleshooter Tom Martino Croutonizes into Dickinson IV to see
why all of Kerri's pets are dying when the Pakleds arrive looking for
"things to make it go." Will the Croutonprize arrive in time to avoid
a disaster, or will Bruce the Origami Frog lose his life as Martino fights
to survive?
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Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 08:14:46 MST
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (ERIC MOORE)
Subject: Neeexxxttt on "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation"
"Blue-Light Special"
While surveying the newly discovered Gandovian VI, the crew of the Crouton-
prize discovers the wreckage of a twentieth-century shopping cart mysteriously
orbiting the planet. Their analysis reveals that there is a strange structure
on the planet's surface. An away team consisting of Highlander, Stern, and
Ghiasi is sent to the planet's surface just outside the structure to investi-
gate. Upon entering the structure, the away team discovers that it is mod-
elled on the department stores once common on earth. After discovering the
remains of a twentieth-century man who has been waiting in the express check-
out lane for fifty years, the away team finds that they cannot escape the
alien place. Will Melissa find a way to beam them back, or will they have to
spend the rest of eternity being trampled by mobs of angry customers while
listening to: "Attention K-mart shoppers..."?
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Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 11:43:05 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG episode
Next time on an all-new [5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"It's All in the Wrist"
The Kunz returns his Quantum exams and inadvertently reveals the
secret of his grading powers -- liberal use of partial credit, but
only when he feels like it. Can Zen argue for more points and will
Admiral Avenger be forced to suffer with a lifetime of guilt as the
Croutons fight to survive?
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Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 12:33:08 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "Messages from Beyond"
Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:
"Messages from Beyond"
Lt. Wankoid discovers stranges mail messages appearing in Zen, the ship's
computer, from someone called "Dan Quayle." Suddenly, thousands of messages
invade Lt. Ghiasi's account, causing a near-fatal system error in Zen's CPU.
Lt. Wankoid struggles to restore Zen's sanity and discover the identity of the
mysterious Quayle while the Croutons fight to survive.
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
---------------
Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 12:36:06 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "Caps Lock"
Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:
"Caps Lock"
A strange virus infects the Gaz, causing him to appear entirely in capital
letTERS. CAN lt. GHIASI REstoRE THE GAZ TO HIS PREVIOUS state before
commander Moore looses is patience, or will the Croutons have to fight to
survive?
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
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Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 12:41:00 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "BASIC Training"
Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:
"BASIC Training"
In a surprise move, Starfleet recalls Captain Crouton and Commander Highlander
to re-do their Starfleet BASIC training. The hapless duo are forced to
re-learn all about INPUT statements, Floating Point mathematics, and how to
create a function for inverse sine using only inverse tangent and standard
trig functions. Can they pass their tests and return to the Croutonprize
before Sgt. Love drives them insane?
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
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Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 12:44:19 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "Change Your Password, Dammit!"
Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:
"Change Your Password, Dammit!"
The evil Romula spy Barbara Davis returns, this time logging into Zen and
changing everyone's account passwords. She then magnanimously offers to
"trade" the new passwords for information on the Crouton Torpedos. Can Lt.
Wankoid discover how to bypass Davis' clever security, or will the Croutons
have to give up one of their most precious secrets?
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
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Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 12:48:52 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "The Ultimate Computing Language"
Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:
"The Ultimate Computing Language"
Captain Crouton announces that he's created a new computing language call "C"
(for "Croutons," of course) and that everyone must now use this new protocol
to communicate. can te crtns lern te new langage in time to pleze hteir
captan or wl zen go nuts
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
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