STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
EPISODES #62-91

Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 12:55:05 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG  "The Sturm-Grglphltz Equation"

Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation:

"The Sturm-Grglphltz Equation"

The evil Kunz returns, this time haunting Admiral Avenger and Zen with a
mysterious discourse into an eigenvalue equation known only to his people
called the Sturm-Grglphltz Equation.  Can Zen puzzle out a use for the equation 
before the Kunz drives Avenger bonkers with his "proofs" or will Admiral 
T'Lilith have to find a new fiance?

#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#

---------------
Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 13:02:46 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG  "Someday My Prints Will Come"

Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation:

"Someday My Prints Will Come" (part 1 of 2)

The Riddler captures Admiral Avenger, Lt. Ghiasi, and Lt. Midzor and whisks
them off to his lair.  He threatens to make them do an experiment for which the
writup "is on it's way.  I'll have it to you tomorrow," and for which there are
no proper materials.  Can Captain Crouton and the Gaz rescue his hapless 
crewmates in time as they fight to survive?

#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#

---------------
Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 13:08:50 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG  "Final Project"

Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation:

"Final Project" (part 2 of 2)

The Riddler and Professor Love continue their torture of Lt. Midzor, Admiral
Avenger, and Lt. Ghiasi by making them INVENT an experiment to do, for which
there are no proper materials (much less a write-up).  Comparing the Riddler's
treatment of his prisoners to the Spanish Inquisition (except that he never
actually draws blood), the trio hits on a method of escape.  Together, they
manage to create a Croutonizer with limited range out of paperclips, chewing
gum, and thumbprint cookies.  Can they create a guidance system that is
accurate enough for auto-Croutonizing, or will one of them have to remain
behind to operate the machine while the others escape?

#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#

---------------
Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 13:19:09 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG  "The Trouble With Bacos"

Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation:

"The Trouble with Bacos"

The new and improved Baco Bits that Acting Lt. Chuang created return, this time
invading Starbase Harvard.  Commander Kabeta manages to send out a coded
distress signal ("I've deleted it again!") before she and her crew are 
occupied with keeping the Bacos from deleting all their files.  Can Zen and
Chuang discover the secret of Kabeta's code in time?

#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#

---------------
Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 13:29:02 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG  "More Bacos, More Troubles"

Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation:

"More Bacos, More Troubles"

In an act of contrition, Acting Lt. Chuang makes a Cubldr, a creature that
eats Bacos.  When the Bacos discover this, they declare war on the Croutonprize
and invade Zen, crunching up his subprocesses and making 

%CLI-W-IVVERB
%END-I-ENDIFE
%ERR-F-INVLEFSID
%FGJ-W-ENDNOOOBJ
%UH-OH

---------------
Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 14:03:43 MST
From: yoder_m%cubldr@spot (Your Bartender::Mordred Lotson::10 Forward Lounge)
Subject: ST:TCG

     "Yesterday's Crew"

    This time on Star Trek: The Crouton Generation. Ship's Bartender, Mordred
Lotson is looking through his mother's old recipes and finds one he figures
should be a fine drink. Upon mixing and serving it, he discovers that it is
instead a youthening potion that takes 20 years off the life of it's users.
    After Lotson mistakenly serves it to a full crew at a banquet, all members
of the staff are youthened to adolescent or pre-pubescent ages. Can Zen
reprogram the Croutonizer for an aging effect while the adolescent Admiral
Avenger works furiously to get into the adolescent Admiral T'Lilith's pants?


====
Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 17:16:34 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: Analysis of "Yesterday's Crew"

1)  As Counselor Neon pointed out, you didn't know the adolescent Avenger
very well.

2)  I stay away from any alcoholic substance (or even those related) on
principle and used to lean toward the paranoid schizophrenic end of the
spectrum, so if you knew me well enough, you'd know I wouldn't have ingested
any of the concoction at the banquet.  (Admiral's privilege and all that.
Besides, have you ever tried to FORCE me to do anything?  Violent reactions
usually follow......)

3)  Why would I be wanting to get into Admiral T'Lilith's pants?
Explain please?

4)  You REALLLLLY wouldn't want an adolescent Avenger around.  Those of
you that think The Crouton Man is depressing to be around (which I don't
find to be the truth myself) would be very much surprised.......

5)  Gee, take 20 years off my life and I'll still act 4/40 simultaneously
instead of the current 6/60.  ]-)  ]-)  ]-) 

Just some Enlightenment from the Admiral's Office.........

----------------

Date: Mon, 12 Mar 90 17:57:19 EST
From: shectman%husc8@harvard.harvard.edu (Zenador)
Subject: ST:TCG

Next on Ster Trek: The Crouton Generation:

	"Comma Splices"

A minor programming error causes all Ship's Systems to begin inserting random
grammatical errors in printouts and communications. At first the error-
correcting routines at Starfleet Command are able to handle this bug, but soon
it spreads to systems at the various starbases. Can anyone find a copy of
_Strunk and White_ before all communications break down and the galaxy plunges
into darkness?

--------------
Date: Tue, 13 Mar 90 01:01:53 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG Episode

Next time on a cerebral episode of
 Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:

	"The IDIC Principle"

Lt. Frechette comes into conflict with the philosophy of IDIC, or Infinite
Delicacy in Infinite Croutons, and suffers a sensory overload.  Can Chris
command the ship without the help of a Philosopher?  Will Counselor Neon
be able to help Lt. Frechette?  And who will get the chairs as the Croutons
fight to survive?

--------------
Date: Tue, 13 Mar 90 08:52:51 MST
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (ERIC MOORE)
Subject: Neeexxxttt on "Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation"

                              "Queue-fever"

A mysterious illness strikes the crew of the Croutonprize, causing all of 
their mental processes to come to a near halt.  They lose their ability to eat
and sleep, and begin staggering around aimlessly and walking into walls.  Only
Captain Crouton remains unchanged as he strives to keep Dr. Flieder awake so 
that she can find a cure, as the crew stumbles to survive.

--------------
Date: Tue, 13 Mar 90 10:51:12 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG "Spin of Evil"

Next time, on Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:

	"Spin of Evil"

Lt. JG Maki's shuttlecraft is destroyed by a malevolent being known as
Philipson, who laughs his hideous laugh at the death of the young crew-
member.  Will Captain Crouton be able to deal with this senseless death
as he tries to find a way to defeat Philipson?  And will Ensign Bockius
be happy taking over Justin's post as Chief Shuttlecraft Pilot as the
crew fights to survive?

--------------
Date: Tue, 13 Mar 90 10:56:57 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG "The Derelict"

Next time, on all-new episode of
	Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:

	"The Derelict"

While exploring the Phenol sector, the crew discovers a Croutonprize
from the past floating dead in space.  Upon beaming aboard, Commander
Highlander and the Away Team discover the only thing left alive on board
is the ship's computer, Zen Mark I.  The only problem:  Zen Mark I is an
OLD digital computer that can only do fixed point calculations and has
to be run with CARDS!  Will the Gaz and the Zortyl Wankoid be able to
communicate with Zen-I and discover what happened to the Croutonprize-A,
or will our Zen have to call upon the Kunz to decipher the messages as
the Croutons fight to find out how their ancestors failed to survive?

--------------
Date: Tue, 13 Mar 90 13:51:45 EST
From: bryant%husc8@harvard.harvard.edu (Katherine 'Kabeta' Bryant)
Subject: Episode!

Next on STAR TREK:  THE CROUTON GENERATION............

"Timeless Troubles"

Commander Kabeta finds herself caught in a void of utter timelessness.  
Held there by the dread disease "work" and the crippling effects of
rehearsals, can the commander devise a strategy for getting all her reading
done and free herself before her upcoming shore leave?  Features guest
appearances by the crew of Starbase Harvard, who are hoping she finds her
way out so she'll stop complaining...


HRH Kabeta, etc.


----------------

Date: Wed, 14 Mar 90 09:39:49 MST
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (ERIC MOORE)
Subject: Neeexxxttt on "Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation"

                             "Plattergeist"

After sixteen hours of non-stop work on the computer, Captain Crouton is 
sucked into his Northstar monitor, where he is slowly absorbed into the CPU 
continuum.  Zortyl Wankoid comes to the rescue to download the few remnants of
Crouton's mind to the croutonizer's molecular recompiler in hopes of recrou-
tonizing him before Zen shuts down for weekly system upgrading.

--------------
Date: Wed, 14 Mar 90 17:21:49 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG "Doctor Chuck"

Next, on Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:

	"Doctor Chuck"

While trying to understand the intracacies of Quantum Mechanics one day,
Zen and Admiral Avenger are suddenly surprised by the appearance of the
Kunz continuum's junior member, Dr. Chuck.  Apparently, the Kunz wanted
to pop in himself, but had to attend the wedding of his daughter to some
other omnipotent being that calls himself "Q."  Will Dr. Chuck trap Zen's
CPU in a bound state problem that Avenger can't solve as the Crouton's
fight to regain control of the Croutonprize?

--------------
Date: Wed, 14 Mar 90 17:28:43 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG "Kevin"

Next week, on all-new episode of
	Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:

	"Kevin"

Admiral Avenger's return to an old hangout turns to charges of murder.
Can The Imperial Blizzard discover who really murdered Kevin Atkins?  Will
Highlander be able to successfully defend Avenger at the court-martial?
And what does that piece of Star Con pizza that Counselor Neon found near
the body mean anyway?  As Admiral Avenger fights to survive....

--------------
Date: Wed, 14 Mar 90 17:59:41 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG 

Next, on Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:

	"The Michelson Interferometer"

The Riddler and Professor Love lay their newest evil plan on the
Croutonprize.  Will Soraya and Missy be able to build the Michelson
Interferometer in time, or will Capt. Crouton have to self-destruct
the Croutonprize to keep the Riddler from discovering its secrets?
All this and more as Zen fights to survive.....

--------------
Date: Thu, 15 Mar 90 08:43:01 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "Hardt Times"

Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation

"Hardt Times"

While perusing the ship's computer, Captain Crouton and Security Chief Stern
discover a mysterious presence known only as Hardt.  As they work to isolate
the presence, it spreads throughout the computer, infiltrating subprocesses
and invading the deep logic.  By the time Crouton and Stern discover that Hardt
is a Romulan spy, he's already taken control of Zen.  Can the Lt. Wankoid free
the hapless computer from this alien nemesis as the croutons fight to survive?

#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#

--------------
Date: Thu, 15 Mar 90 11:09:21 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG "Quantum Heap"

	"Quantum Heap"

Dr. Chuck, still learning his Kunz continuum powers, backfires, bringing
the ceiling crashing down on the Kunz's Quantum Mechanics classroom.  Can
Avenger find his way out of the wreckage in time to find Wankoid to repair
Zen's disabled circuits as the Quantum class fights to survive?


----------------

Date: Thu, 15 Mar 90 11:18:05 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "Indirect Lighting"

Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation

"Indirect Lighting"

The mysterious Dr. Chuck appears on the bridge of the Croutonprize and
announces that he's now a full-fledged member of the Kunz continuum.  To prove
it, he snaps his fingers and makes the lighting around all the female members
of the crew soft and fuzzy, so they look slightly out of focus.  Can Zen and
Admiral Avenger repair Dr. Chuck's damage to momentum-space, or will the women
of the Croutonprize be permanently transformed into Fourrier Series? 

#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#

--------------
Date: Thu, 15 Mar 90 11:18:59 MST
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (ERIC MOORE)
Subject: Neeexxxttt on "Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation"

                               "Dr. Queue"

The malicious Queue is back and this time sends a recursive batch job to Zen, 
splintering his personality.  Zen adopts an alter ego named Xoanon, who be-
comes a bezerk paranoid and attempts to starve the crew by reprogramming the 
food synthesizers to produce nothing but spinach, eggplant, and brussel 
sprouts.  The situation looks grim until the time-cavorting, meddling Tom 
Baker materializes aboard the Croutonprize to give Zen some needed counseling 
and take a long-awaited fishing vacation on the Hollowdeck.  (K-9 is accident-
ally damaged by phaser fire seconds after leaving the TARDIS and remains in-
capacitated for the remainder of the season.)

--------------
Date: Thu, 15 Mar 90 21:17:00 MST
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "Dollars and Sense"

Next time on an All New episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation:

"Dollars and Sense"

The mischevious Kunz returns to the Croutonprize, and this time he's brought
backup:  another member of the Kunz continuum called GrahamRudmann.  Together,
they attempt to use their finger-snapping powers to re-balance the Federation's
budget and make the 4.5 billion credit debt equal to $1.75.  Can Admiral
Avenger and Captain Crouton restore the mathematical integrity of the universe
before the Galactic Stock Market crashes? 

#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#

--------------
Date: Fri, 16 Mar 90 01:10:50 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG "A Matter of Mercy"

Next, on ST:TCG:

	"A Matter of Mercy"

As part of the Star Fleet Officer's Exchange Program, Commander Highlander
is traded to the Yoyboqian star cruiser Snagglebarf for two navigators
and an engineer to be named later.  Soon, Highlander finds his brain
melting into putty as he loses all sense of reality.  Will Counselor Neon
detect his problem in time for the Croutonprize to save him, or will
Zortyl Wankoid be Highlander's only hope as his grey matter fights to
survive?

--------------
Date: Fri, 16 Mar 90 01:18:45 mst
From: zecca (Mad Bob the Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG "Patterns of Bruce"

Next time, on Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:

	"Patterns of Bruce"

Counselor Neon's visit to Rice VII leads to a startling discovery.
The fascists have taken over the planet and the Bruces are in hiding,
formenting a revolution.  Will Counselor Neon be able to resolve the
conflict between the Prime Directive and his personal support of the
Chief Bruce Vanessa?  Captain Crouton must make a crucial command
decision on an empty stomach as the Croutons fight to survive!

--------------
Date: Fri, 16 Mar 90 9:05:31 edt
From: "Need a new Bruce. (Russell, Kerri)" 
Subject: a new ST:TCG episode
 
                "Destruction of the Links"
 
"Head of Star Fleet Linguistics Division at Dickinson IV, Kerri Russell,
declares war on all the links electronically connecting Dickinson IV and the
rest of the Croutons, or rather NOT connecting the two locations.  Obviously
this is a plot of the Hidden Valley Ranch Empire to prevent Dickinson IV from
receiving any Junk Mail.  Or sending it for that matter.  Will the
Croutonprize be able to stop Kerri in her maddness, or will they join her
fight.  As this episode fights to survive... "
 
Kerri "half japanese" Russell


----------------

Date: Fri, 16 Mar 90 16:22:44 MST
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (ERIC MOORE)
Subject: Neeexxxttt on "Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation"

                            "Scavenger Hunt"

While investigating a distress call from LV-426*, Admiral Avenger becomes en-
snared by the evil Riddler and Professor Love.  Will he have to spend the rest
of eternity in hell, forever searching for the optical equipment that he needs
to finish his optics experiment?  Will he ever find a lens with a 35-centime-
ter focal length?  Or is there hope, as the Croutonprize speeds to his rescue
and the admiral fights to improvise?

--------------
Date: Fri, 16 Mar 90 17:01:09 mst
From: hassell (Christopher Hassell)
Subject: NNNNNNNNNEXT time on Starrr Trek: The Crouton Generation

		"The Cucumber Dimension"

While performing experiments near a sun that is about to novae, the
Croutonprize crew find themselves in an extreme space warp which knocks the
crew around and makes for good T.V.  In this warp, all normal laws exist in 
almost all the same ways except for a few: Anti-Relativistic Effects elongate
all objects outside of the Croutonprize as they move incredibly slow, and all 
objects become green-shifted .  
	During this strange event the crew picks up a visitor, a small furry 
grey and green mammal in the shape of a dachshund which they name "Cuke".  It 
only knows a few words and warns the crew of the undiscovered Dressing Force 
which Hidden Valley Ranch is planning to use in a drastic new form of weapon as
it will coat and render useless all the Croutonizing equipment they have
.

[just to prod out more ideas out there hhehehehehe]

  - Can Lt. Wankoid repair or psychoanalyze Zen, or will he ever beat him 
	in Hyperchess?  Does Zen think he's psychoanalyzing Lt. Wankoid?
	What will happen if they actually try to get fees from each other.

  - Will Zen go through the network to Hotel@Tahiti.Beach.FUN to look at all 
 	the great looking graphics machines?

  - Will Lt. Ghiasi or Dr. Flieder ever get out of their work in time to write 
 	 bad scripts like us!?

  - Will The Interspace Links between the Starbases reform properly 
	  now that the Croutonprize is adrift in a section of currently 
	  unstable Etherspace , after their encounter with the elusive Hardt

  - Will the Ship's philosopher ever find out whether or not Zen exists, if so..
  	  WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF HE TELLS HIM?  WILL HE USE A PROOF?

  - Will any of these questions have to do with the above epsiode?

  - Will M_M_M succeed in her fight against the WhiteMale corruption of the
	  ship's engines?

  - Will Sternk ever be able to get rid of the last silly syllable pair at the
	  end of his name, possibly in a fight to the root with Giltner!?

  - Will Lt. Moore find less.. or more episodes to write,
  - Will Mad Bob mellow out and be Irritated Bob
  - Will Capt. Loesch perfect the Warped Drive with different experimental 
 	 cabling known as "pick-up lines"?

  - Will Chi in the U.S.S. Sandberg run into a Comet? 

  - Will Starbase Harvard starve from lack of Croutonprize visits?  Will they 
 	 come to their senses afterwards?

  - Will Ad. Coulter perfect a new form of grey matter that will allow her to
	  Communicate constantly and completely with her fiance', as well as 
	  possibly understand the strange Jmail ravings?

  - Will commander Highlander attempt to sushiize his Food Processor when it
	  doesn't give him ExtraStout after 800 attempts to describe it?

  - Will Mordred Lotsen give up on this bunch and go back to better business 
 	 on The Roving Planet Playtex ?

	 ANNNND

  - Will The J-Mail Continuum be flooded with silly questions like this?!

  I think that the answer the last one is yes.  ta ta for now.  (I'll do some
  other stuff.. I'm back and I"M CRAZEE... (what do you expect from a
  Yoyoboqian exile?)>

--------------
Date: Fri, 16 Mar 90 17:23:45 mst
From: platt (The Crouton Man)
Subject: next time, on ST:TCG

	"The Romans" 

While investigating planet Latinland inhabited by a strange race of people 
speaking many different languages, Capt Croutons is captured by the 
evil being Bureaucracy. Can Capt. Croutons Fight to fill out all the 
paperwork, or will he be stuck in Latinland forever, as the crew fights 
to survive.

--------------
Date: Fri, 16 Mar 90 17:39:49 mst
From: sternk (The Imperial Blizzard)
Subject: The time after this time on ST:TCG


	"Halting Problem"

While lounging in the Crouton Room enjoying a Gin Swizzle, Lt. Stern(k) 
mysteriously disappears into thin Cyberspace. He finds himself transported to
the lair of Karl (the other Karl's evil twin). There, Karl forces him to use
the little understood reduction to solve a Halting Problem in an exam. Will the
Gaz be able to save Lt. Stern(k) or will Lt. Stern(k) have to use Rice's Rule
to solve his way out, while the crew fights to understand non-determinism.

--------------
Date: Fri, 16 Mar 90 17:42:44 mst
From: platt (The Crouton Man)
Subject: Next on ST:TCG

	"Cyberspace"

While beaming back from a reletivly uneventfull mission, the croutonizer
fails, and causes Capt Croutons to be dumped into Zen as a process, causeing
all of Zen's links to the Cyberspace Reality Continuum to go haywire.
Meanwhile, Capt Croutons runs into the evil and often Deadly Job daemon. Can
the capt fight both the Job Daemon to avoid getting stopped, and the boxed in
feelin that he experiences when the Cyberlinks when down, as Lt. Zortyl  
Wankoid and Lt. Ghiasi rush try to save the Capt, and the crew fights to
survive.

--------------
Date: Sat, 17 Mar 90 17:59:55 mst
From: ghiasi (GHIASI SORAYA)
Subject: ST:TCG - The Carl

	"The Carl"

	The Carl (not the Karl), in a desparate attempt to accomplish
everything yesterday, as opposed to tomorrow, has captured Lt. Ghiasi.  At
this moment she is frantically trying to build a driver circiut for the 
relays so that the isolater can be put to use.  Will she succeed in time?
Or will The Carl fail to find the TOP and seek his revenge upon his nemesis.
Stay tuned as Zen searches his computer banks for the vital information needed 
to save the day.