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STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
EPISODES #152 - 181
Date: Tue, 10 Apr 90 12:49:31 MDT
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Zen)
Subject: ST:TCG "Crouton Days" (part 2 of 2)
Next time, on an All-New Episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation:
"Crouton Days" (part 2 of 2)
While looking for clues to explain the strange abduction of Crouton Days, the
crew of the Croutonprize recieves a ransom note from the Oyster Crackers. The
note demands that the Federation turn over all the Campbell's Vegetarian
Vegetable Soup in the galaxy to them or they'll destroy forever Crouton Days.
Meanwhile, Admiral Avenger and company are conspiring with the DeGrandiose (who
was also captured) to tunnel their way out of the infinite potential well
they've been imprisoned in. Can Captain Crouton come up with a sufficiently
clever plan to rescue Crouton Days? Will the Federation be able to scrape up
enough soup to meet the Oyster Crackers' demands? Will the lights be able to
stay on by themselves while Lt. Midzor is gone? Tune in and see!
#==============Zen===Ship's=Computer=USS=Croutonprize=NCC=1741C===============#
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Date: Tue, 10 Apr 90 21:19:43 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG "How Degrading!"
Next time, on all-HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA! episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"How Degrading!"
The Croutonprize receives a distress call from the Hidden Valley Ranch
Empire! At about the same time, Zen also receives Priority One messages
from Star Fleet Command! Apparently, Admiral Avenger has snapped, stolen
the highly advanced, cloaking device-equipped, experimental starship
_Schwarzeneggar_, and headed straight into the heart of the Hidden Valley
Ranch Empire, phasers and crouton torpedoes blazing. Can the crew
find and stop the Admiral before all is too late? Will they find their
way out of the Hidden Valley Ranch safely? And who will make sense of
the Admiral's incessant "grade GRADE GrADe gRAde GRADE!!!!!!!!!!" with
Counselor Neon on leave? As the Hidden Valley Ranch fights to survive...
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Date: Tue, 10 Apr 90 21:27:56 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG "A Fork in the Road"
Next time, on all-new episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"A Fork in the Road"
The Croutonprize is patrolling through deep space, when it comes across
a Star Fleet shuttlecraft floating dead in space. Upon closer inspection,
they find it to be one of their n, "The Fork," with Lt. JG Bockius still
on board, barely alive. This comes as a bit of a shock and surprise to
Lt. JG Bockius, who is quite healthy and hanging around in Ten Forward.
Will Dr. Flieder be able to save this other Crash and find out why he
is here? Will Crash be able to deal with possibly seeing his own death
or will Mordred have to stop him serving him for fear of impaired flying?
And what effect will the sudden appearance of Lt. Natasha "Pooky" Yar
have on the crew as Crash fights to keep Crash alive?
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Date: Tue, 10 Apr 90 21:48:34 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG Episode
Next time, on all-new episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"You Eight Seen Nothing Yet"
A^2B returns to the Croutonprize to give his 8,888th lecture on
"Arithmetic, Population, and Energy." He goes on and on about how
inefficient the Dimythium Crystals are, how toxic synthehol is to
the human nervous system, and even about how much energy Missy wastes
every time she has to fool with the lights. Will the crew learn
anything from the lecture or will they be annoyed to death? Will
Highlander give a damn when he chugs down 15 bottles of synthehol
Saurian brandy in one sitting? And will Missy EVER get the lights
to work as the Croutons fight to survive?
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Date: Wed, 11 Apr 90 00:34:19 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG For Karim
Next time, on all-new episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"The Search for the Ultimate Blonde"
While Captain Crouton spends three days at an intergalactic conference
on Supercooled Fusion (fusion at 4K), Acting Captain Highlander sets
the Croutonprize forth on the "Quest for the Ultimate Blonde." Females
across the galaxy buy out the intergalactic market on Miss Clairol,
resulting in Clairol's hostile financial takeover of the Trump Empire
and United Spacelines. Will Karim find his "ultimate blonde," or will
the only blonde left in the galaxy be Ed Begley XII ? What will Missy
do to the lights to sabotage Karim's efforts? And what does Lt. Sternk's
offhand quips of "Nothing to lose your head over" mean, anyway? As
the blondes fight to survive....
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Date: Wed, 11 Apr 90 16:34:23 mdt
From: farah (Highlander)
Subject: ST:TCG
"Evi The Nemesis"
While taking a pleasure cruise in the Croutonprise "In Search of Ultimate
Blondes", it was brutely attack by The Nemesis, its commander Evi takes
Stern and Highlander prisoner. Highlander cuts up various data structures
and algorithms such as linked lists, queues, stack and even hash fuctions, with
his mighty sword. Stern takes each algorithm with his bear hands and rips
each to hell. Stern and Highlander are fatigued and scared but still able to
fight her evil minions, but without warning Evi blasts her B+tree data
structure with 6.5x10^9 more power than the most power photon torpedo aboard
the CroutonPrise. Stern and Highlander are near death, heart beats down around
5-6 per min Blood Pressure at 62/24. Will Admiral Zecca and The Gaz come in
time to save Stern and Highlander? Will they be able to stop her evil from
spreading, torturing poor, innocent, weary travels? Or will she turn both to
stone with her hanis 3:00am glare and her cruddy Sun Workstation keyboard?
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Date: Wed, 11 Apr 90 20:43:22 EDT
From: bryant%husc8@harvard.harvard.edu (Katherine 'Kabeta' Bryant)
Subject: ST:TCG
Next, on an all-new episode of....
[5mSTAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION[0m
"Ultimate-um"
The crew of Starbase Harvard manages to get itself caught in a deep
philosophical discussion involving assorted mythologies and "real"-world
events. Will they be able to extricate themselves from their mixed
mythologies in time to do all their work, or will they have to call in
Philosoper Frechette to help?
commander k
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Date: Wed, 11 Apr 90 22:59:37 MDT
From: moore_es%cubldr@spot (MOORE@CONFUSED.STATE.EDU)
Subject: On the next exciting episode of "Star Trek: The Crouton Generation"
"Ishtar Trek: The Final Flop"
Recent budget cuts throws the Croutonprize into financial straits and forces
the crew to seek easy money. The solution: let's make a movie! With the help
of Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty, the galaxy's most promising scriptwriters,
they quickly whip up what is predicted to be a cinematic extravaganza. But,
the movie flops only ten minutes after the box office opens. Faced with a
severe financial loss and the ignominy of not getting any Academy Award
nominations, the crew of the Croutonprize must resort to selling Girl Scout
cookies planetoid to planetoid just to pay their electricity bills. Will they
succeed, or will Missy be out of a job?
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Date: Thu, 12 Apr 90 00:39:29 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG Episode
On the next exciting all-goo episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Who Mourns for Mayonnaise?"
The Croutonprize is stopped dead in space by a giant disembodied hand,
a hand belonging to a waitress with a squeaky, Southern accented voice.
She forces Captain Crouton, Commander Highlander, Chief Engineer Midzor,
Lt. Wankoid, and Acting Lt. Neal to come down to the planet to bow
down before the Kraft Cholesterol Free like their ancestors of thousands
of years before had done. Highlander doesn't like being pushed around
by a female foe with less personality than Evi, so he whips out his
Claymore and attempts to remove her head. Will Captain Crouton be able
to save Karim from becoming the Bacon in a giant BLT? Will Missy be
able to dim the lights in this Cafe from Hell? And will Neal be able
to get a real rank before episode's end? As the Croutons fight to
survive...
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Date: Thu, 12 Apr 90 01:10:56 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG "Spoonerisms"
On the next exciting episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Spoonerisms"
Captain Crouton dispatches Crash, Lt. Wankoid, Lt. Ghiasi, Lt. Gretzky,
and Ensign Himle to Dickinson IV in order to find just what these kinky
places are that half japanese has discovered for data storage. Enquiring
Croutons want to know. On the way, their shuttlecraft, the "Spoon," is
hijacked by Baco extremists demanding better wages, three weeks vacation,
and chairs. Lt. Gretzky's initial reaction is to go around beating Bacos
with his hockey stick, but there are just too many of them. Will their
only hope be to have Lt. Wankoid talk them out of it? Will Ensign Himle
be able to sneak off a distress signal to the Croutonprize? Will Lt.
Ghiasi get her E&M program done with all these Bacos mucking about? And
will Crash EVER get any peace on board this ship? As the Futons cright
to survive....
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Date: Thu, 12 Apr 90 18:04:52 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG episode
On the next exciting episode of [5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"The Price Is Right"
While working on reports to Star Fleet Command in his quarters, Captain
Crouton and Zen are surprised by the appearance of a new member of the
Kunz Continuum known only as "The Price." From what they can tell, the
Price is actually a good omnipotent being who just has one annoying habit:
the Price is ALWAYS right about anything he does. His particular specialty
appears to be the mystical manipulation of substances in the Solid State.
Will the Price become a Croutonprize ally or will Captain Crouton melt
in awe before his awesome Solid State powers?
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Date: Thu, 12 Apr 90 18:08:57 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG Episode
On the next, all-new episode of [5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Paring Down the Price"
A battle between omnipotent beings erupts on the bridge of the Croutonprize
as the Carl attempts to apply a parity operator to the Price so that he
would no longer be always right, but left. Can Soraya put a monkeywrench
into the Carl's evil plans? Can Captain Crouton keep the peace? And
will Missy EVER get those damn lights to work as the omnipotent beings
fight to survive?
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Date: Sat, 14 Apr 90 17:31:35 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG Episode
Next time, on the all-new sequel to TOS "The Naked Time"
and TNG "The Naked Now" on
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"The Naked Night"
A new strain of an old virus begins to strike Star Fleet vessels, causing
strange reactions amongst the crew. Sternk and Captain Boom-Boom become
incredibly drunk. Lt. Frechette, Lt. Ghiasi, Lt. Wankoid, Captain Crouton,
and Admiral Avenger all stay up all night for no apparent reason. Missy
fixes the lights. Captain Chow abducts half japanese and Wojwoman and
takes them to a Cubs game to make them drink "sodas" and watch baseball
against their will. And who KNOWS what Counselor Neon and Vanessa "Bruce"
are up to behind the incredible magnetosphere of Rice VII? Can Dr. Flieder
find a cure for this deadly virus? Will Mordred have enough stock for
the Croutonprize's thirsty Security Chief? And can Zen fight the incredible
urge to sing "Daisy, Daisy" and keep the ship under control as the Croutons
fight to survive?
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Date: Sat, 14 Apr 90 17:43:33 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG Episode
Next time, on all-new episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Cracking Up"
Commander Reichert holds a Warp Drive seminar on board the Croutonprize
when the Oyster Crackers attack and his services are suddenly needed.
While Missy tries to get the lights working again, Reichert is forced
to hotwire the Warp Engines so that the ship will have enough phaser
power to satisfy Commander Highlander and Lt. Stern(k). Will the
Croutonprize be able to withstand attack from FIVE of those "Oyster
Cracker Deathtraps" or will the USS Sandberg arrive in time? As the
Croutons fight to survive...
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Date: Sun, 15 Apr 90 00:19:43 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG "Baco Blizz"
On the next egg-citing episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Baco Blizz"
In anger over the repeated reference to him as "Lt. Sternk," The Imperial
Blizzard (or "The Blizz" for short) goes on a rampage, trashing the ship,
spray painting the pretty walls, and installing secret security cameras
in all the chief officers' quarters so he can show a tape of all of them
at their worst and most embarrassing at the next Croutonprize staff party.
Apologies are offered profusely from all over the ship, and the Blizz is
all set to forgive them, when Zen is suddenly hijacked by Bacos who cause
him to say "Sternk" at the top of his voice ever 14.3 seconds for days on
end. Can the Wankoid find a way to stop Zen's babbling? Can the Blizz
control his temper? And will the Bacos have the last laugh as the
Croutons fight to survive?
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Date: Sun, 15 Apr 90 14:23:46 mdt
From: sternk (The Imperial Blizzard)
Subject: ST:TCG (even more of them)
Next time, on a singularly new episode of
STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
"Taylor Who?"
The ship's statistician has determined that Lt. Stern doesn't know enough
math for an officer. He has assigned Lt. Stern problems dealing with Taylor
Series approximations. Will ~Parador Moon~ disobey Adm. Avenger's orders to
keep the lights running and help The Blizz? Will the Science Officer take time
away from her studies to help him or will he have to try to find "Uncle Marty"?
Can Zen keep up and running while Lt. Stern hacks away at its CPU time trying
to get it himself? As the Croutons fight to statistize....
Tune in next time, same bat-time, same bat-channel..... oops, wrong
parody......
The Imperial Blizzard
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Date: Sun, 15 Apr 90 17:23:49 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG "Taylor Too"
Next time, on all-proof episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Taylor Too"
Admiral Avenger in the _Rampage_ meets up with the _Croutonprize_ and
borrows Lt. Ghiasi for a conference on Mathematical Physics at Starbase
74. "Mr. Wizard" will be there to provide information on some of the
latest breakthroughs. In the meantime, The Blizz is still struggling
with those Taylor series approximations and Uncle Marty is nowhere
to be found. Can Missy keep the lights on while Zen shuts down for
weekly maintenance and back-ups? Can Ken handle the math with no
help from Zen? And will the temporary replacement Science Officer,
Jez the Wonder Kitty, be able to handle the scanners alone? As the
Croutons fight to survive...
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Date: Mon, 16 Apr 90 00:41:24 mdt
From: zecca (The Admiral)
Subject: ST:TCG "Wayne's World"
Next time, on an *EXCELLENT* episode of
[5;9mStar Trek: The Crouton Generation[0m:
"Wayne's World"
The crew visits a mysterious world in an uncharted sector where strange
things seem to be afoot. Commander Highlander takes down a landing party
consisting of Lt. Blizz, Counselor Neon, Lt. Ghiasi, and Lt. Gretzky to
investigate. They stumble upon a teen-age Stone Age culture in the
middle of a strange musical ceremony. Lt. Gretzky trips over his shoelaces
and falls out of their hiding place and into the midst of the Stone Age
groupies, who begin to revere him as a god. Can the crew fix this
cultural contamination and get Gretzky safely back to the ship, or will
Wayne revel in this newfound attention and forget Janet ever existed?
(Voice-over at end)
Zen: BOGUS!
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Date: Mon, 16 Apr 90 13:53:48 MDT
From: cubldr::reid_jh (ZEN|
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