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The Crouton Generation Archives
STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
SEASON TWO
Episodes #70 - 76
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Date: Tue, 18 Dec 90 11:47:03 EST
From: bryant@husc9.harvard.edu (Katherine 'Kabeta' Bryant)
Subject: ST:TCG2 "Ding Dong Bell"
Next, on an all-new episode of STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION.....\
"Ding Dong Bell"
The Feldman returns, this time using Bell's Theorem to twist and bend
Kabeta's mind. Will she be able to straighten her mind out in time for
the final, or will she forever have to be on the lookout for rocks in
her head?
Feldman: Anyone who's not bothered by Bell's Theorem has to have rocks
in his head.
----------------
Date: Mon, 24 Dec 90 12:59:12 -0700
From: zecca@tramp (Admiral Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG2 Christmas Special
[ We open with a glorious shot of the _Chivalier_ sailing past at sub-light
speeds as it approaches a snow-covered world around an orange dwarf star. ]
"Captain's Log, Stardate 101873.2:
Lt. Daemon, our new computer officer, who recently transferred from
the starship _Croutonprize_, has done an excellent job in improving Harry's
interface time to Starbase LMC. He is now working on improving the Internet
Relay Communications link between ships to improve communications time.
Meanwhile, we have discovered signs of a destroyed Ice Age culture
on the planet Itzkoldheerstan V. Commander Larkin will be leading an away
team down to find out who or what extinguished life on this planet."
Chow: Make sure you wear the arctic weather gear, and if you have any
problems, Croutonize out of there as quickly as possible.
Larkin: Yes, Mommy. Should I wear my mittens too?
Chow (glaring at Tim): I just don't like the look of things around here.
Larkin: Well, if you hadn't fired that cleaning service--
Chow: Would you just GO?!?
Larkin snaps his fingers and motions for Euge, Woj, and Janson to follow him.
* * * * *
Larkin: Lt. Abdul, you will suit up as well. I've decided it's time for
you to see some planetside duty.
Abdul: But it's COLD down there.
Larkin: That's the breaks, kid.
* * * * *
The five members of the Away Team appear on the planet's surface, all
bundled up in white snowsuits and masks. A light snow falls and a light
wind whips it into their faces. Euge takes out a tricorder and begins
to scan.
Yee: It's a balmy -15 C out here. I'm glad Woj brought the portable
shelter -- just in case.
Woj (weighed down by the huge load she is carrying on her back): Yes, but
why do *I* have to carry it all?
They walk forward toward the site of a destroyed village. Abdul shivers
and clutches her arms tightly to her body. As they reach the edge of the
village, they see the scattered bones of the villagers thrown about like
tinkertoys in a preschool. Every tree, every villager, every life form
imaginable appears to have been killed in whatever attacked the village.
Woj: This is awful! What could have done this?!?
Larkin: I hate to say what I think it is...
Janson calls from a few huts ahead.
Janson: Commander, I think you'd better have a look at this.
* * * * *
"Tidings of Comfort and Joy"
Written by Admiral Avenger
Guest stars
Maria Conchita Alonso as Lt. Suarez
Tony Dow as Lt. JG Thurgood
Judith Jones as Ensign Klag (qlagh)
Special guest stars
Dean Martin as the Lucky Charm Commander
Directed by Bill Bixby
Music by Jim Nabors
* * * * *
Larkin: Christmas lights? Why would someone kill everyone and everything
in sight, but then stop to hang up Christmas decorations.
Woj: I don't know, sir, but I don't like it.
Larkin: Euge, make a detailed scan. Then we're getting out of here.
* * * * *
Daemon: Captain, I think we have a problem.
Chow: What is it?
Daemon: A question or situation that presents uncertainty, perplexity,
or difficulty, but that's not important right now. The magnetic field
of the planet has just increased by a factor of 10 over the last two
minutes, and combined with the snow storm...
Chow: ...you don't think we'll be able to get the Away Team back. (looks
into the camera) What does this remind YOU of?
Tracy: The Away Team is ready to come back, Captain. What should I tell
them?
Chow: Tell them that I hope they like snow.
* * * * *
Larkin: Oh, this is just great. Somehow, I knew this was going to happen.
Woj: Lt. Janson, will you help me set up the shelter?
Janson and Woj move off to set up the portable shelter, which is sort of
an inflatable air-sealed tent. Theoretically, it would keep out most of
the cold...
Larkin: Woj, there wouldn't be any food in that bag of yours?
Woj (setting up shelter): Just some standard C-rations...only about two
day's worth.
Larkin (wrinkles up his nose): Better than nothing, I guess.
* * * * *
Harry: Holy Cow, Captain Chow! We're having
a red alert!
Chow: Oh, lovely, and my best bridge officers are all on the planet.
Counselor Tracy sulks.
Chow: Okay, MOST of my best bridge officers are on the planet.
Daemon: This thing is damn peculiar looking. I wish you'd get a
science officer up here so I wouldn't have to do three jobs at once.
Chow (taps panel): Generic science officer to the bridge. (pause) Hell,
while we're at it, I could use a generic con, ops, and security officer
up here as well.
Tracy: You're right, Daemon. That is a damn peculiar looking thing.
Chow: Would somebody just turn the damn viewscreen on so I can see it too?
Daemon punches it up. A giant candy cane appears to fold out of some other
dimension and right in front of the _Chivalier_.
Daemon: Touchy touchy touchy.
Chow: Is that what I think it is?
Tracy: I don't know what you think it is. My training is in psychiatry...
and juggling. (pulls out juggling pins and begins juggling)
It is at this point that Lt. Suarez, Lt. JG Thurgood, and Ensign Klag
exit the turbolift and take the bridge stations. Chow, relieved to finally
have a bridge crew, sighs in relief, then calls up to his science officer.
Chow: Suarez, what do you make of that?
Suarez: It looks like a big candy cane, Captain.
Chow: ARRRGGGHHHH!! (pause) Whose candy cane would you say it is, Lt.?
Suarez: Magnetic Resonance Scans show that it is somewhat like the Lucky
Charm vessels we encountered a year ago, sir... but these are definitely
not the same type of design.
Chow: Open hailing frequencies.
Thurgood (from the tactical station): Yes, sir. (pause) We have a reply,
but audio only.
Chow: This is Captain Chow of the Federation starship _Chivalier_. We
are on a peaceful mission etc. etc. Who are you and are you responsible
for the mayhem on the world below?
Commander (ss): Ho ho ho, Captain Chow. You might hear some reindeer on
your recdeck, or Jack Frost on your windowsill. But if someone's climbing
down your Jeffries Tube, you'd better set your phasers up to kill.
* * * * *
Commander Larkin sits inside the shelter, in his snowsuit, with his arms
wrapped around himself, shivering.
Larkin: I thought these things were supposed to keep out the cold.
Woj: They are... (pulls out the instruction sheet) ...uh oh.
Larkin: What? What?!
Woj: The warranty expired last month.
Abdul (to Euge): I know a way to help keep us warm. Come here, kiddo.
She pulls Euge into a tight embrace. He blushes underneath his arctic
breathing mask.
Yee: I guess there's *something* to be said for shared body heat.
Lt. Janson pokes his head into the shelter and a rush of cold air blows
onto the frigid away team.
Woj: Close the door, dammit! It's cold out there!
Janson: Sorry. (steps all the way inside) It's getting worse out there,
Commander. Winds are kicking up, snow blowing all around, and the
temperature is dropping.
* * * * *
Chow: You still haven't answered my question. Who are you and what
do you want?
Commander (ss): Just follow your nose...it always knows.
Chow: You're Lucky Charms, aren't you?
Commander (ss): I am offended, sir. We are not just ANY Lucky Charms!
We are HOLIDAY Lucky Charms. We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Tasty
New Year!
Chow (motions to mute the signal): Mr. Thurgood, load Plasma Penetrating
Rounds, arm phasers.
Thurgood: Aye, sir.
Chow: Ensign Klag, prepare Chow Evasion Maneuver 3B.
Klag (confidently): qay'be, joHwI'.
* * * * *
Janson pulls open the door to the tent again. Euge and Paula are curled
up together in a corner. Woj and Larkin are shivering.
Woj: Would you keep that damn door SHUT?
Janson: Something's coming this way, Commander.
Larkin: S***. (draws his phaser) Let's go.
Woj draws her phaser and follows Larkin and Janson out into the cold.
Paula and Euge don't notice that they've left.
* * * * *
Chow (motions channel to reopen): Lucky Charm Commander, I assume you are
to blame for the violence on the planet below.
Commander (ss): Oh, big deal. You're worried about some insignificant
Stone Age culture who didn't even taste all that great. I never did
care much for TV dinners.
Chow: You had no right to exterminate that culture. One day, they might
have made great advances. We have a Prime Directive that states...
Commander (ss, impatiently): We KNOW about your Prime Directive, Captain.
And we know a lot about you. But you don't know enough about us.
Chow: So why are you troubling us with your nonsense?
Commander (ss): We just wanted to say one thing...and we wanted to make
it VERY clear. We, the Holiday Lucky Charms, are here to make your lives
uncomfortable. And we are NOT as much like our cousins as you might think.
Suddenly, Janson, Larkin, and Woj appear at the front of the bridge, obviously
transported there by some piece of Lucky Charm technology. A moment later,
a Star Fleet Portable Shelter containing Euge an Paula appears in front of
the turbolift.
Commander (ss): Merry Christmas, Captain Chow. Ho ho ho.
The candy cane-shaped vessel turns and folds into other dimensions, leaving
the _Chivalier_ alone in orbit.
Chow: I don't know how much more of this I can take.
----------------
Date: Mon, 24 Dec 90 13:35:59 -0700
From: zecca@tramp (Admiral Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG2 Another Holiday Special
[ We zoom in on the _Croutonprize_, which is gliding at warp speeds, going
right up to the forward part of the saucer section and through the windows
at the very front of Deck 10. We find many of the crew hanging decorations
in the Ten Forward lounge. ]
"First Officer's Log, Stardate 101882.3:
We've just finished hanging the decorations for the unidenominational
holiday party in Ten Forward. Now the real test begins as we try to haul
Captain Crouton down here against his will."
Missy finally arrives in Ten Forward and takes in all the various decorations.
Suddenly, all of the Christmas lights blink out at once.
Everyone in Ten Forward: Missy!
Midzor (flustered): Damn it!
The lights blink back on.
Crossfire: Got you. Flashers.
Midzor (shivering out her anger): Yeah... (unconvincingly) Yeah, I knew that.
Lt. Parker approaches the Fizzix Dude. She has a sprig of mistletoe hanging
above her head, due to a nifty Anti-Grav device she has stored in her pocket.
Fizzix Dude: Yes, Susan?
Parker (pointing to the mistletoe): Do you know the tradition? (flirt, flirt)
Fizzix Dude: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
< FWOOOOSSHHHH!! > Fizzix Dude snaps his fingers and disappears, switching
spatial locations in the room with Jez the Wonder Kitty.
Jez: Mrow meowp mrow meowr. Mrow meowr mrowp. [Looks like you've got to
kiss ME, Lt. On the lips.]
Parker (wrinkles up her nose and looks into the camera): EEWWWWW!!!
* * * * *
"Croutons Roasting on an Open Fire"
Written by Admiral Avenger
Special Guest Star
Burl Ives as the Lucky Charm Commander
Directed by Melissa "I fixed the damn lights" Midzor
Music by Mannheim Steamroller
* * * * *
Crouton: No. I don't want to go to any parties.
Highlander: You have to go. You're the captain.
Crouton: NO! I'm not going.
Highlander, Crossfire, and Gretzky pick up Captain Crouton and carry him
off the bridge. He struggles with all his will.
Crouton: No, dammit! I don't want to go! This is mutiny!
Gretzky: Aye, sir. That it is.
As the turbolift closes on the kicking and screaming Captain Crouton,
Ensign Kindig settles into the captain's chair.
Kindig: Well, there's always ONE nice thing about not getting to go
to the Christmas party. (smiles)
* * * * *
"Captain's Log, Stardate 101882.4. Ensign Kindig reporting:
Well, the Christmas party has been going for two hours now and from
what I understand, the captain is actually beginning to enjoy himself.
Lt. JG Kessner should be here to relieve me in a few minutes and then I
can finally have some fun too. (aside) Hurry up, Eric."
Smythe: Ensign Kindig, we're picking up a bogey at long range.
Kindig: Can you identify it?
Smythe: Not yet, but it's on an intercept course.
Kindig: Yellow alert. Ms. Wessyne, prepare evasive maneuvers. (taps
panel) Yellow alert. Captain to the bridge.
Wessnye: Evasive maneuvers ready whenever you need them.
Kindig (thoughtfully): Looks like someone's trying to crash our party.
* * * * *
Kindig (ic): "Yellow alert. Captain to the bridge."
Crouton (wired): I'm free!!! (calms down) Number One, keep an eye on
the party. Gretzky, Chuang, Kessner.
They leave the party. The tempo picks up a little.
* * * * *
Turbolift doors open. As Crouton steps out onto the bridge, he sees a
ship fly by the viewscreen at warp speeds as the ship rocks beneath him.
He loses his footing and stumbles forward, catching himself on the tactical
railing.
Kindig: Bring us around, Wessyne, Warp Six. Mr. Smythe, arm Crouton
torpedoes.
Crouton: Belay the warp speed order, Wessyne, but load the torpedoes.
I will relieve you now, Ensign.
Kindig (gratified): Oh, THANK you, sir. (runs into the turbolift)
Gretzky takes his station from Smythe, who moves to a science station.
Wessyne gives up the Con to Neal and Kessner sits at Ops.
Crouton: Go to red alert. Arm phasers. Gretzky, see if you can identify
that blur.
Zen: < RED ALERT > < RED ALERT > Please don't spill the punch on the new
carpet. < RED ALERT >
Gretzky: Sir, it's Kelvin and it's coming in for another attack.
Crouton: Prepare Crouton Maneuver 4C.
Gretzky/Chuang (smiling knowingly): Aye, sir.
Kessner: 22 seconds until they're in range.
Crouton: Hold steady, Mr. Chuang.
Kessner: 15 seconds...
Crouton: Do you have a lock, Mr. Gretzky?
Gretzky: Aye, sir. I'm ready whenever you are.
Kessner: 5 seconds...4...3..2..
Crouton: Do it.
[ We cut to an exterior of the _Croutonprize_ as a Kelvin warship bears
down upon it. Just as the Kelvin ship fires, the _Croutonprize_ unloads
a spread of Crouton torpedoes and jumps to Six-Warp Five...in reverse.]
Crouton: Damage report, Mr. Kessner.
Kessner: Minor shield damage to us, sir, but their shields are down.
I bet they've got engine damage too, since they've stopped dead.
Crouton: Don't be so sure, Lt. They can be a tricky bunch.
Chuang: Captain, it's somewhat unlike the Kelvins to just attack without
warning AND without wanting something.
Crouton: Good point. Mr. Gretzky, open hailing frequencies.
Gretzky: Open, sir.
Crouton: This is Captain Christopher L. Crouton of the Federation flagship
_Croutonprize_. Please identify yourselves and your purpose in attacking
our vessel.
Kelvin: Get it out of our heads! Please
stop!!! PLEASE STOP!!!!!!!!!!
Crouton: Please explain--
Kelvin:
Gretzky: They've closed the channel, sir.
Suddenly, a huge Christmas ornament phases into existence beside the
crippled Kelvin vessel.
* * * * *
Highlander, Soraya, Parker (with mistletoe still hanging above her head),
and Jez the Wonder Kitty (still following Susan around for the kiss she
owes him) step onto the bridge.
Crouton: Thank you for coming up so promptly, Number One.
Highlander: F***! Kelvins AND Lucky Charms?!?
Crouton: You see, I'm in a bit of a dilemma. Do I save the Kelvins from
the Lucky Charms, or do I leave them both alone and get us out of here?
Highlander: Well...
Gretzky: The Lucky Charms are hailing us, sir.
Crouton (to Highlander): Perhaps I won't have to make that decision now.
The Holiday Lucky Charm Commander appears on the _Croutonprize_ viewscreen.
Like ordinary Lucky Charms, he appears to be a very large bipedal termite-
like creature. The difference is in his mode of dress. The typical Lucky
Charm prefers no clothing at all, or something akin to a Leprechaun's outfit,
but this Lucky Charm Commander is dressed in a big red Santa Claus suit. We
see other Lucky Charms in the background dressed like Santa's Elves. The
Commander takes another bite from the Kelvin he is feasting upon. We hear
Christmas Carol music in the background. The Commander begins to sing:
"Croutons roasting on an open fire.
Kelvins filling up my belly.
Which one's tastier?, wonders my crew
While I ponder adding jelly.
If you're in a happy holiday mood,
Maybe I'll even let you go.
Today we feast on this frozen brood.
See you later. Ho-ho-ho."
Gretzky: They've closed the channel, sir.
Ghiasi: Captain, I think that was a hint.
Crouton: Undoubtedly. Mr. Chuang, let's get out of here.
Chuang: Aye, sir. (pause) Course plotted and laid in.
Crouton: Engage.
[ The _Croutonprize_ jumps into warp, leaving the battered Kelvin vessel
behind with the overpowering Holiday Lucky Charms. ]
Crouton: Do you think we made the right decision?
Ghiasi: Maybe not, but I wouldn't want to chance the other possibilities.
Crouton thinks about this for a moment. Gretzky shuts off the Red Alert
and hands his station over to Smythe. He joins Highlander beside the
Captain's chair.
Gretzky (to Highlander): Shall we, sir?
Highlander: Come on, Captain. Back to the party.
Crouton: But...but...but...
Susan and Soraya help Gretzky and Highlander pick up the Captain and haul
him into the turbolift. Hanging upside down in their arms, Captain Crouton
utters one final order.
Crouton: You have the bridge, Mr. Kessner.
The turbolift doors shut. We cut to an exterior shot of the _Croutonprize_
warping into the distance.
----------------
Date: Thu, 3 Jan 91 09:42:55 -0500
From: bryant@husc9.harvard.edu (Katherine 'Kabeta' Bryant)
Subject: ST:TCG2 "Quietude"
And so a new year begins. This is my first new year so far away from
anything I might have considered home, and my first as captain of a starship.
What a year it has been too. A year ago, I would not have dreamed of
all the things that have happened since.
I think I have done well so far as a captain. If ever there were a
"trial by fire," I think the Lucky Charms invasion certainly was. I'm sorry
of the way I became captain - the loss of the Starbase was difficult indeed,
particularly since it was destroyed by my hand - but I am glad to be one
now. I don't know what the higher-ups think of the job I'm doing. I wonder
if I'm going to have to go through evaluations again, like I did after the
first part of my stint on the Starbase. I hope not. So far, there's been
no sign of it, though, so I'll try not to worry.
It has been a strange first few months as a captain, I will admit. I
am thrilled to be exploring a place where, truly, no one has gone before,
but it is a long way from home. Come to that, this captaincy has begun
to show me that I have no real home... The visit to Xavion was unsettling.
I thought I'd left all that behind - no one here even knew I wasn't Terran -
but now my past has come back. I was never really at home on the Earth,
or at the Academy, either. I always stuck out a little at the Academy. I
suppose that's what happens when you're older and more experienced. And it
was always easier when everyone assumed I was Terran - no one asked any
questions. Now I'm afraid they will ask questions, and I'd just as soon
leave that part of my life behind. It's funny, how Terran we Xavionites
look. It would take a close look to tell any difference at all, except
maybe for eye color.
Still, all in all, I am pleased with my career. The _Heisenberg_ is
my home now, and I hope to keep it that way for a long time to come.
--- from the diary of Captain Kabeta
----------------
Date: Sun, 6 Jan 91 04:50:24 -0500
From: ender2@husc9.harvard.edu (-8 %-> [: =:-)
Subject: ST:TCG episode!
Next on Staaaaaar Trek, the Crouton Generation!
"A Long, Strange Trip"
from the journal of Matt Ender, alien on the _Heisenberg_
"Jiapa says that writing a journal should help my memory come back sooner.
Personally, I think she's just trying to keep me busy after that incident
with the headaches and that black cloud. She knows as well as I do that
my alien mind had no little part in that, and it bothers us both no end.
The truth, on the other hand, even I can barely face. The Kunz paid me
a private visit and let me in the great cosmic joke. Just like that..."
[Flashback scene, slightly blurred edges. Matt sits in his cabin, staring
intently at a lit candle before him. Then he blinks, draws a breath, pinches
off the flame, and picks a cup of tea off a table.]
====---- FWOOSH! ---->>>>
The Kunz: "Greetings, child. The need has become urgent, and we must talk."
Matt (nearly spilling his tea): "Wha? Hello?!"
The Kunz: "May I have a cup?"
Matt: "Ah, sure! What, um, brings you here?"
The Kunz (smiling): "Is this a Riddler impersonation?"
Matt (laughing a bit): "No, no, you just suprised me a bit."
The Kunz (settling down): "First I will tell you what I can of your people.
Yours is an eight-dimensional race. Three of these are the three
three dimensions of this space, three coincide with part of our
Kunz continuum, and the remaining two are orthogonal to both of
these. While in this continuum, you lack five degrees from your
home, and the point of contact is very swiftly moving singularity,
which you see as a black cloud. Due to being five dimensions
apart, the speed of the cloud usually ranges from Jolt-Warp 3 to
Jolt-Warp 16. You were lucky when you caught it, nearby _and_
running at half your speed. You were lucky your elders figured out
what was needed and taught you how not to project. You were lucky
the Ranchers didn't blow you to bits before you could get away.
But we can't count on that luck forever. So we contacted your
people. It's easier for us only being separated by only two
dimensions off, but we can only make one-way contact, and no mental
communication at all. They want you to find the intersection again,
and they will teach you what is necessary to return. We had no way
of telling them that it would be next to impossible to find the
cloud and make contact again. You must find a way to contact them
and quickly, or learn to control your mind's power."
Matt: "But to speak with them, I'd have to be within the interestion cloud,
and to do that, I need to travel at Jolt-Warp 15. And there's
no way the Federation or anyone else will develop _that_ any time
soon."
Kunz: "You are only somewhat wrong on that count. We of the Kunz Continuum
know many things about the progress of humanity, and we suspect that
this development will take place within the century, possibly only
several years from now."
Matt: "What exactly do you mean by suspicion?"
Kunz: "We have a sort of betting pool."
Matt (laughs): learned anything else?"
Kunz: "Nothing revelant, I'm afraid. I'll be leaving now. Good luck!"
[As he turns, we pick up his thought:
Kunz: * It's all for the good. He'd never be able to handle it yet.
Someday, I'll be able to tell him everything. *
and then he's gone.]
<<<<---- HSOOWF ----====
[Draws back to Matt with his journal]
"And so I began studying the human mental techniques first taught in
the ancient East. They say I am learning quickly, but I know I'm nowhere
near my full potential. I can barely conceive of any dimensions other than
the 'usual' three, much less manipulate them. I dream of finding that cloud
again, but until and if I do, I'm afraid I cannot do much at all. I think
I'll finish this entry now, and work on a new Crunchy Zen Crounton song."
[He sighs, turns away from the vocoder, and pulls a sheaf of notes from a
drawer. He starts to tap experimentally on a synthesizer, as we pull out
to a simple picture of the _Heisenberg_ fore-lighted by a blue-white giant
(a Type II B3 would do nicely), bright against the leech-like blackness of
space.]
----------------
Date: Fri, 11 Jan 91 15:12:14 -0500
From: bryant@husc9.harvard.edu (Katherine 'Kabeta' Bryant)
Subject: ST:TCG2 "At Loose Ends" (medium-length)
"Captain's Log, Stardate 101928.4.
The _Heisenberg_ is currently en route to Starbase LMC for a new-year's
meeting. We are to meet with the other LMC ships to discuss the events of
the past year and plan for the future. The news we hear from the Romulan
peace talks is encouraging; perhaps one day Commander Torbog and I will
fly side by side as members of the same Federation instead of merely as
uneasy allies against a common threat.
Meanwhile, the crew (and I) seem somewhat at a loss as to what to
do with ourselves. We have seen little of interest lately. On the ship,
though, there has been the occasional oddity; I've had several crewmembers
approach me and ask why we don't use the Uncertainty Drive to get to the
Starbase faster. I am trying to find out what has prompted so many people
to ask this same question all of a sudden."
"At Loose Ends"
Written by Katherine Bryant
Directed by Henry Bial
Music by Sam Nelson
[_Heisenberg_, bridge shot. Things are about as usual. Ensign O'Forever
approaches the captain.]
O'Forever: Captain, may I ask you something?
Kabeta: Certainly, Ensign. What is it?
O'Forever: Well, you know our resident alien, Matt? He was suggesting to
me that perhaps we ought to use the Uncertainty Drive to get places faster.
I was wondering why we don't.
Kabeta: So *that's* who's been spreading that idea? Whatever possessed
him to do that, I wonder? But to answer your question: we don't really
understand the Uncertainty Drive. It's a highly uncontrollable method
of transportation, since in some sense we are everywhere at once while
using it, and could end up just about anywhere. It's dangerous to
use it except in emergencies. Understand?
O'Forever: Sure, Captain, that makes sense.
Kabeta: Tell everyone who works Con and Ops that they are not, repeat not,
to use it unless I order it.
O'Forever: Certainly, Captain. No problem. I was just curious.
Kabeta: That's fine. If you have any other questions, just ask. You're
doing a fine job.
O'Forever: Thanks, Captain!
[Kabeta's quarters, somewhat later. She is doing cross-stitch and drinking
tea and thinking.]
Kabeta: Why is it that he wants us using the Uncertainty Drive, I wonder?
Kendragon (ic): Captain, we're showing a weird power problem in Croutonizer
Room 3.
Kabeta: On my way to the bridge.
[Bridge. Kabeta enters.]
Hutchings: It started very suddenly, and has increased rapidly. We tried
to call down there but no one answered.
[Suddenly, there is a burst of static from the intercom and a frantic
ensign's voice.]
Ensign: Medical team to Croutonizer Room 3 STAT! Captain to Croutonizer
Room 3. This is serious!
Kabeta: On my way.
[Croutonizer Room 3. The room is filled with smoke and coughing people.
Dr. Hertzman, a medical team, and Kabeta enter at about the same time.]
Dr. Hertzman: What is it?
Ensign: It's Lt. Garrett. He was working on the console when it exploded.
[Dr. Hertzman and the med team carry the unconscious Garrett off.]
Kabeta: Exploded?
Ensign: Yes, Captain. He said it was showing signs of deterioration, that
there was some flaw in the wiring. Nothing anyone did, he said, just a flaw
in the machine itself. I guess he did something wrong.
Kabeta: Get yourself and everyone else here to sickbay for a checkup for
smoke inhalation. We'll get an engineering team in here to clean up.
Ensign: Yes, Captain.
Kabeta (finds an intercom and presses it): Mr. McDonagh, bring a team
to Croutonizer Room 3. You've got quite a job here, I think. I'll be in
sickbay.
[Sickbay. Kabeta enters.]
Kabeta: How is he, Doctor?
Hertzman: Not good, Captain. I can't guarantee that he'll live. It looks
like he got hit by the explosion pretty much point-blank.
Kabeta: Keep me posted. I'm going to check in with the engineering team.
[Croutonizer Room 3. Kabeta enters.]
Kabeta: What do you think happened, Mr. McDonagh?
McDonagh: Looks like Garrett was fixing the wiring when he accidentally
touched the wrong two wires simultaneously while they were live. I can't
tell what the wiring problem was, though; there's not much left of the
console to tell. When we get to the Starbase, I'll get the materials
we need to replace it.
Hertzman (ic, subdued voice): Captain... to sickbay, please.
Kabeta: On my way.
[Sickbay. Kabeta enters.]
Kabeta: What is it, Doctor?
Hertzman: Captain.... Garrett is dead. There was nothing we could do.
Kabeta: I was afraid of that. He was a good officer and an entertaining
person. He will be missed.
"Captain's Log, Supplemental. The death of Lt. Garrett has stunned the crew.
He was a fine officer and never failed to keep the crew entertained. I have
sent word to the Starbase and to Earth, to notify his family. We are just
now arriving at the Starbase, but no one is really looking forward to the
meeting as much anymore."
[Kabeta's Ready Room. Lt. JG Iluvanna Lin-Elenuial is standing slightly
uneasily in front of the Captain.]
Kabeta: Lt. Lin-Elenuial, you have served the _Heisenberg_ well in your
tenure here. I know that Lt. Garrett's death has shocked us all, but
we need someone to run the Croutonizers. Do you feel yourself able to
take this position?
Lin-Elenuial (surprised): Uh... certainly, Captain!
[Kabeta stands, and removes Lin-Elenuial's Lt. JG rank pin and replaces
it with a full Lieutenant's pin.]
Kabeta (shaking his hand): Congratulations, Lieutenant. Lt. Cdr. McDonagh
will show you around and fill you in on the details.
----------------
Date: Tue, 15 Jan 91 13:58:35 -0700
From: reidj@tramp (Crossfire)
Subject: ST:TCG "Fear NO CAT!"
Next time, on a particularly silly episode of "Star Trek: The Crouton
Generation"--
"Fear NO CAT!"
After a near-fatal encounter with Shenandoa, the Anti-Jez, Jez the Wonder
Kitty barely escapes with his life, to say nothing of his left eye. Jez
decides to learn Llap Goch, the ancient Welsh art of self-defence. Will
Jez win his next encounter with the Anti-Jez? Will they annhialate each
other in a huge furry explosion? Will Soraya make Shenandoa stew? Will
Missy see the light and start to regularly discipline her cat? Find out
on the next exciting episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation!
[ TCG Archives | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | TSG | TPG | Misc | Begin | End ]
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