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STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
SEASON TWO
Episode #77
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Date: Tue, 15 Jan 91 23:45:58 -0500
From: winner@husc9.harvard.edu (a.k.a. Thokk)
Subject: ST:TCG (long)
Editor's Note: This episode takes place shortly before Matt Ender's episode
about the headaches.
************************************************************
Star Trek: The Crouton Generation
"Hungry for More"
Written by: Angela Winner
Directed by: that guy with the funny flat hat and the bullhorn
Music by: Bon Jovi
_Captain's Log, Stardate 101540.6_ During our rendezvous with Starbase
Frazene we picked up a new crewmember--Ensign Thokk the Dismemberer. Seems
like an interesting fellow, actually. His homeworld lost all contact with
the Federation for nearly two centuries in a massive power failure that left
the entire planet without electricity. They reverted into almost total
barbarism. Ensign Thokk apparently joined Starfleet because his ancestors
were daring space captains. I've placed him at the post of Ship's Barbarian.
Counselor Jiapa is showing him around the ship now; it will be interesting to
see how things work out.
_Scene 1_ (An empty Heisenberg cabin. The door opens.)
Jiapa: And last but not least, these will be your quarters. (indicates the
room with a sweeping gesture)
(Thokk takes a tentative step into the cabin, sniffs the air, and then
smiles. He seems impressed.)
J: You'll find everything you need here. There's a bathroom through that
door on the left, a bed, the electronic caterer over there, your personal
viewscreen and computer terminal, and drawers to store your personal
belongings. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to use the intercom
over here by the door. Any questions?
T: Um, no, not at the moment. I guess I'll just get settled in.
J: Good! That takes care of everything, then. Take some time to get
familiarized with the ship, and I'll see you later. (Exits)
(Thokk drops his carrysack and tests the bed, which looks extremely flat and
uncomfortable with only one thin blanket. He sits on the edge with his chin
in his hands.)
T: (to himself) Well, here you are. Thousands of miles from everyone you
ever knew, in the cabin of a spaceship adrift in interstellar space. I
wonder what they're doing at home right now? (reflective pause)
(standing abruptly) Enough of this! I'm starving! The food on that
shuttlecraft was horrible--little tiny plastic containers of miniaturized
God-knows-what! Thokk want food! (In his excitement he has slipped into his
native language, a crude variant of Federation Standard.)
T: (he marches over to the catering unit) Hey! You in there! I'm hungry!
(The catering unit remains silent, pointedly ignoring him.)
T: (louder) Food!
(there is a slight whirring sound and a light blinks, but nothing appears in
the service slot)
T: (shoves his face into the console) I said, GIVE ME SOMETHING TO EAT!
(the console gives a surprised flicker, and a perfectly modulated,
excruciatingly polite voice issues from the catering unit)
Catering Unit: Starfleet Identification Number, please.
(Thokk purples, the cords on his neck emerging as his lips pull back in a
writhing snarl. Suddenly he blinks, remembering something, and starts to
slap around his pockets. Realizing he doesn't have any, he crosses to the
carrysack and rummages around. He returns to the catering unit with a
crumpled scrap of paper.)
T: (reading from the paper) Seven...One...Three...Seven...
One...Eight...Three...Eight...Four...Eight...Seven...Zero (he looks up)
CU: (lights flash) Confirmed.
(There is an expectant pause...nothing happens. Thokk slowly crushes the
scrap of paper and tries to stick it in his pocket.)
T: (in a tight, controlled voice) So where...is my...food?
CU: (mildly condescending) An order has not been placed.
T: (grinds his teeth and mutters) Urgrub steak, grundstuck roots, and a beer.
CU: Erroneous command syntax.
T: @/<*^>!%}|\# !!!
CU: Keyword "@/<*^>!%}|\#" unknown or ambiguous. Please try again.
T: (jumping up and down) I'd like an urgrub steak, grundstuck, and a beer!
CU: SRANS parameters unspecified. Please place an order.
T: STEAK AND BEER! STEAK AND BEER!
CU: Bad syntax. Place an order.
T: (screams) SO TELL ME HOW TO PLACE A BLOODY ORDER! (Completely frustrated,
he storms out the door.)
CU: You have reached the Starfleet Food Service's On-Line Help Menu. For a
concise overview of the Food Services System, specify one. For a complete
list of catering unit commands, specify two. For a...
_Scene 2_ (on the Bridge of the Heisenberg)
Kleber: Captain, we're being hailed by Starfleet Command--priority one
frequency.
Kabeta: On screen.
(a nondescript Starfleet officer appears)
Officer: Captain, there have been several confirmed sightings of a
_Yellow_Moon_ class Lucky Charm ship proceeding at sublight speed toward the
colony on Jemed Six. Though it's moving quite slowly, we have no ships close
enough to intercept it. You are ordered to proceed at maximum warp to Jemed
Six and aid the colonists there.
K: (horrified) It's not a second invasion, is it? We haven't recovered from
the last one.
O: Apparently not. Starfleet speculates that this is a ship that somehow
escaped the Charms' final destruction. You are, however, directed to proceed
with extreme caution and to inform Starfleet of every detail.
K: (grimly) Inform Starfleet that we're on our way. (The screen goes blank.)
Ensign O'Forever, lay in a course to Jemed Six.
O'Forever: Course to Jemed Six laid in.
K: Jolt-Factor 9.9 Engage.
(the ship springs into warp)
K: Furd, you have the bridge. Scribonia, Zenador, Kleber--meet in the Ready
Room in five minutes. (into transmitter) McDonagh?
Torvald: (ic) Yes, Cap'n?
K: I require your and Lt. Aoki's presence int the Ready Room.
T: (ic) Aye, Cap'n.
K: (taps transmitter again) Lt. Cdr. pistachio?
(there is a pause and no answer)
K: pistachio? Science station, is there anybody there?
(another pause)
pistachio: (ic) Yes, Captain?
K: What took you guys so long to answer the intercom?
maya: (ic) We were...ah, doing some research.
(Somebody on the bridge snickers, and Kabeta cracks a knowing grin.)
K: If you two can tear yourselves away from your work, you're both needed in
the Ready Room. It seems we haven't seen the last of the Lucky Charms.
***break to commercial***
(music) If you eat your Bloated Oaties
Every single day
Then you'll be strong and happy
Until you're old and grey.
Yummy Bloated Oaties
The cereal you'll crave!
Munching happily along
From crib until the grave! (flourish)
(Announcer) Bloated Oaties!
Remember--
Things of _this_ ilk
_Won't_ sink in milk!
***back to the show***
_Scene 3_ (Ensign Thokk paces along a corridor of the ship. He seems much
calmer now, though he is still glowering a little. As he rounds the corner,
he nearly runs into Lt. JG Kendragon.)
Kendragon: (staring at Thokk's chest) Eeep!
Thokk: Ooops! I'm sorry--I was a little distracted.
Ke: (craning her neck upward) I don't know you.
T: (with a wide grin meant to be friendly, but coming across a little feral)
Ensign Thokk the Dismemberer, Ship's Barbarian. I just came aboard.
Ke: (extends her hand as if she doesn't expect to get it back) Lt. JG
Kendragon, Intelligence Officer and Ship's Gerbil.
(Thokk cocks his head quizzically while he shakes her hand, as if he doesn't
quite know what to make of this strange appellation. Eventually, he comes to
some sort of decision and lets go of her hand, which she reclaims
gratefully.)
Ke: (nervously) We...ah...um, never had a Ship's Barbarian before. We had a
botanist once who was very enthusiastic about pruning which I suppose one
could consider similar except that it's plants and not people. (Her fingers
are making little twitching movements, as if she wants to shred something,
but her hands are empty.) But I guess it's sort of different too because
plants don't, you know, bleed and things. Oh dear. Well, um, and there was
a barber here once who (Thokk's stomach rumbles echoingly, which Kendragon
frantically mistakes for a growl of displeasure.) Ulp...um, would you like
to have a drink in Ten Forward?
T: (pouncing on an offer of sustenance) Sure! (They proceed down the hall.)
_Scene 4_ (the Ready Room)
Kabeta: ...so that's the situation. I need a status report on our weapons
against the Lucky Charms. Torvald?
McDonagh: As ye well know, Cap'n, we had a permanent Plasma Penetrating
Round torpedo tube added under the others after the invasion. The warp drive
engines are in top condition, an' the Engineer's Lounge 'as lots an' lots
o'doughnuts just a waitin' to be eaten.
K: Thank you, Engineering. How's Pandora feeling, Edwin?
Edwin: Everything's a o.k.! I installed a virus protection program that
ought to guard against the Lucky Charm virus.
K: Excellent. Sciences?
yaz: We have Admiral T'Lilith's toxin, which proved effective on bladed
weapons.
maya: But if the Lucky Charms have lost their warp drive capabilities, they
may well have lost their dimension shifting abilities as well. Our phasers
would work perfectly well.
K: An appealing notion, but nothing we can count on. Zenador, you're the
resident alien specialist. What do you think we're up against?
Zenador: It's impossible to be sure, Captain. Most likely, it's an
extremely powerful Lucky Charm Commander with enough mental ability to wrench
himself free when the Lucky Charm organic matrix collapsed. He would be
holding the entire Lucky Charm ship together. If he were killed, the rest of
the crew would collapse just like the Lucky Charm fleet on Mars did.
K: Sounds plausible. Any other possibilities?
Scribonia: It could be the Hidden Valley Ranchers with a modified cloaking
device.
K: Oh God, I hope not. Meeting adjourned.
_Scene 5_ (Kendragon and Thokk enter Ten Forward. Guendalina comes to meet
them. She wears a silly hat.)
Guendalina: Hello Kendragon, you're looking well. Haven't seen you in a
while. Will you introduce me to your friend?
Kendragon: This is Ensign Thokk the, ah, Dismemberer, the new Ship's
Barbarian.
G: Pleased to meet you.
(Thokk doesn't respond. He's too busy looking around for something to eat.)
G: (recovering quickly) Here, let me show you to a table.
(She leads them to a table and they sit down.)
G: Would you like something to drink?
Ke: A grape soda for me.
T: I'll have a beer.
G: Coming right up. (leaves)
(There is a bowl of peanuts sitting on the table. Thokk looks at them for
all of two seconds before be begins voraciously stuffing them in his mouth.
Kendragon stares at him in consternation and then snatches a napkin off the
table and begins shredding it into teeny tiny bits.)
Ke: So, ha ha...are you new to Starfleet?
(Thokk nods vigorously, mouth full of peanuts)
Ke: Did you enjoy your trip over?
T: (chews and swallows) Not really. (He is fishing out the last few peanuts
in the bowl.)
(there is an uncomfortable silence. Guendalina returns with the drinks.
Kendragon sighs with relief at the respite, and sips her soda.)
G: Here you go, enjoy! (She hurries off.)
(Thokk downs his beer in one long pull, then stares disappointedly at the
empty peanut bowl.)
Ke: (clears her throat) You know...if you really like them...you can order
those peanuts from your catering unit.
(Thokk's head snaps up and he stares at her intently. After a few seconds he
looks away and tries to sound reeeal casual.)
T: Oh really? So, how...exactly...would you do that? (He stares at her
again.)
Ke: (the napkin bits fly faster) Well, uh, first you have to set the unit to
your SRANS parameters.
T: SRANS parameters?
Ke: Species Recommended Allowances of Nutritive Substances. Just tell the
computer that you're human and it'll take care of the rest.
T: O.K. Then what?
Ke: Well, then you ask for the menu and the catering unit displays all the
various foods it's programmed to offer. You scroll down the list 'til you
get to peanuts and then order the number listed next to peanuts. When you've
ordered everything you want, you say "finished" and it delivers your order.
(She looks at him hesitantly.)
T: (smiles with great good humor) Thanks! I think I will try that sometime.
I've finished my beer, I guess I'll be going now. Nice meeting you. (He
gets out of his chair and strides purposefully towards the door. Kendragon
watches him leave, takes a deep breath, and then grabs his napkin and begins
methodically tearing it apart.)
_Scene 6_ (the Bridge)
Kleber: Captain, there's another communication coming in from Starfleet
Command.
Kabeta: On screen.
(Another Starfleet Officer appears on the screen. His expression is grim.)
Off: The Lucky Charms have landed on Jamed Six. They have apparently lost
their dimension shifting abilities, but the colonists are still having a hard
time fending them off. We received this transmission just minutes ago."
(The screen crackles and we see the Jamed Six communications room. The
transmission is filled with those telltale static bursts that just scream
"Danger, Will Robinson!" to experienced science fiction fans.)
Colonist: *crackle*...colony on Jamed Six. We *fzzzk* have been overrun by
the Lucky Charms and the militia *krr-k-k* losing ground. (There is a
rending crash somewhere off screen and he looks worriedly behind him.) I
repeat, this is a distress call from the colony on Jamed Six. We are being
attacked by (Suddenly a huge Lucky Charm grabs the colonist with its grasping
claws. Arms pinned, the colonist can only struggle helplessly as the Lucky
Charm begins to sing.)
Lucky Charm: Munchabuncha munchabuncha, munchabuncha munchabuncha,
Hu-mans go with lunch. *CRUNCH*
(The bridge crew watches in horror as blood spurts from the severed neck.
The Lucky Charm gives them a big smile and then the channel goes dead. There
is a stunned silence.)
Off: You can see, then, how serious the threat is. The colonists won't be
able to hold out much longer.
K: Helm, what's our ETA?
O'Forever: Eleven minutes, captain.
K: I can only hope we arrive before it's too late.
***music crescendos, break to commercial***
/==============================================================\
/ \
* *
/ Coming Soon \
/ \
| |
\ /
\ To Music Stores Everywhere /
* *
\ /
\==============================================================/
[ The screen blacks. A stream of croutons pours out of the top, and they
fall and interact and spin in mesmerizing patterns, finally forming the
words "Crunchy Zen Croutons". ]
Double-Bass Announcer (building energy): "You loved their hits 'I Love
Readin' Mail' and 'The Bull's Enclosure'. You raved over their first
first album, 'Crunchy Zen Croutons: Opening The Third Eye'. Now
thrill to their all-new, mind-bogglingly amazing album!
[ Check to a shot of a planet. Zooming in at high speed to a continent, then
a city, then a stadium. The stadium is packed with people screaming
happily and milling. Focus on the band, the Crunchy Zen Croutons. The
lead syntho-mega-guitarist takes a couple of experimental chords, and the
crowd goes wild. ]
Announcer: "Feel the power of 'King of Strange', the haunting counterpoint
of 'To My Brethren', the ancient wisdom of 'Grasshopper's Song',
and the incredible life-force of the Live At Rigel recording
of 'Ten Cups Over a Tower Reversed'. Join the crowds at Rigel,
Sirius B, Alpha Andromeda, Nilpuk's Star, and thousands of
worlds in welcoming ... the new album by the Crunchy
Zen Croutons:"
MYSTIC'S WAY!
Business-like announcer: "As always, available in LP, cassette, CD, DAT,
DSS, NLS, NLD, and the new CAX format."
***back to the show***
_Scene 7_ (Thokk the Dismemberer enters his cabin, rubbing his hands together
in anticipation.)
Thokk: Hello again, catering unit! I would like something to eat.
Catering Unit: Starfleet Identification Number, please.
T: (Looks around, retrieves the scrap of paper from the floor.) Seven, One,
Three, Seven, One, Eight, Three, Eight, Four, Eight, Seven, Zero.
CU: (lights flash) Confirmed.
T: (grinning with anticipation) Set SRANS parameters to human.
CU: (flashes again) Done.
T: (delighted) Yes, yes. May I see the menu, please?
CU: Certainly. (The screen goes nearly blank.)
T: (smile disappears) Uh, where's the menu?
CU: On screen.
T: (with chagrin) But there's only one item!
(The caterer waits patiently.)
T: (deflated) Order item #001.
CU: Would you like a beverage? (The nearly blank beverage menu appears.)
T: (rolls his eyes) Order beverage #001. Finished.
(A door slides over the service slot and there is a faint whirring. Thokk's
stomach rumbles and he licks his lips eagerly.)
(The door retracts to reveal a glistening, greyish-brown oblong about ten
inches across. Thokk watches in stunned disbelief as a stream of brown
steaming liquid begins to dribble from the top of the service slot and
splatter onto the inert mass. He is extending a tentative finger to prod the
quivering lump when a claxon sounds and all hands are called to battle
stations.)
_Scene 8_ (The Bridge. The crew is on red alert.)
Kabeta: Ensign O'Forever, take us out of warp. (The stars shift back into
their normal appearances, and a bluish planet fills the viewscreen.)
Hutchings: (at tactical) Sensors show the Lucky Charm ship in orbit inside
the planetary asteroid belt. (The viewscreen shifts to show the yellow moon
dodging in among the rocks.)
Scribonia: He must be crazy! He'll never be able to dodge those asteroids
forever!
K: Can we get a good shot at him?
H: The PPR's a short range weapon. We'll never be able to get close enough
to score a hit.
K: Then we'll have to do it the hard way. Lt. Cdr. Furd, assemble an away
team to help defend the colonists. Cdr. Scribonia, we need to take out the
brains of this operation. Take Zenador, Kleber, Earembar, and Kendragon and
see what you can do to disrupt things on the Lucky Charm ship. With luck
we'll be able to end this without too much bloodshed.
(There is a flurry of movement as officers leave their posts and are
replaced. A sad look flickers across Kabeta's face.)
K: (clears her throat) And people, (everyone looks up) let's be careful out
there.
_Scene 9_
(Lt. Cdr. Furd's party Croutonizes onto the planet's surface. There are about
a dozen of them--Lt JG Hutchings, Ensign G. O'Forever, Ensign Thokk the
Dismemberer, the alien Matt Ender, and some expendable security guys. They
materialize in front of a large meeting hall the colonists are trying
desperately to defend, while the frightened faces of women and children peer
from the windows.)
Furd: Have at 'em, men!
(The Heisenberg crew blasts away with their hand phasers, which (for once)
actually work. The Lucky Charms fall in droves, but more and more keep
coming.)
Hutchings: Help! Help! They're going to kill us!
(To his credit, the Insecurity Officer is firing at the Lucky Charms. His
hands are shaking so badly, however, that he narrowly misses G. O'Forever.
One of the security guys takes away his phaser and hands it to a colonist,
kindly suggesting that maybe he should take a second to calm down. Hutchings
hides behind Furd.)
Thokk: (fighting side by side with Ender) ...and then this brown liquid
started spilling out of the service slot! Do you have any idea what
happened?
Ender: (laughing a strange, alien laugh) Well, first of all, you didn't have
a menu path set in your .login file. Even worse, you didn't have a cup
specified in your environment utensils variable. Oh, that's funny! (laughs
again)
(Thokk, a perplexed expression on his face, continues to zap Lucky Charms.)
_Scene 10_ (A corridor in the Lucky Charms' ship. The decor is a garish
clash of red, pink, yellow, orange, green, blue, and purple.)
(The second Heisenberg away team Croutonizes into existence, swords and
phasers drawn.)
Scribonia: All right, guys, look sharp! We have to find the leader of this
outfit and quickly!
(A Lucky Charm appears at the end of the corridor and Earembar dispatches it
with a quick shot from his phaser. The bug-like thing gives a convulsive
leap backward and paddles in the air before landing on its back, dead.)
Kleber: (reverently) Now that's beautiful.
(They run down the corridor into a larger one, turn, and find themselves in
a control room crowded with Lucky Charms. Two of the monsters charge,
phasing effortlessly out of the way of their weapons' fire.)
Scr: (analyzing the room, touching her communicator, and dispatching one of
the attackers simultaneously) Captain, we've reached the control room. The
phasers don't work here, the room's packed with Lucky Charms, and their
leader looks quite insane. (Kleber expertly fillets the other Lucky Charm.)
I fear we won't be able to reach the leader without some sort of diversion.
(Another Lucky Charm charges and loses his midsection.)
Kabeta: (ic) We'll work on it. Hang tight.
(The Lucky Charm Commander swivels around to greet them. His mandibles
chitter wildly and his eyes are lit with an insane fire.)
Commander: Welcome to my bridge, hors d'oeuvres! How are things in
refrigerator land?
Scr: Probably better than you would like, evil fiend.
C: Oh ho ho, is that so, my little tuna burger?
Furd: (ic) Captain, we're running out of phaser power down here. We've only
got a few shots left.
Kabeta: (ic) (The Lucky Charm Commander can't hear them.) We're working on
it. Torvald, Edwin, and Pandora are using the tractor beam to shift
asteroids into an inescapable pattern. Get ready for a big jolt in about
five minutes.
Kl: So tell us, Prince Charming, how are things going on _your_ home planet?
(Scribonia fetches him a sideways glance as she decapitates another
attacker.)
C: Oh, it's always the same, you know. Chewing through trees, rocks, dirt,
anything else. There's hardly a place left untunneled.
Kl: Ah, what a pity. Sounds terribly boring.
(His shipmates groan and then spring to defend as six Lucky Charms leap at
once.)
C: (after the six have been killed) If you're the clever one, here's a riddle
for you: Why are toddlers better that adults?
Kl: Any answer I could make would only be a lucky guess. Tell me, why are
toddlers better than adults?
C: Well... (his eyes sweep slowly across his crew)
The left half of the bridge: TASTE GREAT!
The right half: LESS FILLING!
The left half: TASTE GREAT!
(the shouting continues)
_Scene 11_ (Back on the planet. The Lucky Charms are closing in. There has
obviously been some hand-to-hand fighting, and some of the security guys are
down.)
Furd: Michael! Michael Hutchings! Snap out of it, Mike, we need you!
Hutchings: Run away! Run away!
F: You silly fool, we can't run away! Stop hiding behind me and listen
close!
H: (from behind him) What?
F: I heard that on the USS Chivalier, Counselor Tracy once mesmerized a bunch
of Lucky Charms by juggling. Now, I know you can juggle six balls at a time
so I want you to grab something and start juggling!
H: (knees knocking) But...but...
F: (to a colonist) You there! Fetch Lt. Hutchings some juggling items!
(The defenders repel another wave of attackers as the colonist returns with
some apples.)
F: (pressing 3 apples into the Insecurity Officer's hands) Now juggle.
(Hutchings looks panicked, but from force of habit he starts throwing the
apples alternately into the air. He obviously has lightning reflexes, to
judge from the wide variety of erratic throws he's able to recover. Even
more amazingly--it's working! The Lucky Charms watch fascinated as the
bright apples arc from hand to hand.)
F: Good job! Steady now. It's working, they've stopped attacking.
(Lt. Hutchings flicks a surprised glance at the motionless Lucky Charms. His
throws become surer, and he starts flipping one apple over the other two,
doing chops, juggling all three in one hand, and generally impressing the
hell out of his audience. He casually throws one apple high in the air and
uses the extra time to take a bite from one of the apples he's holding. This
is a mistake.
One of the Lucky Charms in the front row sees Michael eat the apple and
realizes that he's still hungry. Keeping his eyes fixed on Michael the
entire time, he absently reaches down and disembowels a wounded security
officer. Michael sees him stuffing loops of slippery intestines into his
mouth and completely loses his cool. There are three distinct thuds as the
apples hit the ground.)
Ender: Oh shit. That did it.
(The Lucky Charms start to shake off their trance. The one in front seems
perversely amused at the reaction he's caused and starts ripping apart the
corpse, watching to see what effect it has. Michael unfreezes and starts
scrabbling around for his juggling apples.)
F: Steady now everyone...weapons out...they're about to spring...
(Thokk the Dismemberer has a decision to make. On the one hand, these are
ruthless killers and no easy bunch to intimidate.
On the other hand, he _is_ very hungry.)
Thokk: (springing to the front) So you think that funny, huh? (He rips an
arm off a fallen Lucky Charm and starts devouring it messily.)
(This is too much for Michael Hutchings, who drops to the ground in a fetal
ball, arms covering his head. The Lucky Charms are taken aback by the
ferocity of Thokk's act, and hesitate.)
T: (pressing the advantage) *Smack* *Slurp* Oh yes, these *Mumble* much
tastier than human limbs! *Gobble* *Crunch*
(The Lucky Charms start edging away from each other, eyeing their neighbors
warily. A nasty little fight breaks out as one of them tries to test Thokk's
assertion.)
T: (Lays down the limb and licks his lips.) So who's next?
(The Lucky Charms are in disarray, not knowing whether to fear the colonists
or their neighbors. They mill uneasily about, showing no sign of attacking.)
F: (slightly green) Ah...good idea, ensign. That's sure, um...keeping 'em
busy.
_Scene Twelve_ (Back on the Lucky Charm vessel. The maniacal Commander and
the away team still face each other across the control room.)
Commander: (slightly giddy) Oh, you must hear the new song I've written,
gumdrops! I've just finished it yesterday. (He clears his throat and begins
to sing in a high, rasping voice:)
My lunchmeat has a first name,
It's H-U-M-A-N.
My lunchmeat has a second name,
It's B-R-A-I-N.
I love to eat it every day
And if you ask me why I'll saaaay...
'Cause meat is sweet and bones okay
But the really tasty stuff is grey!
(He beams at them.) Well, how did you like it?
Zenador: It's gross.
C: Well, _you_ might think so, but (Suddenly his eyes unfocus, and in a
couple of seconds the whole ship pitches sideways as huge asteroids strike
its hull.)
Scribonia: Now! (leaping toward the Commander)
(Earembar is not a split second behind her. As a rising Lucky Charm blocks
Scribonia's path, the Security Officer skewers the dazed Commander.)
Scr: Good job, Earembar! (touches her communicator) Iluvanna, get us out of
here now!
(The ship begins to shudder and convulse as the away team breaks down into
their component Croutons.)
_Captain's Log, Stardate 101547.2_ ...so our unexpected encounter with the
Lucky Charms ended in success. I am extremely proud of the teamwork
demonstrated by the entire crew--they rose to the occasion remarkably. We
stayed in orbit around Jemed Six for a week and helped the colonists recover.
They threw a marvelous feast in our honor on the last day. Dr. Hertzman says
Ensign Thokk's mouth was damaged by the Lucky Charm's acidic blood, but you
wouldn't have guessed it from the way he plowed into that food.
THE END
*****************************************************************************
Crunchy Zen Croutons commercial by Matt Ender.
Special Thanks to whoever developed the Lucky Charms--God, I love 'em!
"Bloated Oaties" is a Federation registered trademark. Don't use it, I'm
thinking about introducing them as an alien menace.
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