STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
		  	  SEASON TWO

		       Episodes #10 - 17

		-----------------------------------
From: brandon@husc9.harvard.edu (Joshua Brandon)
Subject: the last days of starbase harvard....
Date: Mon, 03 Sep 90 14:33:59 EDT

here it is, the first bit anyway.  forward it to the croutonprize if it's
	worth it, whoever....

	"to boldly interface..."  (an ST:TNG labor day special)

slight australian accent voiced over starbase harvard against star field.
-"starbase harvard; chief science officer's log, stardate ... what the f***?"

cso yaz-pistachio is in his usual position, sitting tailor-fashion in mid-air
	in his zero-G cabin area.  the lights are dim enough for him to take
	off his everpresent dark goggles, but he still wears the leather flight
	jacket and white scarf over his uniform.  he is staring at a computer
	display filling one wall of the cabin.  a message is scrolling past.
he reaches for a keyboard floating next to him and starts tapping keys.

*****

ensign maya is at her desk.  intercom:
-"cso to ensign maya. ... yo, ensign!"
she looks up.
-"huh, what?"
data scrolls across her console.
-"oh."
-"oh, wow...!"
she calls up a sector atlas.
-"yaz, that planet was sterilized by a nova centuries ago.  there can't be
	any life there!"
-"i just had astro double check.  there isn't."

*****

acting commander scribonia's desk.  y-p's face appears in a corner of her 
	console.
-"got a minute, c'mander?"
-(mildly irritated) "is it important?"
-"dunno.  take a look?"
his face is replaced by the message, as he explains.
-"this computer-to-computer message suddenly 'peared on my console.  return
	address is a dead planet -- nothing there but four-hundred year old
	ruins, an' not a scrap of atmosphere."
-"what's _this_?  some sort of warning?  `beware the green ones'?!?"
-"got me.  the rest is technical diagrams.  Engineering's still working on
	'em -- seems to be some sort of energy barrier.  wish QT were still 
	'ere.  anyway, thought you might want to know what's up, so to speak,
	sir." 
-"hmmph.  you and your zero-G humor.  any luck tracing the source?"
-"we're workin' on it.  nothing so far."
-"let me know if anything interesting happens."
-"will do, c'mander.  yaz out."

-------------------------------------------

commercial gives way to starbase shot
-"chief science officer's log.  Daaaaaave and I are attempting to track the
	computer that sent the mysterious message.  We are making good 
	progress -- they've left an easy trail."

similar to first scene of show.  Daaaaaave is singing softly.
-"Daisy, Daisy..."
 "wait... wait... got it!"
-"hmm?"
-"i've connected with the machine that mailed the message.  hardware interface
	is pretty standard... weird operating system, though.  you want i 
	should tap into it?"
-"uh, yeah, why not?"
-"seems to be a sort of virtual reality thing -- if you use the interface in
	your goggles you'll get more effect."
-"right-o."  he dons the goggles.  the camera has slowly swung around to his
	viewpoint.  "hit it."
 (long pause)  "man...!"

we are still in the darkened room, but the walls and furniture have dissolved,
	replaced by streams of glowing points in maze-like patterns.
y-p floats close to a wall to examine it, then turns.  where he started, a pair
	of goggles and a keyboard are outlined by the lights.
-"huh.  a representation of the data flow in the environment.  plus one
	disembodied science officer.  Daaaaaave?"
an antique twentienth-century personal computer appears next to him -- an IBM
	PC, in fact.
-"the system picked _that_ to represent you?"
-"yeah... i kind of like it, actually.  come on, there's a guide waiting 
	outside."  Daaaaaave floats toward a wall, then through it.  y-p is
	pulled along.
-"outside??  you mean...?"  he tails off.  they have left the starbase, and are
	floating in open space.  a figure is waiting for them.

the figure is a slim young woman with short, dark hair, dressed in a flowing
	blue gown.  she and yaz greet, touching fingertips in the way of his
	people.  she speaks with a slight chinese accent.
-"you are yaz-pistachio?"
-"uh, yeah.  who are you?"
-"i am ..."  (she thinks) "i am dorothy-gale."
-"that's a walkabout name."
-"like yaz-pistachio, yes.  not a birth-name."
-"and that's not your real form."
-"we can take any form we choose, now.  come."  she shoots off through space.
	yaz follows, with Daaaaaave bringing up the rear.
-(under his breath) "Daaaaaave, i don't think we're in kansas any more...."

*****

next commercial break

y-p, dorthy-gale, and Daaaaaave have arrived at a planet.  it is more or less
	earth-like -- somewhat higher land-water; not important.

-"this can't be the planet that message was sent from!"
-"it is how the planet was when my people came here, thousands of years ago."
	they dive down through the cloud cover.  "the colony ship landed on
	the slopes of the mountain there.  in your language, it would be called
	... Freemont."
-"Freemont.  i like it.  and the planet?"
-"is named after the mountain.  Planet Freemont."

they look out over the landscape.  it is heavily wooded, and shows no 
	particular sign of human life.  yaz breaks the silence.
-"so what is this, really?"
-"it is a computer simulation.  the machines are under the mountain.  when we
	found out our sun was going nova we moved the rest of our people here."
-"it's beautiful."

another long pause
-"but ... what about the message?  `Beware the Green Ones'...?"
-"yes -- as soon as you leave computer time and cross back into real time, you
	must hurry.  we have been watching -- your people may need the shield
	very much.  there are few defenses against the green monsters.  they
	have come from the Edge and swallow up anything in their path."
-"what _are_ they?  _where_ are they?  the starbase hasn't heard anything about
	it!"
she turns to answer, but before she can speak everything explodes into redness
	and sirens.

*****

commercial break

we are back in y-p's cabin.  red lights are flashing and sirens blaring.
	there is a tremendous crash as the zero-G field cuts out and 
	everything, including yaz, falls several feet to the floor.  there is
	printout everywhere, including the message which started the whole 
	thing, which yaz still holds in his hand, despite everything.
-"sorry, yaz.  it's a red alert.  red alert!  red alert!  man the lifeboats!
	man the croutonizers!  women, children, and computers first! helllllp!"
Daaaaaave starts into the (uncanonical) third verse of "Bicycle":  "Bar-keep,
	bar-keep..."
yaz is badly shaken, but unhurt.  he stuffs the message he is holding inside
	his jacket.  and starts to pick himself up.  as he does so, he sees
	some things which have fallen next to him from a toppled bookcase.  he
	grabs one in each hand, and then sprints out into the hall.

*****

yaz has somehow made it to the croutonizer room.  he stumbles out of the beam
	into the _Croutonprize_, and gets out of the way and into the hall
	before slumping against a wall, exhausted.  Lt. Hertzman has followed
	him out.
-"oh, God -- how long has he been running around without gravity gear?!?
	his muscles can't take that kind of strain!"
she taps her communicator. "sick bay -- need a stretcher at the
	croutonizer room.  no rush."  (to the small crowd of harvard personnel
	gathered around)  "he should be okay as long as he doesn't try to 
	move."
yaz sees ensign maya in the crowd.
-"maya.  make sure this gets to QT.  the _croutonprize_ engineers will want 
	it."  he digs out the printout and hands it to her.  "and norihiro 
	might want this -- daaaaaave's last core dump, in case something 
	happends to the starbase and he doesn't save one."  he hands her a
	box of memory wafers, then sits, fingering the last rescued item -- a
	piece of wood, carved in a sort of S-shape."
-"and that?"
-"oh, _i_ want this.  it's a carving of an integral tree.  from the niven ring.
	... home."

*****

roll credits.

special thanks to nich shectman, larry niven, and the cyberpunk authors, for
	assorted stolen ideas.
-----------------------------------------
that's it!  hope you enjoyed it....

			----yaz

---------------
Date: Wed, 26 Sep 90 12:57 MST
From: Crossfire 
Subject: ST:TCG  "SuvwI' Heghpu' 'ach bortaSDaj ratlh"
To: junk@typhoon.ucar.EDU

Next time, on an All-New Episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation--

"SuvwI' Heghpu' 'ach bortaSDaj ratlh"

The crew of the Croutonprize rescue two Klingons from a freighter adrift in
space.  They turn out to be members of a splinter group of Klingons who believe
that the alliance with the Federation is foolish, and they try to take control
of the Croutonprize.  Can Jez the Wonder Kitty manage to trip the Klingons?
Will Vice Admiral Worf put in an appearance?  How will Missy react when they
point their phasers at the new lights in engineering?  Can Soraya figure out
the key to this mystery?  These questions and more answered as the crew fights
to survive on the next exciting episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation.

Crouton:  Commander Koroth and his comrade are both dead.
Klingon Commander [viewscreen]:  That is unfortunate.
Crouton:  Do you wish any special dispensation for their bodies?
Klingon Commander:  They are merely empty shells.  Dispose of them as you see
     fit.  I recommend a white wine.

---------------
Date: Wed, 26 Sep 90 15:10 MST
From: Crossfire 
Subject: ST:TCG  "Jumpin' Jack Flash"
To: junk@typhoon.ucar.EDU

Next time, on an All New Episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation--

"Jumpin' Jack Flash"

Crossfire's old rival from the Academy, Jumpin' Jack Flash, arrives aboard
the Croutonprize, and soon tempers start to boil.  Will the rivalry between
the two officers cause a major explosion in Ten Forward?  Can Jez the Wonder
Kitty manage to calm down Crossfire long enough for him to get himself back
under control?  Will Missy have a really good idea during this episode, or
is her lightbulb all burned out?  Can Soraya find the key to Jumpin' Jack's
secret before he and Crossfire blow up the Croutonprize?  Find out as you
watch the crew fight to survive on the next exciting episode of Star Trek:
The Crouton Generation

---------------
Date: Wed, 26 Sep 90 15:17 MST
From: Crossfire 
Subject: ST:TCG  "Hail, Hail, Fire and Snow"
To: junk@typhoon.ucar.EDU

Next time, on an All-Wet Episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation--

"Hail, Hail, Fire and Snow"

Captain Crouton and Crossfire take the shuttlecraft _Crash_ out to
Crossfire's homeworld of Lakewood IV to retrieve his old telescope.
Buuuuuuttt, on their way back to the Croutonprize, the Kelvins pull
the _Crash_ off course and subject the duo to hailstorms, torrential
downpours, and extensive electrostatic activity.  Will Jez the Wonder
Kitty get all wet trying to rescue them?  Will Missy be able to fix
the headlights on the _Crash_ after it's hit by lightning?  Will 
Soraya find the keys to the trunk?  All these questions and more will
be answered as Crouton and Crossfire fight to survive on the next exciting
episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation.

---------------
Date: Thu, 27 Sep 90 00:35:53 -0600
From: zecca@tramp (Loqutus of Borg)
Message-Id: <9009270635.AA05852@tramp.Colorado.EDU>
To: junk@typhoon.ucar.EDU
Subject: ST:TCG !!

		"Save the Males"

On the next episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation:
	You knew her as Commander half japanese, Second Officer of the
_Chivalier_.  But now, she's a raging hormone machine looking for a
new relationship, and she's not going to let anyone, especially the male
members of the _Chivalier_, crew stand in her way.  Will Captain Chow
engage the self-destruct mechanism to save the crew or will half japanese
beam Woj's Grizzly Adams into space first?  Find out on an all-new episode
of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation!

---------------
Date: Fri, 5 Oct 90 13:28:06 MDT
From: m_midzor@kaos.span
To: junk@kaos.span
Subject: ST:TCG2

   Next week, on yet another all new episode of ST:TCG.....

                STUCK IN THE KT CONTINIUM
                -------------------------

   As the Croutonprise is wandering through space waiting for something to
happen to it so an episode can be written...

   "bbblllaammppptttt!!!!!"

Suddenly a short humanoid appears on the deck. Admist his accusations of
"you should know who i am! you should know all this!", he keeps flitting
in and out of time and space, each time yelling out the answer to his questions
as he rematerializes. Will the Croutons remember just the answers and not care
where they came from? Or will the demand that the new alien prove explicity
and particularly where he gets his answers?

oh yeh.    As the crew fight on to suvive.

            And, dammit!, the lights stayed on this time. So there.

---------------
To: junk@typhoon.ucar.EDU
Subject: next time on an all new ST:TCG 
Date: Fri, 05 Oct 90 15:06:38 MST
From: wonko the sane 

			  Shore leave II

Captain boom boom, after a week of pure hell fighting off rabid paper pushers
armed with poison pens feels that the crew of the Comatose needs to be 
revived.  The crew however, is completely asleep and is incapable of 
conscious thought.  The Captain decides to strike out on his own and loads
up the "Sweatsock" with his favorite beer and sets out to rendezvous with
some characters from his shady past in that fabled dimension known as only
as "the Biggs continuum".  Will he survive?  Find out on the next

			     ST:TCG

Sorry, but I had to warn you Mike, tell Beth to be on the look out for
doughnuts this weekend.

---------------
Date: Fri, 5 Oct 1990 15:42 MDT
From: Crossfire 
Subject: ST:TCG  "Comes a Hunter"
To: junk@typhoon.ucar.EDU

Next time, on an All-New Episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation--

"Comes a Hunter"     (with appologies to John J. Miller)

Captain Crouton agrees to allow the _Croutonprize_ to play host to the
celebration of the 250th Anniversary of the United Federation of Planets,
which will include all of the Federation Delegates and most of Starfleet's
top brass.  BUUUUUTTT, the evil Borg have other plans and crash the party,
kidnapping over a dozen of the Delegates and then demanding that the
_Croutonprize_ surrender or they will kill the hostages.  Can Crossfire and
Jez the Wonder Kitty think of a way to defeat the Borg's dastardly plans?
Will Vice Admiral Data break his habit of speaking in stilted expositional
dialogue?  All this and more as the Croutons fight to survive on the next
exciting episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation.


Note:  I've actually written this episode out in script form, but it was so
long I didn't want to inflict it on everyone on Junk Mail.  If you'd like a
copy of the whole thing, e-mail me here (REID_JH@CUBLDR.Colorado.EDU) and
I'll forward a copy to you.

Crossfire

---------------
Date: Fri, 5 Oct 90 17:21:01 MDT
From: reid_jh%cubldr@spot (Crossfire)
To: zecca@spot
Subject: ST:TCG  "Comes a Hunter"  *****LONG*****

"Comes a Hunter"     (with apologies to John J. Miller)

Guest stars Patrick Stewart as Admiral Picard
            Brent Spiner as Vice Admiral Data
            Kathrine Hepburn as Earth Ambassador Kennedy
            Danny DeVito as Tellarite Ambassador Torv
            Jean-Claude Van Damme as Cryptus of Borg

Directed by Rob Bowman.


"Captain's Log, Stardate 1101001101.110101  The last group of guests has just
arrived aboard the _Croutonprize_ for the celebration of the Federation's
250th anniversary.  Included amongst the guests are delegates from all worlds
of the Federation, as well as some very famous people, and some old friends..."

[Crouton, Highlander, Missy, and Admiral Avenger stand in the Rec Room which
 is filled with aliens of all types.  Tables laden with strange and exotic
 food and drink line the walls.  In one area are several tables with chairs.
 Admirals Picard and Data enter, see Crouton & Co, and head over.]
Picard:  Bob, Chris, Highlander, Missy...it's good to see you all again.
Data:  Indeed, Admiral, Captain, Commander, Commander.
Crouton:  Likewise.  Admiral Data, how are the negotiations going with the
     Romulans?
Data:  The Romulans have managed to reestablish contact with all of their
     worlds and are starting to rebuild their fleet.  They have thus far
     shared with us their entire history including the tale of one Commander
     Strunk, who once set out to penetrate the Great Barrier.  Upon his return,
     Strunk related in great detail his four year journey as follows:  On the
     first day out, his First Officer, known as Vilmac...
[At this point, the ever-impatient Tellarite Ambassador breaks in.]
Ambassador Torv:  Captain Crouton!  Where is this Crossfire, who helped save
     the Federation and the Klingon Empire?
Crouton:  Commander Crossfire isn't here?  [He looks around.]  I guess he
     isn't.  Weird.  Zen, locate Commander Crossfire.
Zen:  Commander Crossfire is on Deck 12, Officer's Territory.
Crouton:  Zen, locate Commander Crossfire/specific location/nocom/echo.
Zen:  Commander Crossfire is located on Deck 12, Officer's Territory, room
     1242, quarters of Ensign Laura Lake.
[Highlander smiles, Crouton frowns, Data arches his eyebrows, and Torv laughs.
 True to his nature, Picard shows no reaction.]
Crouton:  Commander Crossfire, please report to the Recreation Deck.
Crossfire [ic]:  On my way, Captain.
Highlander [sotto vocce, but still smiling]:  Oh, sure.
Torv:  Commander Highlander, is it true that you single-handedly defeated the
     Lucky Charm Masters?
Highlander [overcome with a rare burst of modesty]:  No, of course not.  I
     could never have done it without the help of the Kunz.  And Crossfire.
Torv [nodding]:  Then it is true what they say about him.  I thought so.  [He
 turns, leers briefly at Missy, and wanders off.]
Picard:  It seems that Crossfire has made himself quite a reputation.
Crouton:  Indeed.  He's a fine officer.
[Crossfire and Ensign Lake enter the room.  A murmer runs through the crowd as
 people take notice.  Crouton beckons Crossfire over.]
Crossfire:  Sir?
Crouton:  May I ask why you are tardy?
Crossfire:  I stopped by to pick up my date, and she hadn't finished putting on
     her face yet.
Data:  Query:  Putting on her face?  Is she not human?  [He looks more closely
 at Lake, who is sitting down at a table talking to one of the Andorian
 Delegates.  Torv arrives through the crowd.]
Torv:  You are Crossfire?
Crossfire:  Yes, that I am.
Torv:  A pleasure to meet you.
Crossfire:  And you, Mr. Amabassador.
[A voice speaks up from behind Picard and Data.]
Kennedy:  Crossfire.  It's been a long time.
[Everyone turns, and Data and Picard let Earth Ambassador Kennedy through.]
Torv [miffed at having been upstated]:  I was speaking first!
Kennedy:  Oh, shut up you old coot.  Crossfire and I are old friends.  Come on,
     Crossfire, you can tell me all about what's happened over the years.
[Together they move off to one of the empty tables and sit down, talking.]
Torv [still fuming]:  You will excuse me.  [He stomps off.]
Data:  Of course, Mr...Ambassador...
Crouton [Watching Crossfire and Kennedy]:  Well that was interesting.  I wonder
     what their relationship is?
Picard:  Kennedy sponsored Crossfire's admission into the Academy.
Highlander:  Really?  _Ambassador_ Kennedy sponsored him?
Picard:  Indeed.  They've been friends for as long as I've know either one.
     Actually, I don't really know what their relationship is...
Ops officer [ic]:  Bridge to Captain Crouton.
Crouton [tapping his comm pin]:  Crouton here.
Ops Officer [ic]:  Sir, we're picking up a Borg ship on an intercept course
     at Warp 9.4 ETA 3 minutes, thirty seconds.
Crouton [looking at Picard]:  Go to yellow alert, but don't make a fuss.  We're
     on our way.
Picard:  The Borg coming here?  Now?  While all the Federation Delegates are
     aboard?  I don't believe in coincidences...
Crouton:  Neither do I.  Number One...
Avenger:  I'd best stay here and play host, I think.
[Together Crouton, Highlander, Picard and Data all leave.]

[_Croutonprize_ bridge.  Crouton & Co enter from turbolift.]
Crouton: Status.
Ops Officer:  Borg ETA 2 minutes.  They are within visual range.
Crouton:  On screen.
[The viewscreen shows a Borg ship approaching rapidly.]
Crouton:  Hailing frequencies open.  This is Captain Chris Crouton of the USS
     _Croutonprize_.  Borg vessel, you will leave Federation space immediately.
Ops:  No response, but the Borg vessel is dropping out of warp and approaching
     on impulse power.  Scanners show their weapons systems are fully armed.
Crouton:  Red Alert.  Shields and deflectors up.  Arm all weapons, including
     the PPR gun.
Zen:  Intruder Alert.  Intruder Alert.  Deck 17.  Intruder Alert.  Intruder
  Alert.
Crouton:  The Recreation Deck!

[Back on the Rec Deck...]
Kennedy:  Well, you've certainly had an interesting time.
Crossfire:  Yeah, I do keep myself busy.  I like the Croutonprize, but I
     don't....
[Suddenly the Battlestations klaxon sounds.  Crossfire and the other
 crewmembers jump to their feet.  Nine Borg materialize in the room, and people
 scream and run away from them.  The Borg are so arranged that most of the
 people run together.  Crossfire leaps at the nearest Borg which simply stiff-
 arms him away.  Then the Borg and a fair amount of the guests, including Torv
 and Kennedy, vanish.  Crossfire gets up and limps over to a comm panel.]
Crossfire:  Crossfire to bridge.  Several Borg just appeared and then vanished,
     taking about twenty or so of our guests with them.

[Back on the bridge...]
Crouton:  Acknowledged, Commander.  Report to the bridge on the double.
Crossfire [ic]:  Yessir.
Highlander: I wonder what they're up to.
Crouton:  Scan the Borg vessel.  With our new scanners we should be able to 
     lock onto the people and beam them over, subspace field or no.
Ops:  Sir, I'm not getting any reading at all on the Borg vessel.
Crouton:  What?
Data [over on Science Station 1]:  Confirmed.  The Borg have activated a plot
     device.
Picard:  A cloaking device?
Data:  No...just a scanning shield.  We cannot penetrate it with our scanners.
     It seems to be a modification of their subspace field, but I cannot get
     a definite reading....
Ops:  Sir, the Borg are hailing us.
Crouton:  On screen.
[The interior of the Borg ship appears.  The Borg spokesthing steps forward.]
Cryptus:  I am Cryptus of Borg.  The lives of the hostages as you have known
     them are over.  You will surrender immediately or they will be killed.
Picard [to Crouton, sotto vocce]:  Chris, if I may...I am the senior ranking
     officer here.
Crouton:  Of course.
Picard:  This is Admiral Jean-Luc Picard of the United Federation of Planets.
     We will negotiate for the release of the hostages, but we will not
     surrender.
Cryptus:  Shut up, Loqutus.  You had your chance.  Negotiations are irrelevant.
     You will surrender or the hostages will be killed.
Picard:  We will not...
[Cryptus' image vanishes, replaced by a picture of the Borg vessel which has a
 decidedly wavy outline.]
Ops:  They've closed the frequency sir.
Picard:  How rude.
[Crossfire enters the bridge.]
Crossfire:  Have we located the delegates yet?
Crouton:  No.  We can't penetrate their subspace field with our scanners.
Crossfire:  Oh.
Picard:  Where did they get this new sheild?  I thought they hadn't been in
     contact with anyone in years.
Data:  It is true that our intelligence has shown that the Borg have been
     isolated for several years.  Thus it seems they have developed this 
     capability on their own.  Perhaps they too have been monitoring
     developments in Klingon and Romulan cloaking technology, concentrating
     specifically on...
Crossfire:  This stilted expositional dialogue isn't getting us anywhere.  We
     need to get the delegates back now!
Crouton [after a beat]:  Commander, that is precisely what we are trying to
     do.  Do you have anything to offer for the discussion?
Crossfire:  No.  Sir.
Crouton:  Then take your position, please.
[Crossfire moves up and takes over the tactical station.]
Ops:  Sir, we are being hailed.
Crouton:  On screen.
[Cryptus' image reappears.  This time the delegates are in the background, with
 Torv and Kennedy at the front.]
Cryptus:  You now have ten of your Earth minutes to surrender.  If you do not,
     we will kill one hostage per minute until you do.
Picard:  How do we...
Cryptus:  To indicate our resolve, we will now execute a hostage.
Picard:  No!
[A borg separates out one of the crew of the _Croutonprize_ that was unlucky
 enough to be captured.  He is ushered forward into the foreground.  When the
 Borg raises his weapon, the crewperson rushes at him, trying to escape...only
 to be disintegrated.]
Cryptus:  You now have ten minutes to surrender.
[Crouton gestures and the Ops officer mutes the channel.]
Highlander:  Sir, Starfleet reports that there are no other available vessels
     in the area.  Most of our fleet is still undergoing repairs from the
     battles with the Lucky Charms.  It seems that the Borg were monitoring
     our battles and knw exactly when to strike.
Picard:  It seems we've been caught with our britches down.
[At this point, the regular bridge crew enters.  Jez bounds over to Science
 Station 1, curls up next to Data, and starts his own calculations.]
Jez:  Mrreeeeoooww prrrrrrrrrr meow.  [Looks like the Borg have changed alot
     since we last met them.]
Data [Watching Jez with a bemused expression]:  Indeed.
Crouton:  I am open to suggestions.
Highlander:  Bacos?
Crouton:  Where?  [He jumps up and looks around, tipping over his bottle of
 rootbeer.]
Highlander:  No sir.  I meant, maybe we could use bacos against the Borg.
Picard:  Bacos?  What are bacos?  Are they anything like nanites?
Data:  No, not nanites.  Bacos are a new development in SaladTechnology.
     They are miniature condiments capable of entering living salad systems.
Crossfire [sotto vocce]:  More stilted expositional dialogue.
Highlander [glaring]:  Mr. Crossfire, do you have something to add to this
     discussion?
Crossfire [also glaring]:  Only that we now have seven minutes and thirty
     seconds left, sir.
Crouton:  Commander, I understand that you and Ambassador Kennedy are close.
     But right now we need your expertise to get them back.  Now, do you have
     any input?
Crossfire [calming a little]:  We need to find a way to disable or get past the
     Borg subspace field without harming the hostages.  And we need to do it
     within seven minutes.
Cryptus [Viewscreen]:  You now have seven minutes.
Highlander:  You have a remarkable grasp of the obvious, Commander.
Jez:  Mrow mrow meow meow yowl prrup Bo!  [Soraya and I have already developed
     a strain of bacos that would just do it]
Crouton:  But how can we get them over there?
Crossfire:  Shuttlecraft.
Picard:  They've already seen the shuttlecraft in action.
Crossfire:  Not all of them.
Crouton:  What are you thinking?
Crossfire [smiling a little]:  Dangerous thoughts, Captain.  Dangerous
     thoughts.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Cryptus [Viewscreen]:  You now have five minutes to surrender.
Crossfire [ic]:  Captain, we are now ready.
Crouton:  Then do it.
Crossfire:  Confirmed.  Launching shuttlecraft.

[Exterior, _Croutonprize_.  Suddenly several dozen shuttlecraft (the
 _Croutonprize's_ normal compliment plus the three or so dozen belonging to the
 assorted delegates and guests) launch from shuttlecraft bays and docking
 ports, all careening toward the Borg vessel.  It immediately locks tractor 
 beams onto about twelve of them, the other simply land softly on the surface
 of the Borg ship.]

[Interior, Bridge.]
Crouton [to intercom]:  Well done, Commander.
[No response.]
Crouton:  Zen, locate Commander Crossfire/noecho/full.
Zen:  Commander Crossfire is in shuttlecraft _Crash_.
Crouton:  Dammit!  Open a hailing frequency...
Zen:  Information:  Commander Crossfire is no longer on the shuttlecraft.
Crouton:  Then that means...

[Exterior, Borg vessel.  We zoom in to see bacos swarming from a shuttlecraft
 onto the Borg ship.]

[Exterior, Shuttlecraft _Crash_.  It is sitting placidly on the Borg ship.]

[Interior, shuttlecraft _Crash_.  Crossfire gets up from the controls, grabs
 his bow from the seat next to him, and walks to the aft section.  He activates
 the comm circuits and the escape transporter.]
Cryptus [from ic]:  ...uttlecraft are irrelevant.  Your attempts are futile.
     you now have three minutes to surrender.
Picard [ic]:  We will not surrender.  Release the hostages.
Crossfire [making a few quick calculations]:  Gotcha, you son of a bitch.
[He activates the transporter and beams onto...

[Interior, Borg vessel.  Crossfire materializes softly.  He removes four arrows
 from the quiver on his bow and nocks one.  He moves forward.
[A few yards later, he sees the area where the Borg are holding the Delegates.
 He is off to the left, down a small corridor.  He can see the Borg viewscreen,
 Cryptus, and the guards.  One of the guards is taking aim at Ambassador Torv.]
Cryptus:  You now have fifteen seconds to surrender.
[Slowly Crossfire draws back his shaft.

"Be simultaneously the aimer and the aimed, the hitter and the hit.  Be a full
vessel waiting to be emptied.  Loose your burden when the moment is right,
without thinking or direction, and in that manner know the Way."

[Crossfire stares without seeing, forgetting whether his targets are Borg or
 bales of hay, and looses his first shaft.  His hand moves quickly, nocking a
 second arrow and drawing it back before the first shaft has struck.
[The first arrow hits while he is shifting his aim to take in the third Borg.
 The Borg realize that they are being attacked by the time the second arrow
 has struck and the fourth is released.  By then it's too late.
[The first shaft strikes the Borg about to shoot Torv.  The razor broadhead
 slices easily through the Borg, pinning him to a wall.  Cryptus takes a shaft
 directly through the throat; he falls to the floor bleeding.  The third arrow
 strikes the nearest guard through his side.  The fourth hits the far guard
 through the chest, nailing him to the far wall.
Kennedy [looking around]:  Crossfire?  Where the hell are you?
Crossfire [stepping forward out of the shadows]:  Over here.
Kennedy:  Well it's about time you got here.
Crouton [from Borg viewscreen]:  Crossfire...what the devil are you doing over
     there?
Crossfire:  No time for stilted expositional dialogue now, Captain.  Can you
     beam us over yet?
Jez [Viewscreen]:  Mrowp.  [Nope.]
Crossfire:  Shit.
Kennedy:  Yes.
[Borg begin to walk down the corridors toward the hostages.  Crossfire
 immediately releases another arrow, but it merely bounces harmlessly off their
 shields.  He takes out his phaser and disintegrates two before they adapt
 again.  Out comes his Beretta, but it has no effect.  Crossfire draws his
 knife and rushes the nearest Borg, evading its arm and slicing open its
 throat.  He turns to face the next, but it has already reached out for him and
 simply grabs his throat.  Crossfire gurgles and tries to slice at the Borg.]
Jez [Viewscreen]:   MEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWW!  MMMRROOOWWWWW BACOS BO!  [The
     subspace field is down!  The Bacos have done it!]
[The Delegates, Crossfire, and the Borg's left arm swiftly dematerialize.]

[Interior, _Croutonprize_ Croutonizer Room 1.  Crossfire, Torv, Kennedy, and
 a few of the other Delegates materialize.  Crossfire immediately collapses,
 still trying to get the Borg cybernetic arm off his throat.  Torv rushes over
 and pries the hand off.  Crossfire coughs, rolls over, and gets to his feet.]
Crossfire:  Thank you, Mr. Ambassador.
Torv:  Thank you, Crossfire.

[Interior, bridge.]
Crouton:  Initiate automatic return sequence for shuttlecraft.

[Exterior.  The shuttlecraft launch themselves away from the Borg vessel, all
 flying to the _Croutonprize_ where the resume their previous positions.  The
 Borg vessel turns, starts to move away, and then simply goes to pieces.]

[Interior, bridge.  Crossfire limps on from the turbolift.]
Crouton:  Welcome home, Commander.
Crossfire:  Thank you, sir.
Crouton:  And if you ever do something like that again without my express
     orders, you can get used to the title of Lieutenant.
Crossfire:  Understood, sir.
Highlander:  Well, _Commander_, it seems you have just single-handedly saved
     the lives of over a dozen Federation Delegates.
Crossfire [smiling]:  Well, I _do_ have a reputation to uphold.