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The Crouton Generation Archives
STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
SEASON THREE
Episodes #33-34
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Date: Fri, 8 Mar 91 16:18:02 -0700
From: juola@tramp (JUOLA PATRICK)
Subject: ST:TCG -- "Zen and the Art of Computer Maintenance"
This week, in an All New episode of ST:TCG :
Will the Mad Scientists blow the Croutonprize into tiny
little bits of lab coat?
Could Zen carry a tune if it had a handle?
And what happens when a Croutonizer bounces?
Find out in our next exciting episode....
* * * *
(Picture of Croutonprize approaching Science Vessel in deep space.)
Crouton (voiceover): Captain's Log, Stardate 12863.5. En route to
Starbase -4.16, we have been ordered to rendezvous with the science
vessel USS _Gell-Mann_ and assist them with a Top Secret experiment in,
uh, well, I *still* can't understand Admiral Avenger's transmission...
(Crouton, Ghiasi, Parker, Jez, and a pack of spear-carriers are waiting
in Shuttle Bay 2. All except Jez are in full dress uniform, while
Jez is wearing a formal flea collar.)
Jez : Pfssst! [Dammit, Captain, you know I *hate* this thing!]
Zen (ic) : Two minutes to rendezvous.
Crouton : I said, "with full honors," Lt.
The shuttle bay doors open, and a sleek shuttle lands. Three men and
a woman walk out, two of the men in uniform, the others in chalk-covered
lab coats.
1st Man : Permission to come aboard, Captain?
Crouton : Granted.
1st Man : Thank you, Captain. May I present my passengers, Cmdr.
Juola, Federation Chief of Computer Ops, and Drs. Feynstein and
Einman, of the USS _Gell-Mann_.
Crouton : Welcome to the _Croutonprize_. Glad to be of service. Er,
do you mind telling me exactly *what* I'm supposed to be doing?
Juola : I'm afraid I can't tell you that --
(The shuttle pilot looks worried and returns to the shuttle.)
Crouton : Security?
Juola : -- no, it's just --
Feynstein : No, no, it's very simple! We need to use your labs to
torque the aleph-null constant on a local non-Cochrane metric --
(Crossfire's eyes glaze over, and he topples to the ground.)
of spaceo-temporal overlap of the Joltzmann distribution --
(Jez falls over, helplessly bored.)
with respect to the Croutonization effect of --
(Juola slumps.)
the drive effects as related to --
Parker : But I don't think that will work! Wouldn't you need to
take into account the T'panne shrinking of --
Ghiasi : Not if the energy in the Zankle conversions were small enough --
Einman : Ja, but eef ve haff to take into account --
(Crouton's eyes close and he starts to sway, as Einman starts to scribble
on Feynstein's lab coat....)
* * * * *
"Zen and the Art of Computer Maintenance"
Written by Patrick "Kitten" Juola
Guest stars
Patrick Juola as Himself
Julia Roberts as Alchard Feynstein
Kiefer Sutherland as Ribert Einman
Produced by His Jezness, the Wonder Kitty
Directed by Sophia Coppola
Music by Zen and the Motorcycles
* * * * *
_Scene 1_ (The ready room. Juola, Crossfire, Zortylwankoid, and
Parker are recieving a briefing from the Doctors.)
Einman : ... Zo, ven ze energy flux reaches aleph-four und ze
power converter ist in Beta mode, you engages ze Gedanken drive und
frobnitzes das vector ionizer. Do you understand?
Crossfire : Yes, sir! You wave your hands at it very *very* fast!
Feynstein : No, no, you need to understand --
Juola : Commander, you'll be piloting the modified shuttle we've built.
When you get ten thousand meters from the ship, press the yellow button.
When the red light goes out, press the green button and throw the left-hand
switch.
Feynstein : The rest is just simple algebra --
(Crossfire cringes.)
Juola : -- which Mr. Zortylwankoid, Ms. Parker, Zen, and I will handle.
If there are no more questions, then....
_Scene 2_ (The bridge. Einman, Feynstein, Parker, and Zortylwankoid
are hunched over the science console. Crouton is in the Captain's chair,
sipping root beer. Juola is at the second officer's station, giving
Ghiasi a backrub.)
Juola : So, Soraya, your math is better than mine. How much power can
they really get out of this new drive?
Crouton : Experimental Shuttle, are you in position?
Crossfire (ic) : Ready and waiting.
Ghiasi : *If* it works (a little bit to the left) it should be able
to get much more power even than the NoDoz drive. Nearly
to a Benzedrine drive (*that's* the spot!)... of course,
Crouton : Shuttle Blueshift, are you ready for emergency pickup?
Jez (ic) : Mreow mreow. [Ready and waiting, sir.]
Ghiasi : -- if it doesn't work, Crossfire will come back as iron
filings....
Crouton : Engage at your discretion, Mr. Crossfire.
Zen : Uh, Captain, you're not going to like this very much --
Crouton : Huh?
Zen : Maybe you'd better sit down, Captain --
Crouton : I *am* sitting down.
Zen : Are you sure you want me to tell you this?
Crossfire (ic) : Engaging in five seconds....
Crouton : What's *wrong*, Zen?
Zen : You're busy now; I'll wait.
Crossfire (ic) : Four....
Juola : Zen, tell the Captain what's wrong, or I'll reprogram you
with a solder gun!
Crossfire (ic) : Three...
Zen : Well, if you won't be *nice* about it.
Crouton and Juola (simultaneous) : ZEN!
Crossfire (ic) : Two...
Zen : All right, there's a bleep on the sensors. See? Just like
that!
Crossfire (ic) : One...
Zen : I think it's a Hidden Valley Ranch battleship.
Crossfire (ic) : Engaging....
Crouton (simultaneous) : ABORT EXPERIMENT!
Crossfire (ic) : Which is the abort switch?
Einman and Feynstein : NO! Don't touch the switch!
Parker : I'm getting some weird readings here -- the drive is
going unstable as it shuts down.
Crouton : Jez, move to pickup!
Parker : Negative, negative! It'll blow him up, too!
Crouton : Croutonizer, lock onto Crossfire and beam him aboard!
Feynstein : But the energy flux --
Taubman (ic) : Locked on, sir.
Einman : -- vill probably blow every circuit --
(At this moment, the shuttle blows up.)
Taubman (ic) : We have a problem here. The Croutonizer is going berzerk!
Feynstein : -- in the Croutonizer. Possibly in the entire ship.
Zen : Would it help if I sang to you? "Daisy, daisy, give me your
answer, -- ERROR READING DRIVE B: (Abort, Retry, Ignore)?
Juola : Funny, I don't remember that line.
(Ghiasi gives him a dirty look.)
(The ship starts rocking wildly, as styrofoam boulders are thrown from
offstage -- whoops, wrong series. Cancel the boulders!)
Zortylwankoid : The mail handler in the Croutonizer's going nuts! It's
bouncing thousands of copies of Crossfire back to the shuttle.... and
starbase, and the food processors, and the phasers, and ...
Juola (coming over) : Can't you shut it down, Commander?
Zortylwankoid : Gagglybarf! I'm trying. (to Zen) 01000101101001!
Juola : 1101011010101
Zortylwankoid (to Juola) : 100010101010010101010
Juola : *What* did you just call me?
Zortylwankoid (to Juola) : 100010101010010101010
(Juola starts to punch Zortylwankoid, then thinks better of it.)
Crouton : Status report?
Zortylwankoid : It looks like the bounced messages have affected every
system in the ship, sir, except...
Crouton : Yes?
Parker : The lights, captain.
Crouton : The lights? Oh, *right*! Missy's on the _Subaru_ now!
(And promptly spills his root beer in his excitement. All over Zen's
console.)
Zortylwankoid : -- and the communications.
Juola : I think I've got Zen up now.
Zen (woman's voice, singing) : "Oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are
calling, from -- EMT Trap (core dumped)
Juola : Uh, right. Power up the debugger. I think we've got root beer
in the voice modules.
(At this point, the face of the HVR Commander appears on the main viewscreen)
HVR Cmdr : Captain Crouton, at last we meet. I am Commander Peedeequeue
Bach'O, of the HVR _C Sharp_. We have your shuttle safely on board, and
you have two minutes to surrender....
(Commercial Break)
_Scene 3_ (The bridge. Same characters, plus the face of PDQ Bach'O on
the viewscreen.)
Zortylwankoid : I think I've got Zen up now.
Zen (electronic voice, singing) :
"Aleph-Null bottles of beer on the wall,
Aleph-Null bottles of beer,
Take one down, pass it around,
Aleph-Null bottles of beer on the wall,..."
Zortylwankoid : Verklesmurf!
Zen : "Aleph-Null bottles of beer on the wall,..." Yo' mama (core dumped)
Juola : Perhaps if we stripped out the Croutonizer mail handler?
Crouton : And lose Crossfire?
Bach'O : I'm waiting, Captain!
Crouton : One moment please... I'm having a bit of problem finding the
'surrender' program in the computer. A slight malfunction.
(to Zortylwankoid) How many Crossfires do we have in the system now?
Zortylwankoid : Just under 2.1 billion, sir.
Crouton (to Bach'O) : All right, I'm starting to transmit my crew over
now. Please stand by. (cuts connection to _C Sharp_)
(to Zortylwankoid) All right, copy the entire Croutonizer system and
transmit it to the _C Sharp_. Then kill the Croutonizer
and strip out the mail handler as Commander Juola suggested.
Zortylwankoid : Mail them 2.1 *billion* Crossfires? Make that 2.4
billion? I don't think they have enough croutons on the entire
ship -- it will break every system on the -- oh.... I get it....
Right away, sir.
Crouton : And then as soon as the Croutonizer comes back up, bring Jez,
the shuttle, and ONE of the Crossfires back.
Juola : Bingo! It's a win!
Zen (Cuban accent) : Luuuuuucy! I'm home!
Juola : Bingo! It's a lose! Get me the soldering iron, someone!
Taubman (ic) : Croutonizer is clear, sir. System functioning normally.
Jez and Crossfire are home safely.
Zen : Ouch! Hey, that's hot! What are you *doing* to me?
Parker : All systems are functioning normally, sir.
Juola (under his breath) : With the possible exception of Zen.
Zen : Hey, I heard that! What are you -- OUCH! All right, already!
So will someone fill me in on what I missed?
-----------------
Date: Sun, 10 Mar 91 1:01:34 edt
From: "Broccoli Head (Fields, Justin)"
Subject: ST:TCG Promo
STAAAAAR TREK: The CROUTON GENERATION
Lieutenant Yee and Ensign Fields go out among wild and dangerous
animals, only to be surprised by the fiercest animal of all. Will our dynamic
duo survive or will the monster slay them both, in a slow and painful way?
"Yee: Now cut that out! Something awful's gonna happen. I just know it.
Fields: You're being paranoid. Yee: No, I can feel it in my bones.
Something's going to--YAAAA!!" Do our dauntless explorers wander just a little
too far? "Yee: My god, it's a slaughterhouse!" What will Ensign Fields do with
the credits? And the final question remains, where are their phasers? Find
out next time on an all-new episode of STAAAAAR TREK: The CROUTON GENERATION.
-----
Date: Sun, 10 Mar 91 1:02:36 edt
From: "Broccoli Head (Fields, Justin)"
Subject: ST:TCG Episode (LONG!!)
[Opening shot of the _U.S.S. Chivalier_ slowly docking with a Federation
science station, while we hear Captain Chow's voice-over.]
Captain's log, stardate 102021.9:
At Admiral T'Lilith's request, the _Chivalier_ has been sent to Science
Station _Darwin_ to assist its director, Dr. Karl Woodruff, in gathering and
transporting new specimens from the Class M planet below for further research
and other taxonomic purposes.
Meanwhile, because of her intense attraction to short haired orientals,
Captain half japanese is back aboard to visit. Commander Carter is on board
the ship because he simply doesn't have anything better to do with his time
other than playing Galactic Bloodshed.
[Holodeck 5. Commander Larkin, and Lieutenants Gilliam, Janson and Yee are
watching Captain half japanese and Commander Carter, both dressed in samurai
robes, facing off against each other in a combat exercise in Kendo. Note:
Carter is carrying a bo-ken, a wooden-bladed sword; whereas hj is using a
metal-bladed one. They clash swords and scream at each other...]
Carter: Your swordsmanship is very impressive, Captain. But I think a blow to
the solar plexus... [quickly, with his right fist, he hits hj in that area.]
hj: WHOULLF! [falls to her knees.]
Carter: ...might prove a trifle more effective. And just to ensure you stay
put... GAAAA [brings the tip of his sword to hj's throat.]! Game and set to
me. Care to concede the match?
Larkin: [looking at a visual monitor on the wall.] Harry's scanners confirm
the evidence of our own eyes. Bill's good. And I'll wager perhaps a fair
bit better.
Janson: It isn't exactly a fair fight, Commander... a guy up against a girl.
Larkin: I wouldn't say that. The purpose of the exercise, Janson, is to
evaluate the extent and capabilities of both Commander Carter and Captain
half japanese. We have to know what they've got and how well they can
depend on it under stress. Especially hj, now that she's captain of her
own ship.
Carter: [still poised with his sword at hj's throat.] Had enough?
hj: Quite the contrary. I have barely begun.
[hj winks at Carter; then, she licks her lips, and... flirt flirt.]
Carter: [drops his sword.] Oh?
hj: YAAAA...!
[Catching him unaware, she tackles Carter to the floor and tickles him.]
Janson: [with a smug smile, to Larkin.] You were saying, Commander?
Larkin: [can't help but be amused too.] Credit where credit's due, Janson.
Gilliam: [not amused, crosses her arms.] (silent)
Janson: [to Gilliam] I think the captain's well aware of her limitations.
[Ensign Fields walks into the Holodeck, and pulls Lt. Yee aside.]
Fields: We have an away-mission, Euge!
Yee: I just want to clean up and hit the hay...
Fields: We're talking fun and excitement, and a frolicking good time!
Yee: I can sleep later.
* * * * *
[In Dr. Woodruff's office on the science station.]
Fields: You want us to capture a what?!?!
Woodruff: Look. Look, I know it sounds crazy.
Fields: That's an understatement.
Woodruff: I'm not kidding, fellas. It's a werewolf!
Fields: Sure. Next you'll have me believing in God.
Woodruff: Look, the specimen I want you to find isn't a real werewolf, but
it's close enough. It was found by a team investigating disturbances in a
cave. It's an invaluable specimen. And we've got to get it back.
Fields: This sounds dangerous.
Woodruff: Of course. But your profile does say "Danger is our business".
Fields: Was that me?
Yee: Uh huh. And it was your idea.
Woodruff: So whaddaya say?
Yee: I guess we'll do it. A werewolf, sheesh.
Fields: Are there... any more of these things?
Woodruff: Not that we know of. But there's always that possibility.
Yee: Then the price doubles for each we find.
Woodruff: Fine.
Yee: Fine?
Woodruff: FINE.
Fields: Nice work, Euge. Now all we have to do is come out of this with our
jugulars intact.
Yee: Should I stop for some silver bullets on the way?
* * * * *
STAR TREK: The CROUTON GENERATION
"Survival of the Fittest"
Guest starring
Kevin Peter Hall Werewolf
Michael Tucker Dr. Woodruff
Written by
Eugene "Euge" Yee and Justin Fields
Directed by Rob Reiner
Music by Gustav Mahler and Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky
(Saint Louis Symphony Orchestra)
Stunt Coordinator
Kerri Russell
* * * * *
[The intrepid explorers muse about their mission as their shuttlecraft
descends.]
Yee: ...A werewolf, I don't know if I buy any of this.
Fields: Think about it. Isn't it kinda logical that man would have a natural
predator? Why do people believe that we are the most evolutionarily
advanced species?
Yee: But a werewolf?
Fields: Sure, why not? It's possible. Hey, lighten up. It's probably
just some escaped looney with a circus mask. So let's stop worrying about
it, and concentrate on the credits. Hmm, what to do with all the credits. I
might buy some more music, or there are these two lonely women on Alpha
Procylon III....
Yee: You're disgusting.
Fields: Right. But soon I'll be rich and disgusting. You're just jealous
anyway.
* * * * *
[The two fearless explorers (except for their knocking knees and chattering
teeth) explore the cave where the werewolf was discovered.]
Yee: Now this is lovely.
Fields: Smells good too.
Yee: How come we always end up in dark, slimy places?
Fields: That isn't a nice way to refer to our ex-commander!
Yee: I didn't mean that literally. I meant--oh, never mind.
Fields: You're tense today, buddy. This stuff giving you the creepie-
crawlies? oooo OOOOO oooo [Starts shuffling along like a hunchback, with
his hands outstretched.] I vant to suck your blood.
Yee: Now cut that out! Something awful's gonna happen. I just know it.
Fields: You're being paranoid.
Yee: No, I can feel it in my bones. Something's going to--YAAAAA!
[Euge absentmindedly walks right into a large pit, barely managing to grab on
to the ledge.]
Fields: Euge?!
Yee: Are you going to stand there looking stupid or are you going to help me
out of this pit?
Fields: Just for that... [Justin teasingly lowers a boot-clad foot onto
poor Euge's fingers.] What was that again?
Yee: I'll let you see my collection of Paula Abdul memorabilia.
Fields: Not interested. [His boot lowers ever so slightly.]
Yee: A night with my harem?
Fields: A week.
Yee: You're being ridiculous.
Fields: And you're hanging by your fingertips.
[After much haggling, Justin helps Euge out of the pit. Once they are both
safely back from the edge of the pit, Justin steps away from Euge, wrinkling
his nose in disgust.]
Yee: Don't say it.
Fields: Not a word, pal. Just stay downwind, ok? Euge, you're lucky you
didn't land on one of those stalagmites down there. [Pointing into the pit.]
Hey, look. There is a light in the distance.
Yee: In a supposedly empty cavern? Let's go home.
Fields: Stop acting ridiculous and come on.
Yee: When did you get so brave?
Fields: Since you became such a coward. Other people's weaknesses bring out
the best in me. Now, come on. It's just around the bend.
Yee: Whatever you say, General Patton.
Fields: Boyohboy, I can't believe you're clucking like such a... Wow, Euge,
get a look at this. There are all sorts of bones and skulls and things.
Yee: My god, it's a slaughterhouse!
Fields: Pretty neat, huh? Lunatic or not, this thing is a murderer a dozen
times over.
Yee: Hey, wait a minute.
Fields: No, we can't wait. This thing is dangerous. It's got to be stopped.
Yee: No. These skulls... look at them. They're like no skulls I've ever seen.
These skeletons... aren't human.
Fields: Animals, maybe?
Yee: Werewolf, maybe? Did you hear that?!
Fields: Easy, buddy. You're just being jumpy. I didn't hear any--
Werewolf: EEEEARRGH!
[Justin slowly turns around, and faces a huge, gruesome werewolf.]
Fields: --thing. See you later Euge. Meet you back at the shuttle...
Werewolf: AWAY! AWAY! Leave this one alone in peace!
Yee: Back--off!
Fields: Oh-My-God, Oh-My-God; oh shit, I don't believe in God. Now I'm in
trouble. EUGE!!!!!
Yee: Calm down, will you?
Fields: When did you get so brave?
Yee: Since you started acting like such a coward.
Fields: Now where have I heard that before?
Yee: We've got to keep our wits and formulate a plan.
Fields: Euge!
Yee: Will you please stay--
Fields: Behind you!
Yee: --calm.
[The werewolf grabs hold of Euge and hurls him across the cavern.]
Werewolf: Leave alonealonealone! Go awayawayaway!
Fields: You don't have to repeat yourself, y'know. I can get it the first
time.
Yee (from where he lay on the ground): This isn't the time for dumb jokes!
That thing's a werewolf! He wants to tear you to pieces.
Fields: Oh, yeah. I forgot. Banzai!
[In an adrenalin rush, Justin grabs the werewolf from behind, and struggles to
hold onto it.]
Fields: Now you just hold still while I... while I what? Hey Euge, what do
you with a werewolf after you've grabbed him?
Werewolf: GRRRRRR
Fields: Oh no. His mouth's open. He's gonna bite me. Oh, MAMA!!
[Euge, who has recovered, attacks the werewolf with a broken piece of
stalactite.]
Yee: I'm not your mother, but will I do?
Fields: If we get out of this alive, I'll send you roses every Mother's Day.
Werewolf: This one suffers! This one hates! This one will not be taken
again!
[The werewolf sheds off Justin, who he lands in a pit, which unfortunately is
filled with brackish slime.]
Fields: Yuck.
Yee: Are you all right?
Fields: GAKKK. (Cough, sputter.)
Yee: Can I take that as a yes?
Fields: UKKKK.
Yee: Okay, I just wanted to make--SURE?! Hey! What're you doing? Put me--
DOWWWWwwwwn!
[The werewolf throws Euge, who lands in the slime next to Justin.]
Fields: Welcome to our newest attraction: "The Wonderful World of Slime".
You okay, Euge?
Yee: GAKKK.
Fields: Can I take that as a yes?
* * * * *
Yee: If we survive this fiasco, Woodruff is paying our dry cleaning bill.
Fields: You mean you think there's a chance we actually will survive this
fiasco?
Yee: Is that a rhetorical question, or are you looking for odds?
Fields: I dunno. Think a head of steam will help our cause any?
Yee: What the heck. At the very least it'll add some dramatic effect!
Fields: Okay werewolf, just hold it right there!
Yee: Boy, that's telling 'im!
Werewolf: Why do you hunt? Why do you hound? Why do you punish and
hurt? All wants is to be left alone! has been since before man! has
strugggled. Has survived! And will not let you take him! This one can
hunt! This one can hound! This one can punish and hurt! This one can
kill!
Fields: That's just the point. We can't let you kill any more! You're going
down, werewolf! Down and out!
Werewolf: No! Not take alive! Not do dissect-thing to me! Not do to
what you did to wife and child and friends!
Yee: "Dissect-thing"?
Fields: "Wife and child and friends"?
Werewolf: Last of his kind! Always your people hunt us! Trap us!
Slay us! World was ours once! We lived in peace! Then came hypocrites!
Liars! Man! This one sees you eat flesh of animals! Slaughter each other!
This one sees you poison world. Kill it! Just as you killed people one by
one! We do no wrong! We eat to survive! Leave with his family! Leave
with his memories!
Yee: This is heavier than we thought. Sure, he's a killer. But no more so
than we are every time we sit down to a steak.
Fields: You're comparing us to him?
Yee: No. I'm afraid he'd come out looking better.
Fields: I don't know if I buy that. But you're right, we can't just let them
cut him up!
Werewolf: No dissect-thing! No dissect-thing!
Yee: Get the message? Don't mention the D-word.
Fields: Look, we understand your situation--
Werewolf: You can never understand! Your words... your language not
good enough to say the pain! This one's people are gone! The people's
words! The people's songs! Wife... child... friends.
Yee: Listen, we can help you. We won't take you back to that hellhole you
escaped from--
Fields: Hey! Euge, what are you doing?
Yee: We'll just take you with us, but we won't hurt you.
Fields: There goes the CD collection! And the week with the babes!
Werewolf: NO! All the same! No more lies! No more killing! No more
pain!
Yee: I think maybe I said the wrong thing.
Fields: I think maybe you did too. So now what? We can't just let him get
away, can we?
Yee: No, we've got to find him, subdue him, help him.
Fields: Help him? How?
Yee: Oh hell, I don't know! But there's got to be some way we can.
Fields: There he is! Grab him!
Yee: Wait a minute! Where did he...
Fields: Oh no.
Yee: What's the matter? What? Damn.
[The two members of the _Chivalier_ peer over the edge of the pit and gaze
upon the body of the creature.]
Fields: Must've slipped, right? Accidentally fallen?
Yee: This was his home, Justin. You think he didn't know there was a pit that
size down here? He was scared to death, the last of his kind. Then we
show up to take him back to the place where his wife and child were
dissected.
Fields: So you're saying he jumped?
Yee: I guess I'm saying we'll never know for sure and we're gonna have to live
with that. Y'know, they'll still pay for his body. If you really want
that cd collection.
Fields: Yeah. You're right. But I do feel sorry for the poor thing. Even if
it WAS ugly. Especially after landing on those stalagmites...
* * * * *
[Euge and Justin wearily leave the cave, heading toward the shuttlecraft.]
Fields: You okay, Euge?
Yee: No, how about you?
Fields: I feel like hell.
Yee: That's about right.
Fields: I could use a drink and a massage from a couple of nubile young ladies.
Yee: Think they'll help?
Fields: I don't know. Are you up for giving them a try?
[Euge, looking down.]
Yee: No, I'm too tired right now. Maybe later.
* * * * *
[Back on board the _Chivalier_ in shuttlebay 3, Euge smacks Justin upside the
head as they exit the shuttlecraft.]
Yee: By the way, why the hell didn't you bring the phasers?
Fields: You didn't tell me too, you potato-head.
Yee: Yes I did.
Fields: No you didn't. You said You HAD the phasers.
Yee: Did not.
Fields: Did to.
Yee: Did not
Fields: Did to.
Yee: Not!
Fields: TO!
Yee: NOT!
[Ensign Fields and Lt. Yee are still arguing as we cut to a closing shot of the
_U.S.S Chivalier_ leaving Science Station _Darwin_.]
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