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The Crouton Generation Archives
STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
SEASON THREE
Episodes # 4 - 5
(Parts #4-5 of "The Crouton on the Edge of Forever")
======================================================================
[ Note: The events in this episode take place between "The Trouble with
Tribbles" (Stardate 4523.3) and "A Piece of the Action" (Stardate 4598.0.). ]
"Captain's Log, Stardate 4547.7:
The _Enterprise_ is en route to Celia IV, a Federation farming world
near the Romulan Neutral Zone. They have reported an outbreak of a plague
of epic proportions, which is destroying farmland, killing their cattle, and
has even begun to affect the colonist themselves."
Kirk: Spock, status report?
Spock (looking up from his sensor hood): All clear, Captain.
A light flashes on Uhura's station. She picks up her earpiece, speaks
quickly into her board, then turns toward the center of the bridge.
Uhura (surprised): Captain, Security reports intruders in the Hydroponics Lab.
Kirk (overacting): Spock...how is this possible? You just told me there was
no one in the sector.
Spock: Unknown, sir. The ship's sensors are functioning perfectly.
Kirk (leaping from his chair): Mr. Sulu, you have the conn.
Spock and Kirk enter the turbolift as Sulu moves to the captain's chair.
* * * * *
"The Crouton on the Edge of Forever"
Part 4: "The Grandfather Clause"
Written by Admiral Avenger and Crossfire
Special Guest Stars
William Shatner as Captain James T. Kirk
Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock
Deforest Kelley as Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy
James Doohan as Scotty
Walter Koenig as Chekov
Nichelle Nichols as Uhura
George Takei as Sulu
Directed by Richard A. Muirden
Music by Jerry Goldsmith
* * * * *
Spock and Kirk enter the hallway outside the Hydroponics Lab. Several
security officers lie unconscious near the door and just inside the lab.
Several more security officers stand back a ways, phasers drawn.
Kirk: What's going on? Are those men hurt?
Wilkes: No, sir. One of the intruders talked them all to sleep.
Spock raises an eyebrow and follows Kirk into the lab. Zortylwankoid stands
over the security officers, describing the inner workings of the 91986Zb3A
subparton duomolecular matrix inverting mathematics coprocessor he is
working on for the experimental duoneutronic spin-invariant discrete
antiparity CPU at Starbase Montgomery. Euge, Missy and Icefalcon are
helping Admiral T'Lilith out of a complex series of vines she unwittingly
leapt into. Captain Flirt steps forward.
Muirden (smile of recognition): Captain James Tiberius Kirk! G'day.
(extending his hand) I'm Richard Muirden. Please forgive Zortylwankoid.
He really can't control himself.
Kirk (suspicious): You have me at a disadvantage, Mr. Muirden.
Muirden (modestly): That's Captain, actually.
Kirk: Yes, well how did you get on my ship...and why?
T'Lilith finally maneuvers to her feet. Kirk's eyes and mouth drop wide
open in surprise. Spock raises an eyebrow.
* * * * *
In the conference room, Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and the 25th Century team sit
down. Security officers line the walls.
Kirk: All right. I'd like some answers. Who are you and why--
Muirden: First, Captain, answer me this: Have you encountered any apparent
Romulan biological warfare on Federation colony worlds?
McCoy: How did you know about that?
T'Lilith: It is what we are here to prevent, Doctor.
Muirden: If I may, Admiral. (turns to Kirk) The matter we have to discuss
is a delicate one. Perhaps your security officers should wait outside?
Kirk: Spock?
Spock: They have shown no outward signs of violence, sir. Perhaps such
a move would be prudent.
Kirk nods to the highest-ranking security man, who leads the team into the
corridor.
Kirk: Okay, they're gone. Now will you tell me who you are and why you
are here?
T'Lilith: You are familiar with the Guardian of Forever?
Kirk shudders as he remembers the loss of Edith Keeler.
Kirk: Yes, I am.
Spock: That is a classified matter, of course. How did you come to be--
Muirden: All right, look...we travelled through the Guardian, Captain.
From your future.
Kirk and McCoy both sit back uncomfortably. Spock raises an eyebrow.
Spock: If your claim is true, should you really be telling us this?
Would not such information lend itself to a grandfather paradox?
Muirden: The three of you are well known to us... I feel I can trust you
with a certain amount of information.
Kirk: But can you prove your claim?
McCoy: And even if you do, how do we know that helping you is a good idea?
Muirden: Unfortunately...to satisfy your curiosity would require me to
yield knowledge that you should *not* have.
Spock: We seem to have reached an impasse.
McCoy (to T'Lilith): And what about you?
T'Lilith: What *about* me?
Spock (cutting off McCoy): I must admit, Madam, that I have also been
curious as to your heritage.
T'Lilith (angry): I am *not* a madam, thank you very much. (calming)
Like you, Commander Spock, one of my parents is Vulcan. The other is
Klingon.
Spock, McCoy AND Kirk raise their eyebrows.
Kirk (aside): Bones, is she sane?
McCoy (shaking his head): Dammit, Jim. I'm a doctor, not a film critic.
Yee (who has thus far been quiet): I am.
Kirk (confused): What?
Yee: I'm a film critic. It's one of my hobbies.
Muirden: Captain Kirk, a race of beings the Federation will not encounter
for another hundred years is trying to rip apart our past by changing
*your* present.
T'Lilith: The biological weapons are not Romulan in nature.
Spock: Romulan vessels have been sighted on this side of the Neutral Zone
in recent months. In fact, a freighter sighted a Romulan Warbird near
Celia IV a few days before we received report of the plague there.
Midzor: Your technology is *antique* compared to theirs! Bloocheez has
probably figured out some way to make his ship *look* Romulan in order
to confuse your lousy sensor boards!
Spock: The sighting was made visually.
Kirk: Look, you people appear out of nowhere on my ship, discuss classified
topics, make up stories about alien menaces...
Zortylwankoid: Not to mention trampling a few plants.
Kirk: But you give me no PROOF. How do I know you're not just Klingon spies?
T'Lilith growls and stands up. Missy grabs T'Lilith's arm. T'Lilith looks
at Missy for a moment, then sits down.
T'Lilith: Captain, if you leapt into your own past and met your own
grandmother, would she believe you were her grandson?
Kirk: Probably not. But that still--
McCoy: Spock, what about one of them Vulcan mind melds?
Spock: It would be impolite to--
T'Lilith: All right. But Commander Spock, if I discover you have used any
of my knowledge of the future to change my own past, I will personally come
back in time and kill you with my bare hands.
McCoy: She's serious, isn't she?
Zortylwankoid: Absolutagulabullaly.
Spock: It would be illogical for me to violate future history with fore-
knowledge. On my honor as a Vulcan, your secrets are safe with me.
* * * * *
The other stand at the far end of the room while Spock and T'Lilith each
move a hand to the other's temple.
Spock: My mind to your mind.
T'Lilith: Our minds are one.
A moment passes. People begin to fidget. Zortylwankoid begins to discuss
the importance of sublepton microcircuitry in multitasking super polyparallel
data processing.
McCoy: How the devil do you put up with him? (nods toward Zortyl)
Icefalcon: It's not hard, Doctor. You just learn to ignore it.
Midzor (hands on hips): It's not *that* easy.
T'Lilith and Spock pop their eyes open simultaneously and remove their hands
from the other's face.
Spock: Fascinating...
T'Lilith (half-smiling): Thank you, Commander. That has always been a dream
of mine. (pause) Admiral Avenger will be jealous.
Spock (raising an eyebrow): Quite jealous.
Kirk: Spock? Spo...ock?!
Spock: They are who they say they are, Captain. Their assistance would be
invaluable in solving this crisis.
Icefalcon: Doctor McCoy, the Admiral and I will help you identify this
biological weapon and find a cure.
McCoy (wrinkling eyebrows): The Admiral?
T'Lilith (turns with a toothy grin): Yes. The Admiral.
McCoy rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
* * * * *
"Captain's Log, Supplemental:
We continue to Celia IV, which has become strangely silent, while my
officers assist our guests in improving certain parts of the ship's design.
I still feel deep down that this is a *Romulan* threat, but Mr. Spock assures
me I am incorrect in my assumption. He has never let me down so far. Mr.
Scott, on the other hand, was rather uncooperative when I mentioned Lt. Cdr.
Midzor's planned engine overhaul..."
Down in Engineering, Missy is halfway up a Jeffries tube, making adjustments
to the engines. Scotty remains right below her in the Jeffries tube.
Scott: Lassie, I know the capt'n told me ta allow yah access ta mah bairns,
but I don't see why yah need ta tinker with 'em.
Midzor: I'm making improvements, Scotty, so that you'll have a chance
against our enemy when we find them.
Scott: Lassie, *nobody* has better engines than Montgomery Scott.
There isna Klingon or Romulan that can even compare ta a _Constitution_-
class starship, and the rest of *them* canna compare ta the _Enterprise_!
Midzor: I realize that, Mr. Scott, and I am very GLAD that we have that
much advantage to begin with. But you're still using warp drive and
that has you at a great disadvantage.
Scott: *Still* usin' warp drive? What do yah expect me ta be usin'?
Midzor: Come, come, Scotty. Aren't your engines running better now than
when you came aboard the _Enterprise_?
Scott: Well, of course.
Midzor: Now add 100 years of improvements to the design...
* * * * *
Back on the bridge...
Zortylwankoid: So you run the integrated parallel CPU through a diversified
coagulated grambalopod and then...
Spock (catching on): ...through the anterior power coupling circuit and out
the Davidson data regulator...
Zortyl: ...and you've increased your output speed by 50 times.
Spock: Fascinating. Absolutely brilliant.
Uhura (removes earpiece and clutches her temples): And I think if I listen
to the two of you much longer my brain is going to explode.
Uhura gets up and walks to the turbolift.
Spock: Lieutenant, I find it highly unlikely that your brain would--
Uhura: Mr. Spock, it was a subtle attempt at a joke. Now if you'll excuse
me, I need a cup of something *strong*. (doors shut)
Spock: Extremely subtle, Lieutenant.
Zortyl: Quite.
Scott (ic): Bridge, this is Scott.
Spock (taps panel): Go ahead, Mr. Scott.
Scott (ic): The lassie just finished messin' with mah bairns and she wants
ta try out the improvements. Can ye get Mr. Sulu ta punch 'er up ta
Warp 15 or so?
Spock (raises an eyebrow): Warp 15--? Are you certain, Mr. Scott?
Midzor (ic): Warp 15 is the easy part, Mr. Spock. Doing it with these
simple tools and such a fragile superstructure is what's hard. It'll
work. Trust me.
Spock: Mr. Sulu, accelerate to Warp 15.
Sulu (shaking head): I don't believe this.
The ship begins to hum with the sound of warp engines grinding to speed.
Chekov: Euge, I know these two vonderful girls down in shuttle maintenance
that have had their eyes on me. Vhen ve go off duty, ve could go down
and say hello...
Yee: Gee, I don't know, Pavel. Paula would get jealous...
Chekov: Come on. Live a little.
Sulu: Warp 12.3... 12.7... 13.1...
Spock: So far, so good, Mr. Scott.
Sulu: Warp 13.4...
Chekov: Meester Sulu, are you sure about pushing the engines so hard?
Suddenly, the bridge goes completely dark. In the distant background, we
hear a scream and dishes shattering.
Chekov: Vat vas that?
Yee (smiling in the dark): Missy is reliable as ever...
* * * * *
Kirk, Muirden, and T'Lilith walk through one of the lower decks.
Kirk: Captain, there's something you're still not telling me.
Muirden: There's a lot I'm not *going* to tell you. You know as well as
I how dangerous foreknowledge can be.
Kirk: Yes, but... why are they disguising themselves as *Romulans*. How
would that change your future?
Muirden: By increasing further the already existing suspicion of the
Romulan Empire. By perhaps provoking the Federation into striking *first*
in a new war against the Romulans.
Kirk: Yes, but why would that--?
Muirden: I'm sorry, mate, but I just can't tell you.
Kirk: Well, what about T'Lilith here. How did a Klingon end up in Star Fleet?
T'Lilith: You are an American, are you not?
Kirk: Born and raised in Riverside, Iowa.
T'Lilith: At one time, your country and Mr. Chekov's were the two main
powers in the world -- and were each other's worst enemy.
Kirk: Yes.
T'Lilith: Is it true today?
Kirk: No. Americans and Russians are the best of friends these days.
T'Lilith: Then you have your answer.
The ship lurches hard to one side, throwing them into a wall. The red alert
lights begin to flash and sirens begin to wail. Kirk moves to help T'Lilith
to her feet, but she looks him in the eyes and growls him away.
Kirk (breaking into a run): Damn. We'd better get back to the bridge.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Next time, on an all-new episode of
Staaaaar Trek: The Crouton Generation
"The Crouton on the Edge of Forever, part 5: Croutons Among Us"
The Croutons try to convince Picard that they are really from the future,
buuuuuuuut can they produce the proper set of three forms of ID and a
check guarantee card? Will the crew find out the secret of the star
Goadby Marwood? Can Data ever learn to speak cat? Will Crossfire
ruin the walls of all the brigs on the _Enterprise_-D? And how about
them lights, eh Missy? Find out on the next exciting episode of Star
Trek: The Crouton Generation!
-----------------
Date: Fri, 8 Feb 91 15:53:44 -0700
From: zecca@tramp (Admiral Avenger)
Subject: ST:TCG (5 of 9)
Star Trek: The Crouton Generation
"The Crouton On the Edge of Forever"
Part 5 of 9: "Croutons Among Us"
Written by Crossfire and Admiral Avenger
Guest stars
Patrick Stewart as Captain Jean-Luc Picard
Jonathan Frakes as Commander William T. Riker
Brent Spiner as Lieutenant Commander Data
LeVar Burton as Lieutenant Geordi LaForge
Marina Sirtis as Counselor Deanna Troi
Michael Dorn as Lieutenant j.g. Worf
Diana Muldaur as Doctor Katherine Pulaski
Wil Wheaton as Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher
Colm Meaney as Transporter Chief O'Brien
Incidental Music by Peter Gabriel
Directed by Jon Pertwee
Produced by Peter Davison
* * * * * * * * * *
Editor's note: This episode takes place between the Second Season episodes
"The Outrageous Okona" and "The Schizoid Man."
"Captain's Log, stardate 42422.4. The appearance of a group of intruders
aboard the _Enterprise_ while we are this close to the Romulan Neutral
Zone is too much of a coincidence. Lieutenant Worf has confined our
'guests' to the security brig until I can question them further.
Meanwhile, we continue on course to the Neutral Zone in response to long-
range sensor probes' reports of battle-like conditions in Romulan space
near their border on the Zone. It is Starfleet's opinion that the Romulans
might be gearing up for some sort of attack, and we are picking up their
battle exercises.
After so many years of quiet, I hope that the Romulans are not planning
a big comeback."
[Interior, Security brig. The _Croutonprize_ officers are all in one
cell. Kabeta and Highlander are sitting, and Jez is curled on Kabeta's
lap. Tracy is juggling a bar of soap, two cups and an apple. Crossfire
is standing at the forcefield, glaring at the security men beyond.
Data enters the room, and Kabeta and Highlander stand, and Crossfire comes
to attention. Then they remember that Data isn't an admiral yet, and
relax.
Data notices their reaction, of course.]
Data: Your reaction is most puzzling...
Crossfire: Habit. When do we get to see Ad...er..Captain Picard?
Data: He and Commander Riker will see you shortly. My duties permitted me
to come down and see you now, however.
Crossfire: Really.
Data: Indeed.
[Jez comes sauntering over to the force field.]
Jez: Meow. [Hi there.]
Data [mispronouncing]: Moew? [Vancouver?]
Jez: Mrow mrow mrow. MeOW. [No no no. Hi there.]
Data: Morw morw merow... [Your cabin's lightbulbs run fast...]
[While Jez and Data are chatting, the security guards have looked over, and
are smiling. Picard, Riker and Worf enter the room, and stand and watch Data
and Jez for a short while.]
Picard: Mr. Data.
Data [turning]: Mowelwn mrowlp purrup. [You have beautiful thighs.]
Picard: What?
[The _Croutonprize_ officers all burst out laughing.]
Data: I am attempting to assimilate the language of this feline.
Crossfire: Jez. He's Jez the Wonder Kitty.
Data [intrigued]: Indeed.
Kabeta: You don't quite have it down yet, Mr. Data. But you're right...he
does have nice thighs. *flirt, flirt*
Picard [annoyed]: Really. Shall we get to work?
Jez: Mrowl yowl purrup meow. [We thought you'd never ask.]
Data: Mrowl yowl pur
Picard [Sharply]: Mister DATA!
Data: Sorry sir.
Highlander [aside, to Kabeta]: Since you're the ranking officer here, do you
want to do the talking?
Kabeta [sotto vocce]: I think that would be wisest.
[Kabeta steps forward.]
Highlander: Mr. Crossfire, Jez...[he gestures for them to make room] Please.
[Jez and Crossfire step back, and Kabeta moves forward, extending her hand to
shake with Picard. Her hand hits the force field and bounces back, and she
glares at the field.]
Kabeta: I'm Captain Kabeta of the USS _Heisenberg_.
Riker: There's no such ship.
Crossfire: Not yet, there isn't.
Riker: What do you mean, not YET?
Kabeta: It's what we've come here to talk to you about. Can we speak alone,
somewhere?
Crossfire: We wouldn't ask for a private audience, except that some of the
things we have to discuss are a matter of your lives and our deaths.
[Picard considers this.]
Worf: How do we know we can trust them, sir?
Crossfire [glaring at Worf]: Because I could have done this any time I wanted
to.
[Crossfire makes a fist and punches a neat hole in the wall of the brig,
reaches through, and switches off the force field.]
Worf [reaching for his phaser]: k'Hest!
[Alarmed, Tracy reaches through the hole and switches the field back on.
Crossfire and the others simply stand quietly.]
Tracy [old craggley voice]: Away put your weapon! We mean you no harm!
Kabeta: Does this convince you, sir?
Picard [slowly]: Mr. Worf, please put away your weapon.
[Picard deactivates the security field.]
Picard: Please follow me to Conference Room 2.
[The group moves down the hall, with Crossfire and Worf bringing up the
rear. Tracy is doing a silly walk. Worf looks sidewise at Crossfire.]
Worf: How did you do that?
Crossfire: Llap Gogh.
Worf [speaking in Klingon]: Lap goH?
Crossfire: No. It's Welsh. Llap Gogh. It's the ancient Welsh art of
self-defense. I'll explain later.
[Interior, Conference Room 2. Everybody enters, and takes a seat. Picard
motions for Worf and his two security officers to wait out in the hall.]
Kabeta: Well, introductions all around.
Picard: Just so. I'm Captain Jean-...
Crossfire: ...Luc Picard, he's Commander William T. Riker, and this is
Lieutenant Commander Data. The charming Klingon gentleman with the
phaser was Lieutenant Worf.
[A moment of silence greets this.]
Kabeta: Ahem. As I said, I'm Captain Kabeta. [She gestures to each of her
team in turn.] That's Commander Highlander, Counselor Tracy, Jez the
Wonder Kitty, and the loquatious one is Lieutenant Commander Crossfire.
We've come a long way to see you.
Riker: Really.
Highlander: About sixty years, to be precise.
Data: Interesting. Please elucidate how this was possible.
Kabeta: The Guardian of Forever.
[Picard reacts to the mention of the Guardian; Data's reaction is more
mechanical; Riker simply puts on a nonplussed and confused expression.]
Data: That would explain a great many things.
Riker: It would?
Crossfire [impatient]: But we might still be Romulan spies, or friends of
Q [at the mention of Q, Riker and Picard again react], or anything.
These recriminations have become tiresome...
Picard [cutting him off]: Not at all. We simply don't trust you.
Jez [suddenly]: Mrowl meow purp. Blurp meow mrow mew? [Maybe we can
convince you. What's our current location?]
Riker [looks at Picard, who nods okay]: Seven three seven mark four.
Kabeta: Aha!
Jez: Meow mrow purrup? [And what's the stardate?]
Picard: It's 42422.51.
Kabeta: Then if you'd oblige us by dropping out of warp and turning to
face the star Goadby Marwood, I think you'll just be in time to see
it go supernova.
Data [matter-of-factly]: The star Goadby Marwood is currently stable.
Crossfire [smiling]: That's what you think.
Riker: What do you think, sir?
Picard [tapping com pin]: Helm, this is the captain. All stop. Turn to
two seven three mark four five and hold for further orders.
[Data taps a control, and the viewscreen lights up, showing the starfield,
which shifts down as the _Enterprise_ comes out of warp. The screen flickers
as Data increases the magnification and centers it on the star Goadby Marwood.
Several seconds pass by.]
Riker: Well?
Kabeta: Good things come to those who wait. *flirt flirt*
[A bright flash of light fills the viewscreen, then tones down. We can clearly
see a supernova where the center star once was.]
Tracy: Ahhh...'spretty! [He claps softly.]
Picard [tapping com pin]: Bridge, this is the Captain. Resume course,
increase speed to Warp 5.
[Highlander snickers softly.]
Highlander [noticing that Picard is staring at him]: I'm sorry. I forgot
that you're still using Ultrawarp.
Crossfire [smiling]: Oh yeah. I bet it'll take days to get to the Neutral
Zone, won't it?
Riker: How did you know we were heading for the Neutral Zone? Only the
Captain, Data, myself, and three Starfleet Admirals know that!
Kabeta [looking meaningfully at Riker]: Precisely the same way we
knew about Goadby Marwood.
[Riker turns to Picard, a convinced look on his face.]
Picard [waits a beat]: Why are you here?
Kabeta: Well, you see, it's like this....
* * * * * * * * * * * *
[We see the USS _Enterprise_ NCC 1701-D go zipping by on Warp Drive.]
"Captain's Log, stardate 42423.4. The _Enterprise_ his currently hosting
several...guests...who have apparently traveled to our time from the future
using the Guardian of Forever. Apparently a race of beings that the Federation
has yet to encounter in our time have time-traveled back to the present and are
attempting to undermine the Federation-Romulan peace treaty. These people have
demonstrated some proof that they are from the future when they accurately
predicted the supernova of the star Goadby Marwood. However, I still have
reservations."
[Interior, USS _Enterprise_-D Observation Lounge. Picard, Riker, Data, Kabeta,
Highlander and Crossfire are all sitting, talking.]
Riker: Why do these...whatever-they-ares...want to cause a war between the
Romulans and the Federation?
Kabeta: Because that would keep the balance of power in their favor. A
Federation-Romulan alliance would almost certainly spell disaster for
the Hidd...for them.
Highlander: In the history of the altered timeline, this ship, the
_Enterprise_-D, attacked and destroyed several Romulan Warbirds in the
Luthor System in the Neutral Zone. These events happened...er...haven't
happened. Yet. Now. [He frowns.] I hate time travel.
[Picard has been looking thoughtful through all this.]
Picard: What do you propose to do?
Kabeta: If we can get the real _Enterprise_-D into the area with the fake,
we can not only blow the top off their hoax, but we might just be able to
tip the balance of the battle back into our favor. Separately, a Warbird,
or even a Galaxy Class starship, doesn't stand a chance against their
advanced technology. But together, we might just be able to stop them.
Crossfire [grinning]: And we might just be able to drum up a few futuristic
surprises for them ourselves.
Picard: This ship is on a mission. We can't just go galavanting off into
the Neutral Zone whenever we please.
Kabeta: Then you doom your future and our present to a bloody war.
Highlander: Why can't you go galavanting around as you please? You've done
it before...what about the time you returned to Earth to exterminate
those bug things that had taken over Starfleet Command?
Riker: How did you... [he catches the look on Kabeta's face] Never mind.
Crossfire: Captain Picard, if our future...your future...is going to be
saved, we need your help. We can only do this if the _Enterprise_
makes an appearance in the Luthor System in seven days.
[Picard thinks for a moment, strokes his chin wisely, and then gets up.]
Picard: Well. I must get on with my duties. Number One, would you see
our guests to their quarters, and see to their needs. Join me in
my Ready Room when you're finished.
[As everyone stares, startled by this apparent brush-off, Picard exits.]
Kabeta: Not very promising.
Crossfire: Give him a chance to think it over. Picard is a very cautious
man, you know.
Riker: You speak as if you know him well.
[Crossfire looks at Riker, silent.]
Riker: *Ahem* Well, I'll show you to your quarters now.
Highlander [growling]: I hope you mean an actual stateroom, and not that
damn brig.
Riker: Of course. Our brig [he looks at Crossfire, sidewise] needs some
repairs.
[Interior, _Enterprise_ bridge. Picard walks on, and goes over to Science
Station One, where Data is sitting doing some work and talking to Jez who
is sitting on his lap, purring loudly.]
Picard: Mr. Data, I need a full report on the Luthor star system in the
Neutral Zone at once.
Data: Anything in particular I should be looking for?
Picard: Just anything out of the ordinary...possible disturbances in the
area, perhaps indicating Romulan activity.
Data: Aye, sir.
[He starts to work. Picard goes down and takes his seat. Jez hops down,
trots over to Picard, and without warning hops up into Picard's lap and
begins to make himself comfortable.]
Jez: Mrowl purrup. [Pet me.]
[Picard does not know quite how to respond. Wesley turns, sees the situation,
and then turns back around, barely controlling his laughter.
Picard [trying to be tough, which is hard when you're petting a loudly
purring cat in your lap]: Is something amusing, Mr. Crusher?
Wesley [his voice squeaking with laughter]: No, sir.
[Riker enters, stage left.]
Riker: Captain, I've seen to our guests' needs.
Picard: Very good, Number One.
[Riker sits down, and Jez moves over into his lap.]
Jez: Mrowl mew. [Feed me.]
[Riker looks nonplussed; Picard starts to dust the cat hair off his
uniform. Riker starts to pet Jez, who of course, purrs loudly.]
Picard [thoughtfully]: What do you think of their story?
Riker: Hmmm? Well, I was going to ask you the same thing. I think
we should contact Starfleet Command before we do anything like this.
Picard: Our current mission might be a direct result of the alien incursion
they spoke of.
Riker: The disturbances in the Neutral Zone? I hadn't thought of that.
Jez: Meow prrrrrrrrrrup? [What disturrrrrrrrrbances?]
[Both Riker and Picard, forgetting that Jez is intelligent, jump.]
Jez: Mowl. [Sorry.]
Picard [looking closely at Jez]: According to our long range scanners,
there's been some interesting disturbances in the Neutral Zone.
Possible a battle, at least some unusual movements of very large
ships.
Jez: Mrow meow mew meow meow purrup mrow yowl blurp purrup. [That may
very well be due to the ships we told you about.]
Riker: Should we contact Starfleet?
Picard: Yes, but I don't think we'll be able to wait until their response
gets back.
[Troi enters the Bridge, and sits down next to Picard. Jez gets up,
stretches indolently, and walks across Picard to Troi and sits on her lap.]
Jez: Meow mrow puurrrrrrrrrup. [Behind the ears, please.]
Troi: Captain, I sense that our guests are telling the truth. Everything
they've said is true. They are holding some things back, but what
what they have told us is the truth.
Jez: Puurr. [See?]
[a beat.]
Picard: Mr. Data. [Data comes down to the lower section.]
Data: Sir?
Picard: How much time would we loose if we diverted to the Luthor
star system for a short while, and then resumed our course at
Warp 8?
Data: That diversion would put us 17 hours, fifty-seven minutes behind
schedule.
Riker: And it would also put us in the Neutral Zone, Captain.
Picard: I'm aware of that, Number One. Ensign Crusher, plot a course for
the Luthor star system, increase speed to warp 7.
Wesley: Aye, sir.
Picard: Commander, would you be so kind as to inform our guests that we
have decided to make a detour?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Next time, on all-new episode of
Staaaaar Trek: The Crouton Generation
"The Crouton on the Edge of Forever, Part 6: When You Absolutely,
Positively Have to Save the Universe Overnight!"
The Croutons fight to stop the bombings, buuuuut will Gretzky get in over
his head? Will Soraya's encounter with a famous Vulcan leave her head
spinning? Or will the evil Ranche Dressinge sprinkle the Croutons into the
great salad in the sky? Find out, as the Croutons fight to help the
United Federation of Planets survive!
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