 |
||||
STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
SEASON THREE
Episodes #88-97
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Tue, 23 Apr 91 11:48:54 -0600
From: reidj@tramp (Crossfire)
Subject: READ THIS FIRST!!!!!!!!
Next time, on an All-New Episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation--
"With a Little Help From My Friends"
Narrator: A friendly visit to the _Croutonprize_...
[Close up to show Admirals Picard and Data on a Croutonizer pad]
Narrator: Reveals an old rival of Crossfire...
[Close up to show an older man standing next to Data. Then show Crossfire]
Crossfire [groaning]: Oh, no...
Stranger: Wassamatter Crossfire...aren't you glad to see me?
[FLASH switch to next scene]
Crossfire [To Highlander]: Picard is my friend. Craig is just...a teacher.
[FLASH switch to next scene...Data speaking]
Narrator: Then they all have to join forces...
Data: In light of the Lucky Charm threat, it would be 'stupid' not to do
everything we could.
[FLASH switch to next scene...Crossfire's quarters]
Narrator: But will an evil plot manage to stop them?
Crossfire: Zen, telnet 511-23-2352. Access code 'Kill them all.'
Zen: Downloading Artificial Intelligence...
[FLASH switch to the bridge to show Crouton talking to someone on the
viewscreen]
Person: It seems one of your crew is guilty of sedition and treason.
Crouton: Who?
Person: Lieutenant Commander Crossfire.
[FLASH...same scene a bit later. Red Alert sirens are sounding.]
Crouton: Zen, locate Lieutenant Commander Crossfire and detain him with
force fields!
Soraya: Captain, someone just tried to open the doors to shuttlecraft bay 3!
Jez: Meow purrup!? [Where'd that come from!?]
[FLASH...outside the _Croutonprize_ to show a ship that has never been seen
before...it's long and thin and it's heading right for the starboard
warp nacelle!]
Narrator: Evil betrayal on the next episode of Star Trek: The Crouton
Generation!
-----
Date: Tue, 23 Apr 91 11:46:49 -0600
From: reidj@tramp (Crossfire)
Subject: ST:TCG "With a Little Help From My Friends" Teaser
"With a Little Help From My Friends"
Guest Stars Patrick Stewart as Admiral Jean-Luc Picard
Brent Spiner as Vice Admiral Data
Dabney Coleman as Admiral Crighton
Introducing "Stormin'" Norman Schwarzkopf as Admiral Bowman
Music by the Beatles
Produced by John Carpenter
Directed by Desmond Llewelyn
"Captain's Log, stardate 411326.5. Our visit to Engineering Starbase
Montgomery for a Jolt Drive inspection and upgrade is almost over. Most of the
crew has returned from shore leave, and all systems are responding normally.
On a personal note, I am looking forward to seeing Admirals Picard and Data,
who are visiting the _Croutonprize_ in a few minutes."
[Interior, _Croutonprize_ bridge. Crouton is sitting. Highlander enters
from the turbolift and joins him.]
Crouton [looking up from his PDE book]: Ah, Number One. You're back.
Highlander: Yes sir. My shore leave was fun...
Crouton: Fun? Oh yes, I remember that. Well, I'm glad you had a good time.
Highlander: I wanted to be back in time to see Picard and Data.
Crouton: Oh yes. I've been looking forward to their visit for quite some
time now.
[The com boops.]
Gretzky [ic]: Captain, Starbase Montgomery signalling that the Admirals are
ready to beam up.
Crouton: On our way to Croutonizer Room 1.
[Interior, Croutonizer Room 1. Crossfire stands waiting, and Taubman makes
his one and only appearance in this story by giving a warm nod of welcome
to Crouton and Highlander as they enter.]
Crouton: Mr. Crossfire...good of you to join us.
Crossfire: Well, I haven't seen Picard in a while.
Starbase Transporter Chief [ss]: Starbase Montgomery to _Croutonprize_.
Three to croutonize up.
Highlander [raising an eyebrow]: Three?
Crouton: We'll see soon enough.
Taubman: Croutonizing...
[Three figures materialize: Picard and Data, of course, and someone else.]
Highlander: Is that...?
Crossfire [groaning]: Oh no...
Bowman: Wassamatter Crossfire...aren't you glad to see me?
Crouton: Welcome aboard Admirals.
Picard: Thank you captain. And may I introduce Admiral Bowman [he gestures
to the third man] Admiral Bowman, this is Captain Crouton.
Crouton: And my First Officer, Commander Highlander. I take it you and
Crossfire are already acquainted?
Bowman: Oh, we are indeed.
Highlander [moving forward to shake hands with Bowman]: It's an honor, sir.
Bowman [smiling]: Yes, it is, isn't it?
Crouton: To what do we owe this honor, Admiral Bowman?
Bowman: Please, please, I'm retired now. Just call me Craig. I'm here
because I haven't ever seen the famous _Croutonprize_...and because
I haven't seen Crossfire in a long time. I figured he's probably about
due for a swift kick in the pants.
[Highlander smiles, surprised to hear someone talk to Crossfire like that.]
Bowman [looking at Crossfire]: Isn't that right, Crossfire?
[Crossfire starts to speak, then bites back his response. Instead:]
Crossfire: Yes, sir.
Bowman [smiling broadly now]: Someone's taught him some restraint.
[Everyone laughs except Data, who simply has a dopey look on his face, and
Crossfire, who is turning purple.]
Crouton: Have the three of you had lunch yet? Let's go to 10-Forward for
some refreshments.
Bowman: Lead the way, brave captain.
[Crouton, followed by Bowman, Picard, and Data exit.]
Highlander [still smiling]: Are you okay?
Crossfire [still purple]: Yeah. I'm so glad to see Craig...but of course,
he's an almost immediately irritating person.
Highlander: I've never seen you let anyone tease you before.
Crossfire [sighing]: I guess this is the stilted expositionary dialogue scene.
Highlander: Yeah.
Crossfire: Well, I served under Bowman on the Nostromo on my first assignment.
Highlander: I didn't know you got the _Nostromo_ on your first assignment...
that's like getting the _Enterprise_.
Crossfire: Yeah, well, I had impressed...[he trails off, staring expectantly
off camera] So turn over the cue card, dumbshit.
[The cue card holder turns over the cue card.]
Crossfire: Thank you. I had impressed him with my final research paper on
using inertial dampeners to parallel transport a Borg defense shield and
precess it enough so that we could use standard weapons.
Highlander: Oh, yes.
Crossfire: Anyway, Craig taught me alot. He's been a mentor of sorts to me.
Highlander: And a friend?
Crossfire: No. People like Craig don't have friends. He's too much of
a hellraiser. Picard is my friend. Craig is just...a teacher.
Highlander: Anything else?
Crossfire: No. We gotta keep this scene short.
[Interior, 10-Forward. Crossfire and Highlander enter, and move to the table
where Picard, Bowman, Data, and Crouton are sitting.]
Bowman: Nice of you to come and see us.
Data: I see no logical reason why we should not form a military as well as
economical coalition with the Romulans. In light of the Lucky Charm
threat, it would be 'stupid' not to do everything we could.
Bowman: Yeah, well, Starfleet doesn't agree. They're still afraid of the
Rumbleons, if you can believe it.
Crossfire [irritated]: The upper echelons of Starfleet are inhabited by
quavering, frightened door mice.
[A pause.]
Crossfire: Present company excepted, of course.
Picard: Of course.
Bowman: I'm afraid I agree with Crossfire. But Starfleet seems to be much
more interested in Public Relations than in managing a strong defense.
Picard: That is understandable. Many Federation members do not believe in
the use of force.
Bowman: Yeah. Remember after the massacre at Wolf 359, how the High Council
'adjusted' the truth to make it a bit more palatable?
Highlander: I thought those were extenuating circumstances, though. We didn't
want to appear weak in front of the Romulans.
Bowman: Exactly. So they adjusted the truth.
[The com boops again.]
Gretzky [ic]: Bridge to Captain. Incoming communique from Starfleet Command.
Crouton: On my way.
Bowman: Mind if I tag along, captain? I haven't seen the bridge yet.
Crouton: Of course.
[Interior, Bridge. Crouton et al enter.]
Gretzky [turning] Incoming...[He sees Picard, Data, and Bowman] Admirals
on the bridge!
Bowman: Carry on.
Gretzky: Ah...Incoming message.
Crouton: On screen.
[The screen activates, showing a young-appearing admiral.]
Crighton [ss]: I'm Admiral Crighton. Greetings, Captain Crouton.
Crouton: Greetings. Always a pleasure to meet a new member of the command.
Crighton [ss]: Quite so. Ah...I see Picard, and Data...and Bowman are there
with you. Excellent. You are all needed on Earth immediately. Please
join us at once.
Crouton: Our Jolt Drive upgrade isn't finished yet...may we wait until...
Crighton [ss]: No. Please set out at once. Starfleet out.
[A beat.]
Crighton: Irritating little cocksucker, ain't he?
Crossfire [sotto vocce]: Another door mouse.
[Picard glares at Crossfire.]
Crouton: Well. Helm, set course for Earth. Speed, warp 6.
Picard [eagerly]: May I, Captain?
Crouton: Of course.
[Picard moves down to the command spot.]
Picard: Engage. [He gestures.]
[ZAM! The _Croutonprize_ leaps off into space.]
Crouton: Admirals, perhaps you'd like to continue your tour, while we
wait for arrival?
Bowman: I thought you'd never ask.
Picard: Actually, I believe we came here for a purpose.
Bowman: Oh yeah.
Picard: Captain, we need to speak in private about something, if we could.
Crouton: Of course. In the observation lounge...
[Highlander and Crossfire also start to walk toward the door.]
Bowman: We want to talk to Crouton alone, you two.
Crossfire [miffed]: Pardon me?
Bowman: Consider yourself pardoned. [The officers exit, leaving Highlander
and Crossfire standing in front of a locked door.]
Crossfire: I can tell when I'm not wanted...
Highlander: Humph.
Crossfire: Well, I needed to go read my mail anyway.
[He exits.]
[Interior, Crossfire's quarters. Crossfire enters.]
Crossfire: Zen, email.
Zen: Email protocols engaged. Roundfiling all messages from Fizzix Dude and
any message that contains the word 'flirt'. [A pause.] You have
2,356 junk mail messages. You have one personal mail message:
From: kennedy@UFP.gov.com (Ambassador Kennedy)
Subject: I think there's something you should know
Crossfire: Display personal message. [He reads.] Uh oh... this is not
good.
[He reads some more, and starts to look very alarmed.]
Crossfire: Zen, telnet 511-23-2352.
Zen: Establishing telnet protocols. [A pause.] Connection established.
please enter access code.
Crossfire: Access code 'Kill them all.'
Zen: Access established. Downloading Artificial Intelligence Communication
Kernel.
[A beat, and then a new voice comes from the telnet connection.]
Slave: Yes, master?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Captain's Log, supplemental. We are arriving in orbit around Earth, and
I am eager to find out what the mystery is. Our scans show that the
_Rampage_ is in orbit, too, which means that Admiral Avenger is here. I
can only think that this must be very important, whatever it is."
[Interior, Bridge. Crossfire enters from the turbolift and moves next to
Crouton. Crossfire looks worried.]
Crossfire: Sir, can I speak with you in private?
Crouton: Of course, but you'll have to wait for a moment. I'm receiving a
call from Starfleet HQ in a moment.
Crossfire: That's actually what I want...
Gretzky: Message coming through now, sir.
[Crouton stands, and Crossfire moves back to one of the science stations,
does something, and then leaves quickly. The viewscreen activates to show
--guess who?--Crighton.]
Crighton [ss]: Captain Crouton, how very prompt. Admiral Crighton, here,
and I'm the new Commander Starfleet, effective immediately.
Crouton: What?
Crighton [ss]: I know it's a bit of a shock, but if you and the admirals
would beam down, I'll explain everything in great detail. But first,
we have a slight problem.
Crouton [confused]: Problem...
Crighton [ss]: Yes. It seems that one of your crew is guilty of sedition and
treason.
Crouton [perking up and speaking sharply]: Who?
Crighton [ss]: Lieutenant Commander Crossfire. It seems that our new alliance
with the Romulans has revealed that he was piping information to them for
years, you see. At any rate, we have a court martial all prepared, and I
can assure you that justice will be done.
Crouton [unbelieving]: I should hope so, Admiral. I can't believe that
Crossfire would be guilty of treason.
Crighton [superficial and apologetic; ss]: Of course. We were surprised too,
but the documents are irrefutable. So please place him under arrest and
bring him down when you and the others come. We'll discuss matters more
in depth then. Starfleet out.
[The viewscreen goes dark.]
Highlander: Crossfire? No way.
Crouton: It must be a mistake, of course.
Gretzky: Maybe that's what he wanted to talk to you about...
Highlander: Then he knew this was coming.
Crouton: Zen, locate Lieutenant Commander Crossfire and detain him with
force fields.
[Zen bleeps, and a forcefield snaps down, encasing Captain Crouton.]
Zen: Lieutenant Commander Crossfire is located on the main bridge and is
detained.
Crouton: What?!?
Gretzky [checking his board]: Crossfire switched his compin ident with the
Captain's!
Highlander [sotto vocce]: Clever. [Out loud] Zen, locate Captain Crouton.
Zen: Captain Crouton is located on decks 1 through 49, sections A through Z
inclusive.
Gretzky: Confirmed. EVERYONE'S compin ident signal is registering as the
captain's.
Highlander: Shit.
Crouton: Zen, this is Captain Crouton. Recognize alpha-two clearance and
bring all croutonizers offline. Lockoff all shuttlecraft bay doors.
Seal all external air hatches with forcefields.
Zen: Confirmed.
Crouton: And get this damned forcefield off of me.
[The forcefield deactivates.]
Crouton: That's better. Mr. Gretzky, place security teams in all the
croutonizer rooms and shuttlecraft bays. Begin a level one search for
Crossfire.
Gretzky: Yes sir.
Soraya: Captain, someone just tried to open the doors to shuttlecraft bay 3.
Crouton: Get a security team down there right now.
Gretzky: Already on their way, sir.
Jez: Morlw rowlp. Meow mrow mew mrow. [Something's going on in there. Sir,
someone just activated the escape transporter on the shuttlecraft _Crash_.]
Highlander: Shields, sir?
Gretzky [quietly]: If we raise shields now, he'll literally be cut in half.
Jez: Meow rolwp. [Transport complete.]
Crouton [nodding]: Raise shields.
Gretzky: Shields up.
Highlander: Where'd he go?
Soraya: Tracing now...
Jez: Meow purrup!? [Where'd that come from!?]
Crouton: What?
Soraya: There's a small vessel directly above our starboard engine nacelle.
Crouton: On screen.
[The screen activates, showing a small ship.]
Chuang: Starfleet registry shows it to be the SS _Courser_, a Stiletto Class
scouting vessel.
Crouton: That's where he went?
Soraya: Yup yup yup. The ship is small enough so it could move in under our
sensors. That was the whole purpose of the Stiletto Class.
Gretzky: It is powering up its engines. I'm reading one life form aboard.
Crouton: Get a tractor beam on it immediately.
Gretzky: We can't. He's hiding behind our own engine nacelle.
[The _Courser_ leaps into warp.]
Highlander: There he goes. We'll never find him now.
Crouton: Perhaps that's for the best. Signal our guests to meet me
in the observation lounge. We need to talk.
TO BE CONTINUED....
------------------
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 91 13:06:33 -0600
From: reidj@tramp (Crossfire)
Subject: ST:TCG teaser
Next time, on an All-New Episode of Star Trek: The Crouton Generation--
"Captain Crouton's Lonely Hearts Club Band"
[Show Crighton, Crouton, Picard, Bowman, the Federation President, and
someone new in a briefing room in SFHQ]
Announcer: Strife strikes the Federation
Crighton [gesturing to the new person]: Allow me to introduce the NEW
Federation President.
Announcer: ...And threatens to tear the Croutons apart!
Avenger: RETIREMENT?!?!? I'm too young to retire!
Picard: I will fight these mandatory retirements...
Crighton: I'm afraid Starfleet has to ask you to voluntarily retire.
Announcer: Will this spell the end to the adventures of our heroes?
Crouton: What's this about the _Croutonprize_ being decomissioned?
Announcer: Can Crouton unlock the deadly betrayal...
Crighton: Please carry out your duties.
Data: I will begin immediately.
[FLASH Same scene, but we now see Crossfire with a phaser out.]
Announcer: Before things get out of hand?
Crossfire: On the contrary. It will be extrememly satisfying to kill
you both.
[FLASH Show Data picking up and tossing a Lucky Charm across the room
in slow motion.]
Announcer: An Evil Lucky Charm Plot on the next exciting episode of
Star Trek: The Crouton Generation!!
-----
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 91 13:08:26 -0600
From: reidj@tramp (Crossfire)
Subject: ST:TCG "Captain Crouton's Lonely Hearts Club Band"
"Captain Crouton's Lonely Hearts Club Band"
Guest Stars Patrick Stewart as Admiral Jean-Luc Picard
Brent Spiner as Vice Admiral Data
Dabney Coleman as Admiral Crighton
Michael Biehn as Benton
James Earl Jones as Federation President
Introducing "Stormin'" Norman Schwarzkopf as Admiral Bowman
Music by the Beatles
Produced by John Carpenter
Directed by Desmond Llewelyn
"Captain's Log, supplemental. We have arrived at Earth in response
to the orders of the....new Commander Starfleet, Admiral Crighton.
Lieutenant Commander Crossfire, who has a warrant issued for his
arrest for treason, has eluded us. And now we must beam down to meet
with Crighton. Admiral Avenger's ship, the _Rampage_ is in orbit,
so I can assume that he has already arrived."
[Interior, SFHQ briefing room. Crighton and another man are sitting
quietly. Enter Crouton, Picard, Data, Bowman, and the Federation
President. Crighton rises.]
Crighton [superficial]: Ah, gentlemen. So good to see you again.
Please, have a seat. We are still waiting for Admiral Avenger and
Ambassador Kennedy.
Picard: Just what is going on here?
Crighton [ignoring Picard]: In the mean time, may I introduce the NEW
Federation President, James Benton. [The other man rises.]
Benton: A pleasure to meet you all.
President [coldly]: I wasn't aware that there had been an election.
Crighton: There wasn't. But if you had bothered to keep up with the
new amendments made to the Articles of the Federation, you would
know that an official election is no longer necessary. The
office of Federation President is now filled by an appointee
chosen by the council. Benton was unanimously elected yesterday.
Picard: This is all news to us.
Benton [shrugging]: That's what you get for galavanting about the
galaxies.
Crouton: Now just what is that supposed to mean?
Benton: It means, captain, that the Federation has decided to change its
exploration policy. From now on, we will no longer waste our resources
on establishing extended contact with the Magellanic Clouds. In fact,
we won't be exploring our own galaxy much more.
Avenger [who has entered quietly with Ambassador Kennedy]: Nobody told
me about this.
Benton: You didn't ask.
Avenger: Well, I rather think that the Commander of Starfleet might have
something to say about that.
Crighton: Yes, Mr. Avenger, I do. And I say that Starfleet agrees.
[Avenger is thunderstruck.]
Crighton: Anyway, now that we're all here, let's get on with the meeting.
As you know there have been some changes in both the Federation
and Starfleet recently. These changes dictate some unfortunate
circumstances, and I'm afraid all of you will be affected.
[Crighton rises, moves over to a smaller table in the corner and picks
up a sheaf of official documents. He hands papers to Picard, Avenger,
Crouton, and Data.]
Avenger: RETIREMENT?!?!? I'm too young to retire!
Crighton: Not too young by human standards. Remember, Mr. Avenger,
you admitted to your true age. And that age is far beyond the
retirement age for humans.
Avenger [trying to regain control of the situation]: I am not human.
Crighton: Yes, and since you blatantly insist on maintaining this air
of mistique about your true origins, I'm afraid that Starfleet has
to ask you to voluntarily retire. If you wish, you may fight this,
but it would only end up as a court-martial which, I can assure you,
you would loose.
[Avenger stares at the paper, shocked.]
Bowman: What about you, Picard? Are you going to go down without a
fight too?
Picard: No, I will not. I will fight these mandatory retirements...
Crighton: Mr. Picard, we have allowed you to continue your work with
Starfleet as a courtesy. You too are far beyond the mandatory
retirement age.
Picard: This is absurd.
Kennedy [after a whispered conference with the now ex-president]: Why
wasn't I informed about these new amendments to the Articles?
Benton: Well, it seems that your tenure as Earth's ambassador has come
to an end, Miss Kennedy. [He smiles.] You're no longer on our
mailing list, so to speak.
Crouton [reading]: What's this about the _Croutonprize_ being
decomissioned?
Crighton: All Salad-Class starships are being decomissioned. Since
they are primarily exploration cruisers, they will no longer be
needed. The resource investment they represent, however, is too
large to keep going.
Benton: The Federation has changed its charter. We feel that we
have explored enough, and we are going to turn our efforts to
simply living life instead of constantly questioning it.
Crighton: Admiral Data, please begin your new duties immediately.
Data: I would prefer not to.
Crighton: Why not?
Data: These duties, although they carry a promotion to full Senior
Admiral, require me to dismantle Starfleets defenses. In light
of the Lucky Charm threat, I do not believe that this is a prudent
course of action.
Avenger: What? You're going to lower the defenses? The Lucky Charms
will roll over the Federation! They'll have us for their early
midafternoon snack!
Benton: Mr. Avenger, we now believe we can establish friendly relations
with the Lucky Charms. Perhaps with our new Federation Charter,
they will no longer see us as a threat.
Avenger: With all due respect, sir, they never saw us as a threat before.
They were simply hungry.
Benton: Regardless, this is the new Federation policy.
Crighton: And it will be carried out.
Data: I must strongly protest, sir.
Crighton: As always, your protest is noted. Please carry out your duties.
Data: I will begin immediately.
Crighton [pleased]: You see? Mister Data knows his duties. Do you,
gentlemen?
Bowman: This is a crock of shit.
[A security guard enters and moves over to Crighton. He whispers into
Crighton's ear, and Crighton smiles.]
Crighton: Ah! We've found the errant Crossfire's ship. Now all we
have to do is find Crossfire. [He looks at Kennedy.] I don't
suppose any of YOU would happen to know where he is, would you?
Kennedy [innocently]: Whoever are you talking about?
Benton: Don't attempt to deny that you warned Crossfire about the
charges against him. We have been monitoring your communications
console for some time, Miss Kennedy.
Kennedy [still innocently]: Well, you obviously haven't been reading
them too close, have you.
[A rumbling explosion filters into the room, and we can hear people
shouting outside.]
Crighton [to the security guard at his elbow]: Go see what that was.
[The security guard exits, and the noise outside dies down as everyone
outside runs to see what the commotion was.]
Crighton: So, gentlemen, if you'll just sign those papers, we can put
this unpleasantness behind us.
Picard: On the contrary, *Admiral*. [He puts a slightly sarcastic
emphasis on 'Admiral'.] The unpleasantness is just beginning, I
believe.
Crouton: Indeed. We have a few surprises for you, too...
[At this point, Crossfire comes bursting into the room. He's looking
slightly singed, and he's carrying his bow, but he has his phaser out.
Crighton looks surprised, then angry.]
Crighton: Mr. Crossfire, put down your weapon.
Crossfire: Go to hell, you pig.
Benton: This isn't going to help you any, Commander.
Crossfire: On the contrary. It will be extremely satisfying to kill
you both.
Bowman: Crossfire, put down the phaser.
Picard: Yes, Commander. Do as they say.
Crossfire: You don't understand, sir. They aren't who they say they are.
Picard: We know that, and if you would do as we say, we might be able
to clear things up.
Crouton: Do it, Crossfire.
Crossfire [angry]: They're Lucky Charms, sir!
Data: We know.
Crossfire, Benton, and Crighton [chorus]: You do?
Picard: Of course. You don't think that you'd be able to infiltrate
the Federation without us knowing about it, did you?
Benton: My dear Picard, what are you talking about?
Picard: You wanted to get us out of the way, so that you could execute
your plans. But you underestimated us again.
Data: Indeed. The game is no longer afoot.
Avenger: We were able to expose your plan to undermine the Federation
and Starfleet defenses before you were able to get rid of us. And
now you've lost.
Crighton [giving up the pretense]: Not at all, Captain. I am Commander
Starfleet, and you are just an alien that can't be trusted. We'll
see who is believed.
Avenger: The rest of the Federation might find it difficult to believe
you when they see this...
[Avenger jumps up and fires at Crighton with his personal phaser.
Crighton phases out, then reappears...in Lucky Charm form.]
Picard: I really don't think that people will believe you when they
see your true colors.
Bowman: We're too clever for you. You're nothing but termites with
overactive thyroid glands.
Crighton [gnashing his mandibles]: Perhaps we should implement our
contingency plan.
[Bowman reverts to his Lucky Charm form, too, then together they phase
out...to reappear on the other side of the table next to Avenger and
Picard.]
Crighton: We might still be able to destroy the Federation's top minds,
and that will do enough damage itself.
[Crighton reaches for Picard, but an arrow from Crossfire's bow strikes
the Lucky Charm's arm. Crighton staggers back, holding his spurting
arm and howling. Benton leaps at Crossfire and knocks him to the ground.
Data dashes over, picks up Benton and effortlessly tosses him across
the room.]
Crossfire: Erk. [Data helps him up.] Thanks, Data.
Data: You are quite...[they both duck as Benton goes sailing over their
heads]...welcome, Commander.
[Enter a squad of Federation Marines, armed to the teeth.]
Crighton: EEEEE?
Benton [in reply]: EEEEE!
Crighton: We will leave you now, humans. But we will return.
Crossfire: I hope you weren't thinking about using your ship. It's
no longer with us, you see...
Benton: What?
Crossfire: Well, things blow up, don't they...
Benton: Curses! Foiled again!
Crighton: And it would have worked, too, if it hadn't been for those
meddling humans!
[Together, they vanish.]
Bowman [after a beat]: 'Things blow up'?
[Crossfire shrugs.]
Crossfire: You knew about this all along? You might have included me.
Kennedy: Calm down, kiddo.
Crossfire: Don't call me kiddo.
Picard: We couldn't warn you because we had to keep communications
private--person to person only. And by the time we were able
to contact the _Croutonprize_ the Lucky Charms had already
issued a warrant for your arrest.
Kennedy: The only reason why we warned you was because they were
planning on having you meet with an 'accident' after you'd been
arrested. I couldn't tell you about Crighton and Benton in the
message, because they were monitoring my communications.
Crossfire: Oh.
Picard [wryly]: You see? We can manage without you.
Data: How did you locate their vessel, Commander?
Crossfire: Oh, I was poking in orbit around the north magnetic pole and
I bumped into it. Literally. I recognized it as Lucky Charm
technology, and I put two and two together and realized that
Crighton and Benton weren't who they said they were.
President: I wonder how we're going to deal with this. We'll have to
rewrite the Articles and Charter. We'll have to be careful not
to cause a panic. We don't want people to think that the Federation
is vulnerable to this sort of thing.
Crossfire: Well, you'll just have to 'adjust the truth' again, won't you,
Mr. President. How about subsidance owing to a plague of door mice?
Bowman: Oh, Crossfire. Didn't I tell you that you'll never amount
to anything in this universe as long as your so facetious?
Crossfire: Yes, sir. You did, sir. Many times, sir. May I go now, sir?
Picard: Certainly you may.
[Crossfire turns to leave.]
Bowman: Crossfire? [Crossfire turns to look at him] Nine out of ten.
Crossfire [smiling]: Thank you, sir.
------------------
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 91 19:38 EDT
From: "Gilliam, Suzanne"
[ TCG Archives | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | TSG | TPG | Misc | Begin | End ] |
||||