==================================
Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation
Season 4, Pack #27
==================================

Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1992 14:30:01 -0600
From: Al Haig's House of Missiles 
Subject: ST:TCG "The Arc of Electricity"

Next time, on an all-new episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation--

"The Arc of Electricity"

While cleaning the engine room of the _Subaru_, Chief Engineer Midzor
accidentally shorts out the main matter/antimatter intermix chamber
causing--you guessed it!--all the lights to go out!  Suddenly an
interdimensional rift to the universe of antimatter opens, and who should
try and get through but the Evil Time Lord Omega!  Will the crew of the
_Subaru_ survive this poorly-written "Doctor Who" crossover?  Will Sancho the
Dog ever come out from under the couch?  And just where *is* Captain hALF
jAPANESE?  Missy swears up and down it was Soraya's mess as the crew 
fights to survive on the next exciting episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton
Generation!

-------------------------------------

Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1992 14:34:56 -0600
From: "I look for things." 
Subject: ST:TCG  "The Three Missys"

Next time, on an All-New Episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation--

"The Three Missys"

In an attempt to deal with Omega's plans to destroy the universe, the Croutons
are forced to engage the plot device, causing two more Lt. Cmdr. Midzors to
appear--one from the past, and one from the future.  Will the three Missys
be able to shed some light on the problem?  Will there be enough graduate
students for them to date?  Will Lt. Jen-L be forced to treat injuries as 
the Blinovitch Limitation Effect explodes in their faces?  Ensign Yi tries
to find his sonic screwdriver as the crew fights to survive on the next
exciting episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation!

-------------------------

Date: Fri, 10 Jul 92 14:45:11 mdt
From: "Dances with Paulina" 
Subject: ST:TCG  "The X-Men Syndrome"

Next time, on an all-new episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation--

"The X-Men Syndrome"

While on a rescue mission to help a stricken cargo ship, Lt. Quixote and
Sancho the Dog disappear in a transporter accident.  But really they're in
an alternate dimension where they can walk through walls, but conveniently
don't fall through the floors of the _Subaru_.  Suddenly evil twin clones
of Quixote and Sancho appear, and pretend (of course) to be the genuine
articles.  But then an evil alien intelligence takes over Sancho, causing
him to chew on Commander Palmer's shoes and piddle on the carpet in 
10-Forward.  Suspecting that Quixote and Sancho aren't quite themselves,
the crew begins to ask pointed questions.

Meanwhile, back in the alternate dimension, the REAL Quixote manages to 
send a message via telepathy to Ensign Practor, who just thinks she's 
hallucinating because of the Romulan T'K'Lmrlllryhl she ate last night.  When
she tells Ensign Yi her odd experience, Yi promptly begins to search for an
answer.  He discovers the truth about the evil twin clones and the alien
intelligence, and resets the transporter and attempts to beam them back to
where they belong.

Buuuuuuuuut the resulting explosion causes everybody to go back in time,
and Lt. Quixote wakes up in his quarters, discovering it was only a dream.

---------------------------- 

Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1992 14:52:44 -0600
From: Super Genius 
Subject: ST:TCG  "Uncertainties"

Next time, on an All-New Episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation--

"Uncertainties"

The crew of the _Heisenberg_ are puttering merrily along when suddenly 
Captain Kabeta disappears!  Her crew scrambles to find where she's gone when
they discover a note in her quarters saying that her cyberspace account has
been revoked!  Will Kabeta ever have email access again?  Can the crew
make contact with their beloved leader?  Kabeta struggles for network
access as Thokk looses his temper on the next exciting episode of Star
Trek:  The You-Guessed-It Generation!

----------------------------------


Date:        Tue, 04 Aug 92 17:26:03 EDT
From: Knight of the Wolves 
Subject: "Disaster: Crouton Style" (TCG4, short)

                "Disaster: Crouton Style"


The USS Subaru is exploring deep space while Commander Palmer enjoys
the chance to command a ship since hj is still missing.

     Palmer: Give me thirty push-ups, Practor.

Suddenly, the Subaru hits a cosmic filament, or whatever other
theoretical foundation of matter there is no hard evidence for but makes
for a nice episode anyway!

     Missy: (with satisfaction) Warp engines are out, impulse engines
          are off-line, and the dilithium crystal chamber is building
          to a nasty explosion, but THE LIGHTS DIDN'T GO OUT!

     [The lights fail.]

Is there no end to the trouble plaguing the USS Subaru?

     Kessner: But I don't have the training to deliver an elephant's
          baby!

Even Quixote begins to show signs of stress.

     Quixote: The hounds of Freston take you, Heian!  You have deleted
          the Lady Dulcinea's Snail Mail address from my account, and
          her new e-mail address as well!

It's a countdown to destruction on

          S T A R   T R E K :

           T H E   C R O U T O N   G E N E R A T I O N


     Heian: Anti-matter containment fields will become critical in
          fifteen seconds.

--------------------------


Date: Sat, 29 Aug 92 18:26:31 edt
From: "Happiness is mandatory (Clothier, Kenneth)" 
Subject: Lost in Space


And now its time for the continuing misadventures of Star Fleet Officer 
Random:

	When we last left our intrepid, blue hero, he had just successfully
fended off a pound puppy attack and had undermined a cruel plot to corrupt 
childrens minds. After these events, Random was once again bored.
VERY bored. So with a Herculean effort he makes up his mind to do something:

RANDOM: This place has become somehow confining. I will leave this place. I 
will take a summer vacation.

With blinding speed, he gathered up vacation like stuff and an ensign to 
carry it all for him. He rushed to the Chivalier's transporter room and 
programs in completely random coordinates. He orders the eager young ensign, 
Timmy, onto the transporter pad, sets the timer, leaps to the pad, and waits 
for his atoms to be ripped apart and reassembled elsewhere. And he waits, and 
waits, and waits.
 
RANDOM: Oh. I forgot to plug it in, didn't I?

Our hero rectifies the situation leaves an ambiguously coded note to the 
Captain and another for his mom, and returns once again to the pad.

With a wheeze and a groan, lots of cheap special effects, and a puff of smoke 
they vanish. Noticing the transporter in action, the chief engineer calls the 
Captain.

Engineer: Captain, it would appear that somebody has just transported off the 
ship.

Captain: Well... who was it.... Scotty?... and ....where... did they ...go?

Engineer: Dammit Captian, I'm not Scottish. I'm from Pittsburgh. Gimme an 
hour and I'll let you know.

Captain: I need it ... now. In ...an hour... I'll be... in my stateroom... 
with some bimbo yeoman.

Engineer:
 
LONG PAUSE

Captain, There's a note here from commander Random. It says he's taking a 
vacation. He took ensign Timmy with him.

Captain: And where... did they... go?

Engineer:
 
Pause. Gulps hastily. Stares. Twiddles his thumbs. Gasps. and Hisses-

They've gone to Bleu Cheez Prime itself.


(SWELLS OF SDINISTER ORGAN MUSIC)

Meanwhile, Random and Timmy have materialized on a hideous planet.
No sooner does this happen than Timmy is vaporized by a Bleu Cheez crouton 
beam.

RANDOM: Zowie. That looked just like the spark you get from eating life 
savers in the dark. (Opens communicator) Hey! Chivalier guys! I don't know 
how to say this but,  well,... It looks like .... We're Gonna Need Another 
Timmy......(bzzzzzz)......(ominous click)


			TO BE CONTINUED...

			REALLY, RANDOM'S Summer adventure 
			has just begun, so stay tuned. OK?

-------------------------


Date: Fri, 11 Sep 92 16:48:06 edt
From: "Happiness is mandatory (Clothier, Kenneth)" 
Subject: is being continued

Let's try this again.

Star Trek: The Crouton Generation

-The discontinued misadventures of Random-

(When last we left Random, he'd croutonized himself to unknown coordinates to 
take a vacation from the stressful life  of a Star Fleet Officer. Being 
himself, he forgot to tell anyone that he was going. Grabbing an unsuspecting 
young ensign to carry his baggage, he vanished from the Chivalier. The 
Croutonizer Chief discovered these happenings and reported to the Captain 
that Random had beamed down to Blucheez Prime - a secret base of the HVRs 
that everyone apparently knows about.)

Scene: Random and the ensign materialize. The ensign is vaporized by a phaser 
beam.

Random: OOOOOOOH! Pretty lights! (pauses, contemplates, realizes what 
happened, thinks, tries to operate communicator) Ahem. _Chivalier_ guys? You 
read me? It appears that ensign Timmy has had an accident... um... to be 
brief: We're going to need another Timmy. ...(buzz of static)

An HVR guard appears pointing a phaser at Random.

Random: Ah. A native guide. That's just what I need for my vacation, I'll be 
a tourist.

HVR guard: You there! Don't make any sudden moves. Put your hands over your 
head.

Random: (aside) Obviously a native custom. (Out loud) Okay, but only if you 
say "Simon says" first.

HVR guard: huh? OK. Simon says "Put your hands over your head"

Random puts his hands over his head and is lead away by the guard.
As they head towards a bunker, Random takes snapshots, dons a loud shirt, and 
asks about the local customs.



Random: Say what are those silos over there for . And those really 
big generators, what do they do  and that there ... and 
 

HVR Guard: Stop taking those pictures or I'll be forced to shoot you.

Random: Shoot me? Neat. What do you natives shoot people with? Arrows? 
Blowdarts? Thorns with exotic venoms on them which cause my gall bladder to 
swell to the size of a basketball, causing excruciating pain and a general 
icky feeling for weeks before finally killing me by evaporating all my blood?

HVR guard: (nauseated by the thought) ugh! No! we use these. (Shows him the 
phaser)

Random: ( takes phaser) I had one of these but it fell apart though (as he 
breaks it in a dozen pieces). That's a pretty boring weapon for a native 
though isn't it?

HVR guard: Aaaaaieee!!! The prisoner has escaped. He's got my weapon! 
HEEEELLPPP! Help! 

A Dozen guards run out  of the bunker and swarm over Random.

Random: Oooooooh! A luau, just for me! How exciting. These natives, they're so 
wacky! (addressing the HVR guard trying to strangle him) OK, you can stop that 
now. Hey you guys, I really mean it! Native customs or not you guys, I think 
you're being silly. Now cut it out. Ok, I've had it.

With amazing speed, Random beats the snot out of the HVR squad.

Random: Those natives are just a little too entusiastic for me. 
They're..................... WAIT A MINUTE! Those weren't -Natives-. They were 
Hidden Valley Ranchers! I hate those guys! They're worse than Hare Krishna's 
at the spaceport! And.....

Cut off by sinister laughter, Random turns only to look down the barrel of a 
Megadeath cannon (the loudest weapon known to man). At the trigger stood the 
HVR commander.

HVR commander: Oh, a star fleet officer ah see. Well I hope you liked your 
leettle tour of our verra secret base, because you will be with us for a verra 
long time, like forever. No one escapes from Capitan D'Jonaisse.
Guards take him to the interrogation chamber.

Random: Intriguing.

		TO BE CONTINUED (maybe)....

---------------------


Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 10:58:01 -0700
From: Katherine 'Kabeta' Bryant 
Subject: ST:TCG4 "Details" (Not Too Long)


Note:  The following episode might be considered an "administrative
episode," which exists primarily to clear up some details.  Thus the
lack of much plot.


Next, on STAR TREK:  The Crouton Generation.....

			    "Details"

Starring: The crew of the Heisenberg as themselves

Things are pretty quiet on the _Heisenberg_ these days.  Too quiet, at
least in Sickbay, where Cdr. Scribonia the Illegible has lain in a coma
since the disastrous accident in cyberspace (see "Return to the Planet of
the Eights").

[Captain Kabeta and Dr. Hertzman are talking in Dr. Hertzman's office.]

Kabeta:  Has there been any improvement at all, Doctor?

Ruth:  Not so far as I can tell, Captain.  But she doesn't seem to
be deteriorating, either.  What there is of her here is fine, so far
as I can tell -- but part of her is missing.

Kabeta:  *Missing*?  You mean to tell me she somehow lost part of herself
in cyberspace?

Ruth:  I don't know much about cyberspace, or about Scribonia's parallel
structure.  But, according to Lt. Aoki, it's quite possible.

Kabeta:  Tell me frankly, Ruth.  Do you really think there's anything
more Federation medicine can do for her now?

Ruth:  The truth, Captain?  No.  She's been here in a coma for a
month now -- far longer than any normal human could go without suffering
irreversible damage.  So far as I can tell, she hasn't -- but she shows
no signs of coming out of it either.  

Kabeta:  What do you propose to do?

Ruth:  Take her home.

Kabeta:  Home?

Ruth:  I've been in contact with her home planet.  They think they may
be able to retrieve the rest of her from cyberspace.

Kabeta:  Which is more than we can do, admittedly.  Thank you, Doctor.
Contact the planet and tell them we are bringing the Commander home.
I will contact Admiral Avenger and ask him to put her on indefinite
medical leave.  That way, she can come back if she wants to when she
recovers.  If she recovers.

Ruth:  She'll recover, Captain.  [Kabeta stands to leave.  As she goes
out the door, Dr. Hertzman says under her breath, "I hope."]

[Cut to the Heisenberg conference room.  Kabeta has assembled her senior
officers there:  Furd, yaz, McDonagh, Kleber, Aoki, Hertzman, Thokk, 
O'Forever, Kendragon, Matt Ender (who isn't strictly an officer,
admittedly), eloraC, Guillaume, Hutchings...  ]

Kabeta:  Thank you all for coming on such short notice.  I have called
this meeting to inform you all of a difficult and sad decision that
Dr. Hertzman and I have made.  As many of you know, Commander Scribonia
was badly injured -- though exactly how she was injured I cannot with
authority say -- during our recent encounter with the Freemontians.
[pause]  What you may not know is that as a result of this, she has
been in a coma for the past month.

[Collective gasp.]

Kabeta:  As per Dr. Hertzman's advice, and after talking to her home
planet and to Admiral Avenger, we are taking her home.  We should
arrive at her planet within the next few days.  Scribonia has been
placed on indefinite medical leave.  She may someday return to us,
but we must operate on the assumption that she will not.

[Hubbub of whispers and remars.  Kabeta raises a hand as if to indicate
that she isn't finished.]

Kabeta:  This is very painful to me, as I'm sure it is to many of you.
Scribonia has been a vital member of this crew since Starbase Harvard
days, and I will miss her.  [pause]  But life must go on.  As such, I
have spoken with Admiral Avenger about some promotions and changes
that will come as a result of this.

[She pulls out a sheet of notes.]

Kabeta:  The first order of business, of course, is to find a new
first officer.  I think you will probably all agree that Lt. Cdr.
Furd has the necessary experience, having served as second officer
for some years now.  Commander, do you think you could take over
the position?

Furd:  M...me?  I suppose so... though I'll never be able to fill her
shoes.  Are you sure I'm the best choice?

Kabeta (smiling):  Would I have asked you if I weren't?  [She adds an
extra rank pin to his collar.]  Congratulations, Commander Furd.

[The room bursts out with applause.  Furd sits down, rather embarrassed
but still rather pleased.]

Kabeta:  With Furd moving to first officer, we will of course need
a new second officer.  This decision is much harder.  I would say that
the most likely candidates would be Lt. Cdr. yaz, Lt. Cdr. McDonagh,
Lt. Cdr. Zenador, and Lt. Kleber.  [yaz starts to protest.]  yaz, I
know how you feel about administrative work, and how busy you have been
since maya left.  I think I will not ask you take on further duties.

yaz:  Thanks, cap'n.  [He looks rather relieved.

Kabeta:  That said, let me say now that this is not an easy decision
to make among the other three candidates.  But I think Mr. McDonagh,
you should probably not have distractions from your engineering genius,
and Zenador, you too have many other duties as our only Xenologer.
That leaves you, Lt. Kleber.  How do you feel about taking on a second
officer's duties along with your communications and Speaking?

Kleber: Well, if we give more of the communications work to Ensign
Snark, I could probably handle it.

Kabeta:  Any objections?

[There is a resounding silence.]

Kabeta:  Very well, then.  A promotion will, of course, be in order,
*Lt. Commander*.  [She smiles as applause breaks out again.]  Promotion
will also be in order for Ensign Snark, and for Lt. O'Forever and
Lt. Kendragon.  And for Lt. Aoki.  So that makes Lt. JG Snark our
new Communications Officer, though Lt. Cdr. Kleber will retain the
title of Chief Communications Officer.  Full Lt. O'Forever remains 
Primary Con Officer, while Lt. Kendragon keeps the title of Intelligence
Officer and Ship's Shredder/Gerbil, and will also take over as Primary
Ops Officer, a position that has remained vacant for some time.  Lt.
Cdr. Aoki will remain as Chief Computer Officer.  [She takes a deep
breath.]  Remind me to spread out the promotions next time!  Some of
these have been too long in coming.

[She stands, and begins shaking hands and adding pins and chatting.
As people begin to move out the door, she stops them with:]

Kabeta:  I'd like to meet with Cdr. Furd, Lt. Cdr. Kleber, Lt. O'Forever,
and Lt. Kendragon immediately.  The rest of you return to your stations.
Good luck -- and thanks to *all* of you for giving me the best crew in
all of Star Fleet.


[This episode written by Katherine Bryant and brought to you by the
letter J and the number 200.]

-----------------------------


Date:        Sat, 12 Sep 92 10:11:47 EDT
From: Knight of the Wolves 
Subject: "Undercover" (TCG4, short)

                        "Undercover"

Lieutenant (j.g.) Quixote receives orders to go disappear from sight.

     Quixote: The Emperor's seal!  The Emperor's seal!
          [Quixote gets so excited he bangs his head on the ceiling to
          his quarters and must be taken to sickbay.]

What is going on?

     hj: What is going on, Dave?

     Quixote: I have received orders from the Emperor that require I
          adopt a silence; it will be as though I am not even here.

     Palmer: This shouldn't last long.

And now Dave Quixote is making his disappearance....

     hj: So long, ya looney.

     Quixote: Soft and fair, your highness.  "In last year's nests,
          there are no birds this year."  As William Shakespeare wrote,
          "If we meet again, why then, we shall laugh.  And if not,
          well, then this parting was well made."

     Palmer: Does this mean we'll never see you again, Dave?

     Quixote: Never, dear squire, is a time longer than I care to think
          of.  I shall still appear for episodes, and mayhap I will
          break my electronic silence in six months if I can get back to
          a terminal.

     Panza: Keep in touch, Dave.

     Quixote: But of course.  My Snail address is:
          Dave Learn [my codename] / STEM
          c/o Lynx Air
          Box 407139
          Fort Lauderdale, FL 33340

          I shall miss you all.

It's tear-filled goodbyes on the next exciting episode of STAR TREK:
THE CROUTON GENERATION!

     Quixote: Admiral, I am ready to be dropped from the tcg mailing
          list.




------------------------------------------------------------------------

Translation:

I am leaving for Haiti on Tuesday morning.  I will not be able to log in
to this account for six months as of 11:00 this morning (the account
will still exist; I just have no way to login).  Dave Quixote's
character is available for episodes, though.
     It's been a good time on tcg and junk, but alas! to all things
there must come an ending.  My address is up above.  Drop me a line some
time if you feel so inclined.
     Mark, please drop me from tcg.  Thanks.



Dave Learn, Knight of the Wolves                 dl20@lafayacs.bitnet

"Make my life a prayer to You / I want to do what You want me to /
 No empty prayers, no white lies / No token prayers, no compromise."

-----------------------------


Date: Fri, 18 Sep 1992 15:37:27 -0600
From: SPOON!! 
Subject: ST:TCG "The Nemeth-ith of the Croutonth"


Next time, on an All-New Episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation

"The Nemeth-ith of the Croutonth"

All's well on the _Croutonprize_ until suddenly

*poof*

Evi Nemeth, evil Sorceress and Weilder of the Bit-Eating B+ Trees appears
in a cloud of MIPS.  Using her evil powers she assigns the crew to creating
hash tables, slowing Zen to a crawl.  "Will *somebody* save us?!?!?" screams
Soraya...when...

Faster than a rolling O
Stronger than silent E
Able to leap capitol T in a single bound...

It's a word...
It's a plan...
It's LETTERMAN!

Letterman:  I'm Letterman.

Ripping an L from his varsity sweater, he places it in front of Evi to
transform her into...Levi!  The evil sorceress is changed into a harmless
pair of jeans, saving our heroes.

Soraya:  Oh, thank you, Letterman!

----------------------------------


Date: Sun, 1 Nov 1992 22:04:39 -0800
From: Bleacher of Ants 
Subject: ST:TCG4 "Creepy Crawlers" (SHORT)


Next time, on STAAAAAAAAAAR TREK:  THE CROUTON GENERATION:

                         "Creepy Crawlers"

Chaos reigns in Kabeta's quarters as little black bugs invade and try to take
over.  How will the Captain cope with walking into her quarters to find her
countertop covered with the nasty critters?  Will she be able to stop the 
invasion with the help of the newly developed Clorox Torpedoes?  Or will
the _Heisenberg_ lose its Captain as Kabeta dissolves in anger and frustration
at the continuing stream of bugs?  And does anyone care?  As the ants fight
to survive...

--------------------------

From: The Not So Tall Adventurer 
Subject: "Held Accountable" (short)
Date: Mon, 29 Mar 93 23:29:34 MST

It is night on the Melbourne. Eliana sits at the computer and dictates e-mail
on her Academy account while Aren tosses and turns in bed. Suddenly she jumps 
as an authoritative voice booms out of her computer.

Voice: We have discovered that you are no longer affiliated with the Academy.
You do not exist, and we are terminating your account. Prepare for termination.
Prepare for termination.

Eliana: How did they find me? How did they know? 

As her account is terminated, Eliana begins to fade. Aren wakes up to hear her
screaming.

Eliana: Help! Don't take it away! Don't take it...

She's gone

******

Sigh. Will Eliana return? Will she find a new account? It's up to you. If any 
of you can help bring her back (and if you live close enough for Boulder to be 
a local call) please contact Mindy at 499-9636! She is in dire need of a new 
account so that she can continue her four year long addiction to e-mail.

Melinda (Eliana)

-- 
Melinda K. Allen		 	Lerne zu laecheln. 
allenmk@ucsu.colorado.edu		Das ist ein Mittel gegen alle Leiden.
		    					    --Johannes Paul I
--------------------------

Date: Mon, 13 Jul 92 00:55:38 -0400
From: ender2@husc.harvard.edu (Matt Ender)
Subject: STTCG:  "Sonic Screwdriver"

Next time, on an all-new episode of Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation:

"Sonic Screwdriver"

Hunting around in old data files, Ensigns Potted, Smashed, Trashed, and 
Blasted discover the 'recipe' for a Sonic Screwdriver.  After forcing
the vile liquid down the throats of their commanders, they take over
the starship, rename it the _C Two H Six O_ and join the HVR!  Will
Federation starlane traffic cops pull them over for weaving out of
their lane?  Or will they carouse from planet to planet in search of the
main ingredient of the Sonic Screwdriver, an obscure substance known
as 'Vad-kah'?  Or will they remeber to use the replicator even in their
sorry state?  Find out on the next b'slarmied episode of Star Terk:
The Crouton Generation!

--------------------------
Date: Mon, 23 Aug 93 8:31:08 edt
From: Techno Lackey  (Despina Papazisis)
Subject: TCG Season ? : Cutbacks (short)

Scene: The inside of cabin on the USS Chivalier.  A young frustrated woman is 
	sitting on the floor with the parts of a shelving unit scattered about  
	her.  Her hair is pulled back in a head band, and it not only reveals
	the sweat on her farhead, but the pointed ears of her heritage.     

Aedoni: Elements!  Why won't this thing fit together?!?!?!?! I am the Science
	Officer of this ship, I can work and fix every piece of machinery on
	this vessel, but I can't put together a shelving unit?!!?

Narrator: For those of you keeping score at home, it seems that there have been
some cutbacks in Federation funding.  In order to create better weapons to
fight the (insert enemy of the week here), the Federation has decided to make
some rationing rules abord Starships.  Some of the regulations that now hold
are:  Replicators are to only be used for small items, (not whole shelving
units, but shelving unit parts are fine..), lower officers must start bunking
together and everyone must wear the new uniforms that should last longer and
can be cleaned by wearing them when you take your sonic shower.  Now back to
Aedoni and her trials and tribulations....

Scene:  Aedoni has given up on the shelving for the time being and it trying to
relax on her bed.  She tugs at the "new uniform" that doesn't seem to fit as
well as the previous uniforms, but she finally finds a comfortable position.
As she slowly starts to fall asleep, the door buzzer buzzes.

Aedoni: Enter.

Scene: The door opens to reveal....

Narrator: It seems that the plot lines have been rationed along with everything
else in the Federation.  Tune in next time, true believers, as Aedoni meets her
new roomate(s) on the next short episode of 

Piiiiiiiiiigggggggggssssss IIIIIIIIIIIIInnnnnnnn
SSSSSSSSSSpppppppppaaaaaaaccee.

[Narrator: Oh Geez.. do they have to reuse titles as well????]

--------------------------

From: Melinda Kay Allen 
Subject: Eliana Returns
Date: Sun, 12 Sep 1993 00:13:43 -0600 (MDT)

SCENE: The Melbourne, late at night. In Aren and Eliana's quarters. Aren
stares dumbly at the chair in front of the computer, where his wife had
been sitting not two minutes ago. 

AREN: What in Shonyo's name just happened? Where is she?

COMPUTER: Eliana Volkov has dematerialized.

AREN: Thanks for stating the obvious, Computer. I can see that! But why?

COMPUTER: Her account expired. It is a well known phenomenon that computer
	users who become too attached to the use of e-mail dematerialize 
	when their computer accounts are taken away from them. They have
	become one with their accounts and are unable to exist without
	them.

AREN: Well...what can I do? How can I get her back?

COMPUTER: Eliana will rematerialize if her computer e-mail account is 
	restored. 

AREN: Can you do that?

COMPUTER: She would have to be reinstated as an Academy student. Let me
	see if I can access the files. Yes--there. I've signed her up for
	a correspondence course on the mating habits of the Regilian squid.
	A new account will now be generated in her name.

Aren watches the chair closely as Eliana begins to rematerialize. The 
instant her form is solid, she begins typing on the computer.

ELIANA: Oh, Aren! My account was renewed--I feel like a completely new 
	person!

AREN: That's nice, Dear. Why don't you turn that thing off and come to bed?

ELIANA: Well, all right. But wait...what's this in my mailbox? HOMEWORK?
	What do I care about Regilian squid? Who got me into this? Sorry,
	Aren, but I have a twenty page paper due tomorrow. I'll come to
	bed later.

Aren sighs loudly, rolls over in bed and covers his head with the blanket
to keep out the light. His snores soon echo through the room as Eliana 
types madly.

THE END