==================================
Star Trek:  The Crouton Generation
Season 4, Pack #29
==================================

Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 14:50:10 -0800
From: Katherine 'Kabeta' Bryant 
Subject: Coming soon...
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 93 11:13:40 PST
From: mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu (David McKinnon)
To: yawn@husc.harvard.edu


		NEXT WEEK ON STAR TREK, THE CROUTON GENERATION

	A strange intruder enters Starfleet Command, and people are
disappearing.  Starfleet has no ideas.

>Beefsteak: Lt. Mongoose, any ideas?
>
>Lt. Mongoose: No, sir.

But the intruder is equally baffled.

>Intruder: I have no idea.

Kabeta is the last Heisenberg crew member left.  Can Starfleet protect her?

>Kabeta:  [Does her Concerned Man impression]

Find out in next week's ALL NEW episode of STAR TREK, THE CROUTON GENERATION!

-------------------------------

Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 12:26:20 -0800
From: Katherine 'Kabeta' Bryant 
To: tcg@typhoon.ofps.ucar.edu
Subject: Dave McKinnon's episode, part 1 (*LONG*)


Dave hasn't given this a title yet, but here's part 1 anyway:


Date: Thu, 28 Jan 93 12:10:10 PST
From: mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu (David McKinnon)

		 STAR TREK, THE CROUTON GENERATION
			     EPISODE 1

	[The scene opens in a blinding rainstorm in a mountain range,
with a jagged cliff in the background.  Two characters, Yaz Pistachio
and Guillaume, are crouched inside a vehicle closely resembling a
hi-tech Jeep, looking wet and miserable, but intent on the task at
hand.  Guillaume is reading the display panel of some
complicated-looking instrument.] 

Guillaume:  He's stopped, Yaz.  Probably found shelter from the rain.

Yaz:  Too right!  I wish we had something better than this Jeep.  What
is it we're after again?

Guillaume:  One of the Yellow Books, Yaz.  

Yaz:  Fair dinkum!  Which one?

Guillaume:  A Lang, unfortunately.  Real Analysis.

Yaz:  Ugh.  Never liked that one.  Well, a Field Librarian has to
catch what he's told.  Start up the engine; it's time to move in on
'im.

Guillaume:  [starting up the engine] Wait, there's something else
showing on the scanner.  It's very strange, coming from over there
somewhere. [He points.]

Yaz: [looking where Guillaume is pointing] Hmm, don't see anything ...

Guillaume:  [peering intently at the scanner] It doesn't look like a
book, and it's moving too smoothly to be an irate publisher.  It seems
to be coming towards us. 

Yaz:  Well, we'd better ignore it; it'll probably go away.  Let's go.
[he catches sight of something] Hey, wait, is that it?

	[A black, triangularly-shaped object is silhouetted against
the rain.  It grows larger every minute, as though it were approaching
the Jeep.]

Guillaume:  I believe so.  It looks unpleasant; let's get out of its
way.  [Guns engine and starts forward.  They drive forward for a
while.]  

Yaz:  Hey, it's following us!  Faster, Guillaume!

	[Guillaume revs to full throttle, and in no time is travelling
at full speed.]

Yaz:  It's gaining!  What the hell is it?!?

	[The object is now almost on top of them, but it still appears
to be a black triangle, about three metres high.]

Guillaume:  Maybe it's the Jeep!  Jump out; maybe it'll ignore us and
chase the Jeep.

Yaz:  All right, jump!

	[They jump.  The Jeep continues forward, but the object
changes direction as the two men jump out, and it hits them, abruptly
cutting off their cries as it swallows them up.  It disappears,
leaving only the sounds of driving rain and an internal combustion
engine in free fall.] 

				********

	[Cut to an large, hexagonal control room.  A tall man, with
brown curly hair, an extremely long scarf, and a loose brown coat,
peers at a display on a hexagonal control panel in the centre of the
room.  There is a small red light flashing on the console, and there
is a column in the middle of the control panel.  The central column is
moving slowly up and down.]

Doctor Who:  Hmm ... I'm sure that red light means something terribly
important, but I can't remember what it is ... 

	[Suddenly, the whole control room begins to shake, as though
it were an airplane hitting massive turbulence.]

Doctor:  [gripping the console to avoid falling over] Ah yes, that was
it.  Turbulence warning!

	[He makes a few adjustments to the console.  The shaking and
noise continue unabated.]

Doctor:  Oh dear, that's not good.  I'll have to make an emergency
landing!  [He flicks a few switches on the console]  The TARDIS just
can't take this kind of abuse, can you old girl? 

	[He makes a few more adjustments to the console, and the central
column begins to move up and down.  Suddenly there is a big Bang! and
a cloud of smoke pours from one side of the control panel.]

Doctor:  [worriedly]  Oh dear ... 

				********

	[Cut to a corridor on the USS Big Gray One.  Ensign Metag is
conducting his usual gravity checks.  He throws an apple in the air.
It falls, as usual, and makes a loud Thud! noise as it hits the ground.]

Metag: [gleefully] Check!

	[Cut to the bridge of the USS Big Gray One.  Two officers sit
there.  They both look very annoyed.]

Captain:  Good grief, what is that racket?

Lieutenant:  I don't know, Captain.  I just wish it would stop.
[Looks at console]  Hmm ... there are some strange [Thud!  "Check! Tee
hee!"] energy readings on Deck 3 -- looks like an unauthorised entry,
sir.  I can't identify it, though; the computer's still running
the ident check.

Captain:  [Thud!  "Check!"] [wince] Send a security team to
investigate, Lieutenant.

Lieutenant:  Aye aye, sir.  Oh, wait.  The readings are gone.  I guess
it was just a random fluctuation in the sensors.

Captain:  OK, cancel the security team.  Maybe we should send a
maintenance team to check the sensors on Deck 3.  [pause]  Hey, that
annoying noise has stopped.  That's a relief.

				********

	[Cut to the large, hexagonal control room again.  The Doctor
is bent over the damaged part of the control panel.]

Doctor:  Hmm ... looks like the gravitational anomaliser has blown.

	[He gingerly fishes a piece of electronics out of the control panel.
It is blackened and charred.] 

Doctor:  Well, I just hope I don't have to do any tricky navigation in
the near future.  Or any navigation at all, for that matter.  [He lays
the anomaliser aside.]  Well, we've landed at least.  I wonder where
we are.

	[He operates another switch on the panel.  A viewscreen in
the wall lights up.  It shows a corridor in Starfleet Command
Headquarters.]

Doctor:  Starfleet Command!  Good old Earth.  [pause]  That's odd,
though; I could have sworn that that turbulence was manmade.  The
Federation won't discover time engineering for another ... [he peers
at a dial on the central console] ... hundred years or so.  
[he pauses reflectively]  Well, let's go and have a look. 

	[The Doctor operates a lever on the control panel, and the
doors open.  He walks out.]

				********

	[Cut to Starfleet Command headquarters.  Admiral Tee is seated
at a big, important-looking desk.  Kabeta stands in front of it.]

Tee:  As you know, the effort to raise the Heisenberg has run into
serious difficulties.  First, the rescue effort has been plagued with
a huge number of mysterious disappearances, including the head of the
effort himself, Lt. Thokk the Dismemberer.  As a result of these
disappearances, they have lost their fix on the Heisenberg wreck in
phase space.  And since the ship has now completely disappeared from
normal space, it will be extremely difficult to locate it now.

Kabeta:  [Does her Concerned Man impression.]

Tee:  I quite agree.  It gets worse, though.  We've done a study on
the missing members of the rescue expedition.  They were all former
members of the Heisenberg crew, without exception.  And that's not
all.  In the past two days, a number of other crew members from the
Heisenberg have disappeared, including Yaz Pistachio and Guillaume.
Kabeta, you are the sole remaining member of the Heisenberg crew. 

Kabeta:  I see, sir.

Tee:  It is vital that we find out what's going on here, Kabeta.
I'm assigning two special bodyguards to be with you at all times;  
I don't want to see you disappear, too. 

Kabeta:  Aye, sir.  Thank you, sir.

Tee: [into intercom] Send in the two bodyguards, please.

	[Enter Ensign Mudgaard and Ensign Fruitcake.]

Ensigns: [saluting] Sir!

Tee:  This is Ensign Mudgaard and Ensign Fruitcake.  They will be
responsible for your security until further notice.  We will
have a full briefing at 1900 hours this evening with the rest of
the members of the investigation team.  Thank you, Kabeta, you are dismissed.

	[Kabeta and the two Ensigns salute and depart.]

				********

	[Cut to a corridor in Starfleet Headquarters.  The Doctor is
standing outside the TARDIS, which is parked in the middle of the corridor.]

Doctor:  So, Doctor, which way?

	[He fishes a coin out of his pocket as he looks hopefully up
the corridor.  He flips it, catches it on his arm, and looks at the
result.  Frowning disappointedly, he sets off down the corridor instead.
After a while, he comes to a computer console.]

Doctor:  Ah, splendid.  Perhaps you can tell me what's going on. 

	[He fiddles with the console for a few moments.]

Doctor:  What a pathetic security system.  Old Matt Ender's probably
spinning in his grave at the way they've butchered his code ... hmm,
interesting.  A top secret briefing in twenty minutes on the
Heisenberg mystery, whatever that is.

	[He types a few more commands into the console.]

Doctor:  Splendid!  Now I'm a top civilian science expert specially
flown in from Alpha Centauri.  Oh, dear, I haven't got the right
number of arms for that, have I?  [he presses a few more keys]
Aldebaran Six -- much better.  Right, now, off we go, Doctor; we don't
want to be late for the meeting.

	[He strides purposefully away down the corridor.]

				********

	[Cut to the corridor just outside the briefing room.  Two
armed guards flank a large oak double door.  Enter Kabeta and Ensigns
Mudgaard and Fruitcake.]

Kabeta:  [she is looking at them a bit warily]  Wait here, Ensigns.

Ensign Fruitcake:  [saluting] Aye, ma'am.

	[Kabeta approaches the double doors, and presses her hand
against a small panel in the doors.  The panel glows white for a
moment, then fades, and there is a loud click of heavy bolts sliding
back in the doors.  Kabeta opens the door and enters the briefing
room, glancing warningly at Fruitcake and Mudgaard as she does so.
The door shuts behind her with an audible click as the bolts slide
back into place.  After a few moments, the Doctor appears from the
opposite hallway.]  

Doctor:  Ah, hello, gentlemen.  [He points at the doors]  The briefing
room, I presume? 

	[The sentries do not respond.  The Doctor smiles beamingly at
them.]

Doctor: Excellent.

	[He presses his hand against the panel as Kabeta did, with
identical results.  He nods cheerfully at the sentries.]  

Doctor:  See you shortly, gentlemen.  [He enters the briefing room.]

	[Cut to the inside of the briefing room.  It is a plush
conference table, with the usual AV stuff of TCG's time at its head.
Plenty of Starfleet types sit around it, including Kabeta, and Admiral
Tee at the head of the table.  Other attendees include Lt. Mongoose, a
member of the Heisenberg rescue team, Admiral Beefsteak, and Commander
William Jones, a top Federation science officer.  The Doctor has just
entered.] 

Tee:  [to the Doctor, surprised]  Who are you?

Doctor:  I'm the Doctor.  Civilian science expert, specially
requested for this briefing by Starfleet Command.

Tee:  [suspiciously]  Really?  I wasn't informed of any such thing.

Doctor:  [hastily] Oh, er, it was a last minute decision.  Made only
about 30 minutes ago; I was lucky I was in the area.

Tee:  [checking a computer panel beside him]  It seems you're right.

	[He is still slightly suspicious, but pauses, and seems to
dismiss his doubts.]

Tee:  Well, let's get on with it.  [The Doctor sits down.]  As you
all know, the Heisenberg was "sunk" into phase space recently, and
that there have been some serious problems with the rescue effort,
involving massive numbers of strange disappearances.

	[There is a sagely nodding of heads around the table.]

Tee:  What you may not know is that Captain Kabeta here is the only
member of the Heisenberg crew not to have yet disappeared.

	[There are a few gasps of surprised concern.]

Tee:  Due to the setbacks in the rescue effort, we have now lost track
of the Heisenberg in phase space.  Before that happened, though, we
kept careful watch on the chronoton readings from the ship.  The
chronoton levels frequently peaked above background levels, and after
each peak, more disappearances were reported.  Starfleet believes that
there is a connection between the chronoton readings and the
disappearances. 

	[Tee glances at the Doctor, and starts typing something into
his computer console.  He is working with his console throughout the
next several speeches.  Everyone else glances at the chronoton
readings.  The Doctor studies them intently.]  

Doctor:  It looks like a Timescoop to me.

Tee:  [distractedly]  What?

Doctor:  Someone is using a Timescoop.  The only thing is, no one in
the Federation knows enough time engineering to build one yet.  [to
himself] A Timescoop might also explain the turbulence that hit the
TARDIS. 

Lt. Mongoose:  [frowning] What's a Timescoop?

Doctor:  It's a device that enables the operator to "scoop" selected
matter from any point in time, and transfer it to any other point in
time, usually a fixed one.  It operates on the fundamental principle
of time engineering, which states that if you view the spacetime
continuum as a Brandon space, and not just as a Riemannian manifold,
you can --

Admiral Beefsteak:  [cutting him off] Yeah, yeah, but you said the
Federation didn't have any.  Could it be the Lucky Charms?

Doctor:  What, that bunch of unimaginative louts?  They couldn't
time-engineer themselves out of a scheduling conflict.  No, we're
dealing with someone very sophisticated here. 

Commander Jones:  Wait, spacetime as a Brandon space?  Where does the
additional structure come from?

Doctor:  From the curvature of the Time Vortex, of course.  Oh dear,
you haven't discovered that yet, have you?  Pity old Josh wasn't
interested in physics -- he would have loved the Time Vortex.

Jones:  I'm confused.  If no one in the Federation knows how to build
a Timescoop, how do you know about them?

	[Tee kicks Jones lightly underneath the table, and shushes him
surreptitiously.  Tee continues to access his computer console.]

Doctor:  Anyway, I see that the centre of the chronoton emissions are
precisely the same as that of the old location of the Heisenberg.
Curious, isn't it?  What precisely happened to the ship, anyway; how
did it get into phase space?

Tee:  [frowning at something on his computer console]  There was a ...
[he looks up abruptly] Oh, sorry.  An explosion in the
gravity control centre of the ship, causing a massive area phase
shift.

Doctor:  Ah, yes.  That explains why you were monitoring the
chronotons so carefully.

Tee:  Precisely.  [He types a few more commands into his computer
console, then pushes it lightly aside.]

Jones:  Wait, how did you calculate the centre of the chronoton
emissions?  They're non-directional, so you can't ...

Doctor: [impatiently]  But if you look at them as moving in a Brandon
space, you can attach their fundamental vector to them, and then it's
a simple Wald theory calculation to find the centre of emissions.
Wonderful chap, Kevin Wald.  He did tend to ramble on a bit when he
was writing, though.

Tee:  [impatiently]  Doctor ...

Doctor:  I remember he accidentally well ordered the first uncountably
infinite number whilst he was page-numbering his Ph.D. thesis ... 

Tee:  [interrupting] Please, Doctor, if we could remain on the subject
for a while...  

Doctor:  What?  Oh yes, of course.  Well, if it is a Timescoop, then
Captain Kabeta here is in deadly danger of being Scooped up.  Someone
is clearly trying to kidnap the crew of the Heisenberg.  And they've
done a very good job so far, it seems.

Beefsteak:  Could it be something to do with the rescue effort?  Or
perhaps the circumstances surrounding the sinking?  Kabeta?

Kabeta:  Well, sir, it seems to me that the only ones that had
anything to do with the Heisenberg disaster are the two who sank it,
and they're both dead now.

Beefsteak:  Lt. Mongoose, any ideas?

Mongoose:  No sir.  The rescue effort had barely got underway when
people started disappearing.

Doctor:  Perhaps it's someone who doesn't want the Heisenberg to be
raised.

Tee:  Then why abduct just Heisenberg crew members?  And why abduct
crew members not in the rescue effort?

Doctor:  I have no idea.

Tee:  Well, perhaps we should retire to consider the matter.  We'll
meet again tomorrow morning at 0900 hours, here.  Kabeta, we can't
afford to lose you.  Make sure you're kept well guarded by Mudgaard and
Fruitcake.

Kabeta:  Yes, sir.  I don't think you have to worry.  The two ensigns
have been very ... [she searches briefly for le mot juste] ... thorough.

Tee:  Good.  Dismissed.

	[As everyone gets up to leave, Tee surreptitiously motions to
Kabeta to stay.  After everyone else has gone, they start talking.]

Tee:  There's something funny about this Doctor guy, Kabeta.  He's not
human.  He's not even from anywhere in the Federation.  He's got two
hearts, a respiratory system much more efficient than a human one, and
a different cerebral structure.  What's more, I checked Starfleet
records, and there are no research establishments on Aldebaran Six at
all.  Unless he's a high school teacher at the mining colony school,
he's certainly not from Aldebaran Six!

Kabeta:  Do we have any idea who he could be?

	[Suddenly there comes a tremendous hammering from the door.
Kabeta and Tee look startled, and Tee activates the viewscreen on his
computer.  It shows the hallway outside the briefing room, where
Fruitcake and Mudgaard are attempting to batter down the oak doors
while fighting off the attempts of the two sentries to restrain them.
Kabeta moves over to the door and opens it, being careful to stay out
of the way of the door.  As the doors open, Ensign Fruitcake hurtles
through them, rams into the conference table, and collapses in a heap.
He immediately springs up, phaser at the ready.  Mudgaard follows him
through the doors, and the two sentries, laser rifles primed,
are close behind.]

Kabeta:  [angrily, but with a hint of resignation in the voice] What
is the meaning of this, Ensigns?

Fruitcake:  [frothingly overzealous] We noticed you didn't emerge
after the meeting, and we realised the kidnappers had found you!  The
two sentries refused to let us pass, so we battered the doors down
with our bare hands!

	[Kabeta and Tee exchange confused glances.]

Fruitcake:  [oblivious]  We burst into the room, blasting away at the
vicious alien kidnappers!  My phaser malfunctioned, and I was
forced to grapple with the enemy!  With one swipe of his mighty paw,
he ripped off my legs, and chewed them hungrily, the bones crunching
in his mighty ... [he glances around the room] ... his tusks tore
cruelly into my nostrils ...

	[He calms down somewhat.]

Fruitcake:  It seems we've scared them off, ma'am. [he stiffens and
salutes]  Should we stay to guard against their return?

Kabeta:  [resignedly] No, Ensign, that's quite all right.  I assure
you, I'll be perfectly safe in this room.  [painstakingly] Just guard
the outside door carefully until I emerge.  [firmly] OUTSIDE.  Understood?

Fruitcake:  [saluting] Yes, ma'am!  [He departs with Mudgaard, and
after a brief, wary hesitation, the two sentries follow, laser rifles
still at the ready.] 

Kabeta:  [after they have gone] Sorry about that, sir.  Anyway, do we
have any idea who this Doctor person is? 

Tee:  Unfortunately, no.  Our computer records show no record of
anyone meeting his physical description anywhere in the Federation
over the last hundred years.  His handprint shows up only in this
complex's security system file; it's found nowhere else in the
Federation databanks.  He was not on board any shuttle entering or
leaving this complex, nor has he been in any of the transport
stations.  In fact, the first record our computer has of his presence
in the complex is about thirty minutes ago, when a sort of blue box
appeared to be transported into a service corridor.  He stepped out of
that box.  The funny thing is, though, there were no transporter
traces in the corridor at all; the box could not have been beamed into
the corridor.  But if it wasn't, how did it get there?

Kabeta:  Could he be a spy for the Borg?

Tee:  No, I don't think so.  The Borg aren't good enough yet at
simulating interpersonal interaction.  Besides, why use a spy that
draws so much attention to himself?  No, I think he's his own man, with his
own agenda.  He's dangerous, too, Kabeta; he cracked our security
system with ludicrous ease, and this discussion makes it clear that he
has immense scientific and mathematical knowledge.  The computer is
tracking all of his movements, but be careful, Kabeta.  I think this
Doctor could be responsible for the disappearances, so if he tries to
contact you tonight, play along with him, but send an emergency signal
to me immediately.

Kabeta:  Aye, sir.

Tee:  Furthermore, as an extra precaution, I'm setting up extra heavy
transporter shielding around your quarters.

Kabeta:  With respect, sir, why didn't you confront him during the meeting?

Tee:  At first, I had to be sure that he was a spy; after all, his
faked message in the security system looked pretty good.  Besides
that, though, I didn't want to give away the knowledge that I was on
to him.  I want to catch him in the act.  Maybe that way we'll have a
better chance of finding out what has happened to the other Heisenberg
crew members.

Kabeta:  Aye, sir.

Tee:  All right, Kabeta, you're dismissed.  See you tomorrow morning.

Kabeta:  Yes, sir.
 
				********

	[Cut to Kabeta's quarters, late evening.  There is a large
simulated window in the wall, showing an Australian desert landscape.
A kangaroo hops by in the distance.  Ensign Mudgaard stands by the
window.  Kabeta reclines in a plush desk chair at a desk against the
opposite wall.] 

Kabeta:  Ensign, somehow I don't think anyone is going to attack from
a simulated window.

Mudgaard:  [saluting] Yes, ma'am.  But you can't be too careful.

	[Kabeta rolls her eyes and returns to her work.  The door
chime sounds.] 

Kabeta:  Come!  [The door opens and Fruitcake enters.  Kabeta groans.]
Yes, what is it this time?  Carpets plotting against me?

Fruitcake:  It was the chairs, ma'am.  And I've put down the rebellion
already.  [He motions to a chair in the corner of Kabeta's room with a
huge phaser burn in the middle of it.] No, ma'am.  There's a doctor
here to see you, ma'am.  He claims to know you.  Shall I fry him?
[He idly fingers the butt of his phaser.]

Kabeta:  [hurriedly] No, Ensign, please don't.  Just show him in, OK?

Fruitcake:  [snapping to attention] Yes, ma'am!

	[He exits.  Kabeta stabs at a button on her desk
computer console, and quickly turns to face the Doctor as he enters.]

Doctor:  Good evening, Captain.  I'm sorry to disturb you, but there
are a few questions I had about the Heisenberg disaster.

Kabeta:  [smoothly] Of course, Doctor.  But I've already given a full
report that you surely have access to.

Doctor:  [coughing]  Yes, well, there are, er, certain things I want to
clear up.  Was there anyone on the ship when it sank?

Kabeta:  Just one person.  The evacuation was very efficient.

Doctor:  Who was it?

Kabeta:  My first officer, Furd the Nurd. 

Doctor:  I see.  Did you manage to locate the -- look out! 

	[A large, black, triangular object about 3 metres tall appears
in the room and sweeps towards Kabeta.  The Doctor tries to push
her away from its path, but he is too slow, and they are both engulfed
by the triangle.  The triangle and Kabeta both disappear, but it
passes straight through the Doctor, leaving him grasping at empty air.
He immediately rushes for the door, but finds it locked.  Glancing
anxiously at Mudgaard, he fishes out a small, black, wand-like object
from his pocket and begins to fiddle frantically with the locking
mechanism on the door.  Ensign Mudgaard does not move for a second or
two, then slowly tilts his head to one side.] 

Mudgaard:  Hey.

	[There is a brief pause while Mudgaard assesses the
situation.  The Doctor continues to work on the door.]

Mudgaard:  Hey!

	[Another pause.]

Mudgaard:  Hey, Chris!  Hey, she's gone!

	[At that moment, the door opens, and Ensign Fruitcake storms
through it, barrelling into the Doctor.  Since the Doctor is crouched
at the lock, Fruitcake flips head over heels and sprawls in the middle
of the floor.  The Doctor is thrown into a corner.  Right behind
Fruitcake are two burly sentries wielding heavy laser rifles, and
Admiral Tee shoulders his way past them.  He looks accusingly at the
Doctor.]

Tee:  Doctor, you're under arrest for adultnapping.  Guards, take him
away for interrogation.  Hold him there until I arrive.

Guard 1:  Yes, sir.

	[The two guards grab the rather groggy Doctor, and lead him away.] 

				********

	[Cut to the bridge of the Heisenberg.  It looks much the same
as ever, with the usual array of officers around the room.  Kabeta is
sprawled on the floor in front of the command chair, and she slowly
picks herself up.  One of the officers steps forward, and offers
Kabeta a helping hand up.  He is Lt.-Commander Furd the Nurd.] 

Furd:  [smiling]  Welcome aboard, Captain.

	[Zoom in on Kabeta's astonished face with a nice, big, dramatic
chord.  Freeze frame, hold for a few seconds with the caption "To Be
Continued," and fade to black.]

---------------------------

Date: Sat, 6 Feb 1993 22:12:39 -0800
From: Katherine 'Kabeta' Bryant 
Subject: Ad for "Reunion," part 2, courtesy Dave McKinnon
Date: Sat, 6 Feb 93 18:24:59 PST
From: mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu (David McKinnon)
To: yawn@husc.harvard.edu


Next time on an ALL NEW episode of STAR TREK, THE CROUTON GENERATION:

	The Heisenberg is in phase space, and the crew is confronted with a
dangerous situation.

Kabeta:  Thokk, how many hits could our shields take from these phasers?

Thokk:  None, Captain.

	Can Furd explain what's going on?

Furd:  It's a long story.

	Kabeta has some suspicions ...

Kabeta:  I have a feeling the Doctor's mixed up in this somehow.

Doctor:  Well, it's a bit complicated, really.

	... but someone is out to stop her confirming them.

[Kabeta is bathed in the glow of a phaser blast, and slumps forward to
the ground.]

	Find out what happens next time, on STAR TREK, THE CROUTON GENERATION!

--------------------------------

Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1993 15:45:55 -0800
From: Katherine 'Kabeta' Bryant 
Subject: "Reunion," part 2 (from Dave McK)


I dunno about this guy...

-----------------
>From mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu Wed Feb 10 12:08:07 1993
Date: Tue, 9 Feb 93 22:36:59 PST
From: mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu (David McKinnon)
To: yawn@husc.harvard.edu

		  STAR TREK, THE CROUTON GENERATION

			       REUNION

			     EPISODE TWO

	[The scene opens on the bridge of the Heisenberg.  It looks
much the same as ever, with the usual array of officers around the
room.  Kabeta is sprawled on the floor in front of the command chair,
and she slowly picks herself up.  One of the officers steps forward,
and offers Kabeta a helping hand up.  He is Lt.-Commander Furd the Nurd.] 

Furd:  [smiling]  Welcome aboard, Captain.

Kabeta:  [astonished]  But Furd, I thought you were ... 

Furd:  [just the tiniest bit smug] Dead?  Yes, well, the rumours of my
death are greatly exaggerated, ma'am.  [beaming] I always wanted 
to use that line.

Kabeta:  [looking around] The bridge seems mostly normal, except ...

Furd:  [apologetically] I did do a bit of redecorating, ma'am.

Kabeta:  Yes, but did you have to pick magenta?

Furd:  [defensively] I _like_ magenta.

Mr. Kleber:  Excuse me, Commander.  The alien ship is within visual
range now, sir.

Furd:  Onscreen.

	[The viewscreen snaps into life, and an alien spacecraft,
shaped like a breadbox with flat, square wings, looms not far from the
Heisenberg.  Kabeta walks forward into her usual command position, and
looks angrily at Furd.]

Kabeta:  Commander, what is going on?

Furd:  It's a long story, ma'am, which [he gestures at the viewscreen]
I don't have time to explain.

Kabeta:  [sternly] Well, give me a quick summary, then.  I'm taking
control of this situation.

Furd:  Aye, ma'am.  Those aliens have been tracking us for the last
few days, and our evasive manoeuvres have succeeded in delaying the
point of contact until now.

Thokk:  They're powering up their weapons systems, Captain.

Kabeta:  Shields up, and red alert!  Mr. Kleber, do a sensor scan of the
alien ship. 

Kleber:  Aye, ma'am, I've already done it.

	[He hands Kabeta a printout, and she studies it intently for a
moment.]

Kabeta:  Mr. Kleber, broadcast peace messages on all frequencies.  Try
to open a channel to the alien vessel.  [She hands the printout to
Thokk.] Thokk, how many hits would the shields take from these phasers? 

Thokk:  [glancing at the printout] None, ma'am.  The first hit would
wipe us out.

Kabeta:  That's what I thought.  Lieutenant, arm two crouton
torpedoes, and lock one of them onto the aliens' phaser banks.  Leave
the other one unaimed until I give the word.

Thokk:  Yes, Captain.

Mr. Kleber:  Captain, the aliens are responding to our hail.  Audio only.

Kabeta:  Onscree -- uh, wait, audio only.  Um, onloudspeaker, I guess.

Alien: [he sounds like a typical deep-throated, evil alien] I am Slarg
of the Klooth.  I serve Lord Quolf the Fenny-eyed, of the Slubber-yuck
Empire.  Who are you, and why do you trespass in our space? 

	[There is some snickering in the background on the bridge.
Kabeta glares warningly at the culprits.]

Kabeta:  This is Captain Kabeta of the Federation starship Heisenberg.
We are lost, and trespassed in your space accidentally.  We come in
peace.

Slarg:  Do not play the used car salesman with us, Captain.  We
monitored the phase transition which brought your ship into our space,
and there was a massive artificial energy influx to the ship which
maintained its molecular cohesion.  An accident, Captain? 

Kabeta:  I assure you, Slarg, we mean you no harm.  We seek only to
return to our space.

Slarg:  You lie, Captain!  Our sensors show that [there is a burst of
static here]

Kabeta:  Mr. Kleber, what happened to the communication?

	[The static clears, and Slarg's voice is replaced by a lilting
Scandinavian contralto]

Norwegian voice:  Fjords, fjords, fjords!  Come to lovely Bergen,
where the rain is shining every day!  

Kabeta:  What?  Mr. Kleber, what's going on?

Kleber:  [bewildered] I have no idea, Captain!

Norwegian voice:  ... Experience the natural feeling of real
Scandinavian weather! ...

Kabeta:  Pandora?  What happened to Slarg?

Norwegian voice:  ... See the historic pine grove where Kendra Willson
wrote many of her most famous early works ...

Pandora:  Captain, there is a malfunction in the universal translator
program.  I am unable to decipher the incoming messages.

Kabeta:  Pandora, record the messages, and download them to my
personal files, including a hardcopy.  Use UPA standard coding.  And
turn off the stupid Norwegian Tourist Board commercial.

Pandora:  Yes, ma'am.  [The loudspeaker switches off with a click.]

Kabeta:  Mr. Kleber, send a message to the alien ship explaining that
we had a fault in our communication system --

Thokk:  [interrupting] Captain, the aliens are preparing to fire!

Kabeta:  [instantly] Fire the first photon torpedo, Thokk!

Thokk:  Yes, ma'am! 

	[He fires.  The viewscreen shows the torpedo fly directly
towards the alien ship.  The torpedo explodes in a huge ball of flame.]

Thokk:  [triumphantly] A direct hit, ma'am!  

Kabeta:  Damage report on the, er, Slubber-yuck vessel, Lieutenant?

Thokk:  Phaser banks completely destroyed, Captain.  It's strange; their
shields were on maximum, but they didn't even slow down the torpedo.

Kabeta:  I expected as much.  Their shields are designed only to stop
phaser attacks, and their only weapons are phasers.  It's as if they
never thought of the crouton torpedo.  Give me a damage report on the
Slubber-yuck ship. 

Thokk:  There is minimal damage to warp systems, and their hull has
been breached in two places.  As near as I can tell, the damage is
localised to the phaser banks.

Kabeta:  Excellent shooting as usual, Lieutenant.  Aim the other
torpedo for their warp drive, but don't fire until I give the word.
Pandora, has the translator malfunction been repaired?

Pandora:  No, Captain.

Kabeta:  Hmm.  Mr. Kleber, open a channel to the alien ship.  Perhaps
we can send a message, even if we can't understand the reply.

Kleber:  They refuse to answer our hails, Captain.

Thokk:  They're turning away from us, Captain.  Shall I fire?

Kabeta:  Put us on a course to follow them, Helm.  Thokk, I want the
torpedo to be very lightly armed, just strong enough to take out their warp
capability, but don't fire until I give the word.

Thokk:  Aye, Captain.

Kleber:  Oh no!  Captain, we're losing our fix on the alien ship!

	[The picture on the viewscreen blurs, then fades out
altogether.]

Kabeta:  What happened, Lieutenant?

Kleber:  [admiringly] The Slubber-yucks sent over a communication
telling us their _exact_ momentum.

Kabeta:  Oh no, the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle ...

Kleber:  Yes, ma'am.  Impressive tactic, though, isn't it?

Furd:  Quick, decouple the Heisenberg scramblers!

Kleber:  [confused] What?

Furd:  Oh, sorry.  Just a phrase I heard somewhere; I thought it might
be useful.

Kabeta:  [Looking at him strangely] All right, Commander.  Pandora!
Erase the momentum of the alien ship from memory banks, and do a
sensor scan of the area, trying to locate the alien ship.

Pandora:  Processing ...
  
				*******

	[Cut to a Starfleet Command headquarters interrogation room.
It is pitch dark.]

Doctor:  You know, if you'd listened to that final reminder and paid
the bill, this never would have happened.

	[As he says this, a piercingly bright spotlight switches on
right in the Doctor's face.  He squints as he adjusts to the new light.]

Doctor:  [to himself] Same thing happened the last time I used that
line.  Maybe I should stop using it.

Fruitcake:  [his voice is heavily amplified] Silence, scum!  I have
been ordered not to kill you.  [dramatic pause] Yet.  [another
dramatic pause] But do not try my patience, Doctor.  I have no time for
traitors, and I have a short temper.

	[A door opens, and the light from the corridor behind it
floods into the room.  The Doctor is strapped tightly into a chair in
the middle of the room, with the spotlight propped right in front of
him.  There is no other furniture in the room.  Fruitcake stands a few
metres behind the spotlight, with a slightly crazed look on his face.
He is holding a huge megaphone.  Admiral Tee walks in through the door.]

Tee:  [annoyed]  Ensign Fruitcake, what the hell do you think this is,
the Spanish Inquisition?  [He suddenly looks around fearfully, and
relaxes when no one appears.] Whew!

	[He notices Fruitcake's megaphone, and is again annoyed.]

Tee:  Give me that! [He snatches away the megaphone.] I thought I told
you to wait until I arrived!  Dismissed!  

Fruitcake:  [saluting]  Aye, sir! 

	[He departs.  Tee lays the megaphone aside in a corner of the
room.  After he does this, he unties the Doctor.]

Tee:  [apologetically]  Sorry about him, Doctor.  He just gets a
little ... overzealous at times.

Doctor:  [rubbing his wrists vigorously]  Yes, I know.

Tee:  [his voice hardens] But this still leaves us with the small
matter of Kabeta's disappearance.  Not to mention the disappearances
of all the other Heisenberg crew members.

Doctor:  Look, I had nothing to do with the disappearance of any of those
people.  I tried to push Kabeta out of the path of the Timescoop,
but I wasn't quick enough.  Look at the video record if you don't
believe me.

Tee:  An easy gesture to make, Doctor, if you are certain she will be
captured.

Doctor:  [wearily] If you already know I'm guilty, why are you
bothering to question me?

Tee:  Doctor, I have considerable evidence that you are guilty.  The
mere statement that you made a feeble effort to defend Kabeta does not
outweigh the considerable body of evidence arrayed against you.

Doctor:  Such as?

Tee:  Such as your violation of our security system.  Such as your
falsification of Starfleet security authorisation.  Such as your
presence in the room when Kabeta disappeared.  Such as your
unauthorised and unannounced arrival in Starfleet Command
Headquarters.

Doctor:  My arrival was a forced landing, as a result of turbulence in
the Vortex caused by the Timescoop; I had no idea where I was going to
land myself.  Besides, how could I have been responsible for the
kidnapping of so many people in so short a time?

Tee:  You could have had accomplices.  My life would be much easier
if you told us who they were.

Doctor:  I can't tell you the names of people who don't exist.

Tee:  All right then, how about this one.  Where are you from?  And
don't tell me Aldebaran Six; I checked up on that.

Doctor:  [evasively] Nowhere you've heard of.

Tee:  [stubborn] Try me.

Doctor:  [sighing] Gallifrey.  It's several thousand light years from
Federation space.

Tee:  I see.  And how did you get from there to here?  In that blue
box you stepped out of?  How does it work, Doctor?

Doctor:  Well, it's a bit complicated really.

Tee:  But it's a time machine, isn't it?  [The Doctor starts to reply,
but Tee cuts him off abruptly.] No, don't bother to deny it; we
measured the chronoton flux in the corridor when you arrived.  Doctor,
you are the only one with the technology to have penetrated the
transporter shield we placed around Kabeta's room the day she
disappeared.  Where is she? 

Doctor:  [exasperated] Look, I have no idea where she is.  I've been
trying to tell you that ever since this interrogation of yours started.

Tee:  Yes, Doctor, but I don't believe you.  And neither will the jury
tomorrow, and they're going to want to see the alien spy punished.  So
if you don't come up with some answers for me before then, Doctor ...

				*******

	[Cut to the Heisenberg conference room.  Kabeta, Furd, Q.T.
McDonough, Yaz Pistachio, and Aoki are seated around the conference table.
Here, as on the bridge, the walls are coloured magenta.]

Kabeta:  All right Commander, you have some explaining to do.  First
of all, where are we, and how did we get here?

Furd:  First of all, I don't know how the ship got into phase space
intact; like Slarg, I thought the ship would be destroyed for sure.
When it wasn't, I tried to get the ship up and running again.  To my
surprise, almost everything was intact, except for a few hull breaches
near the gravity control centre.

Kabeta:  [suddenly worried] Oh, that reminds me, what about Metag?  I
hope he's not going to start doing gravity checks again!

Yaz:  Don't worry, Captain.  Dr. Hertzman threatened to give him a
dose of dymothalium if he tried the gravity checks again, and I think
that's intimidated him a bit.

Kabeta:  Dymothalium?

Pandora:  [helpfully] Dymothalium, also known as trimethyl upyoursate.
A drug affecting the nervous system of most humanoid species, causing
spasms and cramps at first, then partial paralysis of the limbs,
accompanied in severe cases by an intensifying interest in
mathematics.  First synthesised in 1997 by Thomas Donaghey at the -- 

Kabeta:  [irritatedly] All right, Pandora, that's enough.  Pandora's
been behaving a little strangely lately, Aoki.

Aoki:  Yes, I noticed that, but I can't seem to figure out what's
going wrong.  I keep running diagnostics, and they keep on telling me
everything's fine, except of course for the hookup to the EdNet in
normal space.

Kabeta:  Do we have any connection to Starfleet and normal space at
all?

Aoki:  I'm afraid not, Captain.  I tried the credit line, the
information network, the travel services, everything.  I couldn't even
get the screen saying "EdNet Travel -- Wherever you want to go, we'll
be waiting to take you there."

Kabeta:  I see.  Which brings me to another point.  Furd, how did we
get here?

Furd:  The usual way, working our way up from the ranks ...

Kabeta:  [warningly] Furd ...

Furd:  [hastily] Oh, you mean that.  Well, once I got into phase
space, I manage to rig up a Timescoop setup in the transporter room
using some spare parts from the stores.

Kabeta:  [incredulously] What?

Furd:  I got the idea from my first scans of the Slubber-yuck ship.
All you have to do is switch the Goldhaber field on the transporter to
chronoton mode, and decouple the Heisenberg scramblers ...

	[Q.T. McDonough is staring strangely at Furd.]

McDonough:  What the devil are you talking about?

Kabeta:  Mr. McDonough, have you seen these modifications?

McDonough:  Aye, Captain, but I have no idea what they're meant to do.
He's right enough that he put them together from spare parts in the
stores, but they're in an setup weirder than a Frojean epic.

Kabeta:  [musingly] A Timescoop.  So the Doctor was right after all ...

Yaz:  Pardon me, Captain?

Kabeta:  Just before I was scooped out of normal space, a strange
alien called the Doctor appeared in Starfleet Command.  His theory
about the disappearances was that someone was using a Timescoop; it
seems he was right.  We all assumed he was responsible for the
disappearances, but ...

Furd:  I can assure you that I have never heard of him, ma'am.

Kabeta:  And another thing.  Why did you bother, Furd?  I'll try to
break this to you as gently as possible, Commander, but I'm not really
all that interested in being stranded in phase space.

Furd:  Yes, ma'am, I can appreciate that.  But I have discovered how
the ship managed to enter phase space undamaged, and it represents a
grave threat to the Federation.  We have to stop it.

Kabeta:  What is this threat you've discovered, Commander?

Furd:  I know about the energy source Slarg mentioned before he got
cut off.  It comes from a large planetoid in a star system not far
from here; it should be only a few hours away by now.  I've been
monitoring its activity, and it has been slowly dragging us towards it
ever since we arrived in phase space, and the attraction is stronger
the closer we get to it.

Yaz:  So why are you steering towards it, helping it along?

Furd:  I couldn't do otherwise; the warp drive wasn't strong enough to
break free of its pull entirely, or even hold steady -- the strain
would have burned out the warp coil.  Besides, if this thing is going
to make a habit of ambushing Federation starships and dragging them
into phase space, something should be done about it.

Kabeta:  So how do the Slubber-yucks fit in?

Furd:  I don't know, Captain.

Yaz:  Maybe they're the ones controlling the power source.

Kabeta:  I don't think so, Yaz.  Slarg talked as though he expected
the power to have come from the Federation, not the Slubber-yucks.  Perhaps
once we've deciphered the rest of his message we'll have a better idea.

Aoki:  How are you going to do that, Captain?  The translator
malfunction hasn't been repaired yet.

Kabeta:  I'll use my own desk console.  I took a computational
linguistics course as an elective back in my Academy days; I'll just
program Hadden's algorithm into it, and feed it the printouts of the
original, uh, ... Slubber-yuckian?

Aoki:  That'll take a while.  And there's no guarantee that you've
got a big enough linguistic sample in the message to use Hadden's
algorithm, anyway.

Kabeta:  Until we fix the translator, it's the only way we've got.
Besides, it shouldn't take longer than ... [she punches a few buttons
on a nearby console] ... half an hour or so.

McDonough:  So what do we do in the meantime, Captain?

Kabeta:  Well, it seems we have to do something about this power
source.  Aoki, I want you to scour the computer system to see if
you can find and fix the problems with Pandora and the translator.
Yaz, you and Mr. McDonough go down to engineering and see if you can
find out a way to break free of this pull from the energy source.

Yaz, McDonough, Aoki:  Aye, Captain.

Kabeta:  Furd, I have a special request to make of you.  Does the
Timescoop still work?

Furd:  [puzzled, and a bit worried] Uh, yes, ma'am.

Kabeta:  Good.  I want you to find this Doctor guy, and scoop him
here.  I have a feeling he's mixed up in this somehow, and I need him
to explain what this power source is.  Hopefully he'll be able
to tell us how to stop it.  Meanwhile, I'm going to get started on
deciphering Slarg's message.  Furd, notify me when you've scooped the
Doctor.  Dismissed.

	[Everyone gets up to leave except Kabeta.  She gazes
suspiciously at Furd's back as he leaves the conference room, then
disapprovingly at the magenta-coloured walls.  She lingers in her
chair for a moment, seemingly troubled by something.]

Kabeta:  [to herself] But how did you know how to build a Timescoop,
Furd?  The Doctor said no one in the Federation knew how ... And if
the pull on the Heisenberg is so strong, how could you perform good
enough evasive manouevres to elude the Slubber-yucks for so long?

	[She muses a moment longer, then arises and strides
purposefully out of the room.]

				*******

	[Cut to a cell in the brig in Starfleet Command.  The Doctor
is stretched out on a bunk bolted to the wall.  There is a deflector
field shimmering in the doorway.  Mudgaard stands guard outside the
cell.]

Doctor:  [to Mudgaard] Could you just pass me a jelly baby?
[hopefully] They're in a brown paper bag lying on the table.  Just over
there, beside the yo-yo.  [Mudgaard ignores him.]

Doctor:  Talkative, aren't you?

	[Ensign Fruitcake approaches the cell.]

Mudgaard:  [obviously pleased] Hey, Chris!

Fruitcake:  [sternly] Please, Ensign, observe the protocol.

Mudgaard:  [snapping to attention] Aye, aye!  Ensign Nils Mudgaard,
standing ready to be relieved!

	[A horrible premonition strikes the Doctor.]

Doctor:  Oh God, no ...

Fruitcake:  [standing to attention] Ensign Christmas Fruitcake,
standing ready to relieve Ensign Nils Mudgaard!

Doctor:  [groaning] Oh, good grief ...

Mudgaard:  I stand relieved!

	[Mudgaard goosesteps away.  Fruitcake stands rigidly to attention
outside the cell.  He continually fingers the butt of his phaser, and
glances evilly in the Doctor's direction.]

Fruitcake:  You know, Doctor, I wouldn't try any funny moves if I were
you.  I'm a nervous type, and might just fry you by accident.  I
always keep my phaser on charbroil, you see.  [He grins wickedly.]

Doctor:  [yawning] Oh yes, very impressive.  Too bad they won't let
you beat me up a bit.  After all, you never know what good
old-fashioned torture techniques will reveal ...

Fruitcake:  [nodding] Yes!  Starfleet Command, huh!  Bunch of pansies.

Doctor:  Of course, they'd never know if you just softened me up a bit
now, though, would they?  Probably give you a medal if I talked
afterwards ...

Fruitcake:  [foaming a little] Yes, yes, that's a brilliant idea ...

	[Fruitcake deactivates the deflector field, and steps into the
room, phaser in hand.  The Doctor is still lying placidly on the
bunk.  Fruitcake reverses the phaser, and is about to strike the
Doctor a violent blow to the head with it, when suddenly the Doctor
jabs three fingers into Fruitcake's solar plexus.  Fruitcake stops
dead in his tracks, unmoving.]

Doctor:  [to Fruitcake, conversationally] The Vulcan Stomach Jab, a
little trick Spock showed me once.  He always preferred the neck grip,
though.  He thought the stomach jab was too vulgar. 

	[The Doctor gets up from the bunk, carefully maintaining his
grip on Fruitcake as he does so.]

Doctor:  Oh, excuse me, can I borrow this for a moment?

	[The Doctor plucks the phaser from Fruitcake's grip, and
knocks Fruitcake smartly over the head with it, simultaneously
releasing the stomach grip.  Fruitcake collapses in a heap on the
floor.]

Doctor:  Say hello to Morpheus for me, will you?

	[The Doctor tosses the phaser into the cell, and reactivates
the deflector field.  He walks through the doorway, and over to the table
where all his possessions lie scattered.  He begins to gather them
together and stuff them back into his pockets.]

				*******

	[Cut to the Heisenberg transporter room.  Furd and a
technician are standing over the transporter, which has had its
innards ripped out and reattached in various strange ways on the floor
surrounding the transporter console.  The technician is peering
intently at the console.]

Furd:  Have you got a fix on the Doctor, Lieutenant?

Technician:  Aye, sir.  Should I energise?

Furd:  Yeah, go for it.

	[The technician flicks a few switches on the transporter, and
begins to energise.  He pauses, concerned.]

Technician:  Sir, the target's moving.  I can't adjust very quickly,
given the variable matter shielding in the target environment, but I
can try to pursue.

Furd:  Proceed, Ensign.  I want that guy scooped.

Technician:  Aye, sir.

				*******

	[Cut back to the room outside the jail cell.  A black triangle
sweeps into the room, headed straight for the Doctor.]

Doctor:  Good grief!

	[The Doctor abandons the rest of his belongings, and races out
the door.  The triangle pursues him, and is slowly gaining.  The
Doctor runs through various corridors, and within seconds an alarm is
raised.  Dodging guards and passers-by, the Doctor tears through the
complex at high speed, with the black triangle only a few metres
behind him.  Finally, the Doctor turns a corner, and the TARDIS stands
in the corridor, waiting invitingly.]

Doctor:  [rummaging frantically through his pockets as he runs]
Key, where's the key ...

	[He slides to a halt in front of the TARDIS, key in hand, and
opens the door.  He leaps into the TARDIS just as the triangle
overtakes him, and the triangle, TARDIS, and Doctor disappear
simultaneously.]

				*******

	[Cut back to the Heisenberg transporter room.]

Technician:  I've got him, Commander, but there was a slight
obstruction in the chronoton field nearby when I scooped him; I had to
bring that along too.

Furd:  That's all right, Ensign.  Bring him in and materialise him
here.

Technician:  Aye, sir.

	[The technician flicks another couple of switches on the
console, and begins to activate the transporter.  Unobserved by the
technician, Furd quietly changes the setting on one of the digital
displays on the console.  The steady transporter whine changes
abruptly in pitch.]

Technician:  Commander, there's an overload in the transporter
circuits!  I can't bring in the target!

Furd:  You'll have to abandon the scoop!  Cut out immediately!

Technician:  But that will leave the target stranded!  We won't be
able to recover his transporter pattern!

Furd:  If we don't cut out now, we'll blow the whole transporter
array as well as strand him.  Cut out, for God's sake!

	[The technician rips a cord out of the innards of the
transporter, and the whine subsides.  Furd surreptitiously restores
the display he changed to its original setting.]

Technician:  What happened, Commander?  Why was there that overload?

Furd:  I don't know, Ensign.  The readouts are all normal here.

Technician:  So what happened to the Doctor?

Furd:  You successfully completed the scoop, but couldn't bring him in
to materialise?

Technician:  Aye, sir.

Furd:  [grimly] Then he's as good as dead.

				*******

	[Cut to Kabeta's quarters.  Here, too, the walls are coloured
magenta.  Kabeta is huddled in front of her desk computer, debugging
her program.] 

Kabeta:  [sighing] All right, let's try this one more time.  [She
types] Honi soit qui mal y pense. 

	[She sits up while her computer works on the translation
problem.  After a few seconds, she leans forward again to read the
answer.]

Kabeta:  "I am not an airport."  Hmm ... it still needs a bit of work.

	[She leans back in her chair, frowning in concentration and
staring at the screen.]

Kabeta:  [inspired] Ah!  I know what's going wrong!  How could I be so
stupid ...

	[She types quickly into her computer, then leans up,
satisfiedly.]

Kabeta:  I'm sure this will work.  [She types] Honi soit qui mal y
pense.

	[She waits for a moment, then gives a cry of satisfaction.]

Kabeta:  [triumphantly] Yes!  "Evil to those who think evil of it" --
it's perfect!  Lucy, you were a genius!  Now for the Slubber-yuckian.

	[Kabeta takes a sheaf of paper covered in a bunch of
strange-looking symbols.  She feeds them one by one into a slot on the
desk, and presses a few keys on the computer.  There is a quiet hum
from insides the desk.]

Kabeta:  [impatiently] Come on, come on ...

	[She gazes intently at the screen, waiting anxiously for the
computer to finish its computation.  As she reads what is on the
screen, her eyes widen with surprise.]

Kabeta:  My God ...

	[Suddenly, she is suffused with a strange magenta glow,
identical to the colour of the walls.  She momentarily becomes
completely rigid, then relaxes.  Still glowing magenta, she takes her
phaser from its holster, aims it at her computer, and fires.  The
computer explodes in a burst of flame, singing her hair and uniform
slightly, but she seems not to notice. As the console burns in front
of her, she turns the phaser towards herself, and pulls the trigger.
She glows in the blast of the phaser, and slumps to the floor,
unmoving.  She no longer glows magenta.  Freeze frame with a nice,
dramatic chord, and fade to black with the caption "To Be Continued"
at the bottom of the screen.]

--------------------------------