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Star Trek: The Crouton Generation
Season 4, Pack 4
==================================
Date: Thu, 20 Jun 91 00:05:12 -0600
From: zecca@tramp (Emulator of Borg)
Subject: ST:TCG4 (**LONG**)
Crossfire remains strapped inside the medieval torture device as Lucky
Lecter approaches. Missycutus stands just out of Crossfire's field of
vision, listening intently.
Crossfire: Let me out of this, you shit! Let me go, so I can tear you
apart with my bare hands!!
Lecter: Touchy touchy. It's as if I'd killed your best friend or something.
Lecter grins. Crossfire becomes suddenly very quiet. His eyes narrow
menacingly.
Lecter: Yes, Crossfire, we're going to have a nice chat together, I think.
* * * * *
At the _Croutonprize_ bridge computer control station:
Zortylwankoid: A virus that could defeat Borg systems? That shouldn't
be hard. Just give me a coupla secs to throw it together.
Aoki (ss): Maybe you'd like to see the code on previous Borg anti-virus
protection and Lucky Charm viruses. It's pretty complex...
Zortyl: Nah. (type type type) I read the Borg stuff at the Academy.
(type type type) Really dull reading. (type type type) The Lucky Charm
stuff I dealt with directly. (type type type) I figured it out eventually.
(type type type) So what do you want me to do? (type type type) Shut
off their engines, (type type type) make them go "Foom," (type type type)
or make them spin around three times, sneeze and then go to sleep?
Highlander: First off, knock out their ECM and shield arrays so we can
land our security teams.
Zortyl: Easy. (type type) Anything else?
Kabeta (ss): It might be nice if you shut down their power systems and their
ability to communicate with one another.
Zortyl: Hmmm...that'll be a little tougher. Tell you what... (type type
type click) I'm sending you the first one now. I'll work on that power
system/communication thing while security starts handling things.
Highlander: F***, that was quick. (a beat) I'd better get down to the
Croutonizer room. (heads for turbolift)
Crouton: You're going to lead the away team, Number One?
Highlander: You might as well use the most experienced security officer
available. (Doors shut.)
Crouton: Captain Chow, this is Captain Crouton. The _Heisenberg_ is ready
to open up a path for our security teams.
Chow (ss): Okay. Admiral T'Lilith is preparing the mindmeld now. She'll
call me from the Croutonizer room when she's ready.
Parker: Captain, the Borg ship is powering up its engine array.
Crouton: Damn. Chow, we have to make our move now. _Heisenberg_, please
proceed.
FADE TO BLACK
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
"The Silence of the Croutons"
Part 7: "Dark at the End of the Tunnel"
Written by Admiral Avenger
(With a tip o' the keyboard to Thomas Harris)
Guest Stars
Mart McChesney as Lucky Lecter
Lalla Ward as T'Kreila
James Carrey as Janson
Special Guest Stars
Anthony Hopkins as the voice of Lucky Lecter
Directed by Bruce Beresford
(Thanks, Euge!)
Incidental Music by John Barry
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
T'Lilith enters a grey cloud...like fog. She breaks through the fog to find
T'Kreila...sitting on the floor like a child, playing with large spiked blocks.
T'Lilith: T'Kreila, I need your help.
T'Kreila grabs a number of the blocks and knocks the rest over.
T'Kreila: No! Mine!
Realizing she's poked herself on one of the spikes, she begins bawling.
T'Lilith: T'Kreila...I know we have not always been the best of friends...
...but dammit, Sister, I need you *now*.
T'Kreila (adult, frightened): What do you want from me?
T'Lilith: I need you to remember.
T'Kreila: Don't...want to remember!
T'Lilith wipes away the little trickle of green from where the spike hit.
She then cradles T'Kreila's head on her shoulder.
T'Lilith: I know you don't want to remember. I know it will be painful.
But if you do not, they will take you again...and me as well.
T'Kreila: No. You said I'd be safe.
T'Lilith: If you help me now, I'll be able to take you where it's safe.
But without your help, we'll all become like them...or worse.
T'Kreila: I can't. I'm not strong enough.
T'Lilith: I will give you *my* strength. And you will be here...with Janson
to protect you. You remember him, don't you?
T'Kreila (looking around inside the fog): Paul is here?
T'Lilith: Just open your eyes and he'll be there for you. And I will be
with you here at all times. Okay? But I need you to remember.
T'Kreila: I am scared.
T'Lilith: I am too, dear. I am too.
T'Lilith opens her eyes.
Tracy: Is it working?
T'Lilith: Yes.
Carter (ic): Admiral T'Lilith, we have to take action now.
T'Lilith (standing up): I'm on my way.
Tracy: Admiral, will she be all right?
T'Kreila (eyes still closed): Yes, we'll be all right.
* * * * *
The _Croutonprize_, _Chivalier_ and _Heisenberg_ begin to follow the Borg
vessel. Aboard the _Heisenberg_...
Kabeta: You heard him, Michael. We need to do it now.
Kleber: Activating communications beam.
McDonagh: Is it working?
maya: Their ECM array is becoming disentangled.
Kabeta: Kabeta to _Croutonprize_ and _Chivalier_. It's working.
Quick cut to _Croutonprize_ bridge.
Crouton: Thank you, Captain. (aside) Mr. Taubman, Croutonize now.
Taubman (ic): Aye, sir. Commander Highlander and his team are on their way.
Quick cut to _Chivalier_ Croutonizer room.
T'Lilith enters the Croutonizer room. She tucks a very Klingon knife
(similar to the ones carried in ST3:TSFS) into a sheath at her waist
and hoists her ahn woon up higher as she steps onto the Croutonizer pad.
T'Lilith (to the assembled security team): Let's go.
Abdul: Croutonizing now.
Back aboard the _Heisenberg_.
Kleber: Incredible.
maya: The security teams are aboard the Borg ship, Captain.
Kabeta: Great, now we need--
All the lights on board the _Heisenberg_ suddenly go out. The same thing
happens aboard the _Croutonprize_ and _Chivalier_. Just as suddenly, the
Borg vessel warps away.
Zenador: Oh, sh**.
FADE TO BLACK
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
COMMERCIAL BREAK
One of those really stupid "Koala Yummies" commercials comes on.
Just at the point where the lady cop/crossing guard/whatever the hell she
is starts dancing around stupidly with the kids...
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Three of the kids explode. A pink rabbit with shades
and dressed out like Rambo enters carrying a grenade launcher in one paw
and a 50mm machine gun in the other. The bunny starts screaming and firing
the machine gun wildly at the crowd of kids, mowing them down.
Announcer: Still going! Nothing outlasts the Croutonizer. It keeps
going and going and going...
[Admiral's note: This was a favor for Kris, who can't stand the Koala
Yummies commercial.]
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Crossfire is still in his "chair." Lecter sits opposite him.
Lecter: Come on, Crossfire. Tell me about Picard. Did he die well?
Crossfire: Shut up!!
Lecter: Did he writhe in agony? (imitating a Klingon) Did he die in
battle? (back to normal) Or did he just lose his dignity and start
babbling like a human?
Crossfire: SHUT THE F*** UP!!!
Lecter: I see. Soooo this subject troubles you? Mmm-hmmm. (a beat)
So he *did* lose his dignity? Mmm-hmm. Interesting... (a beat) Too
bad I wasn't there to witness it. Ah well.
Crossfire looks as if he is about to explode into a million fragments.
Missycutus, around the corner, smiles quietly to herself.
Lecter: I suppose you feel all alone now... I heard you even wanted to
resign your commission. (a beat) Tsk tsk tsk. That is really such a
*weak* response. I would have expected more from the legendary Crossfire.
Crossfire: Legendary? You have got to be kidding me!!
Lecter: Well, of course you're a legend. Nobody *else* was able to stop
our conquest of your galaxy. (a beat) Or would you rather call it the
rape of your galaxy? Yes, that probably would be what you'd be thinking.
Crossfire manages, despite all the wiring holding him in, to spit in
Lecter's face. Lecter wipes the spit away.
Lecter: So how *have* they been treating you over there on the
_Croutonprize_, Zephiram?
Crossfire: Don't..call..me..that.
Lecter (grinning): Well, it *is* your name, isn't it? Zephiram Blake,
Star Fleet Class of '93, son of...hee hee hee...Starburst Blake.
Crossfire (rolling his eyes): Don't remind me...
Lecter: Why not? (thoughtfully) I bet you don't look in the mirror
very often, do you, Zephiram? You don't like what you see, do you?
(a beat) Tell me about...(smiling ear-to-ear)...your mother.
Crossfire: Leave my mother out of this!
Lecter (unrelenting): What made you think to do it, Crossfire? How did
you decide to link your mind to the Masters' ship?
Crossfire: Crossfire, Lieutenant Commander, ST4117-69423W.
Lecter: I already know that, Zephiram. Why do you want to resign?
Crossfire: CROSSFIRE, LIEUTENANT COMMANDER, ST4117-69423W!
Lecter (Locutus impression): Why do you want to resign?
Crossfire: Let me out of this, you shit!!
Lecter's voice changes...to that of an old friend of Crossfire's.
Lecter (Chris Orr impression): Crossfire, why won't you tell me?
Crossfire (confused): Chris?
Lecter (continuing the impression): Tell me why you want to resign.
Crossfire: No! You're dead!! (a beat, then somewhat apologetically)
I killed you myself...
Lecter (Picard impression): How did you stop the Lucky Charms, Crossfire?
Crossfire: No!! I saw you die!! (a beat) I watched...Jean-Luc die...
Crossfire is hysterical...almost to the point of tears. But this is
Crossfire. The anger boils back to the surface as he regains his composure.
Crossfire: STOP F***ING WITH MY MIND!!!!!
Lecter (his own voice): Tsk tsk tsk. I would have expected so much
more from you, Crossfire. All this *guilt*? It is sooo mundane.
Crossfire tries to look away from Lecter.
Lecter: It is apparent that you don't want to talk to me. I think it's
time we obtain a...heh...second opinion.
Lecter gets up and walks away. Missycutus steps into view. Crossfire
looks up.
Crossfire: Missy?
* * * * *
Highlander: All right, Admiral, what do we do first? Knock out their
local power generators?
T'Lilith: No, too risky. It will draw attention to us.
Jez: Mrow meowr mrow. [I have a bad feeling about this.]
T'Lilith pulls out a bottle and begins to spray a substance all over the
blade of her knife and her ahn woon. She then passes it to Highlander.
Highlander: What is this?
T'Lilith: The toxin. It still works on them, you know.
Three Lucky Borg in the distance turn, notice them, then began to charge...
Highlander: F***! They found us.
Highlander whirls his katana a few times over his head and slices at the
first Lucky Charm that comes near him, leaving a gaping wound in its neck
as it screams in agony on the floor. T'Lilith knocks one to the floor with
her ahn woon and then slices it with the bladed end. A security guard with
a large mace smashes the third across the face, spreading toxin through
the creature's broken breathing apparatus.
T'Lilith: They will be prepared for us the next time. Come this way.
T'Lilith ducks down a side tunnel.
Highlander (aside, to Jez): Where the f*** does she think she's *going*?
* * * * *
Crossfire: Missy? What the hell did they to do you?
Missycutus (smiling sincerely): Why nothing, Crossfire. I feel better
than I've ever felt before.
Crossfire: But look at you! You're a Borg.
Crossfire's vision clears up a bit as his emotions settle.
Crossfire: A lot worse -- have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately?
Missy is looking even more Lucky Charmish than ever before. It's really
hard to tell if there's *anything* of Missy left.
Missycutus: But I feel *wonderful*, Crossfire! (a beat) I bet you haven't
felt this good in a long time...maybe not ever. And since Picard died,
you've really been down. (a beat) Wouldn't you like to share in this feeling?
Crossfire: No!! You're not Missy any more, are you? ARE YOU?! You're
just as pathetic as these other Lucky Charm bastards.
Missycutus (turning grim): I'm sorry you feel that way...
Missycutus begins to release Crossfire from his restraints. Crossfire tries
to make his move...but Missycutus is quicker. She picks him up off the
ground by his legs and begins to carry him down a corridor.
Crossfire (surprised): Hey? Hey?!? Put me down!
Crossfire is completely stunned by the prospect of Missy Midzor carrying
him around as if he weighed nothing. His reaction is completely that of
surprise...the idea of being afraid of what Missy has become has not even
begun to cross his mind yet.
Crossfire: Hey! What the f***? Put me down!! Hey!!
FADE TO BLACK
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
COMMERCIAL BREAK
You've been with during him a half dozen regenerations...
You've seen him defeat the Daleks more than a dozen times...
Not even the power of the BBC can bring him down...
From the producers of Star Trek: The Next Generation comes the
next regeneration of time travel:
DOCTOR WHO
THE NEXT REGENERATION
The new life of the Doctor is about to begin...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Borg ship whooshes by the camera. Not too long after, the tiny
_USS Greyflame_ whooshes past as well.
Zortyl: Thanks for the lift. (type type type)
Bradford: You just get that virus up and working.
McDonagh: A few more wires to attach.
Kleber: Programming's nearly done.
Zortyl: Are you guys almost ready? (type type type)
McDonagh: Got it.
Kleber: Quite finished.
Bradford: Are you ready or not?
Zortyl: Ready.
Bradford: Then send it!
Zortyl types away. A few seconds later, the Borg ship comes to a
screeching halt in front of them.
Bradford (turning from a communications board): They're on their way.
Kleber: Then let's get the hell out of here before the Borg figure out
who did that.
McDonagh: I'm certainly in no mood to be Lucky Charm sushi right now.
The _Greyflame_ turns and heads back towards Starbase.
* * * * *
T'Lilith: Jez, what's wrong?
Jez has stopped next to a photon torpedo-like capsule in the corridor
they are moving through.
Jez: Mrow meowr mrow! [You tell me!]
T'Lilith (closing her eyes): ghuy'cha! (snapping them open) Jez, get
it open, quick!
Jez and a couple of security people scramble to get the capsule open. Once
it opens, the UV strobe that has been flashing stops, as its circuit has
been broken. They lift a badly sunburned Admiral Avenger out of the capsule.
His eyes are clamped tightly shut.
Avenger (hoarse, blindly): Ouch. Be careful. That stings.
T'Lilith: boH'wI, what have they done to you?
Avenger (blindly finding his way to hug her): What are you doing here?
I didn't want you involved in this.
T'Lilith: T'Kreila and I are going to put a stop to this. You'd better
stay with Jez.
Avenger: No...I can't let you--
T'Lilith: Hey, I am an Admiral and a doctor and if I say you are medically
unfit for duty, you can not question what I am doing.
Avenger: All right, dear. All right. (a beat) You know, I can't see a thing.
T'Lilith: Just let Jez lead you.
Avenger: If you find Lecter...look for a small black device, shaped sort
of like a collapsible umbrella. We need it if we're going to survive.
T'Lilith: Noted. (pause) Let's keep moving.
* * * * *
half japanese: Dave, you're fired! (pause) And give me 50 push-ups!
Kessner: Great. We're heading into a battle without a security chief.
Palmer: Dave, when you're done with the push-ups, we're going to need
you down in the Crouton Torpedo tubes.
half japanese: Preferably *in* a torpedo.
Cdr. Palmer glares at his captain, bordering on insubordination. For once,
she backs down.
half japanese: Dave, get down to the Crouton Torpedo tubes and resume
your old job. We need torpedoes and we need them now. Ensign Panza?
A security officer at the back of the bridge steps up to the tactical railing.
Quixote: Sancho? (looks around for his dog)
Palmer: Dave, I'd suggest you get out of here before she snaps again.
Quixote leaves in a rustle of clanking armor.
Panza: Yes, Captain.
hj: Your promotion just came through. Take over as Security Chief and
add a Lt. JG pin to your collar at your earliest convenience.
Panza: Oh, okay. (smiles, mans tactical station) Your orders, mon capitan?
hj sits down hard in her chair and flips up her armrest tactical displays.
hj: Kessner, moves us to 137,3 Mark 7. Jolt Factor 4, engage. Panza,
load the phasers, Crouton Torpedoes and PPRs. Heian, red alert.
Heian: Borg and Lucky Charms--
All magically delicious;
Time for red alert.
* * * * *
The away team enters a strange-looking chamber at the apparent heart of the
Borg ship.
Highlander: What the f***?
T'Lilith: You recognize it, don't you, Commander?
Highlander: Yeah. It looks like the inside of one of those f***ing Lucky
Charms Masters' Ships.
T'Lilith: Correct. Lucky Lecter should be here soon enough. I imagine
Crossfire's not all that far away.
Lecter enters.
Lecter: Hello, my pretties. Welcome to Oz.
Highlander draws his katana and charges Lecter. Lecter merely phases at
the last possible moment and Highlander continues on, crashing into the
wall behind.
Lecter: Heh. Incompetent human. You're worthless without the Kunz's help,
you know. The Masters would have torn you to shreds otherwise.
Lecter's grin suddenly sours as he looks around in fear. The ship begins
to shake and rumble around them. T'Lilith steps forward, her ahn woon at
the ready.
Lecter: You can't hurt me, Vulcan.
T'Lilith smiles and swings, connecting the dull end of her ahn woon with
Lecter's jaw. A small black device flies out of his hand.
T'Lilith: Get that!
One of the security men scrambles for the device, but Missycutus walks in
at this point, carrying Crossfire. She reaches down and takes the device
with her free hand. ]-)
Missycutus: I think not.
Suddenly, Missycutus screams and drops both Crossfire and the device.
Crossfire, still confused by Missy being able to carry him, by the psycho-
therapy he's just been through, and by being dropped several feet to the
floor does not respond immediately. Jez leaves the Admiral, leaps across
the room and catches the device in his mouth.
T'Lilith: Jez, press the red and blue buttons simultaneously.
Jez: Mrowp mrow! [Yes, ma'am!]
Lecter tries to scramble to his feet, his mandibles a bloody mess. The
ship continues to shake.
Lecter: What have you done? How did you know how to hit me?
T'Lilith: Ancient Chinese secret.
Lecter: Isn't it time for another song?
Highlander: If I didn't know better, I'd say the whole f***ing Borg
ship were falling apart all around us.
T'Lilith: Thank *you*, Zortylwankoid. I would say it is time for us
to hear the Silence of the Lucky Charms.
Jez finally manages to press in the buttons on the black device. The
shaking stops for a moment. Then, as they watch around them, the Lucky
Charm ship rips itself out of the Borg infrastructure. Nearby Lucky Borg
are torn apart...their electronics are ripped right out of their skin as
they separate. In most cases, it kills them immediately. The hardier
creatures, the ones that were Lucky Charms to begin with, tend to survive
the transfer, though weakened.
Missycutus has lost her electronics and lies bleeding from the open wounds.
Lecter: You can't be doing this!!
Lecter forces himself to his feet and begins to run toward T'Lilith,
ready to rip out her throat with his teeth.
Lecter: You'll all die for this!!!
The sound of a Croutonizer beam is heard as the away team, including the
Lucky Charmish Missy plus Crossfire and Avenger, disappear from the interior
of the Lucky Charm ship.
* * * * *
Aboard the _Subaru_:
Kessner: They're aboard.
hj: Mr. Panza, lock PPR on target and fire.
Panza: Plasma Penetrating Round away.
One side of the pot of gold erupts in a shower of gold glitter.
Panza: Firing Crouton Torpedoes.
The pot of gold explodes in a rainbow of multi-dimensional destruction.
The _Subaru_ whooshes through the rainbow and out the other side, leaving
a collapsing Borg cube behind.
Kessner: Course, Captain?
hj: Just get us out of here!!!!
The _Subaru_ leaps into warp as the Borg vessel implodes.
* * * * *
In the Croutonzier Room, the _Subaru_'s medics lift Melissa onto a stretcher.
T'Lilith (into her communicator): Sickbay, have Lt. Cdr. Midzor's genetic
records up and ready for me. Prepare 10 cc's of anti-Charm RNA for
immediate injection. I will take it from there. (to the medics) Hurry!
She doesn't have much time! (to her communicator) Sickbay, have the
burn unit ready to treat a bad sunburn when we're done with Commander
Midzor. (a beat) If you will excuse me, boH'wI?
Avenger slowly opens his eyes, then shields them against the bright light.
Avenger: You have a patient that needs your attention more right now.
Take good care of her. (a beat) I'll see you later.
T'Lilith and the medical team leave the Croutonizer Room. Highlander and
Jez move to help Admiral Avenger find his way to Sickbay, but he puts up
a hand to stop them. Crossfire stumbles off the Croutonizer, looking a bit
dazed. Avenger slowly walks toward him.
Avenger: How are you doing?
Crossfire simply shrugs. Avenger quietly removes a piece of paper from his
uniform. He extends a hand to Crossfire. After a moment's hesitation,
Crossfire grasps it lightly and allows Avenger to shake with him. Then
Avenger replaces his own hand with the piece of paper. Crossfire looks
down at the paper and simply stares at it as Avenger motions to Highlander.
Jez and Highlander help Avenger walk out of the room, while Crossfire
continues to stare at the paper.
FADE TO BLACK
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Eric Moore, the Fizzix Dude, sits at a breakfast table, staring down
with disgust into his cereal bowl.
Announcer: Are you getting tired of cereals made of crunchy oats and
really lame dried and heavily preserved marshmallow bits? (a beat)
Are you getting tired of all those really drab oat bran cereals?
After a bit of a pause, a hand reaches in from off-camera and pushes Eric's
cereal bowl out of the way, replacing it with a new bowl and a fancy-
looking box for him to look at that.
Announcer: Try new Star Trek: The Crouton Generation cereal! It's
crispy and it's crunchy and if you add milk, you get the taste of
Ranch Dressing!
Eric starts eating up the cereal happily.
Announcer: Also look for new Bloocheez and Caesar Salad ST:TCG cereal!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
EPILOGUE
Kabeta enters the Sick Bay burn unit and pulls up a chair next to
Scribonia's bed. Scribonia starts to smile, then a pained look begins to
cross her face and she stops.
Kabeta: Don't strain yourself, Scribble dear. (a beat) It looks like you
missed all the "fun."
Dr. Hertzman walks in to check on Scribble's readings.
Hertzman: Don't bet on it.
Scribonia picks up a piece of Borg electronics that was obviously ripped off
the end of a Borg arm. A look of incredulous surprise crosses Kabeta's face.
Scribonia starts to smile again, then stops.
Hertzman: The skin regeneration and cosmetic surgery have taken, so she'll
look as good as new. It's just going to take the tissue in her face a
few more days to heal before she is comfortable smiling or talking.
Kabeta: I understand. Thank you, Ruth.
Kabeta stands up and smooths out her uniform in that very non-Picard Maneuver
manner she demonstrated a few episodes ago.
Kabeta: I'll see you on the bridge in a few days then. Don't let the bed
bugs bite.
Scribonia moves the Borg "hand" around as if to suggest that she'll bite the
bed bugs back if they try anything.
* * * * *
Avenger: "Admiral's Log, Stardate 103014.0:
It is finally over.
(a beat)
The Borg ship is gone. It didn't seem to be able to handle the
separation from the Lucky Charms and just literally fell apart.
The Lucky Charms are gone. Somehow, T'Lilith and T'Kreila knew just
where to hit them and they weren't able to handle the separation any better
than the Borg did. I can only hope that this is the end of their reign of
terror...but I really doubt that we've seen the last of Lucky Lecter's people.
(a long pause)
In the morning, T'Lilith and I will join the three _Salad_ class ships
on a trip back to Earth, where the ships will serve as honor guard for the
funeral of Jean-Luc Picard. We will miss his wise leadership and dry wit.
(a beat and a sigh) I will miss him.
The Star Fleet Commander has transferred three more _James T. Kirk_
and seven more _Cavalier_ class ships to the LMC, so I think we will be
well-represented here while at the funeral. There is also discussion of
stepping up colonization efforts here in the LMC, specifically on five
suitable candidate planets we have discovered in the past two years, in
order to set up a more permanent and independent base of operations here.
That should make our task just a little easier with all the new dangers
we are encountering.
Captain Kabeta will be returning Commander Torbog to Remus after the
funeral. Hopefully, he will be assigned a new ship so that he may rejoin
us in the LMC in a few months.
The _Subaru_ will be towing the _Melbourne_ here in the morning for
repairs. Rhee is expecting to spend at least a month overhauling the ship
and fixing all of the damage Missycutus inflicted. Richard will spend some
of the intermediate time helping Mark hold down the fort while we're away.
We're *not* sure how quickly Commander Midzor's wounds will heal.
The genetic treatments seem to be taking and the physical wounds seem to
be healing quickly enough, but an event like this would ordinarily cause
great emotional trauma. So far, Melissa remembers nothing that has
happened to her in the past few weeks. Maybe it is for the best if she
were never to remember...
I have given Lt. Cdr. Crossfire his option and I consider the case
closed. If anyone else in Star Fleet gets in the way of his decision,
they'll have to answer to me. On a personal note, I wish him the best
in whatever he decides to do.
(a long pause, then a deep breath)
You know, sometimes life really sucks."
The Admirals' Quarters, Starbase LMC1, very dark. We see one figure
lying peacefully in bed, the other sitting in a large chair by the
window, staring out at the stars. The figure in the bed begins to
move and we close-up on Admiral T'Lilith as she sits up and looks at the
chronometer on the wall.
T'Lilith (sleepily): What are you still doing up?
Avenger (painfully tired): Thinking.
T'Lilith gets up and crosses the room, sitting on her knees next to his
chair and putting her hand on his shoulder.
T'Lilith: What about?
Avenger: Everything, nothing, the future of the Universe as we know it.
T'Lilith: That is a great burden to be putting on yourself.
She uses her free hand to take one of his hands into hers.
T'Lilith: Why don't you come to bed and get some rest?
Avenger: What's the point? We're leaving early in the morning anyway.
(a beat) Besides, you weren't sleeping either.
T'Lilith: You could tell? (a beat) Not much, anyway.
She pulls up a chair herself so she can sit down next to him.
T'Lilith: I was just thinking about T'Kreila and all they put her through.
Avenger: And what they put Missy and Crossfire through as well.
T'Lilith (whispering): And nearly you...
Avenger (shakes his head "no"): What they did to Missy and Crossfire was
much worse. (a beat) What's going to happen to T'Kreila?
T'Lilith: John, Janson and I are going to keep working with her until
we get back to the Milky Way. Then... (she hesitates, takes a deep
breath) ...we're going to check her into the Van Gelder Institute.
Hopefully, they will do more good for her in the long run.
Avenger: You don't give yourself enough credit.
T'Lilith: When they feel she is ready to reintegrate with society, Mother
will take her home to Vulcan for a while.
They sit quietly for a moment.
Avenger: Would you like to be able to visit her while she's at the Institute?
T'Lilith: It might help her, but I have my duties...and I don't want to be
apart from you right now.
Avenger: I was thinking about taking a long vacation...spend some time
getting my thoughts together. (a beat) I don't think I'm going to be
able to say good-bye to Picard properly with all those people around.
T'Lilith: Understandable, especially knowing you. (a beat) I think some
extra time with T'Kreila could be helpful to her recovery...to let her
know I have not abandoned her.
Avenger: Good. I'll put in the appropriate paperwork tomorrow then.
T'Lilith (sincerely): Thank you.
They sit quietly again. T'Lilith, feeling sleepy again, rests her head on
Avenger's shoulder as she looks out at the stars.
T'Lilith: Something is still bothering you, boH'wI.
Avenger: It's the Borg.
T'Lilith: You have defeated them before. They will be defeated again.
Avenger: Yes, but they're strong again. Missy has given them the edge
they needed...and I'm sure they'll have retained *something* from their
dealings with the Lucky Charms.
T'Lilith: They seemed to be acting more like Lucky Charms than Borg overall.
Did the Borg really have any control over the link? Could they have
really gained anything from it?
Avenger: Ooohh, yes. I *know* the Borg...
T'Lilith: Will any of that information ever be able to reach the Borg
uni-mind? It seems like an awfully long distance for thoughts to travel.
Avenger: I think that was their greatest disadvantage in their link with
the Lucky Charms -- the distance was so great the uni-mind didn't have
any input. I think that's why we haven't seen the Borg here much before
either...they need the quick contact with the uni-mind and a two week
delay was unacceptable. Now that they've stolen No-Doz communication from
Missy's mind, they'll be able to communicate with the uni-mind in a
matter of hours. (a beat) Knowing the Borg, they'll implement our design
more efficiently and cut that down to a matter of minutes.
T'Lilith takes a deep breath.
T'Lilith: Maybe it is something we should not worry about tonight.
Avenger: True...they won't have the information until a couple of days
after we reach Earth, at their old Jolt-speed communications link.
But we are going to have to keep our eyes open. They will be back.
T'Lilith: That is another reason you wanted to stay in the Milky Way,
isn't it?
Avenger: I have to let Wes know what to expect...and I have to convince
the rest of Star Fleet as well. It's going to be hard without Picard
there to back us up.
T'Lilith: I know you. You will ram it down their throats until they agree
with you just so you will stop nagging them.
Avenger (turning to face her, smiling, finally): I didn't know I was a nag?
T'Lilith (smiling): Come to bed.
T'Lilith suddenly screams and squeals as Avenger begins to tickle her.
(Hey, tickling can break down the most Vulcan of exteriors. Wouldn't you
have liked to see somebody do that to Spock just once...or Worf?) She
leaps up to get away, but he continues the attack as she runs for the bed
as we:
FADE TO BLACK
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Next time, on Crossfire's all-new episode of
Star Trek: The Crouton Generation
"I'm Dancing As Fast As I Can"
Now that the Silence is over...
Crossfire must begin to deal with Picard's death, and he must choose what he
is going to do with his life...
Highlander: I thought you were going to stay with Starfleet!
Crouton: No. We won't let you go.
Crossfire: You don't have a choice.
Will a message from Picard help Crossfire...
Picard: Crossfire, don't do anything stupid.
Or will Crossfire leave the crew of the _Croutonprize_ for good?
[We see the _Croutonprize_ in space. It fires a projectile from the forward
torpedo bay.]
CAREER DECISION CRISIS on the next episode of
Star Trek: The Crouton Generation!
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 20 Jun 91 00:05:23 -0600
From: zecca@tramp (Emulator of Borg)
Subject: ST:TCG4 Credits
STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
"The Silence of the Croutons"
STARRING
Anthony Hopkins Voice of Lucky Lecter
Melissa Midzor Lt. Cdr. Melissa Midzor/Missycutus
Katherine Bryant Captain Kabeta
Chi An Chow Captain Chi An Chow
Kristen Coulter Admiral T'Lilith
Michael Ironside Commander Torbog
Richard Muirden Captain Richard Muirden
Christopher Platt Captain Christopher P Crouton
Jonathan Reid Lt. Cdr. Crossfire
Kerri Russell Captain half japanese
Patrick Stewart Admiral Jean-Luc Picard
John Lloyd Tracy III Counselor Tracy
ALSO STARRING
Paula Abdul Lt. Abdul
Melinda Allen Counselor Eliana
Edwin Aoki Lt. Aoki
Vanessa Baker Counselor Bruce
Mark Bradford Rear Adm. Bradford
Josh Brandon Lt. Cdr. yaz-pistachio
Bill Carter Cdr. Carter
Neal Chuang Lt. Chuang
Tom Donaghey Lt. Cdr. Q. Torvald McDonagh
Matt Ender as himself
Karim Farah Cdr. Highlander
David Fox Lt. Fox
Ian Frechette Lt. Cdr. Runaway Daemon
Jez(ebel) Ghiasi Lt. Jez the Wonder Kitty
Soraya Ghiasi Lt. Cdr. Ghiasi
Suzanne Gilliam Lt. drewid
Wayne Gretzky Lt. Cdr. Gretzky
Lucy Hadden Cdr. Scribonia the Illegible
Chad Harvey Cdr. D'Arc Tangent
Christopher Hassell Lt. Cdr. Zortylwankoid
Matt "Magically Delicious" Himle Lt. Himle
Kerry Hoke Lt. Hoke
Jeff Holton Lt. JG Sancho Panza
Ruth Hertzman "Dr. Ruth" Hertzman
Adrienne Kantor Lt. Cdr. Rhee Savan
Michael Kleber Lt. Kleber, the Speaker for the Dead
Tim Larkin Cdr. Larkin
Dave Learn Lt. JG Dave Quixote
Kevin Lindauer Lt. Cdr. Icefalcon, M.D.
Larry Loesch Captain "Boom-Boom" Loesch
Nathaniel Michelson Lt. Iluvanna Lin-Elenuial
Alyssa Milano Ensign Practor
Jim Palmer Cdr. Palmer
Dessie Papazisis Ensign Aedoni
Susan Parker Lt. Parker
Jessica Polito Lt. maya
Nich Shectman Lt. Cdr. Zenador
Robert Tarrall Counselor Neon
Jason Taubman Lt. Taubman
Angela Winner Lt. Thokk the Dismemberer
Eugene Yee Lt. Euge Yee
Michael Zecca Admiral Avenger
and many, many more...
GUEST STARRING
Rick Berman Admiral Paul Murgrave
James Carrey Lt. Paul Janson
Constance E. Flieder Dr. Flieder
James Earl Jones The President
P.D. Kunz The Kunz
Mart McChesney Lucky Lecter
Christopher Plummer Admiral Wesley Van Tripp
Wil Smith Ensign Fresh
Kathleen Turner The new, improved (?) Casanova
Lalla Ward T'Kreila/Prolixator of Borg
DIRECTED BY Penny Marshall
Tony Perkins
Melissa Midzor
Rob Bowman
Terry Gilliam
Diane Keaton
Bruce Beresford
INCIDENTAL MUSIC BY Ron Jones
DJ Jazzy Jeff
Danny Elfman
Michael Hutchings
Mike Post
Basil Poledouris
John "Dances with 007" Barry
STAR TREK CREATED BY Gene Roddenberry
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Michael "Admiral" Zecca
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Jonathan "Crossfire" Reid
PRODUCER Katherine "Kabeta" Bryant
LINE PRODUCER The Pen
EDITOR Jonathan "Crossfire" Reid
ORIGINAL STAR FLEET UNIFORMS BY William Ware Theiss
DOUGHNUTS Larry "Boom-Boom" Loesch
Tom Youtz
WONDER KITTY WRANGLERS Soraya Ghiasi
Patrick "Kitten" Juola
Ken "The Imperial Blizzard" Stern
MILLER MOTH WRANGLERS Pandora
Cleopatra & Miranda
SPAM (TM) David Meyers
PAULA ABDUL ADVISOR Euge Yee
CHOREOGRAPHY Paula Abdul
Wil Smith
ARCHAIC WEAPONS CONSULTANTS Jonathan "Crossfire" Reid
John Heins
MS. COULTER'S & MS. WARD'S HAIR BY Michael Westmore
MR. STEWART'S HAIR BY Norelco (Shaves as close as a blade
or your money back)
MR. SANDBERG'S NAILS BY Lee Press-On
SPECIAL THANKS TO
Mark Bradford, for keeping Junk running
Peter David, for "Vendetta" and everything else
Thomas Harris, for inspiring the Silence
Anthony Hopkins, for a truly marvelous performance
Jonathan Reid, for making me do Crossfire "right," for the editing job,
for the friendship and for keeping me on my toes
Gene Roddenberry, for the continuing life of a deranged perversion of his
best creative idea
Patrick Stewart, for 60 years of wonderful Trek! ]-)
The members of Junk and Yawn for being patient with my extreme turtle-like
progress with this story.
NO THANKS TO
Richard Arnold, as usual
The American League, for causing childish delays in the expansion process
The National League, for high price tags and general blackmailing in order
to earn an expansion franchise
The people that aren't hiring me
The characters, situations and places in this story are fictional
and any similarity to actual places or persons, living, dead or in
some limbo state in between is purely the figment of a deranged
imagination. (Yours or mine?)
The animals used in this story were treated with the utmost care
and humanity and were fed lots of Pounce, given plenty of time
for naps and were protected from any possible source of harm.
A JUNK MAIL/MAD BOB THE AVENGER PRODUCTION
COPYLEFT MCMXCI
Soundtrack available on CPC/Croutonia tapes and compact discs.
Read the Pick Pocket Books novel
Eat the Official Hidden Valley Ranch
"Silence of the Croutons" Salad Dressing
Watch it over and over again on videotape
How about those Twins?
The Borg will return...
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