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The Crouton Generation Archives
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Star Trek: The Crouton Generation
Season 4, pack #9
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Date: Tue, 25 Jun 91 12:39:58 edt
From: "someone now holds the key (Russell, Kerri)"
RUSSELLK%DICKINSN.BITNET@EVANS.UCAR.EDU
Subject: st:tcg
"Rest Assured"
The Croutons all become insomniacs because they live in fear. Not fear from
Q, not from Dan Quayle becoming president, but fear that half japanese has
given up her constant bombarding of the Croutons with silly little episodes
written out of boredom or stress relief. What was preventing half japanese
from writing??? Was it writers block??? Was it fear that she would be
lynched??? Or worse yet, fear that the Admiral would make her do push-ups if
she posted once more????? Will half japanese post again??? Now that she has
will the Croutons be able to sleep??? Or will their insomnia grow worse out of
anticipation for the next episode???? Find out next time as the Croutons wait
for episodes to survive...
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Date: Tue, 25 Jun 91 12:47:16 edt
From: "someone now holds the key (Russell, Kerri)"
RUSSELLK%DICKINSN.BITNET@EVANS.UCAR.EDU
Subject: ST:TCG
"board stiff"
half japanese once again picks up the keyboard to write episodes when she
discovers that the keyboard has become stiff from disuse. Will this prevent
the Captain from posting meaningless episodes??? Or will she just take longer
to type each letter???? MOre importantly, will she kill the luser who wanted
to take scisors to his disk to trim it down to size??? Find out next time as
half japanese uses a hammer and chisel to type her episodes on Star Trek: The
Computer generation
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Date: Tue, 25 Jun 91 16:46:02 edt
From: "someone now holds the key (Russell, Kerri)"
RUSSELLK%DICKINSN.BITNET@EVANS.UCAR.EDU
Subject: ST:TCG medium rare
the following is for Becky:
On the next thrilling episode....
At a starbase near you, Acting Ensign Ranaluin runs into *Captain* half
japanese. Their Ego's clash...
Ranaluin: I don't have to listen to you! I'm not on your ship!
hj: YOU are a member of starfleet. As am I.
Ranaluin: OOOH profound! Any other thoughts?
hj: Just of push-ups (smiles) and of how many you'll be doing. Now stop
Acting like an Ensign and give me 500,000!
Ranaluin: (smiling) Gee, is that all?
hj: (growls) For starters.
Will Ranaluin do the push-ups??? Or will she drive the Captain to drink???
Ranaluin: I'm taller than you so there!
hj: (climes up on the highest surface available): I'm taller and I'm a
*CAPTAIN*.
Who will give up first???? And how drunk will they get???
hj: Let's sing another round!
hj and Ranaluin: (ala Sonny and Cher) Babe! I got you babe! (etc)
Will there singing scare everyone out of the bar??? (everyone jumps up and
leaves)
hj: It worked, Ranaluin!! Drinks are on the house!
Find out what really happened on Star Trek: The Drunken Generation
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From: midzor@tramp (FIZZIX DUDE)
Subject: ST:TCG4 (short)
Date: Sun, 30 Jun 91 14:01:46 MDT
"Hair Apparent"
Admiral Avenger's lifelong dream is finally realized when he discovers
the inhabitants of Floyd IV have a secret formula for restoring hair.
He eagerly dowses himself with the concoction, smelling of fresh straw-
berry essence. A routine visit aboard the _Enterprise_ leaves the crew
incredulous when they notice the disappearance of his bald spot. But
soon something goes wrong when his hair continues to grow uncontrollably
at the rate of an inch per hour. Desperately Lt. Heidrich tries to find
an antidote so that the Admiral won't violate Starfleet regulations.
Will Heidrich succeed in time as the Admiral's hair becomes too thick
for him to see? Find out on the next "Star Trek: The Cousin It Gener-
ation"!
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From: midzor@tramp (FIZZIX DUDE)
Subject: ST:TCG4 (short)
Date: Sun, 30 Jun 91 14:31:41 MDT
"Electronic Male"
While processing the personality profiles of the _Enterprise_ crewmembers,
Lt. Heidrich carelessly redirects Zortyl's profile into Zen's main kernel
where it combines with Zen's personality circuits to create: Zortyl Head-
room. With Zortyl's loquaciousness and Zen's teraflop processing, the
crew finds itself with a computer out of control. Even Zortyl is pushed
to the limits of his speed and knowledge as he attempts to disengage the
egotistical engrams and weed out the foreign personality data. Will he
succeed in time, or will the crew find themselves hopelessly trying to
deal with the stuttering new menace? As the crew fights to survive....
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Date: Fri, 5 Jul 91 18:37:25 -0400
From: ender2@husc.harvard.edu (Matt Ender)
Subject: STTCG short, musical
"26 Second Episode"
Music freely adapted from Shel Silverstein, "26 Second Song"
"All the DJs keep complaining, episodes are never done.
So I sat down and wrote myself a 26 second one."
Will the producers find 29:30 worth of commercials to fill out the episode
to a full half-hour???? Find out on the next STAR TREK: THE SHORT MUSICAL
GENERATION.
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Date: Fri, 5 Jul 91 18:45:28 -0400
From: ender2@husc.harvard.edu (Matt Ender)
Subject: STTCG short, musical, #2
"Spiro Agnew"
Music by John Denver, "Spiro Agnew", 0:12
While hunting around for information on 20th century politicians for a
Croutonic Knowledge Bowl, our illustrious heroes come across an old
recording. Curiously, they wonder what's on it...
MK: "Well, we've managed to reconstruct the device to play it, let's
hear what it says." [He pushes a button marked 'PLAY' on an
experimental attempt at a tape recorder.]
[He bangs it once]
John Denver's voice: "I'll sing you a song of Spiro Agnew,
and all the things he's done..."
[The voice trails off into silence. Consternation spreads like raspberry
jam across the Crouton's faces.]
Scribonia: "That can't be all of it."
Iluvanna: "But it is. Look." [Reading] "Spiro Agnew by John Denver, 0:12"
Will the Croutons discover exactly how little Spiro Agnew did? Will they
be accosted by fans of Spiro Agnew for degrading his name? Will the producers
be accosted by fans of STTCG and mobbed for the latest wave of commercials?
Find out in the next episode of Star Trek: The Short Musical Generation.
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Date: Fri, 5 Jul 91 18:50:59 -0400
From: ender2@husc.harvard.edu (Matt Ender)
To: junk@typhoon.ucar.edu
Subject: Next time, on ST:TSMG
"How Short Can You Get?"
Music by Mr. Price, "The Shortest Song in the World"
Various bands begin to compete, trying to produce the shortest musical episode
of ST:TCG...
Power Broker Mutant Algae From Butte, Montana's lead singer: "Okay, guys, you
ready to make the short est musical Crouton episode ever?"
PBMAFB,M: "Yeah!"
PBMAFB,MLS: "Hit it on the one!"
"This is the shortest song in the world."
PBMAFB,M: "Oh, Yeah!"
Will the rioting causing by over 29 minutes of commercials srive the
suddenly very rich producers into Starfleet reinforced bunkers?
Tune in to the next episode of ST:TSMG and find out.
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Date: Fri, 5 Jul 91 18:57:37 -0400
From: ender2@husc.harvard.edu (Matt Ender)
Subject: ST:TCG more short and musical
"Ever Shorter"
Music by Barry and the Bookbinders, "This Song", 0:04
The battle for the shortest ST:TCG episode took a sudden turn today as
Just a Couple of Slimeball Musicians re-discoverd an old song by
Barry and the Bookbinders, only four seconds long.
JCSM (Joe): "1! 2!! 3!!"
"This Song is pretty damn short!"
The by now incredibly wealthy producers (mostly from excessive commercial
sales in recent episodes) attempt to fly to Antares IV to avoid the rampaging
mob of respectible citizens. Their plane is shot down leaving Los Angeles by
a fanatical fan of ST:TCG, who takes them captive and won't releasre them
until anti-commercial laws are passed and the writers get back on their job.
Will the producers be held for a looooong time? Or a short time? Or ...
a short musical...
help! help! help! (dodge) [run]
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Date: Fri, 5 Jul 91 19:03:34 -0400
From: ender2@husc.harvard.edu (Matt Ender)
Subject: ST:TCG no-length-at-all musical
"A Little Zen Music"
[The camera shot shows no one meditating against a black background, chanting
the mantra of the concept of a song with "OM" as the lyric and the sound of
one hand clapping as percussion. This shot is held for 0 seconds. The
0 second-length of film is not fed into anything.]
"And now, this word from our sponsors..."
As world after world fall to the ravening fans of ST:TCG, can the Neilson -
Iloeiyan - Sk'tk's'ts ratings be far behind? Will the writers finish
a real episode before they are pulped by the howling mob? Do the producers
and the advertisers have any hope at all?
Find out in the next episode of Staaaaar Trek: The Short Musical Generation.
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Subject: ST:TCG (Short.. sorta)
Date: Sat, 06 Jul 91 11:45:14 MST
From: frechett@spot
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Subject: TCG: "Sailor Man" (short)
Yes, I am actually transgressing my sacred vow here, and writing a
short episode. Only reason I'm doing this is because I can't see
any way to make it work for a full-length episode.
Next time on Star Trek: The Crouton Generation . . .
"Sailor Man"
As Admiral Boris Becker makes a routine inspection of the USS Subaru
to investigate the crew's health, he makes a shocking discovery: Captain
half japanese, in making her officers do push-ups, has completely
neglected their other sets of muscles, with the result that they are
now beginning to resemble the characters of "Popeye." Will hj be forced
to require sit-ups and leglifts for a while? Will Palmer be able to
handle the teasing as his shipmates call him "Bluto?" Will the lights
fail yet again, leaving us all in the dark?
Tune in next time for an all new, exciting episode of
STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
I feel so horrible . . .
Lieutenant (j.g.) Dave Quixote "Too much sanity is madness."
Crouton Tube Maintenance Man, 3rd class dl20@lafayacs.bitnet
--------------------------
Date: Thu, 18 Jul 91 11:52:38 edt
From: "someone now holds the key (Russell, Kerri)"
RUSSELLK%DICKINSN.BITNET@EVANS.UCAR.EDU
Subject: ST:TCG *SHORT*
on the next exciting episode....
"No Male"
Several Crouton female officers have taken to complaining about the lack of
male. *stereotype alert* Will they sit around for hours bitching about how
men are always leaving them???? Or will they write episodes bitching about
the lack of male???? Ooops, I think I gave away to much! Find out next time
on Star Trek: The Spoiler Generation!!!!!!!!
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Date: Thu, 18 Jul 91 12:48:39 edt
From: "someone now holds the key (Russell, Kerri)"
RUSSELLK%DICKINSN.BITNET@EVANS.UCAR.EDU
Subject: ST:TCG *SHORTTTTTTTTTT*
On the next exciting episode
"Pkill Wars"
Aedoni challenges Capt. half japanese to a Pkill War--a game of strategy and
speed to be played by two opponents over the computer in areas where they
cannot see each other.
hj: I have a look process on her! I'll know exactly when she loggs in I can
get her then!
But unbeknownst to all but the author of this stupid episode, there are
others who will use this to their advantage!
Princess Lay-uh: We have to use their game to attack the Empire!
Oh-bee-one-Kanobles: All in good time. (a beat) And get a hair cut will you?!
I hate those cinnamon buns you have strapped to the side of your head!
Will their invasion be successful??? Or will they miss their chance because
the princess spends too much time at the beauty parlor???? Find out next time
on Star Trek: The Cinnamon Generation
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