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STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
"The Perfect Game"
END CREDITS
Starring
(Fleet) Captain Kabeta Katherine Bryant
Admiral M. Robert Avenger Michael Zecca
Cap./Cdr./Lt. Cdr. Ghiasi Soraya Ghiasi
Cdr./Lt. Cdr. Crossfire Jonathan Reid
Vice/Rear Admiral Bradford Mark Bradford
Guest Starring
Antonius/Anthony Morgan Denzel Washington
Ridiculus/The Riddler Brian Ridley
Bjorn of Borg Bjorn Borg
Col. Jeff Rust Kirk Douglas
Sgt-Major Sean McKelvey Robert Patrick
Also Starring
(Queen) Counselor Eliana Melinda Allen
Lt. Cdr. Aoki Edwin Aoki
Counselor Bruce Vanessa Baker
Ananda, Speaker's Apprentice Natasha Bergson-Michelson
Lt. Iluvanna Lin-Eleniual Nathaniel Bergson-Michelson
Lt. Cdr. yaz-pistachio Joshua Brandon
Lt. Guillaume de Fontaine Will Brockman
Lt. Janson Jim Carrey
Bodiless, _Heisenberg_'s Ghost Ben Cash
Captain Chow Chi An Chow
Guendalina, _Heisenberg_'s Bartender Susan Christiano
LCdr./Lt. Chuang Neal Chuang
Counselor Jiapa Amy Chused
Admiral T'Lilith Kristen Coulter
Ens. Mreen Charles Dickson
Lt. Cdr. Q. Torvald McDonagh Tom Donaghey
Ens. Joe Fodder Michael Donahue
Garrett Bryant Durrell
Matt Ender Matt Ender
Capt./Cdr. Highlander Karim Farah
Lt. Cdr. Fox David Fox
(King) Aren Devyn Lee Gavryth
Lt. G. O'Forever Ethan Gershon
Lt. Jez the Wonder Kitty Jez(ebel) "the Wonder Kitty" Ghiasi
Ambassador Blanchefleur Sue Gill
Ens. Goldhaber David Goldhaber
Ensign 'Droht David Greenebaum
Captain/Lt. Cdr. Gretzky Wayne Gretzky
Polgara, Ship's Sorceress Joanne Handwerger
Lt. Cdr. Zortylwankoid Chris Hassell
Cdr. Heins John Heins
Dr. (LCdr.) Hertzman Ruth Hertzman
LCdr./Lt. Himle Matt Himle
Lt. JG Sancho Panza (the human) Jeff Holton
Lt. JG Hutchings Michael Hutchings
Torbog Michael Ironside
Lt. Cdr. Rhee Savan Adrienne Kantor
Lt. JG Kindig Dave Kindig
Lt. Cdr. Kleber (Speaker for the Dead) Michael Kleber
Daneel (Blanchefleur's consort) Nathan Kronenfeld
Lt. JG Dave Quixote David Learn
Captain "Boom-Boom" Larry Loesch
Lt. Maron Jason "Mr. Midzor" Maron
Ens. K-thleen Aoiai Claudia Mastroianni
Ensign SPAM (TM) David "SPAM (TM)" Meyers
Lt. Cdr. Midzor Melissa "Is he a grad student?" Midzor
Yon White Dragon Shenando Midzor
Cdr. Furd the Nurd David McKinnon
Ens. Practor Alyssa Milano
Fizzix Dude Eric Moore
Captain Muirden Richard Muirden
Lt. (JG) Aedoni t'Rllaillieu Dessie Papazisis
Cdr. Palmer Jim Palmer
LCdr./Lt. Parker Susan Parker
Dr. Jen-L Janell Routh
Captain half japanese Kerri Russell
Lt. Savvie Matt Savoie
Lt. Cdr. Zenador Nich "Phi" Shectman
Lt. eloraC Stoops Carole Stoops
Counselor Neon Robert Tarrall
Lt. JG Yi Brian Tochi
Counselor Tracy John L. Tracy III
Lt. JG Geoffrey Snark Susanne Vanderhoef
Ens. Metag Kevin Wald
Lt. Kendragon Kendra Willson
Lt. Thokk the Dismemberer Angela Winner
Lt. Cdr. Euge Yee Euge Yee
Also Guest Starring
Lt. Abdul Paula Abdul (Estevez)
Lechon Melinda Allen
Commander Ahab Tom Baker
Larry Bearnarth as himself
Cdr. Becker Boris Becker
Admiral Paul Murgrave Rick Berman
The _Volvo_ Bartender Bruce Biggs
Marya Gorovina Lucinda Bryant
Andrei Gorovin Peter Bryant
Captain Bundy Karl "The Refrigerator" Bundy
Harry, the _Chivalier_ computer Harry Caray
Capriatus Jennifer Capriati
Captain Cary John Cary
Reporter #2 Connie Chung
Sega (Tarkanian) John Colicos
Ens. Creighton D. Joseph Creighton
Lt. Fakolt Jennifer Fakolt
Yelruh Chris Farley
Zhaanwankoidwankoid Charles Fleischer
"New" Heian Matt Frewer
Joe Girardi as himself
Pandora the Psycho Kitty Pandora Ghiasi
Lt. Max Mel Gibson
Counselor Wombat Lisa Goodrich
Queen Alexis Teresa Gualtieri
Aseret Teresa Gualtieri
Other Obnoxious Marines Hans und Franz
Capt./Lt. Howsam Neil Patrick Harris
Anna Leonova Joan Hickson
Lt. Holzhauer Vicki Holzhauer
Commander qey'rI Gary Hren
Lt. Cdr. Gary Hren Gary Hren
Nortylutilz John Hurt
Janet Gretzky Janet Jones (Gretzky)
King Stephen Iain Lamb
Irina Korasov Angela Lansbury
Simon Leonov Robert Sean Leonard
Obnoxious Marine #1 Dolph Lundgren
Capt./Lt. Cdr. Townsend Anne-Marie Martin
Lycos Christina Marzano
Captain Harry Bernard Dave McDonnell
Captain Sonya Gomez Lycia Naff
Commander Ahla Mohd Ed O'Neill
A.J. A.J. Orr
Ranche Dressinge Robert Pastorelli
Admiral Soma Michael Piller
Phil Plantier as himself
Reporter #1 Maury Povitch
Rellip John Ratzenberger
Ouran'julius (Taco Salsa) Geraldo Rivera
Adm. (Ret.) Craig Bowman Gen. (Ret.) Norman Schwarzkopf
Obnoxious Marine #2 Steven Seagal
Kadran John Shortess
Ensign Fresh Will "The Fresh Prince" Smith
Admiral Sarah Tainor Melinda Snodgrass
Sejanus (King of Camelot) Sean Connery
T'Kreila Lalla Ward
Namreb George Wendt
Lt. Cdr. Youtz Tom Youtz
Special Appearances By
T'Laedyn Barbara Bain
Wolf Blitzer as himself
Triumver Bloocheez Ed Begley, Jr.
Elvis Bill Clinton
Admiral Jake Sisko Laurence Fishburne
Amabassdor Kennedy Kathryn Hepburn
The President James Earl Jones
Larry King as himself
Connor MacLeod Christopher Lambert
Admiral O'Brien Colm Meaney
Elucidator/Adm Betty Talbot Diana Muldaur
Ambassador Spock Leonard Nimoy
The Ultimate Blonde Michelle Pfeiffer
KIRBY Kirby Puckett
Star Fleet Pipes & Drums Honor Squad Pipes & Drums 2nd Bat. Scots Guards
Admiral Wesley Van Tripp Christopher Plummer
The Klingon Emperor Arnold Schwarzeneggar
Vice Admiral Data Brent Spiner
Lore Brent Spiner
Admiral Jean-Luc Picard Patrick Stewart
Boothby Ray Walston
and
Jerry Mathers as "The Beaver"
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS Katherine Bryant
Michael Zecca
PRODUCER Jonathan Reid
DIRECTORS John Shortess (1)
David Bartlett (2)
Jimmy Connors (3)
James Cameron (4)
Rob "Pizza Boy" Bowman (5)
Brent Spiner (6)
Timothy W. Lynch (7)
Mad Bob the Avenger (8)
Michael Dorn (9)
Darin Foat (10)
Adam Nimoy (11)
John Larroquette (12)
Russell Mulcahy (13)
Nich Shectman (14)
John Cleese (15)
Bill Bixby (16)
Nicholas Meyer (17)
Kenneth Branagh (18)
Jez the Wonder Kitty (19)
Bruce Beresford (20)
Jonathan Frakes (21)
Penny Marshall (22)
William Shatner (23)
Katherine Bryant (24)
MUSIC BY Enya (1)
Ristinen & Tantilla (2)
Green Jelly" (3)
Ron Jones (4)
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (5)
John Tesh (6)
Delcara and The Many (7,23)
Wojciech Kilar (8)
Uncle Bonsai (9)
John Philip Sousa (10)
Lalo Schifrin (11)
Billy & The Boingers (12)
Queen (13)
Jay Chattaway and Pipes and Drums
2nd Battalion Scots Guards (14)
The Art of Noise (15)
Basil Poledouris (16)
Cliff Eidelman (17)
Patrick Doyle (18)
Jai Robichaud (19)
Kate Bush (20)
Rudresh Mahanthappa (21)
Dennis McCarthy and Roy Rogers &
Dale Evans (22)
Colcannon and Fairport Convention (24)
ASSISTANT TO MS. BRYANT Melinda Allen
ASSISTANT TO MR. ZECCA David Learn
ADDITIONAL ASSISTANCE PROVIDED BY Josh Brandon
Soraya Ghiasi
Christopher Hassell
John Heins
Adrienne Kantor
Despina Papazisis
Eugene Yee
ADR LOOPING Gary Hren
SOUND ENGINEER John Shortess
DGA TRAINEES Darin Foat
Lisa Goodrich
GAFFER Melissa Midzor
GOPHER Fred Grandy, Rep.-Iowa (R)
GRIP Crazy Glue
Velcro
DRIP J. Danforth Quayle
Aquaman
WOLF TRAINERS Christina Marzano
Melinda Allen
WONDER KITTY WRANGLERS Soraya Ghiasi
Patrick Juola
Adrienne Kantor
ADMIRAL BIRD SPEECH THERAPIST Ricardo Montalban
MISSING LINK IN THE JFK CONSPIRACY Elvis Presley
EPISODES ACCIDENTALLY DELETED BY Katherine Bryant
FONDLY REMEMBERED Chris "But I'm not dead yet!" Platt
Jim Henson
Theodore Seuss Geisel
Gene Roddenberry
MISCELLANEOUS SILLINESS Anyone ever remotely involved with
Star Trek: The Crouton Generation
SPECIAL EFFECTS Industrial Light and Magic (Ltd.)
REALLY SPECIAL EFFECTS Runaway Imagination, Inc.
WELL, ISN'T THAT SPECIAL? EFFECTS Dana Carvey
SGI/TOASTER EFFECTS Edwin Aoki
Chris Hassell
John Heins
Pat "Kitten" Juola
Larry "Boom-Boom" Loesch
Nich "Phi" Shectman
Nick Thompson
FELINE LANGUAGE SPECIALISTS Jez the Wonder Kitty, Jenny,
Miranda & Cleopatra, Pandora,
Prancer, Mandelbrot, Amy, Spot...
JAPANESE LANGUAGE SPECIALIST Heidi Decker
thlIngan LANGUAGE SPECIALIST Mark C. Okrand
XAVIONITE LANGUAGE SPECIALIST Melinda Allen
UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR/SUBTITLES BY Patrick Juola
LIGHTS FINALLY FIXED BY Jason Maron
Special Thanks to
The late Great Bird of the Galaxy (Gene Roddenberry) for the continued use
of his 28+ year old playground. May he continue to play there with us in
spirit as we keep his dream alive for years to come.
Richard Arnold, for staying off the swings and finally going home for dinner.
Peter A. David, for his insights on the Borg and other stuff Trekkish.
Yes, he's the one on the merry-go-round.
Mark Bradford, for general administration.
Josh Brandon, for everything (and especially the hippo idea).
Volkswagen, for making a car that, even at age 12, could still carry Kath
across the country.
Jonathan Reid, for assimilating the TCG archives, helping us write Crossfire
correctly, for the "Still I Rise" idea plus all the usual. He's a real
friend and none of you will be surprised when you see his name with the
Admiral's as co-exec producers of future Star Trek and other SF television
series.
Maurice Hurley, for inventing the Borg in the first place.
Robert Tarrall and Susan Parker, for allowing the Admiral to assimilate
accounts.
Lucy Hadden, for letting Kath borrow her computer all those times.
Dr. Robert Fesen, for a quick lesson on supernovae.
Brent Spiner, for the "King of the Pakleds" idea.
Amanda Spear, for helping the Admiral get his photograph of Wolf 359.
David Greenebaum and Margaret Steen, for saving Kath from total collapse.
The NSF, for making it possible for Kath to escape J-school.
Nolan Ryan, Patrick MacNee and the casts of _Star Trek: The Next Generation_
and _Star Trek: Deep Space Nine_ for their assistance in advertising.
Derek Jacobi, for voicing the "Next time" ads.
Andres Galarraga, Dante Bichette and the rest of the Rockies...it's been
a hell of a year, guys!
William Shatner, for singing "Rocketman"......NOT!!!!!
and
The ever-hopeful TCG fans who've been so patient waiting for us to get
ourselves in gear and finish this story!
No Thanks to
The Harvard Student Telephone Office, for turning a simple process of
getting a telephone line into the bureaucracy from hell.
The Rocky Mountain News, for turning a simple process of getting a daily
newspaper into the bureaucracy from hell.
J200, for burning Kath out and giving her pneumonia.
TED5910, for making the Admiral reconsider careers yet again. (You know,
once Berman, Piller or JMS hires him, it won't be a problem any more...)
Collect the official STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
trading cards from Skybox.
Read the Pocket Books novel (by Peter David).
Listen to the official soundtrack on
GNP/Crescendo cassettes and compact discs.
Play the Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Game Boy, Sega Genesis,
Sega CD and Game Gear versions of "The Perfect Game."
Hoard the official 1994 _USS Croutonprize_
Hallmark Christmas ornament.
Look for the official STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
English-Feline / Feline-English Dictionary
coming soon to bookstores everywhere!
COPYBYASSIMILATION MCMXCIII
The animals used in this story were treated with the utmost care, given
plenty of time for naps, given lots of Pounce (cats) or chew toys (dogs &
wolves) or uncaged flying time (the Admiral birds) and were otherwise put
on pedestals of deityhood at all times.
The characters and situations presented in this story are the work of
several deranged imaginations and any similarity to anyone living or dead
is purely a manifestation of your own deranged imagination. So there.
The knowledge and experience of the human, Picard, is part of us now.
It has prepared us for all possible courses of action. Your resistance
is hopeless, Number One.
Mad Bob the Avenger will return
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