[Exterior, planetary orbit.  We see the _Croutonprize_ in orbit next to a
 Starbase.  We hear Highlander's voice.]
Highlander:  Captain's Log, stardate...
[His last three words are played back again, slower and slower, as if on a 
 tape that's winding down.]

[Interior, Captain's Ready Room.  Highlander is sitting at his desk glaring
 at computer panel.]
Highlander:  F***!
[He hits the panel with his fist, and it collapses with a dull thud.
 Highlander looks around guiltily, and then gets up and walks out onto the
 bridge.]
Highlander [gently pressing com panel]:  Captain to engineering.  Please
     have someone come and fix the computer panel in my Ready Room.  It's
     not working anymore.
Soraya:  Problems, captain?
Highlander:  Not so you'd notice.
[Jez enters from the turbolift, bounds over to Soraya and leaps into her lap.]
Jez:  Mrowl rowlp. [Pet me.]
[There is a long moment of silence.]
Highlander:  Anyone heard the one about the Ferengi, the Laser Printer and the
     bananna?
Everyone [chorus]:  YES!
[Dramatic music starts to swell in the background.  Suddenly Highlander looks
 tense.]
Highlander:  Uh oh...
Soraya:  What's wrong?
Highlander:  Dramatic music.  Something's going to happen.
[The music reaches a crescendo, and the camera moves in to center on the
 doors to the turbolift.  Suddenly they open...to reveal nobody there.]
Highlander:  Hey...
Jez:  MMMMEEEEEERRRRRROOOOOOWWWWWW!
[Jez has fluffed himself up to approximately seven times his original volume
 and is standing with an arched back on Soraya's lap, completely obscuring her
 to the camera.]
Soraya [sputtering as cat hair gets in her mouth]:  Jez...darling...light of
     my life...
[Then we see what Jez is so upset about:  out of the turbolift comes a large
 black lab.  The dog sniffs his way around the bridge, sees Jez and barks.]
AJ:  Woof!  [Woof!]
Jez:  HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
AJ:  BARK!  [BARK!]
Soraya:  Jez...my little piranha fish...you're clawing my LEGS!
[This last word is shouted as Jez leaps up off of Soraya's lap, landing on
 the tactical station behind her.  AJ runs around the bridge right at the
 foot of the tactical station and stares at Jez, drooling.]
Highlander:  Who's dog is that?
Crossfire:  Mine.
[Everyone, including Jez, turns to the turbolift.  Crossfire is standing
 there, smiling a little.]
Crossfire:  Hello everyone.   Surprised to see me?
Jez:  MEEEEEOOOOWWWWWWW!!!! *hisss*  [Get this dog away from me!]
Crossfire:  AJ, heel.
[As is typical of dogs, AJ looks at Crossfire and then goes back to barking
 at Jez.]
Crossfire [warningly]:  AJ....
[With one last bark at Jez, AJ trots back over to Crossfire.]
Crossfire [petting AJ]:  Good boy.
Soraya [standing up and brushing off her uniform]:  Well, nice of you to
     come and see us.
Crossfire:  Hey, you know you couldn't keep me away.
Highlander [pointedly]:  Nice dog.
Crossfire:  Nice to see you again too.  [He sees the rank insignia on
     Highlander's uniform and says, with slight emphasis] *Captain.*
[There is a long moment of silence while everyone waits for everyone else
 to do something.]
Soraya [finally]:  Um...you do know about...
Crossfire:  Chris?  Yes.  That's why I came back.
Highlander [nodding]:  Good.  I'm glad you came home.
Crossfire:  I'm not staying.  [He turns to the turbolift.]
Highlander [exhasperated]:  You're leaving Starfleet AGAIN?
Crossfire [now in the lift]:  No.  I'm just not staying on the _Croutonprize_.
   AJ, come.
[AJ follows Crossfire into the lift, and the doors close.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
                STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
                        "The Perfect Game"
                      Part 2: "Ridley Field"

Written by Jon "Crossfire" Reid

Produced by P.D.K.
Directed by David Bartlett
Music by Ristinen & Tantilla

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[Interior, Crossfire's quarters.  He is unpacking.  AJ is laying on the bed,
 watching him.  The door chimes.]
Crossfire:  Come.
[Icefalcon, who rarely gets put in stories these days, comes in.]
Icefalcon:  Hi.
Crossfire [happy to see his friend]:  Hello, Kevin.
Icefalcon [pointing at AJ]:  Who's that?  Your new girlfriend?
[Crossfire looks at AJ and then back at Icefalcon.]
Crossfire:  AJ, sick balls.
[AJ jumps up off the bed and runs for Icefalcon, barking, but he stops a few
 feet away from him.
 Icefalcon looks dubiously at the dog, and then holds out his hand.  AJ shys
 away, his tail under his legs, still barking.]
Crossfire [exhasperated]:  AJ, shut up.
[AJ returns to the bed.]
Crossfire:  He hasn't quite got the hang of that yet.
Icefalcon:  I guess not.
Crossfire:  I got something for you.  [He hands Icefalcon a t-shirt.]
[Icefalcon unfolds the t-shirt, and it shows a copy of "Great Wave Off
Kanangawa", except instead of the two boats being swept up by the tsunami
there are two cartoon characters in sunglasses and innertubes.]
Icefalcon:  Gee, thanks.  And I didn't even get you anything.
[The doorbell chimes again.]
Crossfire:  Come.
[Enter Soraya and Jez.  Immediately AJ jumps off the bed and leaps at Jez,
 who responds by climbing up Soraya's left leg.]
AJ:  BARK!  [BARK!]
Jez:  RRRRRROOOWWWW! [Get away!]
Soraya:  OUCH!
Crossfire:  AJ!
[Crossfire grabs AJ by the collar and pulls him away, taking him into the
 far corner of the room.]
Crossfire:  STAY.
[AJ looks forlornly at Crossfire.]
Jez:  Meowr rrrowlp mrow?  [How long is that thing going to be here?]
Crossfire:  Only as long as I'm here, which won't be very long.
Icefalcon:  Where are you going now?
Crossfire:  I'm going to put in for a transfer to the _Heisenberg_.
Jez:  Meow rowlp?  [Kabeta's ship?]
Soraya [shaking her head]:  She doesn't need a tactical officer.
Crossfire:  Then I'll go back to the _Nostromo_.  Or maybe the _Fearless_.
     Rene said I was always welcome.
[The doorbell chimes; AJ barks.]
Crossfire:  Come.  Shut up.
Highlander [Just walking in]:  What did you say?
Crossfire:  I was talking to the dog.
Highlander:  Oh.  [He starts again in a very stern voice]:  I want to talk
     to you.
[Crossfire looks from Soraya back to Highlander.]
Crossfire [very polite]:  Sir, who's in charge of the bridge?
Highlander:  I...er...well...
[The comm boops.]
Parker [ic]:  Bridge to Captain Highlander.
Highlander:  Yes?
Parker [ic]:  I'm picking up some strange electromagnetic disturbance in
     the upper EM-Band.
Highlander:  What do you make of it?
Parker [ic]:  Looks like the plot is starting.
Highlander:  We're on...
Parker [ic, urgent]:  Captain!  The disturbance is resolving...
[A high-pitched wining noise cuts her off.  AJ begins to howl and runs for
 Crossfire.  Jez yowls loudly.  The humans cover their ears.
Quite suddenly everyone (except for Highlander) vanishes in a flash of 
 light, leaving behind only the faintest smell of ozone and burned solder
 flux.]
Highlander [looking around]:  Hey!  Where is everybody?  Zen, locate
     Soraya, Crossfire, Jez and Icefalcon.
Zen:  Commander Ghiasi, Lieutenant Commander Crossfire, Lieutenant Jez and
     Lieutenant Commander Icefalcon are no longer aboard the _Croutonprize_.
Highlander:  Where are they?
Zen:  That information is not available.
Highlander:  Shit!
[A moment passes.]
Highlander:  How come neat stuff like that never happens to me?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

[Interior, what is obviously a laboratory.  Various instruments clutter the
 room and bright flourescent lights beam down from the ceiling.  Cabinets line
 the walls, filled with miscellaneous electronic components.  Snips of wire
 insulation and burned out capacitors litter the floor here and there.
 On one wall is a large bookshelf lined with various tattered books:  The
 TTL Cookbook, Horowitz and Hill, etc.  Small computers boop quietly.
The camera pans across the room and finally settles on the hunched back of
 a tall old man.  He's standing at what looks vaguely like a transporter
 console, except that it has wires and cables hooking it to various pieces
 of equipment around the room.  The man is busy manipulating the controls.

Man:  Oh...er...got you...um, yes.

The man completes a last set of adjustments, and the machinery hums loudly.
 Soraya, Jez, Crossfire, Icefalcon and AJ materialize on a nearby platform
 in a crumpled heap.

Man:  Oh, dear...er...um.

[Jez wriggles out from underneath the humans and stretches.  AJ (still buried)
 barks indistinctly.  The humans begin to stir; Icefalcon who is on top rolls
 off the pile and lands on his posterior with a thump.]
Icefalcon [holding a hand to his head]:  Oh, man, what a party.
Crossfire:  Soraya...could you please move your elbow.  [he hisses]  NOT THAT
    WAY!
Soraya:  Sorry.
[The two untangle themselves.  AJ hops up, looks purposefully at Jez, moves
 forward and then collapses again.  Crossfire likewise tries to gain his feet
 but only falls back again.  Only Jez seems to be ok.]
Soraya:  Where the hell are we?
Jez:  Meow mrow mrowp rowlp.  [It's not the _Croutonprize_.]
Icefalcon [looking blearily around]:  Looks like a laboratory.
Man:  Oh, er...um...that's correct.
[Everybody looks over at him.  Suddenly Soraya screams dramatically.]
Crossfire:  The Riddler!
Riddler:  Oh, er...uhm...yes.
[Dramatic music...fade to black.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[Interior, _Croutonprize_ bridge.  Highlander storms on, stage left.]
Highlander:  Parker...what the f*** hit us?
Parker:  I don't know sir...it burned out most of electromagnetic sensors
     on the fore end of the ship, whatever it was.
Highlander:  And it took Soraya, Crossfire, Jez and Dr. Icefalcon.  And
     Crossfire's damn dog, too.
Parker:  But not you?
Highlander:  NO!  And it f****** pisses me off, too!  [he storms down to 
     his seat.]
Parker [sv, to the ensign next to her]:  I wonder if he's mad that someone took
     some of his crew, or that he wasn't taken too.
Highlander:  I want an intensive scan of the area.  Find them.  Fizzix Dude,
     where the f*** are you?
 [Fizzix Dude appears, holding a copy of "Super Things to do with
Super Strings"]
FD:  You rang, mon capitan?
Highlander:  Yes.  Where did they go?
FD:  Why, to Grandmother's House, of course.
[Highlander puzzles over this for a moment before his irration returns.]
Highlander:  What the f*** are you talking about?
FD:  Sorry.  It was a reference to an obscure Earth folk song.  Where did
     who go?
Highlander [exhasperated]:  You didn't read the script, did you?
FD:  Well, I've been busy, sorry.  I never get in episodes anymore anyway.
Highlander:  Where are Soraya, Jez, Icefalcon and Crossfire.
Chuang:  And AJ, don't forget him.
Highlander:  Check.
FD:  Hmm...good question.  Did you check the cafeteria?
[Highlander glowers dangerously.]
FD:  Okay, okay.  I'll see what I can come up with.
 [Fizzix Dude vanishes again.]
Highlander:  Parker, begin an intensive sweep of the area.  Bridge to
     Engineering, Lt. Wizzar, I want those scanners repaired in fifteen
     minutes.  Lieutenant Chuang, plot a course for Rhiza.  Computer,
     download all specifications concerning the Klingon Rite of Succession.
     Bridge to transporter room 1:  Mr. Taubman, see if you can get a lock
     on the comunicators of the missing people.  I'll be in my Ready Room if
     anyone needs me.
[After this flurry of orders, everyone watches as Highlander walks to his
 ready room.  As the doors close, we hear, "Tea, Earl Grey, hot."]

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

[Interior, The Riddler's lab.  Crossfire, et. al are standing, glaring
 at the curious old man.]
Riddler:  Oh...er...sorry about the...um...undignified...er...arrival.
     Oh...um....interdimensional transport is so...um...unsettling...oh, er,
     um, yes.
[A moment passes.]
Riddler:  Um...I suppose you're all wondering why I called you here today...
Crossfire:  All right, Riddler.  Cut to the chase.
Riddler:  Um...er...I need...ah...your help, oh, um, yes.
Crossfire [astonished]:  Help?
Soraya:  We're NOT going to help you.
Icefalcon:  Hey, Zeph, who is this guy?
Crossfire:  He's the Riddler...the most horrible of all of our old professors.
     He once drafted Soraya and I and most of the old _Croutonprize_ crew
     into slave labor at the Academy.  But he and his assistant, the evil
     Professor Love, soon left the Academy and became villans.
Riddler:  The pay is, er, much better, oh, uhm.
Icefalcon:  Oh.  Okay.
Riddler:  I...er...seem to be, ah, in a spot of trouble, um, with the, er,
     Borg, oh...um.
Soraya:  Yes, the Tektronix 'Scopes, I remember.
Jez:  mew.  [ugh.]
Icefalcon:  The what?
Crossfire:  So what do you want us to do about it?  Be your bodyguards?
Riddler:  Oh, er...um...no.  Not exactly, um.  I need...er...um, you to...
     er...test...um...my defenses, here in...er...my base.
Crossfire [looking suspiciously at him]:  What do you mean...test your
     defenses?
Riddler:  Oh, er...you'll find out soon enough...oh, um, yes.  But first,
     er, I need to bring ...er...some more...um people...er...yes.
[He operates the controls, and our heroes dematerialize.]
Riddler:  Now...er...where is that, um, young lady.  Probably gossiping in
     the corner, oh, um, yes.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[Interior, USS _Subaru_ Main Engineering.  We see Missy standing at the
 intermix chamber, fiddling around with some controls.]
Missy:  There.  Yi, see if that fixes it.
Yi:  No, your Amplification.  The lights are still not working on Deck 12.
Missy:  Dammit!  [She goes back to work.]
Yi:  Your Omniscience...I'm reading an Electromagnetic Fluctuation approaching
     the ship.
Missy:  Really?
[A whine begins to build in Engineering.]
Missy:  Oh shit.
[She vanishes.]
Yi [looking around]:  Your Amplitude?  Where are you?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[Interior, Holding cell.  Crossfire, Soraya, Icefalcon, Jez and AJ are all
 there.  Crossfire is pacing.]
Icefalcon:  Hey, Zeph, stop it already.  You're making me tired.
Crossfire [absently]:  Stop calling me that.
Soraya:  We all know your name, Crossfire.  Your mom came to visit.*

[* And if you don't believe her, see ST:TCG4 "Mother's Day."  --ed.]

[Crossfire freezes in his tracks.]
Crossfire:  My mom?
[Soraya nods, barely keeping a smile off her face.]
Crossfire:  Oh god. Now I HAVE to transfer.
Icefalcon:  I *like* your mom.
Crossfire:  *You* didn't have to grow up with her.  Do you know what it's like
     growing up eating tofu every day?
Jez:  Meow meow mew morl mrowlp rowlp.  [She seemed like a very nice person.]
Crossfire:  That's not the point...
[Suddenly we hear the wine of a transporter beam.  Missy materializes in the
 cell, and half of the lights go out.]
Missy:  Ugh.  [She sits down hard.]  My head hurts.
Soraya and Crossfire:  Missy?
Jez:  Meow?  [Missy?]
Icefalcon:  Who's this?
Missy:  Oh, hi.  Where am I?
Soraya:  In the lair of the Riddler.
Missy:  Oh, no!  I passed his damn class already!  What more does he want?
Crossfire:  He wants us to help him.
Missy:  Help him?!?  I wouldn't give him the sweat off my horse's behind!
Soraya:  It would seem we don't have any choice in the matter.
Crossfire [Suddenly brightening with an idea]:  Maybe you could ask him out
     on a date!
[Missy leaps up and runs for Crossfire, her hands going for his throat, when
 suddenly the whine of a transporter beam catches them and they disappear in
 sparkles...

To rematerialize in a large field.  The group has been rearranged and Missy,
 still caught in her charge for Crossfire's throat, barrels into Icefalcon
 and the two tumble down to the ground.]
Icefalcon [muffled]:  Great, another woman who's crazy about me.
[Missy sits up and looks around.]
Missy:  I *wish* he wouldn't do that.
Crossfire: Hmmm.
[They are standing on the pitcher's mound of a baseball diamond inside a
 replica of an old-Earth baseball stadium.  Bright lights shine down from the
 domed ceiling overhead.  Suddenly a hologram of the Riddler appears overhead,
 and his voice booms across the field.]
Riddler:  Oh...you've arrrived, uhm.  Er, uhm, all you have to do is find your
     way out, er, uhm, yes.
Icefalcon [looking around incredulously]:  Find our way out of a baseball
     diamond?!?
Crossfire:  What's in it for us?
Riddler:  Oh, er, right to the point, eh?  Er, if you, uhm, er, make it out,
     I'll send you home.
[Soraya opens her mouth to speak, but the Riddler interrupts her.]
Riddler:  ...And I'll forget you still owe me a lab write up, young lady, oh,
     uhm, yes.
[The image vanishes.  A moment of silence passes, then Crossfire points across
 the field to a doorway marked EXIT.]
Crossfire:  Maybe we should try that way.
Missy:  Isn't that a bit obvious?
Crossfire:  Doorways often are, I'm told.
Missy:  Even in prisons?
Soraya [looking up from her tricorder]:  This is astonishing!  He's managed to
     make this entire stadium a non-linear temporal causality focus!
Missy:  Wow.  That's impossible!
Crossfire:  Astonishing.  I didn't know that could be done!
Jez:  Meow rowlp mrwowp meow mew!  [The Riddler must be a genius!]
[A moment of silence passes.]
Icefalcon:  Hey, where'd you get the tricorder?
Soraya:  Oh, I had it when we were taken.  The writer's supposed to go back
     and put in a line of exposition about it at the beginning of the story,
     but he'll probably forget.
Icefalcon:  Cool.  [A beat]  So what's a non-linear temporal causality focus?
[Everybody stares at him.]
Icefalcon:  Well, someone's gotta ask or the exposition will never be done!
Soraya:  A non-linear temporal causality focus is a warp in space-time so
     twisted that no matter what you do, you always end up where you started.
Crossfire:  Watch.  
[He walks off the mound, then suddenly disappears.  At the same time he 
 reappears where he first materialized.  AJ barks nervously.]
Missy:  So what are we going to do?
Soraya:  We can't *do* anything and get out of this.  No matter what we try,
     we'll always end up back where we started.
Icefalcon:  So what are we not going to do?
Crossfire [scratching his head]:  We have to do something so amazingly
     improbable that it overloads the causality loop and we can leave.
[A moment of silence passes again.]
Soraya:  Does anyone have a cup of tea?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[Exterior _Croutonprize_.  It's stopped in space, just outside of the
 starbase.]

[Interior, bridge.  Highlander comes out of the ready room and heads up to
 the Science Station.]
Highlander:  What have you found?
Parker:  A trail of breadcrumbs.
Highlander:  I didn't give you permission to be colloquial, Lieutenant.
Parker:  I wasn't, sir.  Whatever took them used a beam of de-focused croutons
     linked to a dimensional shift.  As a result, there's a slight trail of
     decayed croutons leading from this point to the origin.  And as everyone
     knows, croutons decay into...
Highlander:  crumbs.  Of course.  [He turns.]  On screen.
[The screen wavers and then focuses on a small, sparse trail of bread crumbs
 leading off into the distant stars.]
Chuang:  Keen!
Highlander:  Excellent.  Ensign, set a course to follow those crumbs.  Speed,
     warp 2.

[Exterior, space.  The _Croutonprize_ leaps into warp, following the trail.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

[Meanwhile, back in Ridley's Field, our heroes are desparately trying to be
 improbable.  The four humans are standing all facing the same direction,
 holding their noses with their left hands while patting their heads with their
 right hands and saying, "Un, deux, trois" loudly in unison.  Jez and AJ are
 staring at them as if they're mad.
Suddenly Soraya stops and sits down dejectedly.]
Soraya:  We've been at this for hours!  Nothing works.
Missy:  We'll never get out of here.  [She plops down, too, holding her head in
     her hands.]
Icefalcon:  I guess not.
Crossfire [shaking his head]:  I give up.  [The others echo his sentiment.]
[Suddenly there's a flash of light all around them.]
Soraya [standing up, smiling]:  I think it worked!
Crossfire:  Great idea, Missy...when the Riddler designed the causality focus
     he took into account everything except his victims giving up!
[Crossfire walks off the mound, but this time he doesn't disappear.  This time
 he bumps into an invisible wall and falls on his ass.]
Crossfire:  Owich!  [He rubs his nose.]
Soraya [scanning with tricorder]:  It's an invisible barrier.
Missy:  How can you tell?
Soraya [frowning]:  Well, because it's a barrier and it's invisible.
Crossfire:  Oh doe.  I habe a bloody dose.  Does adybody habe a hadkerchief?
Jez [following the barrier in a circle around the mound]:  Meow mew mrow rowlp
     purrrrup.  [It goes all the way around us.]
Crossfire [standing and pulling out a phaser]:  Let's see if I can burn through
     it.  [He fires, and predictably it has no effect.]
Missy:  Maybe if you bled on it, you stupid man.
Crossfire:  I suppose you have a better idea?
Missy:  Of course I do.  I'll bet this barrier is impenetrable.  We won't be
     able to burn through it, climb over it, move around it, push it, or
     destroy it.  All those things are what the Borg would try.
Soraya:  Of course.
Crossfire:  Of course *what*?
Missy [standing and walking up to the barrier]:  We have to do the one thing
     the Borg would never think of doing:  Ask politely.  [She clears her
     throat.]:  Excuse me, please.  [She steps through the barrier.]  See?
[A moment later and they're all through, walking across the baseball field.]
Soraya:  I wonder what's next.
Crossfire:  Well, he's hit us with a temporal barrier and a physical barrier
     already.  So I imagne what's next is a mental barrier.
[Suddenly they all stop, fear in their eyes.]
Missy:  You can't mean...
Soraya:  No, oh no!
Crossfire [seriously]:  Yes.  Writer's block.

[Suddenly the ominous horns swell in the background, and we fade to black as
 I try to figure out what happens next, which takes me three months.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[Exterior, _Croutonprize_ zips by on warp.]

[Interior, bridge.  Everyone is at their posts.  Suddenly Chuang's board
 bleeps.]
Chuang:  Sir, we're approaching the Vihp system.  The crumb trail appears to
     end at the fifth planet.
Highlander:  Good.  Set for standard orbital approach.
Gretzky:  Sir!  I'm picking up three Borg ships in orbit around that planet!
Highlaner:  Wow.  Talk about skipping to the end.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[Interior, Riddler's lab.  Suddenly Crossfire, Soraya, Missy, Icefalcon and the
 cat and dog burst in.]
Crossfire:  All right, Riddler, the game's up!
Riddler:  Oh, er, uhm, it would appear that my defenses need improvement, uhm
     yes.
Missy:  No, they're perfect.  For keeping Borg away.
[A gravelly voice behind them speaks.]
Bjorn:  Incorrect assumption human.  The barriers were irrelevant, the
     blockades futile.  You will all now be assimilated by the Borg.
[They whirl to see Bjorn of Borg and five Borg soldiers standing there.]
Riddler:  Oh, erh, it's about time you got here, oh, uhm, yes.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Next time, on an all-new episode of

                STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
                        "The Perfect Game"
                 Part 3: "Service with a Smile"

The Riddler has set a trap for the Borg, but will they adapt to his tricks?
Bjorn:  Circuit...disruption...is irrelevant.
Riddler:  Oh, er, shit.

Will everybody escape the greedy clutches of the Borg?
Soraya:  AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Missy [quietly]:  I'll never let them take me again.

[Show stock footage of a borg ship firing, and then the bridge of the
 _Croutonprize_ as everybody rocks from a hit.]
Icefalcon:  Does stuff like this happen to you often?

CAPACITORS OVERLOAD AS THE RIDDLER STRUGGLES TO SURVIVE
on the next exciting episode of STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION!