 |
||||
[Interior: personal quarters of Bloocheez, a Triumver of the Hidden Valley
Ranch Empire. The room is ordered, though there are signs of a great
amount of work's having been done in the room. There is a small amount
of clutter around the edges of the floor, and the great mahogany desk
at which Triumver Bloocheez sits boasts a number of coffee rings and
countless notes and paperwork. A gradual pan around the room reveals
few decorations, though among these is what appears to be a map of the
Empire, punctuated with strange, multi-colored pins and marks. Bloo-
cheez sits at his desk, a bit haggard but self-confident. Across the
desk from him sits a younger man, possessed of a determination that
comes from years of needing to defend his worthiness to others.]
Bloocheez: This is good news, Commander.
Bakyn: I thought you would appreciate it, Triumver. With the Seven_Cs
and the Banana_Split's capture, there are now only fifteen ship
commanders who oppose you.
Bloocheez: Still fifteen too many. But we are making progress, Com-
mander. We are making progress. We are in a much less precarious
position than when Triumver Sane accepted me as his co-leader.
Bakyn: H'm. (pause) Triumver, I do not mean to be rude, but--
Bloocheez: You're about to remind me of our agreement.
Bakyn: A deal is a deal. I gave you the support of the C_Flat, as well
as the C_Sharp and C_En_En. I was instrumental in raising you to
your level of power. I have every right to expect payment.
Bloocheez: Yes, I would think so. (slowly turns his chair until his
back is turned to Bakyn) You know, Commander, I heard the stran-
gest thing a few weeks ago, and I'm not sure what to make of it.
Perhaps you can help me.
Bakyn: What is it?
Bloocheez: My other co-leader--Triumver Mayonaze--used to command the
C_Sick.
Bakyn: So?
Bloocheez: Well, during the brief time he commanded the C_Sick, before
moving into his *extremely* powerful position as Triumver of the
Empire, it seems he paid a visit to Galba IV in answer to a dis-
tress call.
Bakyn: How noble.
Bloocheez: Galba IV, it seems, was suffering from a Borg attack. Their
major industrial and population centers were missing, temperatures
were dropping at an alarming rate, and there was no food to eat.
The strangest thing of all was that there was evidence that a ship
from our own War Fleet attacked the planet. Imagine. A War Ship
actually attacked a planet loyal to the Empire. Triumver Mayonaze
is still indignant about it, and swears if he ever discovers who
did it, that commander will lose his head.
Bakyn: (shifts uncomfortably in his seat) I see.
[Bloocheez turns to face Commander Bakyn again.]
Bloocheez: I value your help, Commander. I truly do. It would be a
pity if the Triumver were to learn.
Bakyn: You wouldn't tell--
Bloocheez: (indignantly) Of course not! I owe you to much to ever think
of such a thing. But people have been talking. Other War Ship
Commanders have realized who did it. I have done everything I can
to keep my co-Triumver from learning the truth, Commander. It is
not easy. And the people! Can you imagine the uproar from the
planets we have struggled so hard to reannex if they discovered
that a commander in the War Fleet is guilty of war crimes against
the citizens of our Empire? (pause, gently) But I've done a lot for
you, Commander, and I don't think you'll need to worry about it too
much.
Bakyn: (white as a sheet) Thank you, Triumver. Please excuse me.
[Bakyn beats a hasty exit. Bloocheez smiles to himself and turns his
attention to the map.]
Bloocheez: (thinking out loud) Good, good. If I redirect these thirteen
ships to the Michellin Sector, we should be able to force another
seven ships back in line. After a few reassignments, there should
be no more trouble from these commanders. (mutters) Such a waste
of command material, consigning them to paper-pushing desk jobs
where they have only the illusion of power.
Voice: (ic) Triumver, Commander Ahab to see you.
Bloocheez: What? Oh--of course. Send him in.
[A door slides open and Ahab enters.]
Bloocheez: Sit.
[They sit.]
Bloocheez: Your analysis?
Ahab: I have no idea.
Bloocheez: No idea? (scoffs) Commander, for the past three months you
have had nothing to do but consider a single problem. You have had
at your disposal as much in the way of resources that we could
spare, often even more. And you tell me that you have no idea?
Ahab: None, Triumver. I tried to contact our informants within the
Federation, but they had nothing to tell me regarding the Borg.
Apparently the Federation is having more problems with the Lucky
Charms in the Great Poohbearian Cluster.*
[*The Great Poohbearian Cluster is known to the Federation as the LMC.]
Bloocheez: (interested) How serious?
Ahab: Very serious. Our contacts report that both LMC1 and LMC2 have
been destroyed, along with several of Star Fleet's starships.
Bloocheez: That *is* serious. What else is going on there?
Ahab: Chris Crouton is dead.
Bloocheez: Dead?
Ahab: Dead.
[A mixture of relief and anger passes over Bloocheez's face.]
Ahab: Apparently Admiral Avenger has taken command of the Croutonprize,
but we know little more.
Bloocheez: So we still have no idea why the Borg swarmed into Imperial
space, leaving a path of destruction throughout the Empire,
assimilating our populace and War Ships, only to suddenly disappear
again after less than a year?
Ahab: None. However . . .
Bloocheez: Yes?
Ahab: There is something else I must tell you.
Bloocheez: Out with it! I'm busy, and can't run the Imperial War Fleet
if you take all my time.
Ahab: I apologize, Triumver, I merely thought you would want to know...
Bloocheez: (red with anger) What is it?
Ahab: The Heisenberg was captured thirty minutes ago when it drifted
into Imperial Space. It is being escorted here by a fleet of
War Ships, under the Imperial flag.
[Bloocheez pales visibly and grips the arm rests of his chair so tightly
that his knuckles turn white.]
Bloocheez: (Gasps) Kabeta . . .
------------------------------------------------------------------------
STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
"The Perfect Game"
Part 7: "Confrontations"
Part Three of _The HVR Trilogy_
Written by Dave Learn and the Admiral
Guest starring
Ed Begley, Jr. as Triumver Bloocheez
Tom Baker as Captain Ahab
Edited by: Dave Learn
Mad Bob the Avenger
Music by: Delcara and the Many
Casting by: Michael Rawdon
Directed by: Timothy W Lynch
Produced by: Robert Kamm
Special Effects by: William Shatner
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kabeta: Captain's Log, Stardate 104257.9. With great anguish, I have been
forced to surrender my ship (and those of my comrades in this task
force) to an overpowering Hidden Valley Ranch fleet, who for some reason
took it upon themselves to rescue us from the Borg! What dastardly
deeds lie ahead for us, only the Ranchers know, but whatever they are,
they intend to take care of them in their "new" capitol city. I wonder
what it means if they have a new capitol...
Personal note: I hope Bloocheez isn't behind any of this.
Thokk: Captain, HVR demanding you beam down to planet now--alone. Should
I respond with Crouton torpedoes?
Kabeta: No, Thokk.
[Kabeta sighs and takes a long look around her bridge, pausing to reflect on
the time she has spent getting to know each and every one of these officers.
She is afraid this will be the last she would ever see of them.]
Kabeta (shaky voice): Mark...
Bradford: Yes, Kabeta.
Kabeta: Please take care of things for me. (clearing her throat) Thokk,
please inform Iluvanna I'll be along in a moment.
yaz: Captain, you can't be serious!
Jiapa: You'll be walking right into a den of perverts!
O'Forever: You'll be in Jeopardy!
[Kabeta frowns and glares at O'Forever, obviously not amused.]
Kleber: Please...don't go.
[Kabeta sighs heavily.]
McDonagh: Dinna do it, lassie! It's nae a good idea to--
Kabeta: Mr. McDonagh, since when did you speak with a Scottish brogue?
McDonagh (looking at himself, speaking normally): Oh, did I? Sorry.
Thokk: I will go with you. Anyone puts their grubby hands on you and
Thokk will cut them off.
Kabeta: I..I.. (Then with more authority) I *have* to go. ALONE, Thokk.
The safety of each and every one of you may depend on it.
[Looking at the saddened faces around her, Kabeta closes her eyes, remembering
the day she left Xavion for good.]
Kabeta: I have to go.
[And with that, she enters the turbolift.]
* * * * *
[The camera now shows us a darkened room with observation windows into the
darkness of space. A tall figure sits at one of the tables, alone in the
room, gazing at the stars. A second figure, not as tall, but sturdy and
broad-shouldered, walks in. Close shot on the two as they sit side-by-side.
In the pale starlight, we can see that they are Bloocheez and the mercenary
Ranch Dressinge.]
Bloocheez: They'll be at Velveeta XII for two more weeks, meeting with
the senators of the renegade worlds.
Ranch: I can be there in six days.
Bloocheez: No witnesses. It has to be a perfect set-up. If there is
anything to connect me with this, you will pay for it.
Ranch: Understood, Triumver.
Bloocheez: (holds out disk) The files on this disk describe the security
measures taken to protect them. We three are the only ones with
access to this material. You must commit this all to memory. The
disk is composed of materials which will begin to fail in two days.
Any attempts to copy this information will result in its destruc-
tion.
Ranch: Understood.
Bloocheez: I have a good deal riding on this, Dressinge. Do not let me
down, and make no attempt to double-cross me. Remember that I have
nearly the entire War Fleet at my command.
Ranch: Remember your part of the agreement as well, Triumver. I have no
desire to spend life on the run from the War Fleet, just as I am
sure that you would not want me to choose to eliminate you later on
should you default on my payment.
[Bloocheez shifts in his seat and turns to face Dressinge for the first
time.]
Bloocheez: (coolly) As long as we understand one another. May Kraft go
with you.
Ranch: May Kraft burn in the oven. I will do my job as agreed, Trium-
ver--Triumvers Sane and Mayonaze will be dead within two weeks.
Don't even think of double-crossing me and backing out on your
half of the bargain.
[Dressinge leaves. Bloocheez sits a while longer, gazing at the stars.
After a few minutes, he signals Ahab.]
Bloocheez: Bring Kabeta to me, Ahab, then leave us alone for a while.
Ahab: (ic) As you wish, Triumver.
* * * * *
[Two tall Rancher guards grab Kabeta by the upper arms and roughly drag
her from the transmat before she can even *think* of putting up resistance.
Two more guards follow up behind her, Rancher assault rifles held firmly
in their grasps.]
Kabeta: You don't need to manhandle me like that! I won't put up a fight.
Guard #1: Shut up, woman!
[The guard reinforces this by slapping her across the face. Kabeta turns
back and snarls menacingly at the guard, her wolven fangs bared. After
scaring the guard sufficiently into backing down, she returns her jaw to
its more human form.]
[After winding through several long corridors, they are met up by Ahab.]
Ahab: There has been a change of plans. Take her directly to the Triumver's
office. You two (pointing to the guards with guns) will wait outside
the office until he is...(leering at Kabeta)...done with her.
[Kabeta shudders noticeably, even though she is trying to exude only
strength in a futile maneuver to retain her dignity through all this. Ahab
leads the group down a few more corridors to a large reception area
outside a set of oak double doors.]
Ahab: Come on, dear. It's time to meet the Triumver.
[Kabeta stands her ground, more out of fear of what was coming next thanof
defiance. Ahab grabs her by the wrists and drags her forcibly into the
room.]
Ahab: Captain Kabeta of the Federation, Triumver.
[Kabeta looks across the dimly lit room to see the back of an enormous
high-backed chair, sitting behind a large mahogany desk. Whoever it is
in that chair waves a hand at Ahab, who nods and leaves, locking the doors
behind him as he went.]
[Standing there in silence for several moments, Kabeta finally feels a need
to act.]
Kabeta: I am Captain Kabeta of the Federation starship _Heisenberg_. I,
um-- On behalf of my crew, I would like to thank your people for
rescuing us from the Borg.
[She stands again in silence for a moment, then stammers to continue.]
Kabeta: I, um...hmm...Why was I brought here?
[The chair turns slowly around and she finds herself looking Bloocheez in
the eye. Kabeta may be 5'10", but with Bloocheez topping 7 feet himself,
she can *only* look him in the eye when he is seated.]
Bloocheez: Good morning, Kabeta, my dear. It has been a looong time.
[He examines Kabeta several times with his piercing blue-green eyes, then
finally rises to approch her. She visibly recoils at his approach.]
Kabeta (cursing): Go ahead, Bloocheez. You have me. Do what you want.
Bloocheez: I beg your pardon?
Kabeta: Do what you want, what you've tried so often. You caught me, and
there's nothing I nor my crew can do to stop you.
Bloocheez (hurt): Captain, please--!
[Kabeta glares.]
Bloocheez: Really, you don't know me that well. True, you are a prize
any man with any sense would not refuse...but I'm not the Bloocheez
you think I am.
Kabeta: Oh? Does that mean the other one is your evil twin, separated
from you at birth, but who has now been defeated by the forces of
goodness and niceness, led by you?
Bloocheez (toothy emotionless grin): Not quite.
Kabeta: Then you must mean that you're not the same Bloocheez, now that
you've got this ridiculous "Triumver" title attached to your name.
Bloocheez: Something like that, at least for the time being. I'll be sole
Governor soon enough. (a beat, then a clever grin) *You* don't really
think I'd share my power any longer than I had to, do you?
Kabeta: You're not one I would ascribe that particular trait to, no. (a
beat) So how does a perverted invertebrate like you get to be one of
the three most powerful people--
Bloocheez (correcting her on HVR traditions): Men.
Kabeta: Fine. (finishing her sentence) Most powerful *men* in the Empire?
I thought you preferred causing trouble for my friends and me.
Bloocheez: Oh, come now, Captain. People change. Empires change.
Kabeta: So I've gathered, "Triumver."
Bloocheez: Hmm. A quaint title, don't you think? One that will easily
lead into Governor now that my support is building. Don't you think
these titles suit me better than "Commander."
Kabeta: If you want to know what I really think...
Bloocheez: I don't, really. (a beat) Sorry to hear about Chris Crouton,
by the way. He was my best and worst enemy for these past few years.
Warship command is no longer a challenge without him.
[Kabeta ignores what she feels is an insult to Crouton, although this is
really Bloocheez's own way of honoring his lost foe.]
Kabeta: So how did this all come about?
[Bloocheez pauses before explaining, offering her a chair and a glass of
peppermint schnapps. She gladly accepts the chair, but declines the drink.
He sits across the desk from her with his glass before him.]
Bloocheez: A bit of luck, a bit of persuasion. It's mostly from being in
the right place at the right time and having the brains to make all
the right moves.
[Kabeta giggles at that "having the brains" line.]
Bloocheez: Really, Captain. What is with you? Can't you accept that I
have had a change of heart? I am a *leader* now. I can't just go
off galavanting across the cosmos to cause havoc now. I am now
responsible for the lives and prosperity of billions of Ranchers.
Kabeta: It's rather hard for me to believe you could resign yourself to
such a task of responsibility.
Bloocheez: Admittedly, it took the Borg to--
Kabeta (sitting up with sudden concern...and interest): What about the Borg?
Bloocheez: The Borg. They attacked the Empire nearly 800 starlogs ago,
destroyed the Homeworld. I led an attack against them to avenge
Governor Tarkanian's . . . assimilation.
Kabeta (realizing): The Borg attacked the HVR?
Bloocheez: Yes. It's really quite mysterious. They've destroyed about
half the War Fleet in battle, assimilated billions of our people,
even destroyed entire planets. And just when the Empire was about
to collapse for good, they left. I have no idea why.
Kabeta (understanding dawning): So that's it . . .
Bloocheez (confused): I'm sorry? Captain, if you are keeping information
about the Borg from me, I must insist that I have a right to know.
They decimated our Empire. It has taken a lot of hard work to salvage
the ruins, and even now we aren't sure it's together.
[Kabeta looks at him curiously.]
Bloocheez: Kabeta, would I tell you all this if I didn't trust you? You
may be my enemy, but as fellow starship commanders, we both had a lot
in common. We're more alike in that respect than you may realize.
Kabeta: I'm beginning to see that.
Bloocheez: If you think you can trust me half as much, then tell me...
Do you know why we were attacked and then left for dead? It seems
so unlike the Borg to do what they did and then not finish the job.
Kabeta: This I *can't* tell you. You would simply use it against the
Federation at the first opportunity.
Bloocheez: Please, Captain, be realistic! There has been no interaction
of any sorts between our people for nearly 800 starlogs. We are in
no condition to do anything to the Federation. (ruefully) I'm not
even sure we're in a position to defend ourselves from the Pakleds.
Kabeta: I'll answer your question if you answer one of mine.
Bloocheez: By all means.
Kabeta: Were you responsible for the disappearance of the Federation
starship _Andronicus_?
Bloocheez: _Andronicus_? [Bloocheez leans over and taps some keys on
a computer terminal that faces noticeably away from Kabeta. He
waits patiently for the information to arrive, scans through it,
then flips the terminal back off.] I can assure you that no
Rancher was responsible for this action.
Kabeta: I'm not sure if I can believe that.
Bloocheez: Kabeta...
Kabeta: I still have to know how a megalomaniac like you manages to become
so important in such a short stretch of time.
Bloocheez: I have told you. I knew the right people in the right places
and was able to manuever myself into a position of power, all for the
good of the Empire. My strong military record gave me the support of
much of the War Fleet, and the Empire needed to hold it together to
avoid political infighting. For all his political savvy, Hugh Sane
lacks the military ability and experience that I possess.
I made myself available and he accepted me as his equal. He--
like you--thought I was still an unprincipled rogue, so we decided to
add a third person between us...in order to create a system of checks
and balances.
Kabeta (smiling): You're still a Rancher though, through and through.
Bloocheez: And you're still a devastatingly attractive woman, but I don't
hold that against your ability to command.
[Kabeta rolls her eyes at this comment, shaking her head.]
Bloocheez: What can I say? The Borg attacked my ship, and my crew rebelled
against me. I was fortunate to escape with my life. I started to
think about who I was and how I would be remembered in years to come.
I also thought about what our Empire needed to survive. I may look
out for myself, but I am still a patriot.
It's funny how a near-death experience can be so sobering. It's
nothing short of miraculous that I am still alive. And let me tell
you--as I lay near death in my escape pod, I vowed that if I lived, I
would do everything I could to bring an end to our conflict. Both our
peoples are tired of fighting wars.
Kabeta: Words, all words.
Bloocheez: You *are* free, aren't you? I could have had you shackled or
locked in a dungeon...or worse. (calls) Ahab!
[Commander Ahab enters.]
Ahab: Yes, Triumver?
Bloocheez: Make certain that the Heisenberg and her support ships are made
ready to return to the Federation. Inform the commander of the escort
fleet that he is to make certain the ships arrive there unmolested.
Kabeta & Ahab (shocked): What?
Ahab: Triumver, are you sure of this?
Bloocheez: You heard my order. Take care of it.
Ahab (bewildered): Yes, Triumver. I will, uh, see to it at once.
[Ahab exits, scratching his head in confusion.]
Kabeta: I don't understand. Why are you doing this?
Bloocheez: To gain your trust. I want nothing but peace between our
peoples. The time is past for us to fight among ourselves. We must
learn to live together in this small galaxy of ours, and fight together
against our common foes.
Kabeta: But you...I...
Bloocheez (standing): Here, I will walk you to the transmat. Now tell me,
please... Why did the Borg attack *us*?
Kabeta: They needed to reinforce themselves before attacking us. They
needed new ships and new soldiers, and the only way they could get
them in a hurry was by assimilating the biology and technology from
someone else.
Bloocheez: A supply depot! That is all we are to them? Damn them, anyway!
They raped our planets, stole many of our people, and all to launch an
offensive against the Federation?!?
Kabeta: They were still reeling from their last war with the Federation.
Bloocheez: Yes, but you defeated them then, badly. You destroyed over
fifty of their ships. Why would they try again now?
Kabeta: We've sometimes wondered just how many ships they really have in
their fleet. But they're stronger now than they were even eighteen
months ago.
Bloocheez: What do you mean?
Kabeta: The Borg managed to kidnap one of our top engineers for a short
time last year. (Notice Kabeta has conveniently neglected mention of
the Lucky Charms.)
Bloocheez (raising an eyebrow): Midzor? (a beat, then thoughtfully)
No wonder the lights kept going out when the Borg attacked...
Kabeta: Missy unwittingly gave them the secrets of Jolt-Warp. They're
stronger now than they were. I guess they thought it was time to
strike again.
Bloocheez: Maybe...or perhaps they've got other problems and we're simply
in their way.
[Kabeta looks at Bloocheez, surprised, realizing that the man does have
a brain after all.]
Bloocheez: Hmm. (a beat) Captain, I would like to propose something.
Kabeta: Thank you, but no thank you. I think I've had more than enough
proposals for one lifetime.
Bloocheez: No no no. That's NOT what I meant.
Kabeta (smiling): An alliance?
Bloocheez (shakes head): Nothing so grand. Merely this: an exchange of
information. The Empire can add nothing to the Federation's efforts
while we are still at war with ourselves. What I offer is more of a
mutual aggression treaty. As long as this conflict with the Borg
lasts, we will stay out of your way. And should you find yourself
pursuing the Borg into Imperial space, you are free to enter, with
aid from our fleet in repelling the attack, of course.
[They enter the transmat room.]
Kabeta: Thank you. I'm sure my superiors will be happy to hear this.
(a beat) What about after the conflict is over?
[Kabeta steps up to the the transmat booth.]
Bloocheez: After the conflict? Who can say? The universe is an infinity
of maybes. Today, at least, we must be friends.
[He pauses, then looks her over and grins a bit lasciviously.]
Bloocheez: I can assure you though, Captain, that we *will* meet again.
Kabeta: Good-bye, Bloocheez.
Bloocheez: Good-bye, Captain.
[Kabeta disappears in a haze of croutons.]
* * * * *
Kabeta: "Captain's Log, Stardate 104258.6. We are currently en route to
the Federation border to rejoin the war with the Borg, forced to remain
content with promises from from a man I can hardly trust. I am not
looking forward to facing the Borg again, but I think I understand a
little better where they'll be coming from now."
[The door to the Ready Room chimes twice. The door opens, allowing entrance
to Vice Admiral Mark Bradford and Lt. Cdr. Michael Kleber.]
Kabeta: Sit down, please.
[They do.]
Kabeta: I just don't get it.
Kleber: What don't you "get", Captain?
Kabeta: He was nice to me. He spoke to me almost as an equal. He didn't
even try to make a pass at me.
Bradford: And that's not good?
Kabeta: No! Mark, it's *very* good. I just don't understand it. It's
not like the Bloocheez I know.
Kleber: Maybe he *has* changed.
Bradford: Well, at least we know they're in no shape to give us trouble.
I'd bet his promise of mutual aggression is more to cover his own
backside than anything else.
Kabeta: Maybe. (thoughtfully) I wonder, though, what he might have up
his sleeve for when he becomes the sole Governor of the Empire.
* * * * *
[Meanwhile, back at the Ranch...]
Ahab: Are you out of your mind? Why did you let the Heisenberg go free?
That was a _Salad_-class ship, Commander! Think of what our engineers
could have done with--!
Bloocheez: Patience, dear Commander. Star Fleet will find this act of
kindness as a sign that the Empire wants to deal with them as
allies. Once they defeat the Borg--and I have no doubt that they
will--they will be sorely wounded for the fighting, and will not
expect anything but good will from us. That is when we strike,
when their guard is down and they expect nothing. 800 starlogs
ago, the Empire was on the verge of collapse. 800 starlogs from
now we will be toasting a long life to the Triumvirate of the
Empire from its new base on Vulcan!
[Fade to black, ending credits.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On the next exciting episode of
STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION
"The Perfect Game"
Part 8: "Dealing Deuces"
Soraya faces fears from her past...
Soraya: Some of my friends died that day. They were the lucky ones.
And Avenger confronts his own uncertain future...
Avenger: This is ridiculous.
Have the Borg finally found a way to defeat our heroes?
Dave Kindig: I sure hope not.
TRIPLE PLAY on STAR TREK: THE CROUTON GENERATION!
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